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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - January 31st, 2015


Note: The draft of the initial version is left rotting in Taskey as the site crapped out due to maintenance error before I could finish it so for the time being this will have to do.

I went to the arcade to help take my mind off of certain things, especially after watching a sports news on ESPN about a certain quarterback of the Cleveland Browns taking a dump. Do people really need to hear about that? They even described how it looked before the toilet flushed.

I went to try out the arcade basketball game so I deposited two tokens to begin the 30 seconds game. For some reason there was an odd feeling on my hands while holding the ball but I didn't think anything of it as I was focusing on trying to make a shot.

After seconds went by, I made shot after shot and once the time was up, I look up the score and it reads, "30"

"Wow, I have a really good day." I thought.

But then an employee of the arcade comes toward me and said, "Did you realize what you just did?"

Confused, I shrugged and said, "What?"

"Not only that you broke the previous record of most points scored in this game in our arcade, you have also set the record for consecutive shots made!"

Surprised, I said, "Really? Are you serious?"

"I am serious, you have made 15 consecutive shots, the previous record was 12 by Craig Ostertag."

"Then that...cool I guess."

"Just stay here for a bit, we need to contact the previous champion."

Then I waited.

An hour later, the arcade manager comes in and said, "Are you the person who broke the record?"

"Yes." I answered.

"Okay, we'll need to check the psi of each ball to make sure it's in the right regulation or otherwise, we'll have to revoke the record." said the manager.

Surprised at what I just heard, I asked, "Why? Is something wrong?"

The manager answers, "When we contacted Ostertag, he was livid and demand that we check the psi of each ball. If any one of the balls happens to be below the regulation, the record won't count."

Then he continues, "And for that, you will be banned for your disgusting and vicious cheating which has desecrated the proud integrity of the arcade!"

I laughed and said, "Really? Are you serious? You have got to be kidding right?"

The manager's facial expression remain unchanged.

"You are kidding are you? I understand voiding the record but isn't the ban a bit too harsh?" I said as my smile begin to fade.

"..."

"You're not kidding?"

Then suddenly, someone walked by us with a force enough to knock over a shelf.

"What is the result?" he yelled.

"What is the result of the test? Is the ball deflated or not?"

I looked at the person and could see him holding a giant bag.

"Is that..."

"Yes, it's him, the legend himself." said the manager.

I looked around and leaned toward the manager's ears, "Pssst, is he related to a certain draft bust who played for the Utah Jazz?" I whispered.

The manager looked at me in shock and start waving his arms at me.

"Don't say it in front of him, he hates it when people mistaken him as a relative of the guy for having the same surname!" he whispered back in panic.

Ostertag sneezed and yell, "Okay, who the hell talking about me behind my back?"

I didn't think that sort of thing is actually real.

"I mean it, answer me! Is it you?" Ostertag points his finger at a skinny teenager who started to piss himself.

"Oh, so it is you isn't it?"

The teenager begins to panic and said, "I swear, it wasn't me...NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Everyone looked on in terror as Ostertag continues to work up the teen for another several minutes until a bloody carcass was thrown right next to the pinball machine.

I tipped my cap toward the beaten teen and thought, "Thank you stranger, your sacrifice won't be in vain."

One of the employees then comes in and said, "We have finished measuring each of the balls...one of them happens to be 2 psi under regulation."

Everyone then gasped in horror and turn their attention towards me.

Then Ostertag gave me a nasty look and said, "So, it was you!"

The former champion then opens the bag he happens to carry, dropping dozens of balls onto the floor and they each bounced like a superball.

He gave an evil grin and said, "There is no way you could have beaten my record without cheating you dirty punk, now try beating my record fair and square...oh wait, you can't because you're banned!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? The ball was like that when I got there!" I yelled.

I started to look around and said, "C'mon people, you can't be serious! How can you think I would somehow deflate the ball by couple of psi? How can I? You've got to believe me!"

However, everyone slowly backed away from me.

Ostertag gave out a really annoying laugh before tossing a ball to me and I smacked it right back, causing the ball to sail over his head and hits one of the patrons in the face.

Everyone gave out a loud gasp and annoyed by such nonsense, I said, "So this is how it is, fine then, you can all die in a fire for all I care!"

Just when I started to leave, I didn't notice some of the balls lying on the floor and I slipped.

That's what everyone let out another loud gasp.

"This man...he stepped on Craig's balls!"

"You stepped on Craig's balls!"

"You're a monster for stepping on Craig's balls!"

I got up to see people looking at me in clear disdain.

Ostertag then said, "So you just had to defile my balls didn't you? Disgusting filth like you should be destroyed!"

Angered by this, I picked up one of the balls and punt it toward its owner, only for it to hit the ceiling and bounce right in front of him instead...

