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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 1st, 2012


Here's my theory regarding the Trayvon Zimmerman incident.

One day a teenager named Trayvon Martin was on his way home late at night when he noticed a van following him. Creeped out by this, he took out a cell phone to call his girlfriend.

"Hello?" said Deedee.

"Yo, Deedee, some weird guy's following me for a while now...what should I do?" said Martin.

"Run...just run!"

As Martin was ready to move, a bald whitish-Hispanic guy up to him and said, "Are you looking for trouble kid?"

Terrified, Martin said, "N-no,"

"Okay, just ch-is that Skittles?"

"Yes, why you ask?"

"Can I have some?"

"No!"

"Can I please have some?"

Amazed by the man's persistence, Martin sighed and said, "No, these are mine, get your own!"

Upset, the man said, "C'mon, don't be like that, it's important to share!"

Annoyed, Martin said, "You know what, fine!"

He took a piece of candy from the bag and threw it at the man's head.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" the man yelled.

"Here's another one!"

"OW! STOP IT!

"And another..."

"CUT THAT OUT!"

The man picked up some of the Skittles thrown at him and threw it right back at Martin.

"OW! YOU MOTHAFUCKA!" the kid yelled.

"Then stop attacking me!" said the man.

Martin leaped into the air, performed a somersault before landing right behind the man and grabbed him from behind.

"Hey...let go of me!"

"The hell with you, I'm standing mah ground!"

Soon Martin carried the man as he leap hundreds of meters into the air before diving head first...

Frightened, the man yelled, "YOU FOOL, YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED!"

Martin then yelled, "I DON'T CARE, YOU STARTED IT SO I'M GONNA END IT! ROLLING CRUSH!!!"

Two bodies slammed into the ground, causing a small earthquake and once the dust cleared, Martin was on top of the man. Once he got up, Martin thought the victory is assured and started to walk away in triumph when something went wrong...his body frozed...

The man behind him tossed a handful of Skittles that Martin dropped and a rainbow came right out, trapping the kid. The man said, "You're not going to get away you crook!"

Martin tried to break free to no avail.

"HELP!"

He kept on screaming but no one came.

"It's over!" the man said as he took out a gun.

Last thing Martin felt was a sting before everything he saw blacked out.
---------------
George Zimmerman was a self-appointed leader of the neighborhood watch who had a massive craving for Skittles. He's also known for his temper due to the fact that he shares the same surname as a former Broncos left tackle whom he despised. Often when people hears his name, they would ask, "Zimmerman? You mean like Gary Zimmerman?" or "Are you related to Gary Zimmerman". It was pretty idiotic considering the fact that he wasn't white, just happened to be whitish-Hispanic...

Zimmerman's anger at people who mistook him for the person with a same surname once got him into trouble when a police officer said, "Hey, aren't you the guy who ate those gross stuff at the Travel Channel?"

"That's it!"

Then he went to throttle the cop before getting tazed from behind.

Anyway, one night Zimmerman was out in his vehicle following a suspicious looking teenager with a bottle of Arizona vodka and Skittles dust when he notice the kid pulled out a dangerous cell phone.

Zimmerman called the police and despite being told to stay put, the self-appointed leader of the neighborhood watch came out to follow the kid anyway.

"Are you looking for trouble kid?"

The terrified teenager said, "N-no,"

"Okay, just ch-is that Skittles?"

"Yes, why you ask?"

"Can I have some?"

"No!"

"Can I please have some?"

"No, these are mine, get your own!"

Upset, the Zimmerman said, "C'mon, don't be like that, it's important to share!"

Annoyed, the teenager said, "You know what, fine!"

He took a piece of candy from the bag and threw it at Zimmerman's head.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" the Zimmerman yelled.

"Here's another one!"

"OW! STOP IT!

"And another..."

"CUT THAT OUT!"

Angrily, Zimmerman picked up some of the Skittles thrown at him and threw it right back at the thug.

"OW! YOU MOTHAFUCKA!" the kid yelled.

"Then stop attacking me!" said Zimmerman.

The teenager leaped into the air, performed a somersault before landing right behind surprised Zimmerman and grabbed him from behind.

