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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - December 31st, 2013


One day, a deer was taking a drink from a pond when suddenly, a bunch of rednecks and Karl Malone shows up armed with assault rifles originated from Russia. Before the deer could make its move, the men open fire at the deer and in the end, all what was left is a pile of goo.

"This is awesome, is there another animal to shoot?" one asked.

"I hope so Terry, I'm still pissed at how I could have ride the bench for the Spurs in 2005 and get that ring, I need to kill something!" Karl Malone yelled.

But then, the ghost of Charlton Heston shows up and said, "I saw a group of kids planning to shoot up the school, follow me!"

Without questioning on the fact that the star of the movie Ben Hur have inexplicably appeared out of nowhere, the men agreed and follows the ghost.

"Hey Tony, I heard you used to bully people, just don't let your personal feelings get in the way, okay?"

Tony Grave nods and said, "I won't, besides, those guys are bullied victims most of the time so...YEAH!" as he fires his AK-47 into the air, shooting down much of the passing flock of geese.

As the NRA made their way to the school, they heard a gunshot and Karl Malone motions the members to storm into action.

"FUCK YEAH!!!"

"MURICA!!!"

"DURRR!!!"

And so the NRA went in and starts a "heroic bloodshed" as they braved a flock of doves to start mowing down some teenagers who were trying to escape because of a misunderstanding. After pumping several clips into a wheelchair bound fat kid, Tony sighed and said, "Those guys aren't tough, what a bunch of wannabes!"

Karl Malone wipes the sweat off his brow and said, "Maybe we shot the wrong kids, I think they were trying to escape from the carnage."

Everyone stood in silence until another gunshot was heard.

"EVERYONE, GO, GO, GO!!!"

As the group headed toward where the gunshot was heard, they saw an emo looking kid holding a hostage.

"Stay back or this girl gets it!" he demanded.

Karl Malone shoots the hostage before taking out a hand gun and puts a bullet into the hostage taker's head with a single shot.

"Karl, you did it with one hand like Chow Yun-Fat, that's awesome!"

The former NBA star smiled and said, "Thanks Arnie."

"LETS GO AND FIND SOMEONE TO SHOOT!" Terry screamed.

"Let's split up!"

"Agreed!"

The NRA splits up and later did their job shooting the school shooters (along with several innocent bystanders as well). Once it was over, the members each left through the back entrance so they won't get caught when Karl Malone notice something in the sky.

"Hey guys, I saw something flying..." he said.

They all looked up and saw a giant mecha with a mustache sporting a pair of energy wings followed by destruction. To each of their horrors, they tried to run but it doesn't matter, after less than an hour, the entire world's population was wipe out.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - December 11th, 2013


Co-written with Ed Harley in FictionPress, be sure to check out his works.

Tommy was tired of getting bullied at school so he went to tell the teacher about the problem.

"Oh Tommy, you should realize that it is your fault!" said the teacher.

"Why?" asked Tommy.

"It's because, just by responding, the bullies will keep bothering you by calling you names." she answered. "You see, if your feeling gets hurt, they ju-"

"But it wasn't the name calling!" Tommy protested. "They pushed me from behind, beat me during lunch after stealing my lunch money, and even threatened to kidnap me and lock me in a shed with my eyes forced open to watch a movie directed by Uwe Boll!"

"Uwe Boll!" the teacher gasped. " Tommy, what did I say about lying?"

"But... But it's true, I swear!"

In a stunned silence, the teacher just shook her head in disapproval. "Tommy, there is no way that anybody would forced you to watch a Uwe Boll film! It's a heinous war-crime and there are at least five articles of the Geneva Convention on Torture that list his movies by name!"

"Tommy," the teacher said. "I'm really disappointed in you for trying to get people into trouble, you should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Bu-"

"No butts. I'm calling your parents!"

And so Tommy was grounded for "lying", leaving him distraught as no one would help him. The next day at school, he was on his way to class when the bullies came up to him. One of them said: "Hey Tommy, I heard you tried to squeal on us."

Tommy pissed himself. "Well...er...um, you know..." and then he tried to make a run for it, only to slip in the puddle.

One of the bullies reached down to grab a fistful of his shirt. "You know the punishment squealing!"

Tommy looked up in horror. "No, please...not that...anything but that!"

"Tommy sure has a perty mouth!" one of the bullies snorted like a retarded hillbilly.

"We'll make sure you'll squeal like a pig!"

Tommy would never be seen alive again. As a police investigation preceded, the bullies were suspended for whole two days. Later on, when the bullies returned to school, they were called into the principal's office to discuss what happened.

"Okay boys," the principal said. "I'm sure you know the reason why I called you here."

The bullies nodded and one of them said: "I know, Principal Cheswater, but that rat was trying to squeal on us!"

"By reporting to me?" the principal glared at the bullies. "Do you idiots really think that if Tommy came to me that I would do something to jeopardize the underground business I've been running?"

The bullies trembled in fear.

"I told you idiots not to kill him, just hurt him enough to make him cry and so you could collect his tears in a vial. How do you expect me to get tears from a dead kid? That kid's tears are in are worth five thousand dollars per ounce on the black market and you killed him!" Principal Cheswater yelled. "We can't keep running this business if you guys are going to continue to fuck up like this!"

"You know what?" The principal sat. "Just go home...just go...I'll think of something to work around this issue but I can't continue to cover for you guys..." The principal thought of something urgent. "Wait a minute, what did you do with the kid's body?"

One of the bullies spoke up. "We're gonna go bury it after school and make sure it won't ever be found!"

The principal, who was always looking for ways to cut the school budget, had another idea.

Later that week the school cafeteria had a Sloppy Joe Friday in honor of their lost classmate. The students observed a moment of silence before they ate. And everyone, staff included, remarked on the delicious and exotic taste of the cook's new recipe. In fact the student council voted to rename the sandwich a Sloppy Tommy, a fine tradition that continues to this day.

Meanwhile the black market business of Principal Cheswater continued on, as the tears of bullied kids did indeed have remarkable healing properties that allowed minor wounds to heal without a scar and a mysterious side effect that removed all feelings of shame from those who used it. The tears were said to be popular among sports writers and one former NFL quarterback, Boomer Esiason.

However, the principal would soon realize that with success comes trouble as there are competitors looking to take over the market by "taking him out" so that way the competition would soften. And thus, begins what would become one of the biggest gang warfare since the epic riot in Oakland back in 1984 (due to Al Davis moving the Raiders to Los Angeles and won a Super Bowl title there before realizing that the city thinks they're too good for an NFL team and it gets weird after that), resulting in a massive damage that would surpass the disaster in Detriot in the 1960s.

Since then, the day the warfare started would become known as "The Day of The Black Peril" because people are generally unoriginal like that and assumed that the riot was caused by black people. In spite of this, the school principal was able to run his operation for several more years as a result of the deaths of his business rivals until it was put to a halt due to a massive raid that was made as a part of the anti-bullying campaign. The campaign would be criticized by a bunch of old school seniors who thinks kids should learn to "toughen up" because they clearly have no idea of the severity of the problem and by the sports writers who became upset at the fact that they can no longer have an easy access to their favorite drug that they have been using for so long.

Sadly, the campaign won't last for long as it would end due to complaints filed by the bullies' families for violating their rights to express themselves. With that, the anti-bullying campaign would be declared "unconstitutional" by the Supreme Court, adding to the list of questionable decisions they made throughout history. Not long afterward, the ex-principal would resume his business and this time he received a license to do so and would be supplied by his successor so he can continue to sell medicine balm made from tears.