Ostertag then grabs the ball and toss it right at me, but I smacked it right back at the former champ who then catches it with one hand before popping it at ease.

"This ball have been dirtied by the likes of you." he snared.

"You better keep away from the rest of my balls or you will pay!" he continued.

"How much?" I asked.

"What?"

"How much? You said I would pay if I keep touching your balls so how much?"

Ostertag's face reddened and said, "You think this is funny? I oughta kick your ass right now!"

Feeling a sense of recklessness, I said, "I would like to see you try...draft bust!"

"What did you say?"

"Draft bust, you know the chump who used to play for the Utah Jazz back in the 1990s."

Ostertag then send his fist through the plastic board that was right besides him for some reason and said, "I had enough of this shit during elementary school because of my last name, you're fucking dead I tell you!"

But then he slipped on one of his balls and fell.

Having enough of this, I decided that it's best to leave before he recovers so I kicked away several balls on the floor right in front of me (not exactly sure why he brought them in the first place though I can guess the reasons) and another loud gasp ensued.

"What now?" I sighed.

One of the patrons then said, "You kicked Craig's balls."

"You kicked his balls..."

"You just kicked Craig's balls!"

Then Ostertag got up and said, "You think I'm going to let you get away with this?"

He then reached into his pocket and pull out a container of cheese spread with a panda logo on it.

"Hey, I know this is getting ridiculous so...how about a peace offering?"

I fell backward in surprise.

I thought he was going to attack me but instead he offered to end the nonsense. Happy and excited at this, I took the cheese spread container and gave the guy a hug which I knew doesn't look right but still, try to understand the joy I felt when something like that would happen.

I shook Ostertag's hand and said, "Thanks, I couldn't believe...but...still to think you want bygones be bygones, thank you man!"

I pocketed the container and left the arcade though I looked back to see a sheer disappointment on his face which confused me for a bit but I thought nothing of it until I left the mall which I realize it was getting late. Knowing that I have to head on home before it gets even darker, I made my way toward the subway station when I notice the funky smell from the container I pocketed.

I checked the date and realize the cheese have been past expiration so I threw it into the nearest waste basket. That's when the street lamps suddenly lit up and there's a giant panda standing right in front of me as "True Love Ways" by Buddy Holly started to play out of nowhere...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - January 25th, 2015


http://www.amiright.com/parody/2010s/carrieunderwood3.shtml

I was reading the parody when I check out the comments section and saw some insulting comments toward the author by "Ordinary Guy" and "Bill" whom I suspect to be his alt.

If anything, I hope you guys can post to the comments section and go after the two fuck nuggets (assuming they are different people). It's easy to post comments there so feel free to attack the assholes if you want to although it's really up to you in the end.

You can find me as "Max Power" in this site.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - October 31st, 2014


After making an emergency landing in some random island somewhere in the Pacific, Amelia Earhart took a moment to calm down while her navigator, Fred Noonan was busy pissing his pants when he then said, "GOOD GOD, WE ALMOST GET IT! WE TOTALLY ALMOST GET IT!"

Amelia then slaps Fred and said, "Fred, get a hold of yourself!"

Then suddenly, the plane falls right through a sinkhole and the two struggles to climb back out, only to be sucked in. By the time the plane hits the ground, Amelia was knocked out upon impact while Fred broke his leg. Looking around through his tears from his near death experience, the navigator then hears a roar and to his horror, right in front of him and Amelia is a giant monster that resembles an ant.

"Amelia, Amelia, wake up, we have to get out...WAKE UP!"

Before he could try to move the pilot out and escape, the pain on his leg cause the navigator to fall back and scream. Afterward, the monster then sprays the two with a fluid and within seconds, both Amelia and Fred were enveloped in foam which then disappears, leaving a pair of skeletons!

The monster then continues to spray the fluid until the damaged aircraft begins to corrode while the skeletons dissolves, leaving little left.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 24th, 2014


Ted wonders where he is while wandering in the dark corridor with nothing but the sound of water dripping from a distance. While he was looking for a remote place to rest, after spending an hour or so exploring in the empty part of the catacombs, loneliness begins to set in. When loneliness sets in the case of Ted, he would hallucinate...that's when things becomes interesting for our friend here.

"Who are you?" Ted demanded.

A giant anamorphic pound cake who happens to be standing right in front of Ted said nothing.

"Answer me damn you!"

The cake remained silent.

"So you think you're a tough guy huh? How about we'll see how tough you really are!" said Ted as he drops back and raise up his fists.

"You want a piece of me?"

Suddenly, the anamorphic pound cake flips off Ted before transforming into a giant Twinkie, making a screeching noise as the sponge cake begins to bob its head up and down.

Having no time for this, Ted punched the sponge cake and soon, the cake bends its head toward the man and fires a white cream filling all over his body. Ted attempts to fight his way through the sticky white substance, only to have more being squirted right into his face.