"Hey...let go of me!" Zimmerman yelled.

"The hell with you, I'm standing mah ground!" said the teen.

Soon the teen carried Zimmerman as he leap hundreds of meters into the air before diving head first...

Frightened, Zimmerman yelled, "YOU FOOL, YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED!"

The teenager then yelled, "I DON'T CARE, YOU STARTED IT SO I'M GONNA END IT! ROLLING CRUSH!!!"

Zimmerman was knocked out upon impact and once the dust cleared, the teen was on top of him, cowboy style. Then he got up and started to walk away when the unconscious Zimmerman saw an old man yelling at him.

"Mickey?"

"Get up ya bum! You're not gonna give up and beat this sonofabitch 'cuz Mickey loves ya!"

Zimmerman snapped awake with a renewed sense of vigor. The leader of the neighborhood watch picked up some of the Skittles from the ground threw them at the teen. Suddenly the teen was unable to move as the light from the candies bound him to the ground by his feet.

"You're not going to get away you crook!" yelled Zimmerman.

The teen screamed for help, but no one came.

Zimmerman unload his pistol with a purple Skittle (the most disgusting piece to date) and fired it at the teen. A beam of rainbow shot out and a unicorn appeared flying toward the suspected thug.

The teen's screaming stopped as the horn stuck right through his chest.
-------------------------------
Erotic version:

Trayvon Martin was on top of George Zimmerman with a dick up his rectum as he grabbed his own to shoot a splurge onto the latter's face.

"You like it don't ya bitch?" said Martin.

"It's nothing compare to what I will give you!" said Zimmerman.

After series of moaning and groaning, Martin began to scream in intense pleasure as his ass was being torn up by Zimmerman's enormous cock.

Then...BANG!
------------------------------------------------
What really happened on the supposed drug dealing...

Trayvon Martin was behind the school building dealing bags of Skittles as he smoked Pocky and drank his Arizona vodka when a kid came up to him and said, "Why are you selling a bag of Skittles for fifty each?"

After puffing some chocolate covered Japanese dragon, Martin said, "There's a reason why homey, I laced them with Angel Dust!"

Meanwhile...

At home, Frank Leonard came home from work and as he opened the door, to his horror, several bodies of his family members were found lying on the floor covered with blood!

Shocked with horror, he saw his wife coughing with a fifty ton metal beam sticking right through her chest.

"Honey! I'm right here! Speak to me...what happened?"

His wife coughed some more and said, "It's F-Fred..."

"Fred? What happened?"

"Run..."

Then she became motionless.

Frank looked up and saw his son Fred coming toward him.

"Fred?"

"I'm...unstoppable..." said Fred as he walked towards him.

"Fred wait! It's me, dad! What happened?"

"I'm...UNSTOPPABLE!!!"

Fred ran to Frank and grabbed him in the face, lifting him up before slamming his head against the wall. Once it was over, the entire household became a bloody mess...
------------------
Aftermath...

One day in NG BBS...

A bunch of users starts flaming each other...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 19th, 2012


Nicias was a Athenian politician and general during the war. His wealth came from inheritance which was invested in silver mines and numerous slaves which would be rented by the citizens for a payment in return. However, Nicias had one flaw that would led to his downfall...he was religiously superstitious.

It all happened during the "Sicilian Expedition" led by a wildly popular fellow politician and general Alcibiades in which Nicias was dragged along. Earlier Nicias was against the expedition as he knew there's a high chance that the mission to take Sicily won't end well. However, due to Alcibiades' massive popularity, no one listened to Nicias' warning.

While on their way to Sicily, a ship caught up and one of the men said, "Alcibiades, we're here to take you back to Athens for you to stand trial as you have been accused of defacing the herms of the city!"

Alcibiades shrugged and said, "Okay...Nicias, it's your problem now, see ya sucker!"

The problems piled on Nicias' shoulders grew heavier by the minute.

