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I want the funky chicken.

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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 8th, 2018


"Hey guess what?" someone yelled.

A Giants fan turns around to see Pat Leonard hopping around like a retarded monkey on crack.

"Oh god...it's you again."

The beat reporter continues to hop around the Giants fan and said, "Odell Beckham Jr. is gonna be traded!"

"It's a guarentee because Mara said so!" he continued.

The fan said, "Really? I never heard Mara said anything like that."

"Really?" the reported asked excitedly before adding, "Pay attention and read between the lines, he's gonna be traded to the Rams!"

"And not only that, Matt Patricia will be signed by the Giants, believe it!"

Hearing this, the fan begins to clench his fist in anger knowing that the bullcrap have been proven false for a while now. After all, what kind of idiot would even believe that crap let alone continuing to report it as fact based on something that was twisted out of proportion?

Unfortunately, the onslaught of stupidity didn't end here.

"Hey, the 49ers will have a an awesome combo with Garp and OBJ!"

"He will be going to the Chargers, Vikings, Browns, Patriots, Cardinals, Je-"

BAM!

The fan looks up in anger after delivering a powerful uppercut to Leonard's jaw, sending him flying into the sky...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - December 11th, 2017


"Oh come on, the guy was blonde and white, this makes him a Nazi and that's why I turned him into one!" said Nick Spencer.

Having enough of the lecture of why he character assassinated Captain America, I summoned a half naked purple man and began to start wailing on him.

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!!!"

Then just before delivering another blow, I stopped time.

"Star Platinum: Za Warudo!"

Then I had the stand to pummel frozen Nick Spencer who was still in the air for another five seconds before time resumes and deliver the final blow that sends him into the sky. Then out of nowhere I could hear the narrator yelling...

Nick Spencer unable to recover, may never write again...

RETIRED!!!


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 28th, 2017


Badly beaten, Gar Forman lies face down with a curb right in front of him as his partner in crime, John Paxson slowly bleeds to death from all the penetrations of the scarlet needles shot into his body over a dozen times. At that point I dragged Forman's head to the curb and said, "Bite down!"

Seeing that he didn't comply, I kicked him in the stomach and yell, "Fucking bite down!"

Once Forman does what he was told, I put my foot onto his head and said, "Say hello to your dentist for me."

 


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 26th, 2017


One day in a remote island in the middle of the Pacific, a large group of people wearing jerseys of Lebron James panics and tries in vain to find a way to escape. However, even if there had been time...enough time for them to think of a way to leave the island, it could never happen as all the trees were removed to make it impossible for them to find a material to build a makeshift raft.

Within seconds, the entire surface of the island explodes, resulting in a mushroom cloud rising from where the Lebron James fans used to be.

That day, the U.S. is short of another MOAB.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 16th, 2017


After several clashes between their lightsabers in that fateful duel, Matt Furie said, "Your power is weak young frog, I have created you and I shall kill you...not because I've caved into the esjaydoubleyew's demands, I mean why would anyone think that?"

Pepe then sighed and said, "By saying that, it made you sound even more suspicious and that makes me feelsbadman."

"Then let me end your misery!" Furie yelled as he swung his lightsaber at Pepe, only for the frog to block it with his own.

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Hearing this, Furie became nervous but however knowing what the esjay stormtroopers will do if he doesn't finish off his former friend, he regained composure and was ready to strike when to his surprise, Pepe didn't fight back. Before he knew it, his lightsaber have already struck the frog.

But what happens next will make Pepe's action look like nothing. Amidst the celebration by the stormtroopers, Matt Furie went to kick around the pile of clothes where Pepe used to be, wondering what the hell just happened.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 29th, 2016


"Hello, this is Franchesca Ramsey and I'm here to tell you the awfulness of white people and how they should all die."

"Kill whitey!"

Then the promo clip for the latest season ends.

Before watching the latest webisodes of "Decoded", I went to the kitchen to get a can of coke before heading to the living room to fetch a large bag of popcorn I had prepared for the potential shitstorm when the new Barbie was to come out before Chuck Schumer's relative backed out for some reason (yeah I was bummed about that since I was looking forward to the circus over the internet). Once that was done, I click on the icon for the webisode from MTV and crack the can of cold bubbly to enjoy the party.

I'm looking forward to an upcoming spinoff of "Decoded" titled "Whitey Ford, the original Jontron? We have proof because of his name!"

Though admittingly I did a spit take when I saw the title because...isn't Whitey his nickname?


Posted by Idiot-Finder - December 6th, 2015


Note: I actually used to like Creed, but that's before Stapp went insane however...

One night, couple of hikers got lost in their quest to find the legendary front man of once popular Christian rock band when one of them heard a growl.

"Dude!" one of them said.