As a result of the new outbreak of bullying, a latest video game-based violence would occur when a bunch of bullied victims took some mushrooms, hallucinated, and jumped on several fellow students, flattening them. SWAT team would be called to put the end to the unfortunate violence and the stand off would take several days before it finally came to an end. Somehow the perpetrators survived despite getting hit by a rocket propelled grenade launcher because some of the mushrooms they ate happens to be green which granted them extra lives. The stand off ended when one of the officers threatened to shoot them with blue mushrooms if they don't stand down, causing the perpetrators to panic and the day would be saved.

But the kids would never be taken into custody because just as they were about to give themselves up, some idiot pulled out an axe right at the entrance and they all fell...

Meanwhile, few miles away from the school, a farmer named Carl Johnson was milking his cow when he heard a whacking noise from across the corn field. The farmer cautiously brought his shotgun along as he started to walk across the corn field to investigate the whacking sound, it couldn't have been this again could it? It's the last thing any farmer would want...what sick person would do such a thing?

Once the farmer made his way to the other side of the farm, his worst fear have been realized...a man in his mid-twenties have been flogging his recently deceased horse with a golf club. Angered by this action, farmer Johnson points his shotgun in the air and open fire.

The man runs off faster than a rabbit high on amphetamines.

"Gawd dang city folk..." the farmer growled as the helicopter he accidentally shot crashed down onto a local hardware store a street across from the farm. Later, it would be discovered that a bunch of terrorists were using the hardware store as a front to cover up the fact that they were using the pyramid scheme which could fund their plans to attack the American water supplies by dumping a large supply of manure into the reservoir. However, due to the flammable conent of the supplies, the terrorists could only be identified by their dental records...which aren't good as it is learned that they rarely brushed!

It was decided that their bad hygienes would have killed them eventually.

Several decades later, Harold Camping's prediction finally came true after several tries (including after the Cub's victory at the World Series) when the planet was blown up by a pink bubble gum thingy. Centuries later, a large chunk of what was left of the planet crashed into another planet that looked just like Earth, creating a catastrophic impact that would wipe out the entire life except fot the tiny mammals that burrowed underground for protection. The mammals would then evolve and build an advanced civilization where some weird things would happen, leading them to be saved by...well, it's weird so it's up to you.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 26th, 2013


Being a moderator usually brings responsibilities to certain individuals as some sites would run with three mods or fewer. Sometimes in a worse case scenario, the only mod running the forum is inactive due to various reasons, including laziness and having to deal with life outside of the internet. When a mod is inactive most of the time, the result can be as chaotic as the comments section in YouTube.

This is why sites like Newgrounds have dozen of mods in case something happens.

Canas was one of the moderators for Newgrounds who was tasked of enforcing the rule by banning unsuspecting trolls, idiotic users who didn't read the rules, and sometimes ban someone for no reason but to amuse himself. While the last part may rub the users he banned the wrong way, in the end they should be glad that it wasn't a former mod known as BBR or simply "Ron" for short. In fact, Ron was known to be a very abusive mod who would ban users he hated or as a way to troll them due to the amount of power that went into his head. Few years later, Ron's modship was stripped and fell into obscurity where he was last seen in Somalia getting shot in the face by a warlord for trying to ban him in real life (it was rumored that someone brought him back to life thanks to the use of dragon balls, making one to wonder how the Somali national past time went when they savagely dragged his body down the street). While big bad Ron may have been gone, his legacy remains as it inspires some mods such as Canas to flaunt their power in anyway they can.

In a way, Newgrounds mods can be expendable since the abusive or useless ones can be replaced like toilet papers. However, at the same time some moderators would prove themselves enough to be handed another task, making them much more versatile. Canas was among those mods as he was tasked with a responsibility to make sure no one breaks the guidelines on flash games and movies reviews that would be posted everyday.

Unfortunately, this also made Canas among the top targets for the notorious group of hackers and spammers known as "Duck Division".

The Duck Division were founded by a spammer named Chris Beer who started out submitting spam flash into the portal where more often than not, violates the portal guidelines and would be removed by the site administrator. Initially, the New Zealander headed a spam group known as "Food Face Force" who would submit racist contents into the portal. Not long after their banishment in late spring of 2009, "Duck Division" would emerge and does the same thing with the same result.

Angered at how his (along with his brethren's) "work of art" weren't accepted by his peers and the site's administrator, the demented New Zealander and his followers then takes it upon themselves to hack into accounts, especially those belonging to the staff of Newgrounds. At first, the moderators were fooled into submitting their personal information send to them through PM. Needless to say, Canas was one of the mods stupid enough to send in his account information which would result in his account getting hijacked all because he actually thought that he would receive free candies in return.

Once it was done, Canas' account was hijacked and used to wreak havoc on the site by banning several users for no reason, posting gay pornographic pictures, and even furry porn. It would take few days before the order was restored, leading to several moderators being demodded. However, the internet terrorism wouldn't end as they struck again by using a program that allowed them to brute force their way into the moderators accounts, hijacking them once again. In the end, the results were the same as the site's administrator, Wade Fulp made sure to warn the users to change their password to make it harder for the Duck Division members to hack.

For a brief moment, Canas would disappear and was never heard from for some time until the summer of 2010 when someone threatened to bomb New York City. The plot was quickly foiled as couple of people made their move to disarm the bomb and even traced the taunting phone calls they received, leading them to a secret hideout, revealing the mastermind of the plot to be Canas. It turns out Canas was humiliated by what transpired a year before that he went into hiding in order to create a distraction so people would forget his stupidity that cost him his modship. The then ex-mod would be sentenced to six months of probation.

For a while, users creating difficult passwords actually worked as the hackers weren't able to decode them as easily as they used to. It wasn't until couple of years later when Canas was reinstated as a review moderator, a suspicious message was send to him. Forgetting the lesson he learned few years back, the review mod then sends his account information in promise of a free candy...once again enabling the Duck Division members to wreak havoc on Newgrounds, just not the same extent as before.

Once again, Canas was demodded and 8/24/11 would be known as the day that a mod fell for the same trick, proving to everyone what he is, a dumbass!

As before, Canas disappeared and was never heard from for several months until his reinstatement as the site's moderator for the second time. It made people wonder if Wade felt sorry for the guy.

It turns out Canas fell into a financial problem because once again he was scammed after sending in information of his bank account as well as his social security number to a suspicious message send via e-mail. As a result, Canas became a victim of an identity theft and was forced to sell everything his owned, forcing him to live on the street. After months of begging for food and a small amount of change, Wade discovered him and was shocked to see one of his former mods in a pitiful state, so he took him in.

In time, Canas was able to recover as the perpetrator of the identity theft were caught and his financial status restored. Once everything went back to the way it was, including his reinstatement as a review mod, it seem the whole thing became all set, but it turns out not to be the case. Still sore from the humiliation he suffered from his own idiocy, Canas gathered a group of friends who worked "underground" in order to ensure that he would be able to create the ultimate scam...the kind of scam that would make people bow down to him.

With the resources his friends has, Canas was able to scam billions of dollars from various drug organizations and ineptly run sports teams. In time, Canas was able to build a secret base which allows him to run a true scam. However, knowing that someone might try to foil his evil plot, the review mod hired some thugs and even looked to create a massive blackout in the entire city in order to create a distraction so his operation won't get discovered. After all, running a pyramid scheme requires so much resources that you can't afford to have someone to bust it all up.

That's right, it's a fucking pyramid scheme!

"Why are you surprised?" said the review mod.

I tried to make sense of what happened but everything that came out of my mouth become sputtered.

"It's a complicated scam, if things goes well, it'll help us make twenty to fifty thousand dollars a week."

I finally found something say and said, "A pyramid scheme?"

"Are you alright? You sound kind of messed up, eh?" Canas said.

I started to feel like beating him to death with a wooden chair...all this for a pyramid scheme?

"You're acting like I did something wrong."

I jammed my fist into my mouth and bite down before taking it out and said, "You think nothing's wrong? What the fuck was THAT?"