Once the fleet reached Sicily, the troops were disembarked and camped out right outside of Syracuse. There, Nicias and the troops spend the night preparing for the battle that could enable them to take control of the entire island...little do they know, Syracusans also have a formidable army as well. After series of stalemates, it became clear the attempted invasion of Sicily isn't going anywhere. Eventually Nicias decided to withdraw and bring the troops back to Athens as he knew such thing would happen, just hoped that he was wrong.

As they were preparing to leave Sicily, something happened...Nicias looked up and to his horror, it's a eclipse!

"Oh my gods, the moon...it blinded us out...it's bad luck, what can we do?" Nicias yelled.

One of his men said, "Maybe Artemis is trying to warn us about something, we should sit there for thirty days until it blows over."

"Good idea!"

As the Athenian troops camped out, waiting for thirty days to pass, couple of Syracusan soldiers spotted them and to their surprise, the ships were left unguarded!

"Dude, did they just left their ships alone?"

"Seemed that way, what do you think we should do?"

The soldier took out a flaming arrow and said with a grin, "Let's torch'em!"

Nicias dreamt that he was lying at his olive garden being fed grapes by his servants when he woke up smelling smoke...

"What the Hades is going o-OH DEAR GODS!"

Nicias watched helplessly as the entire fleet were up in flames, their ticket back to Athens...all gone!

The day day, Nicias and his army scoured the entire island hoping to find a city willing to lend them ships to allow them to return home. As they were doing so, they were stalked by Syracusan troops who then picked off the Athenians one by one. As time went by, some of the Athenians fell due to illness while others went to take a drink at the rivers...only to get ambushed by the Syracusan troops hiding by the river bank. After that, it was all over as Nicias and his troops surrendered.

Meanwhile back in Athens, the citizens were awaiting the news of their victory in Sicily when a package was delivered. The Athenians believe it was a news send to them by Nicias on the news of their victory only to find a pile of rotten fish wrapped in robes. On the robe is a message written,

Nicias now sleeps with the fishes!


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 7th, 2012


JediMaster8 was a proud die-hard Naruto fan who lived under an ignorant bliss. In fact he would spout pro-Naruto crap and claimed that the characters can destroy the characters from X, X, and X. One day, JM's idiotic life would change due to his act of recklessness.

In the summer of 2009, the maroon created a thread comparing 9/11 to Naruto.

It caused an outrage and so it was locked after few pages. (Had Pein killed Hinata, the comparison would have been slightly justified)

However, it wasn't enough for JM as he came across a Greek message board few years later. There he registered and created a thread called, "Geeky Greeks r ghey! Persians roolz!"

The thread was deleted after an hour...

Few days later, JM was out because someone send him an e-mail to a location where someone would offer him a fr-

"CADNEY!!!"

That stupid bastard interrupted me, not like that would matter...you'll see why.

JM went to the park and there he came across a man with blue hair and said, "What's with the hair? Are you gay?"

Then the man said, "Are you the fucknut who posted that thread three days ago?"

"Yeah, so?" said JM with a hint of smugness.

Then the man points his finger at the retarded kid and a sharp red nail appeared!

"What t-"

"SCARLET NEEDLE!!!"

A red beam shot out and hits JM.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

The kid immediately vomit as he contort on the ground in pain, even rolled on his own vomit in agony while pissing himself. He continued to scream as a group of people passed by thinking he's having a temper tantrum.

"GAH!" coughed JM as he was unable to think straight due to the intensity of pain.

The man stood there and said, "Can't believe that you actually survive this one, let's see if you can take the next hit."

Another beam hits JM and the-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!"

Damn he's annoying...anyway JM emptied the rest of his bowel contents into his pants as he began to vomit blood. The pain...there's no way anyone can describe it except maybe JM, but trust me he won't tell.

Felt bad at the kid, the man then touches the pressure point on JM's body and said, "The bleeding should stop, but if you ever do that again...I won't go easy on you!"

Then he disappeared.

Days later, a video of JM's suffering appeared on YouTube.

His body was found hanging the next day...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 4th, 2012


Former quarterback of the Buffalo Bills Jim Kelly was out sporting his four rings he earned in his playing days. He was among the players rewarded for the effort that led to the team's run in the early 1990s which would be remembered in the country for generations.