As Ted attempts to struggle, couple of tourists discovers him struggling on the ground.

"What's with him? It's like he's spazzing out or something." one said.

"He must have been trying out that miming technique...and he didn't seem good at it." said the other.

"We should go, after all, remember our last encounter with someone like that?"

"I know, let's get out of here!"

After the two left, Ted soon find himself tied up by a metal rope with Jason Vorhees walking toward him with a machete.

"No, no, stay away...I'm warning you! STAY AWAY!"

As soon as Jason swung his machete toward his victim, he suddenly vanished and soon, Ted finds himself alone once again.

After he got up, Ted begins to wonder what just happened when a cloaked figure with a Caribbean accent appears and said, "Welcome to your permanent nightmare as you and your friends will stay here for eternity!"

Alarmed, Ted raises his fists and said, "Who are you and what the fuck are you talking about?"

The cloaked figure then pulls back his hood, revealing himself as a bald headed black man with half of his face painted white, it's Baron Samedi!

Baron Samedi laughed and said, "You my boy will soon learn what you people have gotten themselves into, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ted picks up a rock and begins to start bashing it against Baron Samedi's head, easily shattering parts of it before the figure disappears, leaving behind the black cloak.

"What the...he just disappeared!"

"What's going on here?"

Just as he got up, Baron Samedi appears right next to him, this time wearing a top hat with the upper part of his face painted with a skull. This freaks out Ted as he tries to make a run for it, but when he did so, it seems as if he have been running in circles despite being sure that he have been running in a straight line. Each time he enters other corridor, it turns out to be the same corridor as before with Baron Samedi standing there looking amused.

The seemingly endless cycle of torment would end when Ted accidentally bumped into something, knocking himself backward. Soon, a flash light was turned on and as Ted took a closer look, a familiar face took him by surprise.

However, the person recognize Ted as well.

"Hey, I know you...you're the guy who insulted me and called me a faggot at the autograph signing!" said the bald man in a thick accent.

"You, you're the bald fag I made fun back in 2010 because of what happened! Even if I am glad to see someone who isn't a demonic weirdo, still I stand by what I said about you loser! Ha, headbutting the dude in that game? What are you going to do? Headbutt me?"

A former sports star glares and said, "We'll see about that!" right before beating up Ted, breaking every bones in his body, crippling him.

Ted moans in pain as the former athlete then turns into a giant chicken and proceeds to peck him to death. In the ensuing weeks, Ted's remains would be slowly eaten away by a pack of rats that infests the catacombs.

Meanwhile, back inside the flaming car, Keith struggles to keep his sanity intact as the song playing inside the vehicle continues to torment him. The particular song in question is Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin.

Keith tries to kill himself by stabbing himself with any sharp objects he could find, not realizing that he have been granted immortality. He would remain trapped inside the invisible flaming car for the rest of the eternity.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 8th, 2014


Earl discover a room filled with a pile of skeletons and begins to dig them out to create a space for himself to sit down on.

"I sure hope these ain't bones of fags, but right now I should be safe, far from the living fags to try to have their way with me while I sleep." he thought.

After lying down, Earl begins to fall into a deep sleep and soon, the holier than thou member of the WBC finds himself in a unfamiliar setting. The surrounding seems depressing and Earl notices how the area looks somewhat...

"This place looks old, and the sinful place...bars..."

Then he notices a sign that reads, "Welcome to New Orleans!"

New Orleans? Last he remembered, he was resting in the catacombs in France!

What is he doing in a place that have been punished by God as an example for the nation's support of fags?

Then Earl realize that he's in a dream so he pinched himself, but nothing happened.

"Wait a minute, this can't be!"

He then pinches himself again with the same result.

Frightened by what happened (whatever that was), Earl runs around the city screaming and even slams his own head onto the wall in hopes of waking himself up to no avail. All seems hopeless when an elderly black man comes in and said, "Are you all right?"

Earl shakes his head and asked, "Are you a homosexual?"

The elderly man gave a confused look on his face and answers, "No, what give you that idea?"

"Nothing, just asking." said Earl.

"Maybe you are the homosexual since you asked me that question out of nowhere." the elderly man replied.

"NO I'M NOT A FAG!" Earl screamed.

"Calm down, I'm just saying since you brought this one up out of the blue."

"Never mind, I just don't like to be associated with...these kind of people."

"Really? That's a bit...forget it, this conversation isn't going to go well if we stay in this topic, so anyway, what is your name?" the elderly man asked.

Earl then sigh and said, "My name is Earl."

Just before he could ask the old man about his name, a somber jazz music begins to play. The two strangers turns to see a band slowly marching out from the block and in time, it turns out the band are followed by a crowd of people dressing in black while a casket is being carried. This surprises Earl as he had never seen a funeral march in New Orleans despite taking part in several funeral protests.