"Calm down, here's a glass of water, drink and calm down." Canas said.

"Do you...do...you even realize what you did?"

"Still not over this? As I said, with the scam, we can ma-"

"IT'S NOT THAT! YOU BLEW THAT MUCH MONEY JUST SO YOU CAN RUN THAT CHEAP SCAM!" I screamed.

Canas backed away a bit and said, "Whoa, you're scaring me..." as he returns to his desk.

I start pulling my hair and biting off the skin off my fingers in frustration that surpasses all the time when Joe Girardi sends in Boone Logan to lose the game. All that for a cheap scam?

I punched the wall and slammed my head into the mirror where I finally started to calm down.

"A fucking pyramid scheme?" I growled.

"Oh come on, it's a wonderful scam and I need it to make money though the billions I stole wasn't enough to cover the entire cost of the elaborate hideout so I have to use my earnings, taking the profits down to about twenty bucks a week."

I got up and said, "A wonderful scam? A wonderful scam...you're telling me that despite the cost, it's still a wonderful scam?"

Canas' smile fades and said, "You still have problems with it don't you?"

"Yes I have a problem, what do you think? You blacked out the fucking city just to run a scam? A god damn scam?" I yelled.

"You have to realize that making money isn't easy, when I got scammed, I had to sell my body in order to get by. Once I finally recovered, I start doing little bit of this, little bit of that and so on with a cherry on top, from then it finally took off." the mod answered.

I cracked each of my fist and said, "So your sob story was supposed to justify the crap you pulled, is that it? It's because of you, I couldn't tape my favorite show and yet you expect me to feel sorry about the stuff that happened just because you didn't learn your lesson after getting phished for the first two times?"

Canas backed away for a moment and said, "Well...I can't be sure if it's a scam, you see, they offer a free candy...I can't just turn it down."

"And you're stupid enough to fall for that, three fucking times!"

"Still, it's free candy, if a stranger in a car came by and offer me one, I'd take it!"

I face palmed myself and said, "Even if there's a possibility that the stranger might be a rapist?"

"Yes!" answered Canas.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me, I mean come on, you can't be serious about this? Then again with all the elaborate bullcrap you managed to pull off, I shouldn't put anything past you." I grumbled.

"Okay, okay, so what if I put myself in a hundreds dollars worth of debt after scamming a fortune, still I can't let people find out about my mistakes or otherwise, I would become ruined!" he said.

"Like what happened the last few times you got phished and demodded?"

"Listen, I'm freaking Canas, the moderator of Newgrounds, mods are respected..."

I coughed.

"...admired..."

I coughed again.

"...can you please stop that?" Canas asked.

"Sorry, it's just that I'm allergic to bullshit." I said.

The mod glared at me like a scorned woman from a soap opera and said, "You think it's funny don't you?"

"No I did not." I said.

"Laugh again Mr. Tough Guy, even if you do manage to take down this scam, I will create a newer one, the one that can never be stopped...it will be better...stronger...faster..." said Canas.

"I seriously doubt you have six million dollars." I muttered.

The mod laughed.

"It won't be long anyway, especially since I took over the underground distribution of performance enhancing drugs for internet users!"

What Canas said caught my attention so I asked him about the performance enhancing drugs.

"Remember how in NG, people starts racking up portal stats week after week in a phenomenal pace to the point that some were banned under the suspicion of being robot accounts?" he said.

"Truth is, those drugs are in fact...amphetamine."

"That would explain so much." I said.

"Well, only way for the voters to get that much saves is to stay up all night, the sales tends to be at its highest during Clock Day." said Canas.

"How long have you been doing that?" I asked.

"Since 2012 when I started to spend billions I scammed out of in order to run my business, you see, the performance enhancing drugs are part of the business along with my precious Ponzi scheme." Canas answered.

I face palmed and sighed.

Canas climbs on top of his desk and said, "You may mock me, the thing is this...with hard work, things will pay off in the end, because..." as he takes out a remote and pushed one of the buttons where a music can be heard.

I shook my head and said, "Oh please no...no, no, no, no, no..."

The moderator takes out a cane and puts on a top hand as he begins to dance.

Then he starts signing,

Scam and money...

Scam and money...

Goes together like a bear and honey!

This I tell my mother, "You must have some and then the 'nother!"

"You cheater! You can't do that! CHEATER!" I screamed.

"You could have gone 'You must have some and then another', what the fuck?"

But the mod ignored me and continues to sing a half-baked parody of an old song...

Scam some dummies...

Scam some dummies...

Like a prostitute who wants more money!

Then he leaps right off the desk and hit me in the head with a cane.

"What the..."

Find a local gentry and throw him into penitentiary!

"What does this have to do with anything?"

Canas backflips right into his seat and continues to sing.

Try, try, try to reason with them, still a delusion

Try, try, try to see it's still the final solution

"Something about the last line just doesn't sound right." I said before starting to sing in order to make a rebuttal.

It's not funny, it's not funny...

Shows that you're a dumbass, now that funny!

Canas wasn't amused and said, "Dude, what the hell?"

I flipped him off and continues to sing,

I will tell your mother that you are dumb

You're fucking dumb

Canas angrily butts in and sang,

You can't just come and steal my mother!

"What?!"

The mod jumps right onto his desk and starts to tap dance throughout the musical interlude. I really have to admit, his tap dancing is pretty impressive, must have hired a really expensive choreagrapher.

Try, try, try to reason with them, still a delusion

Try, try, try to see it's still the final solution

"Not again, cheater, lazy cheat!"

Canas glares at me once again and said, "I'm..."

Not a dummy, not a dummy...

Please remember I just need some money!

"I know, I know you broke gigolo." I laughed.

"Shut up!" he yelled.

I jumped onto a chair and sang,

I will tell your mother what you have done...

Canas falls right off his desk as I continue.

What you have done...

"No, please don't tell her, it'll break her heart!" Canas begged.

He tries to tackle me but I ducked before heading toward his laptop where I would send an e-mail to his mom.

What you have done will hurt your mother!

Knowing that Canas would get up in time, I could only send a short message that reads, "Canas bad!"

"You bastard!" the moderator yelled as he threw a chair at me, only to hit the window right next to me. That's when I got up and take a look out the window where I learn that Canas' office is that the second floor, in fact the death trap corridors did lead up at first but after the rollercoaster ride, it heads down toward the underground.

Guess it does make sense since there's no way the building would be this big.

The moderator punch me in the face but as soon as I recovered, I got up and jump kicked him in the stomach.

"Come on Canas, you can do better than that!" I taunted.

Canas got up and tries to bull rush me but I stepped aside and he crashed his head right through the window. I grabbed him by his hair and slams his head into the wall, creating a huge dent. Afterward, I start landing several punches all over the moderator's upper body before knocking him out with a chair to the head, placing the inept mod out of commission.

After beating up Canas, I open up the drawer in his desk and found some bags of gold coins along with stacks of trading cards. I took some bags and a deck of cards I chosen from the stacks before calling the police. Then I left the phone on the desk, making it easier for them to trace the call until I realize that Canas didn't get to tell me the secret passageway.

I tried to wake up the unconscious moderator to no avail, so I decided to search the room before the police arrives. Spending minutes doing so, I knew there wasn't enough time so I decided to leave the place the old fashioned way, by going through the corridors of death traps. Seeing that I made my way through the first time up, it should be easier the second time around.

Turns out it wasn't the case since I have forgotten most of the death traps I went through but with the money I stole from Canas, this time I didn't have trouble with the potion vendors as I was able to pay them back. Going through the death traps are just as painful as the first time when I tried to get to Canas' office, making me wish that I hadn't knocked him out.

After going through and performing series of ridiculous stunts in order to leave the place, I finally found my way back to the familiar corridor where I remember the arrow that shoots out and had the sense to duck before approaching the exit.