As Kelly walked by he saw Sam Madison flashing his ring to a small group of fans. He came over and said, "So you have one ring?"

"Yeah, who are you?" said Madison.

"I'm Jim Kelly, a Hall of Fame quarterback of the Bills and unlike you I have four of these!"

He showed him his four rings.

Madison said, "That's nice but there's a problem..."

"What?"

"Those are loser's rings."

"You're just jealous be-"

"No, I'm serious they gave these out to Super Bowl losers, no one wants those!"

"But I have four and you have one bling...that's still more than you have!"

"That one I have is a winner's ring, it's given to those who won the whole thing."

"Shut up! I am not a loser!"

"I didn't s-"

"SHUT UP! I'M IN THE HALL OF FAME AND YOU WILL NEVER GET IN! I'M NOT A LOSER!" screamed Kelly.

Frightened by what he just saw, the former corner back quickly walked away.

"I'M NOT A LOSER!!!"

Kelly then collapsed to the ground sobbing bitterly as a group of kids came by.

"What's with him?"

"Beats me, maybe someone dumped him."

"Let's go, that guy's just a loser, I mean who cries in the public?"

Meanwhile in Buffalo...

A Buffalo sports fan named Joe was having a sports banter with his friend when this happened...

"Hey you know what? I'm tired of arguing with you, the Bills won AFL titles which happened before the Giants existed!" he said.

Wait what?


Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 21st, 2012


Former Giants defensive end George Martin was on his way to Philadelphia where the hostile and obnoxious creatures known as the "Eagles fans" resides. Earlier that year, Martin was told by the blind prophet Tiresias in order to complete his cross-country journey to California by foot, he'll have to make an appeasement to a victim of LT's cocaine induced rampage by opening the eyes of those who are unaware of the existence of the games beyond the regular season. That way the curse that have been placed back in 1991 can finally come to an end.

Martin made his way to the "City of Brotherly Love" where a group of Eagles fans came upon him and said, "Who are you and what are you doing in our territory?"

"Yeah, and what's with that ring?" said another.

Martin answered, "This is a Super Bowl championship ring I won in 1987 when I played for the New York Giants!"

"Championship what? Giants?"

"Wait a minute, a Giants player in our turf?"

"What blasphemous vomit is he spewing?"

"Our Eagles played eight games per year and there's nothing beyond that except for occasional extras afterward, but they have beaten the Giants for the last several years, how dare you make up lies about their success?"

Martin sighed and said, "You'll see!"

He placed his ring on the ground and sacrificed a ram right in front of it, soon afterward it began to rain. Once it was done, Martin picked up his ring and slipped it back to his finger and said, "You will learn one day, if not then I pity you!"

Then he left...

George Martin was able to complete the journey a year later, but the Eagles fans in the area he visited to this day remained ignorant.

Don't believe me? Check out their YouTube comments on the Victor Cruz videos.

To be fair, even the rest of the Philly sports fans disowned them, guess evil do have standards.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 5th, 2012


I was at the restaurant when I notice a a special on the menu...

"Tebow steak?"

Just when I believe that the "Tebow" craze couldn't get anymore ridiculous, I came across this!

A waitress came up to me and said, "Would you like to make an order?"

I said, "I'll have Tebow's arm and a leg after that game against New England."

"Excuse me?"

"I'll have a Tebow steak, well done with a roll and a side of steamed vegetables."

"Oh okay, we'll be there in a moment!"

While waiting, I notice the waitress taking to someone and turned to point at me. Although I had a feeling that things won't turn up well if I stay, but I made an order so I decided to wait until I finish the meal. So an hour of wait, my order finally arrived and the waitress said, "Sorry about the delay, our cook couldn't find the tenderizer, I hope you enjoy!"

That's when I felt an uneasiness coming from inside, I mean the hour long delay was suspicious especially with how the waitress claimed that the cook couldn't find the tenderizer. Then there's the tone...something about the tone was just...let's just say that it's the kind of tone that fits in well with ominous music. Too bad some things don't work the way they do in television shows.

I asked if I could bag up the food, I was told..."No!"