"Whose funeral is this?"

The elderly man turns his head toward Earl and smiles as he pulls out a switch blade.

"Yours."

The old man then stabs Earl in the side and not long after, the member of the WBC stumbles into the street in pain right in front of the funeral march. The people carrying the casket then heads toward Earls and places it onto him before picking it right back up. With the casket now containing the body, the funeral band change their tune to Rock Around The Clock by Bill Haley and the marchers begins to dance in celebration.

Meanwhile, over 40 years later and in the underground catacombs of Paris, Patty was hoping to find a restroom somewhere in the underground tourist attraction, only to realize that she got herself lost.

Patty was never much of a WBC fanatic, she only joined because many people she knew were members of the church and seen it as a popular thing to do at the time. Despite knowing little of what the purpose of their IRL trolling is, Patty took pride in taking part in demeaning demonstrations that led to them being reviled by many which unfortunately led to media coverage and fanfics.

At one point, Patty would even take things further just so she could impress her brethren by going as far as defecating on Freddie Mercury's grave. Even recently, in hopes of helping WBC to "regain credibility" since the Sasson fiasco by sending insulting e-mails toward Robin Williams' family members for starring in The Birdcage in 1996.

Just as she was heading toward a hallway that seems to lead to one of many rooms, a cloaked figure appears.

"Uh...who are you?" she asked.

The mysterious figure didn't answer.

"Whoever you are, stay back or I'll call the police!"

The cloaked figure then begins to move slowly toward her.

"Stay back, I'm not scared of you!"

Patty then summons enough courage to try to attack the cloaked figured, yanking the cloak right off to reveal a menacing black man in a voodoo ritual garment with a half painted face, it's Baron Samedi!

However, Patty have idea who he is.

As far as she knows, he's black and that's enough for her to try to run, only to slip on a discarded 7 UP bottle, causing her to fall and black out from the impact. After waking up, Patty found herself tied up while Baron Samedi makes his ritualistic dance, carrying a venomous snake. Once the woman's eyes begins to come around, she notice that they're not in the catacombs anymore, in fact...they're in the tropical setting.

What happened?

Patty was too confused and frightened to say anything as the black man begins to move toward her while carrying a giant snake.

As the tension of the ritualistic music begins to rise, Baron Samedi laughs as he circles around the woman just before holding the serpent close enough to her neck that it bits her.

However, Patty died from fright before the venom begins to take effect.

Around the same time, the fifth member of the party, Keith was looking for any sightseers to terrorize as he figures that it would be the best way to kill time rather than having to waste it from sleeping in a dirty room filled with dusty bones.

Besides, scaring people is fun.

"This is even better than pissing people off on YouTube comments." he thought.

After picking up a skull, Keith went to seek out more unsuspecting victims to throw the object to for laughs when he notice a room with a bright orange light emitting. Not only that, as he crept closer to the room, it felt much warmer as well.

"I smell something burning." said Keith.

He then enters the room and to his surprise, there's a burning car right in front of him!

"What the fuck?"

What is it doing here? More importantly, why did somebody torched a perfectly good car?

Then the third question struck Keith like a hundred pound dumb bell thrown by a body builder.

Why does this car looked somewhat like the one had had before the accident?

Come to think of it, his car was destroyed in the accident in the same exact manner, aside from being inside the underground catacombs and all.

That's when Keith saw something that would jog his memory, an elderly homeless man appears inside the windshield, looking right directly at him.

"Wait a minute...I know you...I killed you!"

A year before, Keith was having a joy ride a month before his induction into the WBC. As it happened, he saw a homeless man standing on the sidewalk so with that, Keith slows down and stops, motioning the person to go ahead.

By the time the homeless made halfway across the street, Keith then steps on the gas pedal and hits the guy.

"Hahahahaha, suck on that!" he yelled.

But then he crashed the car into the nearby gas station.

Luckily for Keith, he was able to get out of the car in time before the gas leak made its way to the car as the sparks from the engine were shooting in every direction. Seconds afterward, the vehicle burst into flames and explodes, in time leading to an even larger explosion several minutes later, taking out the tire block, killing the gas attendant who fell asleep with his Walkman on at the time.

The were no witnesses so Keith was able to get away safely without the car he stole.

After staring at the burning car, Keith tries to away but suddenly, he was sucked into the vehicle and finds himself trapped inside as the homeless man he had killed said, "Now it's the three of us."

"Three?"

The gas station attendant got up and said, "That's right, now with the three of us together..." as he inserts the cassette into the car radio.

Young man, there's no need to feel down.
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy.

Keith reaches for the handle, only for it to disappear just as he touches it.

"HELP!"