Once I made my way through the door, I stretched my arms and yelled in relief.

It's been a very exhausting day, both mentally and physically, like taking a biology exam.

"It's finally over!" I thought.

If only...if only...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 17th, 2013


One day, TheKlown ordered a medicine ball because he saw how massive it is and wanted to play with it. In fact, seeing how soft it is, TheKlown thinks it would be really bouncy like a handball.

Once the medicine ball arrived, TheKlown opened the box and squee like a yaoi fangirl while watching Boku No Pico (also his favorite show).

"Oh yes, my ball have arrived, my ball have arrived, I can finally play with my ball!" he yelled.

"Shut up you faggot!" he neighbor yelled.

"No you shut up and stop being little people!" TheKlown yelled back.

Hearing this, the confused neighbor said, "What?"

For hours, TheKlown would bounce the medicine ball like a basketball and even threw it to the wall. But then suddenly, his precious ball started to crack.

Angered by this, TheKlown screamed.

"WHY? YOU RIP OFF ARTIST! ARGRGAGRARGGRARARGAGRGRAGRARGAGRAGRARGRGARGAG!!!"

Then the idiot stormed out of his house screaming about the "defective" medicine ball.

"Oh god shut up already you idiot!" one of the bystanders yelled.

"NO YOU SHUT UP!" TheKlown screamed.

"No seriously, we're tired of you, cut it already!"

TheKlown flopped to the ground and screamed, "STOP BEING LITTLE PEOPLE, STOP BEING LITTLE PEOPLE, I CAN TEAR YOUR HEAD YOU CRACKERS!"

"I'm not white you dumbass."

Then one of the passerbys came and said, "What's with this kid?"

"He's a local retarded kid who lives down the street, he does this all the time, don't worry, give him few minutes and he'll spaz himself to sleep." the bystander answered.

Then a random stranger wearing a blue leather jacket and jeans came in.

"Seeing the problem this kid is causing, I'll might as well put him out of his misery as a duty as a successor of a famous martial art." he said.

The bystander yelled, "WTF? It won't work..."

It's already too late as the martial art master went "WATATATATATATATATATA!!!" on TheKlown, only to learn that the pressure point assault have no effect on him.

"Wha...why?"

The bystander sighed and said, "For this to work, the target has to have all organs...this kid was born with a serious medical condition which caused him to lack much of an important organ..."

"Oh, that explains everything...sucks for the kid." said the martial art master.

Then everybody went home and lived happily ever after...except for TheKlown who would go on to spend the rest of his life in the insane asylum, too bad they gave him internet access for some reason, oh well.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 6th, 2013


Left off from page 1...

"You do you manage to afford all these, some of these things doesn't even exist!" I yelled.

"Oh, you'd be surprised although I have already surprised you more than enough but if you can survive these, then I guess I can let you in on a little secret I suppose."

"Are you trying to seduce me? I don't swing that way but thanks."

The overlord chuckled and said, "No, no I'm not trying to seduce you, I am offering you a position that can make you rich beyond your wildest dreams, you could even have anything you wanted if you're willing to accept."

"Go on." I said.

"The position will put you among the top ranking amongst my men, you can control the security whom you have just defeated and in return, you can have thirty percent of what we will take over!"

I thought about it, I mean it is a pretty generous offer but in the end...

"Sorry, I don't want it." I answered.

"I see, very well then but before I let you go, let's have a talk and see if I can still change your mind. First, put your gun down, I'm not going to threaten you or anything, it's just a friendly talk among us men as I'm willing to let you enter the room."

I backed away to let the door swing open slowly.

"It's been a while, still think I'm a idiotically inept moderator?"

Seeing the person behind all this, I became stunned and it would take a while for me to regain my composure in order for me to blurt out the name of the mastermind of the blackout.

"Canas?"


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 6th, 2013


Mentally exhausted, I lay down on the bed despite being fully healed.

"You know I can't let you leave yet, potions won't fill you up and you have to eat." the potion lady said.

This raises another question at that point.

She gave me a bowl of gruel and told me to eat up, but I didn't like the look of the contents in the bowl, I mean I thought I saw something moved. Seeing the stern look on her face, I forced myself to drink it and surprisingly, it didn't taste half-bad, just bland.

After finishing the bowl, I waited awhile for the gruel to settle further into my digestive system before I could move on. Then I took off the bandages, put my shirt back on, and went to look for my jacket but wasn't able to find it.

"It's okay, you can't go without paying so I'm taking your jacket as a payment." said the potion lady.

I nodded and shrugged.

We bid farewell and I exited the room to enter the sixteenth level of hell.

It wasn't so much of a corridor than a canyon where the bottom is covered with bed of spikes. I saw a rope and realized what to do so I grabbed on to one and swung myself to the nearest platform.

To tell you the truth, it's kind of fun, the healing potion and the gruel I had must have reinvigorated me.

After taking a piss, I zipped my pants and swung myself to the end of the room where in excitement, I made a Tarzan cry before slamming myself into a wall right above the entrance.

Upon entering the room to the seventeenth level of hell, to my surprise the stairs led downward rather than upwards like the predecessor has. After walking down the long spiral staircase, I came across a corridor with floor decorated with an electonic hopscotch...

I wasn't sure what was going on there but as soon as I took a step, a music begin to play and that's when I realize the hopscotch is in fact a Dance Dance Revolution. Unlike most other corridors, this one isn't a trap, it's a test to see if you're good enough to pass so the door will open. If you failed, you have to go back and try again until you get it right, making this one the most exhausting out of all the corridors I went through.

But the song they chose had to be "Cotton-Eyed Joe"!

Remembering what was at stake, I sucked it up and concentrate on the screen installed right above the sealed entrance. It took me over a dozen tries to achieve over eighty percent accuracy on the song in order to pass (even taking a break in between), finally allowing me to pass through the entrance. After recovering not long ago, it didn't take long for me to become worn out.

After spending time to recover, I got up and head toward the eighteenth level of hell where the corridor was completey covered with ice. The door slammed as soon as I entered the corridor and slipped. The refridgeration suddenly begins and could see the chilling mist pouring down from the ceiling as the motor sound grew louder by the minutes.

I kept on slipping and knew that if I don't get to the end of this corridor, I would freeze.

I tried to grab onto one of the blocks of ice to help myself up, only for it to slide away. Then I pushed myself to the side of the corridor where I would try to grab onto whatever was on the wall, only to realize that the walls are completely covered with smooth layer of ice as well. Then an idea came up and I pushed myself back to the entrance from where I entered the corridor. Positioning myself on the back, I put my feet onto the door to push myself away from the entrance where I would slide all the way to the other side.

I grabbed the bar in front of the door and saw a small screen with a question which indicates that it's a touch screen.

It asked, "During the Trojan War, prior to Achilles' death, whose armor was one of the prizes in the competition?"

I typed in "Sarpedon"

Then the next question, "What is the freezing temperature?"

I typed in "32 °F" and it was ruled incorrect!

I was surprised, how can it be wrong? Then I remember that there was the unit of measurement for temperature that is used by the majority of the world which in turn gives me a hint who the "overlord" is.

I typed in "0 °C" and the next question comes up as I started to sneeze.

"What Batman character did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill in 1997?"

I typed in "Mr. Freeze" and finally the door opens.

I made my way in and started to sneeze uncontrollably before I could really proceed to the next corridor. After spending time pressing one of my nostrils close in order to blow out the runny mucus from my nose, I did the same to the other before wiping them with my shirt.

Not sure why one of the question wasn't ice related but whatever, moving onto the nineteenth level of hell, I walked down the stairs where the corridor has walls built with flamethrowers blowing from both sides, making this one the closest to live up to its nickname I gave it. I was intimidated at first until I notice how they didn't fire at the same time, indicating that there's a certain timing and patterns involved.