I looked at the steak and saw some green liquid...they're trying to poison me!

While they're not looking, I dump the steak into the garbage disposal and paid the tab. Afterward, I ran off thinking that I was safe until...

A man wearing a business was talking on his cell phone and when he was done, the dude looked at me and went to talk to the person next to him. I was ready to leave when I noticed another person just turned off the cell phone...then next thing I knew, I was surrounded!

"You blasphemer!"

"How dare you insult our savior?"

"Repent!"

Having no choice at that point, I was ready to fight off the zealots when I picked up a large tree branch to use as a weapon. Then someone yelled, "I'll deal with him!"

A tall figure with a long blonde hair wearing a gold armor emerged and his eyes were closed...to my horror I realized whom I was facing!

Frightened, I tried to find an opening for me to escape but...I was completely surrounded...

Soon the Tebow fanatics ran off as the blonde guy said, "You barely have any manners, causing such a ruckus after entering this town."

I was going to run but suddenly I started to sink...I looked down and found myself standing in a lake of blood!

"This is divine justice as you will be punished for insulting the people's deity!" he said.

Then the blood enveloped over me and then everything's back to normal...I was freaked out.

"This is only the beginning..."

His armor began to shine and that's when things grew worse.

"The Tenbu Hōrin, the divine gift I will bestow upon as it will put you through five stages...all your senses will be gone!"

OH DEAR GOD! HE OPENED HIS EYES!!!

My body went numb and I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried!

"You have lost your sense of touch...now..."

Then he fired a beam into my nose AND IT WAS HARD TO BREATHE! I HAD TO USE MY MOUTH!

Angry at this, with some difficulty I said, "Why are you helping those idiots? Tebow was terrible and the only reason the Broncos won with h-"

He cut me off and said, "I think I have finally decided which to take away next." as he fired a beam into my mouth and I gagged.

"Now I won't have to listen to your blasphemy."

The zealots returned and said, "Yeah way to go!"

"Make sure this infidel suffer!"

The man smiled and then...a sharp pain hits my eyes and I couldn't see! It's all dark!

Every time I tried to speak, I started to cough.

"You still have your hearing, but this will be the last thing you'll ever hear..."

Then it's all blank.

I had no idea how long it have been but it felt as if I was floating in space and then suddenly I was saw myself getting blown through space. After that, I couldn't think...my mind became blank!

It was all darkness and there was nothing I could do.

Then I woke up and I found myself tied up and hung upside down by the tree. I started to wonder what just happened when I heard a voice!

I could recognize the voice but no one's nearby, he's communicating telepathically.

He said, "At this point those people will believe that you're dead, they're all placed in an unconscious state by me for one day."

"What?" I said.

I was shocked.

"You must leave this place at once or they'll come after you!"

I asked him about something regarding why he came here but...it was over.

With that, I decided to swing back and forth hoping to loosen up the rope when the branch snapped.

"OW!"


Posted by Idiot-Finder - January 12th, 2012


One day I was at the supermarket buying some food when someone threw a can at me, I turned around and yelled, "What the hell?"

That's when I notice the familar face from before, Chargers fan!

I sighed and said, "You again?"

"You have been the bane of San Diego for centuries, I won't let you get away with all your cri-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute...centuries? It's been three and a half years, get over it! It's not my fault that you and your friends screwed up your lives trying to kill me, I mean you guys are unbelievable!"

He threw another can at me and I knocked it away while trying to catch it.

He blow steam and yelled, "You asshole, I will-hey let go! LET GO!" as he was dragged away by security.

After a while, as soon as I walked out of the store holding some shopping bags, a Chargers fan was waiting for me...yeah I know it's creepy but as I mentioned before, he have been doing this for three and a half years!

"Now, are you ready to fight me?" he said.

"Dude, why do you want a fight in the public? Both of us could get arrested!" I said.

"Oh sure, next thing you'll be telling me is that my Chargers missed the playoffs!"

"Actually, they did."