"HEEEEEEELP!"

However, nobody was there to hear him scream as the homeless man and the gas station attendant vanished into thin air. After opening his eyes, Keith finds himself all alone as the music have stopped as well.

But he's still trapped inside the flaming car and soon, the radio begins to play another song...

Me mind on fire, me soul on fire...

Feeling hot, hot, hot!

"OH GOD, THIS SONG IS GAYER THAN THE OTHER ONE!"


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 3rd, 2014


It all began back in 2012 when the pastor of a notorious church known as "Westboro Baptist Church" signed up for an endorsement deal with Sasson in hopes of receiving extra exposure so the membership of the church would increase. What he didn't realize is that Sasson is a designer brand of tight jeans, most infamous for the commercials from the late 1970s featuring the members of the New York Rangers. Needless to say, there's a reason why the Rangers became laughingstocks in the 1980s and the fact that the reputation of a hockey legend, Phil Esposito was never the same.

With that said, you can guess how the whole thing worked out with the WBC, leading to the excommunication of the pastor who would never recover from the shock of what he had done.

Time would pass and while the public have forgotten the commercials have existed, the church still reels from the public humiliation it had endured. As a result, some of the members of the church decides to take some time off in order to find themselves before resuming their usual deeds of protesting funerals, their favorite past time for the past decades.

Little do they know, by the end of the vacation, they would be short of few members due to a supernatural occurrence.

It all happened during the Summer of 2014 when five members traveled to France because of the country's reputation a decade ago as an anti-America nation. They felt that by visiting France, it'll help reinvigorate their anti-American sentiments so that they'll have enough energy and motivation to go back and resume their usual activities.

At least that was the plan, the problem is that the fad have already ended years ago as people in the U.S. weren't as supportive of the war as they were that time. Also the hype regarding the French was overblown by the media to a ridiculous degree and Jacque Chirac was no longer the president to top it off. The members of the WBC didn't learn the truth although they did begin to suspect something was up when the background didn't look as anti-American as they had hoped. Not only that, the place looked a bit too flamboyant.

To make the matters worse, the accents also unnerved the five.

"Sweet Jesus, we're in a nation of fags!" Shirley yelped.

"What are we going to do? We just got off the plane and our next flight won't be until tomorrow!" said Earl.

"I know what we should do...let's take cover in a place where those fags won't do anything to us, because they won't be able to find us!" said Stan.

"That's a good idea, let's book the flight for tomorrow and we'll hide out until then." said Shirley.

"Speaking of which, where is Ted and Patty?"

"Keith is looking for a place to log in as he couldn't live without spreading our message against fags over the internet while Patty is looking for the restroom." said Stan.

"Oh."

The three would wait hours until Keith and Patty returns to the group where they would be informed of the plan to hideout for a day until the plane would be ready to take them back to the country they hated for "supporting fags" and all that jazz, the United States.

After Keith booked the flight back to the United States, the group went to look for a place to hide as they couldn't trust hotels as they could be filled with fags waiting to ambush them. This mindset would make it difficult for the group to find help as they were fearful of the people living in the country due to the accent until they come across a line heading toward an entrance. Curious, the group went to check out the entrance and saw a that it seems to be a hall that leads down to something, like a tunnel of some sort.

Before they could take a closer look, the bouncer shoo them away and that's when Earl came up with a brilliant idea.

"I have a brilliant idea!" he said.

"What?"

"Don't you see? I heard there's a underground ruins in this city and if this entrance is what I think it is, we can hide out there for the night so the fags won't be able to get us!" Earl exclaimed.

"But there are many of these people lining up, how can we be able to hide from fags?" Shirley asked.

"Believe me, the ruins are huge, we just need to pick the right spot and everything will be fine." was the answer.

"Shouldn't we get a ticket for this?" asked Stan.

Earl then grins and said, "Don't worry, I have a plan that can get us in no matter what."

Later that night, as the five lined up for the tour in the ruins and it didn't take long for them to make their way toward the entrance. As soon as the bouncer said something in French, Earl gave a nod and soon, all five made a break for it as they darts into the entrance. The bouncer gave a chase at first, but after losing them, he realizes that if his employers learns that he let this happen for the third time this week, this could be it for him. Defeated, the bouncer returns to the entrance and decides to forget that this have ever happened.

Meanwhile in the corridor, the five members of the WBC runs into the catacombs where they became amazed by the site they have seen. Surely this is the place where they would hide for the night right?

However, upon taking a closer look...

"Earl, are you sure about this? The walls were decorated with skulls...I think this place was run by Satanists." said Shirley.

"Yeah but still, think about it, would you rather let these people touch you or spend a night with dead Satanic skulls?" reasoned Stan.

"Good point, let's just find the furthest and most remote place to stop until morning, anyone have a watch ready?"