Knowing that if I were to get through this corridor of hell, I would have to time the pattern correctly or I'd be torched.

Spending some time reading the pattern, I made sure to check several times before I could step in. I ran past the first flamethrower just before it fires and stood in the direction of the second before heading to the third. Then once the second flamethrower stopped, I leaped back as the third fires a scorching hot flame right in front of me for few seconds before I could move past it. While standing in the direction of the fourth flamethrower, I became unsure because from the angle I was standing while reading the pattern, you know that I could get the bird eye's view as there's no platform for me to stand on so I had to take a guess.

Needless to say, I looked at the fourth flamethrower and realized that it was going to fire at me. After jumping out of the way into the path of the third, I made a run for it before stopping in front of the flames fired by the sixth, stranding me in the path of the fifth as the flames from behind blocked the path there too. It gets worse from here, after moving to the path of the seventh flamethrower, I was grazed in the back by the sixth causing me to run toward the wall of fire from the eighth flamethrower without thinking...

It does looked like I had a reprieve when the eighth flamethrower stopped and as I tried to run past the ninth and final flamethrower, I was immediately hit and for that time I thought I was cooked. I wasn't sure what happened after that by I fell and struggled to get out of the pool of water in the room at the end of the nineteenth corridor before realizing that it's shallow enough for me to stand on. This pretty much indicated that the overlord didn't feel confident in his own ability to get through the hellish corridor as well so he apparently had the small pool installed just in case.

It was refreshing for a while, but as I tried to get out, the pool floor tilts and I slid down right into the chamber where a rubber life raft would suddenly appear from the bottom, carrying me into the tunnel. I wasn't sure where the current was taking me but once the raft stopped to an abrupt halt, I climbed to the port and saw the raft sunk into the bottom as it begin to move back out of the tunnel.

Looking around, I found the door with a sign that reads, "Boss Only!"

Thinking that I have finally made it, I opened the door, climbed up the stairs where I became disappointed as it would turn out, there's another corridor and this time there's a wimpy looking man sitting on the floor meditating.

"So, you must be the intruder I heard so much about, it's quite an accomplishment but this is as far as you can go!" he said.

That's when I knew he's not the potion vendor.

"I couldn't believe it when I received a text message from the potion brothers who told me about a guy who stiffed them, only one who made it that far was the overlord but that was before he had the passageway that gave hi-err...forget what I just said okay?"

My eyebrows raised.

"No, it's nothing, forget it, let's fight!"

I shrugged since I figure I could just ask the overlord about the passageway.

The wimpy guard threw a weak punch and I just slapped it away like a fly trying to fly toward me.

"Okay, time for my secret technique!" he said before making a series of poorly imitated martial art which made the poor bastard look like a monkey having seizures. I punched him in the face and he fell.

As he got up, the guard has a smile on his face.

"Have you realize what you have done, this is my true ability after all!" he laughed.

All of a sudden, I felt like I have been punched in the face!

I wiped my face and rubbed my nose while wondering what just happened.

"You haven't figure it out have you, everything you threw against me, you'll feel the same pain!"

I cleared my throat and quietly said, "If that's the case, then let's see how much you can take it!" with a grin.

I start beating him while taking damages from my own punches at the same time. Once it was over, the guard passed out while I collapsed from the pain all over my body, especially after making a mistake of kicking him in the crotch while forgetting his special ability.

I slowly got up and stumbled into the room where there's a young man running the potion stand who looked at me in surprise.

"You must be the guy who stiffed my brothers from before."

I nodded.

"Awesome, I got just the thing for you!" he yelled enthusiastically which took me by surprise, I mean wasn't he supposed to be mad?

"The overload never bought anything from me because oh you know, he stocked up from what be bought from my brothers and time after time they would rub it in my face and you know how tough it is being the youngest sibling don't you?"

"Not really." I said.

"Oh...okay then, but anyway, in return for stiff my brothers, here is something you may need along the way." he said.

The vendor gave me a belt and continues, "This belt can hold up to five bottles of potions so you won't have to go through the trouble of trying to hold on to the bottles themselves and notice how I gave you three of them, they're free!"

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it but the next time we meet, you have to pay if you want more bottles." said the vendor.

I nodded and bid each other farewell.

Entering the twenty-first level of hell, I came across another guard, this time in a ninja getup.

"Who are you supposed to be?" I asked.

"Mock me all you want, but in the end I will be the one to do the mocking as you lay down in pain as your life slowly expires!" the ninja laughed.

"I wasn't mocking you, I was j-" just as the wind blew by me and felt something slashed through my legs. Screaming in pain, I could barely stay on my feet what watching the blood soaking through my jeans.

I recognized that style...

Clenching my teeth, I said, "You...just...used..."

The ninja laughed and yelled, "That's right, I practice a style of martial arts known as Nanto Sei Ken!"

"I knew it!" I thought.

The style of that martial art was made famous by the manga "Hokuto no Ken" where there were fighters who practices it would slash the opponents from the outside, even slicing them into ribbons, contrasting the style employed by the protagonist (which tends to be extremely gory and much more messier). As I can recall, this particular technique was famously employed by a homosexual.

When facing a person who has that technique, there is one rule, DO NOT STAND YOUR GROUND!

As the ninja guard starts sending several more waves toward me, I jumped right over it and ran toward the person where I knocked him down with a punch. After beating him to a pulp, I thought it was over when the ninja guard slashed my legs once again and said, "I just severed your femoral artery on each legs, even if you get past me, you won't go very far."

Remembering the potion the vendor gave me, I grabbed the bottle and quickly drained it down to the last drop. After waiting a few minutes for the wounds to heal, I still had to sit on the ground for a while for my blood to replenish as well since the full effect of the potion takes time. It was a good thing the ninja guard passed out from the wounds I dealt him or otherwise he could have finished me off as I was drinking.

Just as I was ready to leave, the ninja guard woke up and said, "You're fortunate to have that potion or otherwise you'd be dead."

"Still fighting?" I asked.

"No, this time I admit defeat, it is honorable of you to not use that weapon and for that, my respect grows."

Stunned, I said, "Um...okay."

As I was moving on, I started to think about whether I should have told him the truth, but decided against it since I didn't have the heart to tell him that I forgot that I have a gun with me or otherwise, I would have used it from the start, saving me the trouble against him.

After patting the gun on my holster, I headed into the twenty-second level of hell where there's a seemingly empty corridor but after noticing the sides, I wonder what could be set up in order to trap me in there.

At first, I threw a pebble into the ground, but nothing happened, even tried tapping my foot on it with the same exact result. Afterward, I dashed toward the end of the corridor knowing that there is a good chance if I stopped, something might happen. Even as the floor started to rumble I still kept on running although the corridor is just as long as the eighth corridor which makes it difficult to make it to the end.

Toward the end, I stumbled and nearly fell off the steep edge before recovering to make the jump before the rising floor could crush me in the ceiling. However, upon landing, I felt a pop on both knees and felt a sharp pain on each of them. Unable to take such pain, I popped open another bottle of potion and gulped it down, only to have some liquid fall right into my windpipe.

After accidentally spitting out some of the potion and spend several minutes coughing, I had to clear my throat for a while before I could finish up the rest of the potion in the bottle, leaving my knees only mostly healed, which is still good enough.

Entering the twenty-third level of hell, there's a narrow bridge over the bottomless pit. What makes it dangerous wasn't just that the bridge didn't have handrails, it's that once I started to walk on the bridge, several ghosts would rise from the pit and got on my face saying something in order to make me fall. I knew in order to get to the other side, I have to stay steady because if I run, you know what happens.

The ghosts would becomes louder and louder as I became closer to the end of the bridge. Once I finally made it to the other side, the ghosts suddenly vanished which led me to believe that there may have been some buttons in the bridge to set up the hologram.