"What?" his friend asked.

"If you're hungry just keep it to yourself, no one else needs to hear it!"

"But that wasn't me!"

The hikers turns to see a grizzly bear standing right behind them.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - November 28th, 2015


Note: What should've happened in the infamous Chick Tract titled Lisa.

Henry was limping toward his home while his blood continues to drip from his face just before the man's legs gave out. After laying there for few minutes, a passerby calls from the nearby payphone and later, Henry was rushed to the hospital where he would spend several days eating through a straw. Despite his family being notified, no one comes to visit until one night when someone enters through the 3rd story window.

Hearing the sound of a window being forced open, Henry wakes up to see someone entering through the open window and upon his horror, it's his assailant from the week before. Remembering the warning the stranger gave him after pummeling him in the dark alley that night, Henry struggles to reach for the nurse call button on the television control right next to him, only to fumble the control.

Next thing Henry knows, the stranger then grabs him by his neck and said in a growling tone, "I know it's not over."

"The reason is that you have relapsed before and the doctor who attempted to help you through religion have been dismissed for not being able to separate his personal beliefs from his job."

Unable to speak, all Henry could do was whimper.

"However..." the stranger continues, "Because you have also been blackmailed by your neighbor who enabled your despicable act, you have done yourself a favor by telling me his name that night and I have already taken care of him. He will no longer be able to walk anymore and this should give you a much better chance of changing for the better so you better not make me regret this."

"Because if you ever touch your daughter again, I will kill you, understand?"

Henry fearfully nods.

Soon, the man in black with his eyes completely covered by a headpiece walks to the window where he then climbs out, never to be seen again as Henry kept his promise for good.

However, the trauma will remain for the rest of his life, as it should be.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - October 1st, 2015


After breaking into Joe Girardi's house last night, knocking him out and managed to find where he hid that binder that helped him lose games for the Yankees for the past few seasons, I made my way out and got back into my vehicle. Just before I was ready to drive away, I could hear Girardi yelling and see him running toward my car so I turned on the ignition keys and drove away without carefully moving the car from where it's parked due to being in a hurry. For a moment I could see the manager of the New York Yankees trying to chase me by foot from the side mirror but it didn't take long to lose him.

After about half an hour or so, I found a field where I then parked the car.

"Finally, something that has to be done years ago!" I thought to myself.

I walked into the field with a binder in one hand and a cigarette lighter in the other. After pulling out some dried grass, I create an open space where I would then place the binder onto the ground, cover it with hay I pulled out and proceed to light it on fire with my lighter...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 25th, 2015


One night in Pyongyang, North Korea, the ill-equipped security forces were struggling to fight off a horde of deformed looking magical girls as well as a group of undead, each of whom happens to be wearing what looks like a black dress. One by one, the security team were overwhelmed by the strange threat as the last one would be blasted to bits by what resembles a doll with a deformed looking face uttering the same word over and over.

"Magical~"

Kim Jong-Un have been in his wine cellar for hours wondering whether or not the members of the security team have been taking some drugs as what he had heard from the transmitter sounds ridiculously inane even for his level of standards which isn't that easy. After seconds of bloodcurdling screams by the security team, all what's left at that point was static...

"Hello? Hello? Answer me damn it or I'll have all of you send to the gulag!"

There's still no answer.

"That's it, gulag it is!"

"To think someone would go through all this just to pull a prank, it ain't scaring me!"

After minutes of talking to himself in the wine cellar, Kim began to spend time reading his porno magazines he kept in the shelves behind dozen of bottles of Hennessy and Cognac when his alone time came to an abrupt end as the door was suddenly knocked right off the hinges. The North Korean dictator panicked as he tries to hide his porn stash and zip up his pants while yelling, "Son of a bitch!"

"Magical~" someone growled.

Kim recognized the voice and quickly calms down to see his surprise guest.

"Wait...Dennis? What a relief, I wasn't expecting...why are you wearing that black dress? Are you cosplaying as a magical girl or something?" the dictator asked.

The former basketball star slowly walks toward Kim and utters the same word as before, "Magical~"

"Magical? What magical?"

"Magical~"

Kim walks toward his friend and to the North Korean dictator's horror...part of the prolific rebounder's head was missing!

"D-Dennis...what happened to you? Are you alright? Does it hurt?"

However, the only answer he would get is the same as before...

"Magical~"

Soon, the worm was joined by several other cross dressers and to the dictator's further horror, some of them were members of his security team.

"Magical~"

"Magical~"

"Magical~"

Kim then pulls out his gun and open fire, hitting some of the cross dressers with little or no effect as they were nothing more but victims of the magical girl invasion now turned into zombies.

"Magical~"

Kim backed away and empties his weapon before dropping it and scream.