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I want the funky chicken.

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Intermission #79: Morning Train

Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 4th, 2021


"Shit I'm late!" Daniel Funke uttered before running out of the door, forgetting to close and lock it. As he dash towards the subway station from a block or so away, running harder than Usain Bolt would but without the speed to get him there as the train have already began to pull away by the time he reach the stairs. As if that was bad enough, he also have to wait for the swarm pouring down the stairs, causing the guy to jump back and yell through his double mask, "Whatever happen to social distancing? Put on some mask you spreaders!" which attracted some few weird looks from people as he sounded muffled enough to reminds them of Kenny before the onlookers shrugs and went on their ways.


After it was over, Funke finally made his way to the platform where he then gets on the train and breathes a sigh of relief as the train is less packed than he though it would be. Thirty minutes later upon checking his watch for the thirteenth time, the train starts to slow down and stops right on the track between two stations. At this point Funke begins to clench his fist remembering the previous train he had just missed a while ago and wonder how different things could have been had he gotten there in time but had woken up late because he spend all night combating "trolls" on Twitter who were on his case after his screw up on posts he had made. Funke begins to mutter profanities under his breath as he waited for what seem like eternity before the train finally begins to move once again.


As soon as the train finally reaches his stop, Funke bolts out of the door and dash through the exit down the stairs of the station where he then runs towards the warehouse few blocks away, leaving him a panting mess. After catching his breath, Funke reach into his coat pocket and pulls out a badge as he proceeds towards the entrance of the warehouse, showing it to a person guarding the door. After being allowed in, Funke enters the building and takes his seat before asking the person next to him, "Am I late?"


The person looks at Funke for a second before moving away from him.


"My fellow brethren." a man on the stage implores.


"Our brother have been taken away for doing god's work of removing one of these disgusting creatures from this planet!"


"But fear not as we have a powerful ally among us."


Everyone became silent.


"Our ally is a renowned dog fighter who went undefeated in every battle fought, with him on our side nothing can stop us, not even Cerberus himself!" the man proclaimed.


Soon the audience stands up and cheers.


Admiring such spectacle, Funke thought to himself, "It's good to see there are people finally deciding to do something about those plagues." as he looks to the man on stage.


"Dr. Ceau Kerns, I was right about you from the day I read your guest column about pit bulls."


"No such person can live up to such expertise regarding these dangerous beasts as much as you, I will follow you to the edge of the cliff like I would do for President Biden."


Later that night a stray dog was rummaging through a tipped over trash can looking for some scraps of food when he notice some one coming his way. Alarmed, the dog quickly turns and growls at the mysterious stranger whose face was obscured due to the wind blowing a newspaper into his face. After grabbing the paper and tearing it in half, the figure beckons the dog towards him with a piece of jerky.


As the dog slowly heads towards the treat, the stranger grins before he feels the phone vibrate. Annoyed at the interruption, he toss the jerky at the dog to take out his phone and answers.


"What the hell do you want?"


After a minute, his eyes widens and said, "Really? Okay, I'll be on my way!" before heading off.


4

Comments

beef jerky makes the world go around.... missing a few "ed"s in this piece, but i get the feels, and it's promising young padawan. at least you're not as screwed up as i am, no one should know the future imperfect

You have an account on zerohedge? Just asking for a friend lol

I do miss your sporting (usually football) missives, hope you're well

No I don't have account on zerohedge, I'm fine though.

Thanks.

@Idiot-Finder no worries, just wondering where you've been typing lately - followed enough your posts and news pages to appreciate your intellect