As I enter what would turn out to be the final corridor, just like before, there's a man guarding the door.

"Y-you came that far? H-h-how did you..." he stammered.

"You seem nervous, even I wasn't that bad while making a presentation during college class," I said.

"Y-you have no idea, having t-t-to guard there...for that long, hehehe..."

Creeped out, I said "Okay then, what are you supposed to do?"

"We play a game..." he answered.

"What?"

"It's easy...p-paper beats rock...rock...beats scissors...and scissors beats paper, that's how it goes!" he said with a smile which creeped me out even further.

"Beat me three times...you may pass."

"That sounds simple enough." I said despite being somewhat unsure of myself.

"If you lose, you may try again but...win or lose, it won't happen..." he said.

As soon as the game began, it started out with series of stalemates.

No really, I didn't think it's remotely possible but or minute after minute, it was like the guy was able to read my hand movements. I even tried five scissors in a row and yet the results are the same time after time after time. After using just about every mix I can think of in order to throw the guy off, I had to stop for a minute in order to think what I was supposed to do.

Knowing that the final guard seems to have an ability to read hand movements, something must be done in order to beat him. I thought about pulling out a gun and shoot him, but I decided that I wanted to beat him at his own game instead, I mean shooting him would be way too messed up and that's coming from someone who would have used Action Replay to cheat on Pokemon in order to get a shiny Pokemon if given the chance to do so.

Not willing to step away from the challenge, I said, "Hey, how many ties did we hit so far?"

"29!" he answered.

"29 and counting, not going to end anytime soon!"

I sighed and sat on the floor thinking about the plan to fake him out, only to find myself talking to...myself once again.

"There's got to be away...he's not going to keep forcing me into a stalemate any longer!"

"Oh yes I can!" the guard sang.

"Oh shut up!" I yelled.

I tried to concentrate, hoping to find a way to counter the guy's reading of my hand movements when I fell asleep. I dreamt that I was in a "Old Master Q" cartoon movie where the main character and Mr. Chiu were trying to force each other into testing a time machine that injured Big Potato and Mr. Nobody. In the end, Old Master Q was able to fake him out by using a thought bubble where...well, that's where I woke up and the rest was a bit hazy afterward since it's been years since I last watched that cartoon.

However, I did found out couple of ways to fake out the guard, but decided that I'll have to wait aft first, can't give it away too soon or it'll be wasted. Either way, there's no way I will let the stalemate reach one hundred times in a row, especially after watching that episode of "The Regular Show".

"Okay bud, I'm ready and this time I can guarantee that I will end the stalemate and win three times!" I boasted.

The guard laughed and said, "Just try...I like to see you try!"

Guess he dropped the act.

"Okay then!"

I cracked my fingers and said, "Bring it on!"

It started off like this, scissor vs. scissor, paper vs. paper, rock vs. rock, paper vs. paper, paper vs. paper, rock vs. rock, paper vs. paper, rock vs. rock, rock vs. rock, scissor vs. scissor, scissor vs. scissor, rock vs. rock, rock vs. rock, paper vs. paper, paper vs. paper, paper vs. paper and vice versa. The stalemate would continue when my hand slowly opened up just before the tool we choose was thrown.

"The stalemate will last forever!" the guard laughed, reminding me of a crazy woman from Umineko.

After few more paper stalemate, on the next match up, I threw in a scissor at the last second, beating his paper.

"What?! That's impossible, I should have caught that!" he yelled.

"Not really, there's a reason why I slowly opened up my hand as time went by, that way it'll become tougher to see whether if it's a paper or a scissor since they're closer to each other than rock is to either of them." I said.

"Ha! You gave it away, now I can see what you will do later on since you only won one, you need two more but that'll never happen!" he yelled.

"So what? You would have figured it out anyway, after this it's all a matter of crap shoot." I yawned.

Before continuing our match, I walked away and crouched down on the floor thinking about what I should do. Remembering the fake out from Old Master Q cartoon movie, I got up and walked back to the guard, saying, "Ready for the second round?"

"Okay!"

"Rock, scissor, paper!"

He threw a scissor while I threw a rock.

"WHAT? NO WAY!" the guard screamed.

I laughed and said, "Worried yet?"

"It's not over yet, you still need one more win!" the guard growled.

Just as we were about to throw our hand, suddenly, our fingers stopped mid-way in hesitation.

I yelled, "What the hell?"

The guard was puzzled as well.

I didn't get it, I'm leading two to nil, I shouldn't worry about this.

"I get it, you're worried about choking!" the guard said.

"What?"

"Few years ago I was watching an air hockey tournament on ESPN, I always thought you looked familiar but it turns out you're the guy who blew a huge lead in each four sets, since then you just disappeared."

I became silent, he actually watched that? I didn't think people would actually watch that crap but to think that it was aired on ESPN...I know they air poker but still, I couldn't believe it.

Then he continues, "Then again, you came out of nowhere and somehow knocked off several contenders including the defending champion that time in the early rounds, guess lighting can only strike once."

Truth to be told, what happened in that air hockey tournament few years ago had nothing to do with my hesitation, I didn't even remember until he went and brought it up. I even tried to tell him that but...

"Yeah sure, maybe if I can keep up the stalemate...maybe you will lose after all, after all you're all out of tricks aren't you?" the guard laughed.

"There's one more..." I said.

"What is it?" the guard asked with a smirk.

"A ROCK!" as I punched him in the face.

Remember the stuff I said about beating him at his own game? I already beat him twice so I decided to screw the third one.

After beating his head in with a rock, I entered through the door and to my relief, the corridors and death traps I had to go through, it's finally over. At the same time I was also surprised, the place's a luxury!

I entered the lounge room and looked at the clock, confirming what I have thought all long, it's already too late as it's been over seven hours even since I entered the corridors. Feeling depressed, I sat on the sofa where I would fall asleep once again, only to be awaken by the sound of someone yelling, scaring me into thinking that I might have been caught.

Turns out while they did found me out as the guard I knocked out earlier woke up and alerted the others inside the luxury room, they haven't discovered me yet. So I stretched and made my move to avoid getting caught.

Then suddenly, remembering all the potion I drank from before, I needed to use the restroom so I sprinted to each room before finally coming across the men's room. I entered the bathroom stall and proceed to relax. Behind the closed door of the bathroom stall, I could hear couple of guards entering the room and stood in front of the stall I happened to be in, talking to each other.

"Can you really believe this? No one else have made it past all these since the overlord had the secret passage built for his and ours convenience, in fact we were among the chosen by the overlord because he trusted us to protect him and yet..."

"I know, but it's not going to matter, while someone did slipped by somehow, we can't let him get away or we'll get it for sure!"

They would continue to chat for several more minutes before leaving. making it safe for me to come out. After washing my hands, I peered out of the entrance to look around just to make sure there aren't any guards looking for me. Once knowing that the coast was clear, I got out and climbed up the stairs to the upper level of the room.

Feeling hungry, I went to the kitchen and found boxes of instant grits.

Just when I was ready to help myself to a meal, one of the guards entered the kitchen and said, "So there you are, to think you're making a dinner, what a mistake."

I watched as he pulls out a gun and said, "Don't think about beating me in a duel, no one have ever outdrawn me before and every single kills I had were given the Moe Greene Special, really leaves a mark."

"So you get your kicks from shooting someone in the eye?" I said.

He smiled and replied, "I made sure to keep track of each and every one of my kills, all one hundred thirty three of them in the eye, it's a shame that you would fall by your own stupidity all because you think about your stomach. You should have thought about your eye as well as your life."

"It's time for the Moe Greene Special..."

Before he could do so, I gave him the Al Green Special, leaving him screaming from the burns of the hot boiling grits. After knocking him out with a frying pan, I ran out of the kitchen and hid in one of the rooms as several guards came to the eye-shooter's aid.