"Yes, it's like 7:37 right now, we'll have to wait until noon just to be safe as our flight will arrive at 3:45 tomorrow." Stan answered.

Earl nods and said, "Just to make sure that we won't turn queers by accident, we should split up and find our own resting spot, we'll meet up in this spot tomorrow at 10:30."

The group then splits up and each of the five begins to look for the spot to rest.

Shirley made her way into a seemingly empty hall where she heard footsteps.

The woman turns to see who it was but no one's there.

Just as the homophobic woman was ready to continue, she felt a chill blowing right behind her.

"Who are you? Earl, is that you?" she yelled.

There was no answer.

"Whoever you are, you better stay away as god is on my side and you will go to hell to burn along with the rest of the fags!" she threatened.

But then, someone taps her on the shoulder and Shirley turns to look, but on one's there. After that, someone taps her on the should once again, causing Shirley to turn once again with the same result.

What's going on here?

Suddenly, a cloaked figure appears and slams Shirley's head against the wall, muffling her scream at the same time. Slowly, the woman's head begins to sink into the wall as her muffled scream begins to fade.

Once it's over, the cloaked figure let go of the skull that is now embedded in the wall.

Several minutes later, couple of teenagers comes across the embedded skull and out of boredom, draws a mustache on the skull.

"Dude, if we can get a red wig and put it on the skull, it'll be called Skully, get it?"

"Lol!"

"I see dead people!"

"I know right?"

The teenagers then laughed.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 4th, 2014


Don Quixote have always been fascinated by actions and adventures he would read in the novels that were kept in his home. Being that he's already pushing 60, Don Quixote have always felt an emptiness that have been constant throughout his entire life, like something have been missing.

"Why do I feel something is missing in my life?" he thought.

Don Quixote looks out the window to see birds flying by when suddenly, a giant mechanical thing came crashing down right in front of his house. Shocked, Don Quixote looks outside to see the majestic thing that stood there for several minutes before taking off, leaving a thick cloud of smoke.

"What is that?"

The next day, Don Quixote rush to his family and said, "Everyone, you should have been there, there's no way you would have believe what I have just saw!"

His daughter sighs and said, 'What was it?"

"I saw this giant thing and is this big even, bigger than all the buildings in this country combined!" said Don Quixote.

"Not only that, the thing can fly, it's really amazing and I want to have a ride in it one day!"

However, nobody believed him as they thought he was being overly imaginative as the old man have been devoting much of his free time reading books. This made Don Quixote mad as he knew what he saw that day wasn't a dream or anything, in fact there's a huge imprint caused by the landing and yet somehow, no one but him saw the giant machine that time, what gives?

But then the old man encounter something strange, it's a strange vehicle made of metal and the door opens up automatically, like it's waiting for him!

Don Quixote slowly crept toward the vehicle and to his surprise, a humanoid machine appears and said, "Your dream have been sensed, you want to be a hero who gets to do something."

The old man was taken aback.

How did that thing knew?

"There is no need to ask further question as you are desperate enough to do something meaningful in your life for once, but I will ask you this, are you willing to handle the risk? The probablility of you not surviving the training is high considering your age." said the machine.

Without question, Don Quixote said, "I'll do it! I rather die trying than living a meaningless life!"

And so the old man enters the vehicle and depart the planet.

Several months later, the old man reappears after being missing, worrying his family as they thought that he might have gone off in search of an adventure just to fill an empty void in his life.

One of the townsfolk came up to the old man and said, "Don Quixote, where have you been?"

The old man exclaims, "I have been through several journeys and went through series of trials and tribulations, but now I am ready to take on the real menance that have been plaguing this world!" as he points his finger toward the windmills.

The townsfolk became dumbfounded.

"A windmill?"

Don Quixote shakes his head and said, "No, giants!"

"Look at them, waving their arms like they don't care, it's as if they're mocking us!"

"Those...are windmills." said the townsfolk.

Is this man alright? Have the time he have been missing caused him to go unhinged?

"Don Quixote...where have you been all this time? Really, I think you're not exactly well..."

The old man glares at the townsfolk and said, "I am well and those giants have been terrorizing us for the last time, I will prove it to you people, just watch!"

Don Quixote then snaps his fingers and suddenly, a massive machine appears and the old man leaps into the cockpit where he was covered in a rubbery material, forming a body suit that enables him to control the machine.

All the towns people became shocked!

"What the heck is this?"

"Is this a dream?"

"This can't be for real!"

Don Quixote laughs and said, "The time have come, this is it for you godforsaken giants!" as he dash toward one of the windmills and threw a punch, knocking it over.

But then, something strange happened.

After the windmill falls, it starts to transform into a giant machine with a sail attached in front.

"I knew it!" the old man throught.