He laughed and I couldn't believe he was serious, guess he didn't pay any attention to the news. I put down the bags and sat on the ground waiting for his annoying to stop after few minutes. Once it was finally over, he said, "Your shitting me right? My Chargers made it to the playoffs, the guy said so on Yahoo! Answers so it's true or he would be lying!"

Hearing that, I started to laugh and then I heard him screaming for me to stop "mocking" him. If he thought that was bad, just wait until he reads this.

I got up, picked up my bags, and started to leave when the Chargers fan yelled, "Wait, we're not done yet!"

I turned my head toward the direction right next to him and said, "Hey, isn't that Philip Rivers?"

"Where?" he said as he looked behind him.

I ran off before he turns back to face me again.

The next day, I learn that some people never give up...seriously he was still standing in the same friggin' spot looking for his hero and I got close enough to hear him mumbling,"I don't see him, he must be hiding somewhere."

I slowly walked away before he notice anything and hours later when I came back, he was still there, standing like an idiot trying to look for his hero. Since then he was on the news where the reporter tried to interview him but they were unable to get any response from him other than, "Where's Philip Rivers?"

Of all the Chargers fans I met over the course of almost four years, this fella is by far the most pathetic I have ever ran into. Granted I felt a bit sorry for him since I did kinda provoked him few years ago when I laughed at him at the cafe when the door hits him in the ass on his way out...then again everyone in the room laughed at him so I'm not sure why he was after me. Maybe it had something to do with messing up his friends' effigy burning or something (long story).

Once it was finally over, the Chargers fan learned that he have been duped and tried to find me so it's a good thing he have no idea where I'm staying right now. But one thing is for certain, I will have to take him and his group of followers down sooner or later, how or why they have been following me is something that bugged me for some time, not to mention how he knew my name. That guy's crazy is what I can tell you, over a small incident and he wants to kill me, guess some sports fans other than soccer fans are insane as hell.

One time I do know for certain, at least it couldn't get any ridiculously worse than it is right now. I mean sooner or later his friends or followers will have to realize that they're wasting time and the nutcase himself will realize that he have been screwing up his life for years, he has to get over it like Rex Ryan has to get over on how his Jets will never be the number one NFL team in New York/Jersey since 1969.

Hopefully they will get over it before it's too late, especially when I killed some of the followers by accident (it was inevitable as they were riding motorcycles in dangerous spots). I wouldn't be surprised if their families have already disowned them, if not then that would be pretty surprising since they're not in the insane asylum.

To demonstrate how crazy this person is, a day later I went out to visit a friend who happens to live in the city and I came upon a group of thugs each wearing caps with a bolt logo on them...I knew I was in trouble. I quickly fled and barely escaped with my life, they were holding machetes!

What's with these people?

Seriously, they're insane!

Man...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - January 8th, 2012


Dylan Nuno was a happy-go-lucky bully who enjoyed picking on those weaker than him. In fact bullying was his lifelong habit and dream as he would beat up little kids just to show how bad ass he is. But one day his life would change when he met Jorge Saavedra.

Jorge happened to be a somewhat disturbed kid who have been bottling up his rage after taking years of bullying. It also doesn't help that he has a disturbing obsession with roses, making him an easy target for bullies.

As Dylan came and stole his lunch money, he pointed to Jorge and said, "Hey pussy, me and you will fight outside tomorrow in the morning!"

Stunned by the sudden challenge, Jorge then said, "I don't wa-"

"Shut up, we'll fight!"

Then next morning, Jorge was in the bus on his way to school when he saw Dylan. Hoping to avoid him, he got off in the next stop hoping to walk all the way. But unfortunately, Dylan noticed him so he got off the bus as well.

Then as it happened, Dylan walked right to Jorge and hits him in the back of his head.

"Hey faggot, you're not dodging me are ya!" yelled Dylan as he proceed to hit him again.

At that moment, Dylan felt something stabbing his hand and to his horror...his right hand have been impaled by the stem of a rose!

"MY HAND!!!" Dylan screamed.

Once Jorge turned, he's holding a rose in his mouth.

Stunned, Dylan said, "What the fuck?"

Then afterward, Jorge took the rose from his mouth and threw it right into Dylan's arm...