Knowing that the guards would search high and low in this place, I had to keep on moving.

As soon as the guards enters the room, I hid under the table covered with cloth.

"Hey Don, be sure to check under the table!"

CRAP!

I scampered from under the table and in a split second, leaped right over the sofa in order to hide behind.

"What was that?"

"I don't know, it's like a wind just blew or something."

"Maybe it's a ghost?"

"Don't be silly, remember the last time we told called the overlord about this? If he finds out we have been drinking again, he'll have us whipped with a belt!"

As they were bickering, I found another stairs and made my way up where it leads to another hall. Having to time to think about what could lie ahead, I sprinted down the corridor where I would meet a familiar face.

Not many know his name but he was known by his preferred internet moniker, "The Klown" (I recognized him by his name tag, pseudo-gangsta getup, and a Philadelphia Eagles cap). It's a very fitting name for him because more often than not, many of the things he would post are befitting of a, what do you think? A clown.

He's also known to threaten people online whenever someone insults him or calls him out for rubbish posts he would make. It's because of his actions, the clown would get a weekly ban each month by the moderators.

He was asleep when I got there but the creak on the floor caused him to shot awake screaming, "THE ANSWER'S 12!" before looking around to realize that he's not in class.

"Who the fuck are you?" he yelled.

Seeing that he didn't know who I am, I decided to have fun by messing with him.

"So we meet again clown, once I'm finished I will finish my shift operating the crane."

Klown's face reddened with anger and yelled, "POOZY, YOU BASTARD, YOU HAVE BANNED ME FOR NO REASON BUT NOW THAT WE'RE NOT ON THE WEB, I CAN TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF YOU MOFO!"

"I would like to see you try you stupid wigger." I said.

The wigger tried to pull my head off for few minutes, only to tire out.

"Wait for a minute." he said.

I watched in disbelief as the clown starts tearing his shirt off while screaming like Bobcat Goldthwait getting his nuts ripped off. Once it was over, the clown grinned and said, "Now it's time!"

He tried to pull my head off again with the same result.

"Enter ban land!" I said.

I slapped the idiot with my left hand and he twirled to the floor.

"Whoa...that doesn't hurt you faggot!"

I sighed and said, "Riiight!"

The clown tried to attack me but then I slapped him again, causing him to turn and run into the wall.

"C'mon you clown, is that the best you can do? I thought you're going to tear my head off!" I said in a mocking tone.

The clown got up and said, "You white trash...he only reason you think you can treat people like shit on Newgrounds is because you give the website money."

Caught by surprise, I said,"What? First of all, I'm not white and..." when that idiot cut me off.

"You think that give you the right to belittle people," he continued.

"I only belittle you."

"But you're nothing but trash and face to face you would easily get you racist ass beat by me."

"Um...who's beating who? Not to mention as I recall, you posted quite a nasty stuff on the Trayvon Zimmerman thread."

The clown then screamed, "SHUT UP YOU FAGGOT OBAMA LOVER, IMMA KICK YO ASS!"

That comment came out of nowhere.

The clown would charge toward me and I struck a blow onto his chest, knocking him down.

"I'm not left handed." I said.

"SHUT UP, THAT MOVIE SUCKED!" he screamed.

I kicked him and instantly, he screamed.

"Notice how your pain became worse? I just struck a pressure point in your chest, now all your nerves are exposed!" I said.

"YOU BASTARD!"

"Guess I struck a nerve." I said with a chuckle.

"HOOOOOOOW? SINCE THE LAST ECLIPSE, ALL THE WEIRD SUPER POWER SHIT ARE GONE...THIS IS BULLSHIT!" the clown screamed again.

"Oh I know a guy who knew that move back in Minneapolis, long story..." I said just before kicking the idiot just to make him suffer.

"OH GOD, IT'S LIKE MY BODY'S COVERED WITH BARE NERVES!"

"That's the point when I hit that pressure point," I said before being interrupted by the screaming.

"...anyway, time to really put this one to a test."

I pulled out a gun and shot him in the knee, causing the annoying forum poster to scream even louder, nearly deafening me in the process.

"God really? You sounded like your nuts have been lopped off, speaking of..."

I kicked him in the groin with the same result.

After he was done screaming, I crouched down in front of the suffering clown and said, "Just to let you know, it's not superpower or magic, ever heard of acupuncture?"

As I got up, I stepped on the clown's head and started to grind my sneaker, causing him to tearfully beg me to stop. Starting to feel bad, I stopped and took out the last bottle of potion, waving it above his head.

"This could heal you and once that's done, I could hit the pressure point again to cancel the effect that I just activated on your body." I said.

Klown sobbed, "T-thank you..." just before I dropped the bottle right in front of him.

"Oops, that's too bad, it's the last bottle I have." I said before breaking into laughter.

I watched as the poor bastard began to lap on the floor like a dog hoping to get enough to heal up his knee. Once again I placed my foot onto his head and pushed it down on the puddle.

I know I was being a dick but after going through a series of deathtraps, it felt great, not to mention torturing that piece of shit who have been posting crap on the boards for years...I needed that release.

It wasn't long until some of the guards showed up and as expected, they were horrified to see what I have been doing to Klown. Knowing that they will make a move, I pointed my gun toward Klown's head and said, "If you make one move toward us, I will make sure that clown's brain will decorate the part of the hall."

"You bastard better not do anything to him!" one of the guards yelled.

"If you kill him, I swear we will make you regret this!"

I smiled as Klown whimpered, "K-kill me..."

"Like hell I will!" I yelled before kicking him in the face.

The guards protested but it didn't matter since they knew better than to do something to save their comrade. Truth is I had no intention to kill him, I got the kicks I needed from the misery I beaten into that clown.

I knelt down and said, "For all the crap you have posted on Newgrounds, just tell me, was it worth it?"

Seeing the teary mess Klown became as well as the snot running out of his nose, I shook my head and sighed. "It's been fun but I have no time for this, farewell!" I said as I use the only other pressure point technique I knew by striking his forehead with my two fingers, knocking him out. I could hear the guards yelling at me but to my surprise, the speaker right next to the door then bellowed, "It's okay guys, don't open fire on our uninvited guest, I have been expecting him."

The guards were taken aback as much as I was.

"Just pick up Klown and leave, our guest didn't kill him so be sure to send him to the hospital where he can recover from his wounds, I'll deal with him myself."

After the guards retrieved Klown, one of them glared at me and said, "You will pay for what you did, the overlord will teach you a lesson that you shall never regret!"

I dug some dried earwax out of my ear and said, "Sure bud, I'll make sure that he does."

"You think that was funny do ya? How about if someone does it to you?"

"Been there and done that about an hour ago."

Angered by what I said, he gave me a shove and in response, I punched him in the face. After a brief scuffle, some of the other guards separated us and said, "Guys, stop it there's no time, we need to get Klown to the hospital and you need to have a meeting with our overlord, there's no time to waste already!"

"Besides, how old are you two? You're not kids!"

Once the guards left, I turned to the door as the speaker then boomed, "I am impressed on how you have managed to get there in spite of the traps that led to this room, even I had times where I nearly regret having them built."

"However, it's been a while since I last went through that place now that I had no need to risk my life due to the passageway built in my office."

My eyebrows raised and I said, "So it's true, you must have made sure to choose the most trusted men in your inner circle to accompany you as well."

"Correct." said the overlord.

http://idiot-finder.newgrounds.com/news/post/865120


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 26th, 2013


The fifth corridor seems relatively normal but I knew better.

I checked around to see if there's a button that might trigger the death trap but could find any. With that I dug into my pocket and fished out a penny, toss it into the floor, and few seconds later, the floor sunk few feet below and was quickly filled with boiling green liquid. I looked at the penny I threw and the coin started to melt away like a gummy bear being dissolved in a cup of hot water.