Then, the machine takes off the sail and throws it at Don Quixote like a frisbee but the old man saw that one coming and leaps into the air to dodge the dangerous weapon.

"Ha, you missed!" Don Quixote yelled.

But then, the humanoid machine shows up right next to the townsfolk and said, "Don Quixote, be careful, the windmill is also a machine called Sandhoge!"

"Sandhoge?"

"You must avoid it or it will inflict a terrible pain!"

But it was too late as the windmill grabs Don Quixote from behind in full-nelson as soon as the old man turns his back. Soon, the sail transforms into a giant spiderlike machine and crawls toward the incapitated mecha the old man happens to be piloting and begins kicking it in the crotch.

"OH GOD, WHY?"

The townspeople and Don Quixote's partner looks on in pity as the old man continues to scream in agony as the Sandhoge's crotch attack against the giant mecha.

"THE PAIN! YOU BASTARD...OH GOD WHY? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

The assault would continue for several hours until Don Quixote screams, "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!" and press the detonation button, resulting in a massive explosion that engulfs the entire solar system.

In the end, there was nothing left.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 21st, 2014


One day, a kid named Josh Bedn and his friends got high so they went to the store to find something to satisfy their munchies induced cravings. The gang comes across the candy aisle in which one of them yell, "Look, it's the cadny aisle!"

"Whoa, awesome!"

"I want cadny!"

And so the gang starts stuffing their faces with sweet flavored pieces of diabetes, rotting their teeth until they can no longer eat anymore for the rest of the day. But just as they were about to leave, one of the employees came in and said, "Um...excuse me, are you guys going to pay for that?"

Josh Bedn snickers and said, "Take a hike! Hey maybe you get a better job while you're at it loser!"

His friends laughs while the employee who confronted them runs off crying, "MOMMY!" (He was found hanging in the basement later that day)

But then the security guards shows up and said, "Are you going to pay for the cadnys?"

"Um..."

Bedn and his gang tries to run, only to get tazed before they could make a move, leading to one getting beaten to the point he could no longer move. Soon, the beaten comrade of Bedn was dragged outside where he was told to bite down onto the curb.

"Say hello to your dentist for me!" said the security guard as he stomps on the guy's head, crushing it.

Frightened by what they just saw, Bedn then said, "Okay, okay, I'll pay!"

After calculating the amount of cadnies to be paid for, Bedn found out he's twelve cents short!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.

The police were called and soon, Bedn and his remaining gang were questioned at the store.

"So you were twelve cents short?" one of the police officers asked.

"Yeah, I swear to god it's true!" said Bedn.

"Son, you do not swear to god...using foul language at god is really impolite and rude!" Fred Phelps yelled.

"Shut up Fred, go find a hobby or something." said the police officer.

"Okay, maybe I will!" said Fred as he marches away and yell, "Death to fags! Sieg Heil!  Mike Lupica is the greatest journalist ever!"

"Oh god what have I done?" the officer thought.

"Okay, anyway...you were twelve cents short and couldn't pay?"

"That's what I said!" Bedn yelled.

The officer turns to one of the employees and said, "Do you guys allow free samples?"

"Well no though there's no rules about that." the employee said.

"Okay kid, you and your friends are free to go."

After going home, the image of his friend's splattered brain on the curb haunts him and few years later, he would find himself in another trouble when he decides to exact revenge.

"YOU KILLED MY FRIEND TO DEATH! I WILL GET REVENGE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" he screamed while piloting a Zaku, only to get shot down by an outdated Guntank model.

He would spend months under house arrest where he would be raped in his own home by his dog after dropping a soap.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 9th, 2014


Note: Inspired by Scarab's old stories, feel free to check it out and review.

One day, an aspiring mod-wannabe and a local nudist known as GoryBlizzard posted a thread with a naked picture of himself without thinking of possible consequences. Few years later, that picture would go on to bite him in his naked ass when a user known as Ejit, sometimes called "idjit" due to his sometimes idiotic posts came and bumped an old thread featuring such picture. It happened because GoryBlizzard wanted to become a mod so he made a post proclaiming that, "I'M GONNA BE THE KING OF MODS!"

This would set off the "Golden Age of Mods" which revives the interest in a glamourous position that have seen better days ever since the scandal with BigBadRon and Canas.

While GoryBlizzard never ate the devil's fruit that cause him to stretch and make him forget to swim, he did became angered by Ejit's action that he became butt naked mad and asked Wade to ban him. Afterward, the nudist decides that it wasn't enough so he tracks down the person who ruined his chance to become a forum moderator and kills him.

"What am I going to do now?" he thought.

Then a light bulb appears over his head.

"I got an idea!" he shouted.

"Good, please stop shouting to yourself you faggot!" someone yelled.

"Fuck you!" GoryBlizzard yelled back.