"GAHHH, MY ARM!"

The situation grew worse as dozens of black roses were swirling around Jorge who then said, "You think it's funny to make me suffer did you? Well who's laughing now!"

Dylan screamed, "WA-" but was cut by a barrage of black roses, slicing his skin all over his body.

Jorge laughed in a effeminate tone and said, "I could have killed you right now but that wouldn't be fun would it?"

Dylan got up and ripped the roses from his hands and said, "You monster, you're not human! I may not have weird ass powers like you but I won't go down...not without a fight!"

He charged at Jorge, only to felt a stab to his chest. Dylan looked down and saw a white rose sticking on the left side of his chest. The bully started to fall to his knee and was about to take the rose out of his chest when he noticed the flower turning red...it's draining his blood!

"Go ahead Dylan, if you take out the rose...you will die sooner!" Jorge laughed.

"What?!" Dylan yelled.

Then another rose was thrown into Dylan's testicles, causing excruciating pain. Dylan tried to scream but then another was thrown into his chest, piercing through his nipple and right into his lung. As Dylan began to collapse to the ground, two more roses were thrown, piercing his eyes. Few more were thrown to his body until Jorge decided that it was enough.

"Hmmm, twelve roses...perfect... and such beauty!" he said.

Dylan died within few minutes as the roses turns red from blood.

"Such beauty....."


Posted by Idiot-Finder - December 13th, 2011


A man started to look at us with a same creepy smile he has from the past few days...I've been in this city for almost a week and already I was starting to freak out.

"Hello," he said with a creepy grin.

"Hello..." I said.

Then he left...

The kids stared at him like as if they're in a trance and soon...they went back to their home. To those wondering, I took a babysitting job, gotta make a living while traveling. I know I could have taken a plane but remember, I hate air travel!

Those kids are really annoying, I felt like stuffing my ears with a glue just so I won't have to listen to them talking about whatever girly crap comes to mind. Yeah there's two girls (one of them is adopted since she's Asian and has a Japanese name...what a coincidence considering what happened months ago). I felt bad for the kid, being that he's the youngest of the three and have to deal with two older sisters and one of them was brought into the family from an orphanage somewhere, wherever the hell it is.

It's that close to being felt like stuck in a shoujo story, would have been the case if it wasn't for Eric. Sucks to be him, that's for certain.

Anyway remembering that people whom are strangely normal are possible psychopaths, I figure that I could investigate a bit. The way he looked at us was unnerving, he could be a child molester or a murderer, maybe I'm just being paranoid but his smile reminded me of a character from "Monster", it's that scary.

The kids parents finally return from one of the business trips and I was glad it's over, but at the same time I knew something should be done about their creepy neighbor. So the next day I waited behind the bush for the man to come out of his house so that I could follow him. Come out as he did and follow him I did as well, good thing he didn't own a car...

As I held up a newspaper so avoid attracting suspicions, I saw an article that caught my attention and nearly forgot what I was supposed to do until I bumped into someone.

"Hey watch it!" yelled a yuppie.

I saw the dude entering Walgreens, so I went in to see what he's up to. He was buying some cough medicine, a bag of Ruffles, and a bag of mini-Snickers.

So far nothing suspicious about that...

Still after it was over, I kept my eye out on him just in case. I followed him to the church where he donated a check and left.

So far, nothing out of the ordinary...

He headed back home and so I called it a day.

Then the next morning, I overslept and woke up at 10:55!

After leaving the motel, I went to check on the person when I realize that he already left. It's easy to tell since he posted a sign on the door that read, "Do not enter!"

I figured that it could be the perfect opportunity to check inside to see what might have went on when...

"Hey, are you trying to break into my house?"

I turned and saw the person returned.

"Relax, I'm just joking, you're probably waiting for me, come on in!" he said.

That took me by surprise.

I accepted his invitation and he turned out to be a nice person although a bit creepy. He asked me why people have been trying to avoid him for the past few months.

Feeling guilty, I told him the reason why and how I thought he might have been a psychotic killer. He laughed and said, "That's what it's about? That's really something!"

I laughed and said, "I know, maybe you should open up, I know I'm usually not a social person but still, getting out more can help even though you did won a lotto some time ago."

"How did you know?"

"Well you didn't seem to have a job and your house has tons of nice things,"

He laughed and said, "Yes it's true!"

Then he asked me to check out something in the basement.

I went down there and heard something eery...

run...

get away...

kill me...

"What the hell?"

I turned on the light and to my horror...I saw several bloody faces pinned to the wall!

Then I heard some footsteps behind me and I turned to see the crazy man trying to plunge a knife toward me. I avoid it and grabbed his arm, forcing him to let go before proceeding to push him to the drainage pipe.

He got up and said, "You have learned my secret, I will add you to my beautiful collection of my precious death masks so they won't alone...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Hell I won't!" I yelled.

I knocked him down and ran upstairs to escape. Why I didn't bring my gun along, I don't know so you can say that it bit me in the ass as you'll know why.

I ran to the payphone to call the police and told the operator what was happening. The operator thought I was on drugs but decided to send the report fortunately.

Once that was done, I started to wait for the police to arrive when the face collector came out with a crossbow.

"DIE!" he screamed.

Then I took an arrow in the knee...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - November 14th, 2011


After spending several days studying, I became confident and knew there's no way I'll fail the exam. I was sitting in front of my desk waiting for the exam paper to be handed out knowing that if I pass the mid-term, it can help my grade later on.

Once them exam begins I start working on the questions. Multiple choices have always been my specialty and seeing how most of the questions are as such, I became excited. After finishing half of the questions with ease, that's when the trouble begins. I saw several classmates getting up to hand over the test papers and left.

Soon I quickly became less confident...

I tried to focus my as more people started to leave...let's just say brain farts is a common occurrence in this situation. Then there's the fact that I could hear someone chewing gum...a gum...A GUM...A FUCKING GUM!!!

No wonder why teachers in elementary school forbids gum chewing in class, I mean seriously! I wouldn't mind people eating but gum chewing just sound plain disgusting, especially in a quiet room. After hearing the chewing continuing for few more minutes, I instantly got up, walk to the asshole who making that disgusting sound and start beating him to death with a pipe.

Then I shook my head, I really need to stop letting my imagination run wild.

As few more people begins to leave, some of the questions on the test...

Who the fuck is Stalin? Why is the "Battle of Bunker Hill" important? What happened on Hiroshima? Yeah I got to the short answer section and usually I would have answered them without problems...but the pressure's eating me from the inside!

Then someone started to clear his throat.

Annoyed by the noise along with the continuous gum chewing, I cleared my throat in response...but it turns out by doing so opens up the Pandora's box. The throat clearer responds by clearing his throat again and soon...dueling throat clearing!

Then the teacher yelled, "STOP!" and I got blamed for the entire mess.

After being told to leave the class for few minutes to use the bathroom or get a drink of water at the fountain, I decided that maybe it would be a perfect opportunity to clear my head. I enter the restroom and...I saw something that shouldn't be seen.

I left the restroom disturbed...when's the last time this place have been cleaned? It's disgusting...bad enough that I was traumatized from what happened earlier while riding the public bus and looked up to see a fat female passenger's jungle under her arm.

I returned to the classroom in slightly worse shape than before and decided to finish the test. Knowing I won't pass after what happened, I breezed right through it by writing down answers I got subconsciously. Soon it's finally over and so I on my way of of the building when the gum chewer and the throat clear came by and starts taunting me.

"Ha, you got in trouble!" one laughed.

The other mimicked that disgusting chewing noise from before.

Angered, I yelled, "GUYVER!"

Soon the armor was summoned out of nowhere and covered me. Then I opened my chest plates and fired a massive laser blast, obliterating half of the entire building in the process.

That part didn't happen, just something I threw in to see if you're paying attention. I wish it did happen...I hate people sometimes. I did follow them outside of the school building and beat the living crap out of them however so all went well.

Few days later I lucked out, turns out I managed to pass the test with a score of 72%. Granted it's low, but one can wonder how much higher the score could have been if it weren't for these disturbing circumstances that fucked it all up.