After dragging Ejit's body into an abandoned building, he strips off his clothes and proceeds to have sex with him. Afterward, he starts chopping the body limb by limb, soon the pieces were grinded into bits with a hacksaw.

"Who is laughing now?" he said with an evil smile.

After stuffing the remains into the bag, GoryBlizzard drove to a local restaurant where he sold it for $20 per lb.

"Um, sir? Would you mind putting on some clothes?" the manager asked.

"Fuck you!" was the answer.

 

 


Posted by Idiot-Finder - January 12th, 2014


Kenshiro was on his way to the nearest village where Toki have been said to reside in when a massive black man wearing a shirt that reads #99 came up with an evil laugh.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A new visitor, too bad you can never get past me as I used to play in the NFL!"

Kenshiro became interested and said, "Really? Then I'll be the first."

The thug became angry and said, "Don't you dare underestimate me, before the explosion, I was voted into the Hall of Fame and got paid to say what I want!"

The martial arts master cracks his fists and said, "I'll just have to test your ability then."

Angered by Kenshiro's remark, the former football star lunged toward the man and attempts to punch him, only to be stopped by a pair of fingers. Couldn't believe that his own fist have been stopped by a pair of fingers from a man who looked smaller than he is, the thug screamed and threw another punch only to have the same result.

"This can't be!"

Kenshiro struck the pressure points in both of the thug's hands, causing the fingers to contort to the point that they resemble bow ties. After waiting for the scream to stop, Kenshiro then said, "So tell me, who done this to you?"

Still growling, the thug refused to answer as he tries to head butt him, only to get dodged and hits his head onto a giant rock.

"Grrr..." he growled.

"You can't beat me, I was given the power by the being send by god!"

"Who?" Kenshiro asked.

"If you want to know, then beat me!" was the answer.

At this point, Kenshiro was beginning to doubt this man still have a trace of free will.

After dodging blow after blow, Kenshiro said once again, "Who done this to you? You will have to answer sooner or later as your life is running out!"

The poor sapp continues to try to assault him, only to have the same result over and over until he became tired.

"You can't beat me, with this power...no one can handle me!" the thug yelled.

Soon, both of his fists began to glow before bursting into flames.

"See? See this? If you're scared then it makes sense, touch this and you will be on fire as I claw you!" he laughed.

Kenshiro however was not amused as he cracks his fists once again and said, "How can you claw me with your fingers contorted like that?"

Angered by the remarks, the thug proceeds to do the same thing as before by trying to attack Kenshiro with his flaming hands. However, as before, the moves by the sap were effortlessly dodged by the successor of the legendary martial arts. Being that Kenshiro still haven't gotten the answer of who enhanced the strength of a thuggish ex-football star, he continues to dodge the assault until he gets an opportunity to question him once more.

After grabbing one of the arm, Kenshiro then breaks it, causing the thug to fall back and howl in pain.

"YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO MY ARM? YOU GONNA PAY FOR THIS!" the thug screamed.

The martial arts master motions the thug to make his move and said, "Give it another shot, but your movements are slow to the point that I'm too tired to even yawn."

A vein starts to show on the thug's temple and was ready to burst when he let out a huge roar that can be heard from dozens of miles away. He struck Kenshiro in the face with his elbow but to no effect as the blow was taken without even a flinch. Immediately afterward, Kenshiro breaks the sap's other arm, causing the thug to let out another painful scream that can wake up the dead.

"It's over, just tell me the name of the person who did this to you and I'll make it quick." said Kenshiro.

However, the thug shook his head and roared, "NO!" before headbutting a giant boulder right next to him. Once the dust was cleared, the thug laughed as he sports shiny metallic spikes resembling a mohawk on his head.

"This is over for you little china man!" the thug grins as he attempts to headbutt his opponent, only to be stopped by a kick to the face.

"What is his name!" Kenshiro demanded.

"GRRR!" was the response.

After the thug made several jumps back to avoid a potential strike from his opponent, he lowers his head once again and yelled, "This time you won't be able to get out of my move alive!"

"Where have I heard that one before?" Kenshiro thought to himself.

After dodging the attack, Kenshiro then struck the thug in the chest with both fists.

MAN BOOBS EXPLODING STRIKE OF THE NORTH STAR!

"It's over, once I remove my fists, your time will be up."

The thug started to panic and said, "No...let me live, I beg of you..."

"Then tell me, who did this to you?" Kenshiro asked once more.

"Okay, I'll tell you...it was Toki." was the answer.

Kenshiro couldn't believe what he just heard.

"No really, who was it?"

The thug repeat the same answer, "Toki..."

"I know Toki, he wouldn't have done this despite what the rumors have been saying."

"No...it was Toki..."

Kenshiro lets go and begins to walk away.

"WAAAAAAAAAI-"