I leaned against the wall on the side and carefully move on the thin strip of the ground that happens to be inches above the acid. I had to move slowly or otherwise I could have fallen and there are several occasions where I nearly slipped. After making it to the other end of the corridor, I walked into the entrance on my way to the sixth level of hell.

This corridor would prove to be by far the toughest one of all, not because it's the last one where it tends to be the most difficult, it's because you'll never know what lies ahead.

At first I fished out another coin from my pocket, toss it into the ground, and waited for few seconds. After few seconds it became few minutes, after few minutes it became several minutes which is then followed by another few more minutes, but nothing happened!

But I still felt that there's a catch when it comes to walking down this corridor so I looked around but didn't see anything moving. Still, I couldn't take chances just yet, what if a trap springs up in the last second?

There's got to be a catch!

I picked up a small rock and toss it into the corridor and nothing still happened.

After deciding that I waited long enough, I took one slow step with the same result. After taking another step, I carefully walked along the corridor when I heard a snap, causing me to retreat back in a matter of seconds.

It turns out the sound came from the rock I accidentally kicked, making it sounded like something snapped.

Once I got back to the corridor, I walked slowly and carefully, hoping that the trap won't come up. As I nervously paced toward the other end of the corridor, all I could hear is series of echos from my own foot steps. By the time I made halfway through the corridor, I suddenly couldn't take it anymore and dashed to the entrance at the end of the corridor, making my way to the seventh level of hell.

As I would realize, there's nothing strange about the sixth corridor, no traps and everything. All that time I have been freaking out for nothing when I could have just walked through without trouble. However, at the same time when considering what happened in the previous encounters I had, this was unexpected and made me believe that maybe this is the end.

But as the seventh corridor would reveal, it wasn't the case.

The seventh level started out the same way as the previous one and I started to relax until I made halfway through when I heard a loud tumbling sound. I turned around and saw the hold in the ceiling just in front of the entrance I came in minutes earlier. Soon a large rolling boulder came down and started to roll toward me like in the Indiana Jones movie.

After narrowly escaping from the rolling boulder, I climbed up the stairs and headed to the eighth level of hell. The eighth corridor is by far the longest one and forgetting to be wary of what could happen, I walked right in. Minutes into the path, I notice the corridor started to become narrower by each step and stopped for a moment where I realize that the walls are slowly closing into each other!

I made a run for it and by halfway, my arms could feel the wall pressing in and I had to raise them up in order to create more space for my sides. As I get closer to the other end, I turned in order to squeeze through and was able to make it through seconds before the walls closed in.

Mentally and physically exhausted from the ordeal, once again I had to stop and rest up for a moment before moving into the next level of hell.

As I entered through the small room and onto the ninth corridor where much of the floor happens to be covered with glowing blue bed of spikes. Not sure why the spikes glowed but one thing is for certain, I do not want to find out. There are some small uncovered spaces admist the spikes and knowing that in order to get to the end of that corridor, I would have to hop onto the space and try not to fall or make a misstep. Fortunately, some of the empty spaces are close by together so all I had to do was to walk over the glowing spikes.

The real problem was the last few spaces as they are too wide apart for me to walk over, forcing me to jump. Once I reached the last empty space, I looked up and realize that reaching the other side without touching the glowing spikes is the toughest part as it is few feet from where I am at this point. I dove toward the entrance and made it...but the next problem was that not only the spiral stairwell goes down, each of the steps sunk in, causing me to slide down head first right into the darkness until...I reached the flat ground.

I got up and wondered where I was went the floor suddenly tilt, causing another slide, this time into a tunnel where I could see a light ahead. Then I realized to my horror, the tunnel leads out of the building!

I dug the heel of my sneakers on the stony tunnel to slow down my slide and quickly turned around before I could get shot right out like a garbage from a garbage chute.

After climbing my way back up, I realize that it wasn't the same room I slid down from before. Somehow I ended up in a different room and became confused for a while until I heard someone yelling, "Hey boy, want to buy something!"

Turns out there's another potion vendor in this building.

"It's impressive how you have managed to get that far, only one to do that was the overlord as he comes and goes everyday." said the vendor.

It was a relief to find another living soul in there, especially after being in here for who knows how long and I had a feeling that the deadline have passed a while ago...making it too late for me to stop the blackout. I became at the thought on this until the vendor patted me in the back and said, "Don't be down boy, a little of these potion can cheer you up."

Then he stopped for a while which was then followed by minutes of awkward silence.

"Wait a minute, sometime ago I received a message from this strange device (iPhone) that someone stiffed him...it was you wasn't it?"

The vendor walked back to his stand and opens the box where he takes out an axe.

"You better get out of my sight or I'll chop ya!" he yelled.

I backed away and ran.

Later I entered a room that has six entrances, making me wonder how is it possible for anybody to not notice something about this building, I mean it's huge!

I had a strange feeling about that fact.

Looking at the entrances, I scraped the floor with the tip of my sneaker in front of the one I was going to enter knowing that one of them might lead to the right path. Never thought it would turn out to be a maze though.

After getting lost for I don't know how long, I made my way back and found myself in the entrance next to the one where I marked it. After marking the one I came out of, I enter the next one with the same result.

This would leave two entrances.

I entered one and...nearly got myself killed!

What happened was that the entrance started out as a maze like the others, but the walls are completely decorated with rusted razor blades. I had to move slow and steady in order to avoid getting cut. After several turns and dead ends, I finally made my way out of the maze, only to find the window that leads to outside, reminding me of the slide incident and shuddered at the thought of what happened.

As I turned to head back, the path I came from was closed!

I had no idea what was going on since I didn't recall a door in the maze, but at the same time another path was opened. Having nothing to lose, I entered that part of the maze and made sure to avoid getting cut by rusty blades. All of a sudden, I tripped on a dead rat and fell with my face less than an inch away from the wall covered with blades.

Minutes later, I was carefully navigating my way through the deadly maze when I met a dead end in which the term became almost literal when the wall started to fall toward me. I was able to push the wall away from me, causing it to topple onto the others like a stack of dominos, freeing me from the maze but at the same time, it left some gashes on my hands as well.

Making my way out of this room, I knew where to go as the remaining entrance is pretty much the only choice I have. Trying to ignore the pain in my hands, I didn't pay attention to the corridor I was sprinting down until I heard something swishing behind me. Not wanting to take any chances by stopping, I kept on going until I made it to the end of the corridor where I felt pains on my right arm and saw several small arrows sticking right through the sleeve of my jacket. I winced each time I pulled an arrow out of my arm until last one of them were gone and that's when I felt the pain on my sides as well, making me realize that I was also hit in the both sides of my torso!

I wasn't sure to whether I count the maze as one of what I would dub as "Levels of Hell" so I consider it as 9.5 with the one after that as the tenth. On the eleventh corridor, with my blood bleeding through the jacket, I could feel the warm liquid slowly seeping out and began to feel dizzy but was able to pull myself together with sheer will knowing that I couldn't give up just yet.

As I started to drag myself through the corridor, the floor begins to shake.

I looked down and notice the floor starting to split, revealing a bed of spikes right underneath...

I tried to hurry up but it felt as if my legs became heavier for some reason, slowing me down. Even an attempt to run felt like jogging and it wasn't even halfway when the floor finally became completely separated, leaving me to try to walk on the bed of spikes and hope that none of them will pierce through the sole of my sneakers. Once I got close to the other end of the corridor, I suddenly felt an intense pain on my right foot, causing my tears to run down my face as I looked down to see one of the longer blades on the edge of the bed sticking right through.

The next corridor wasn't much of a corridor at all, it was a ladder I had to climb in order to reach the room at the "other end" if I were to get to the next one up. The stab wound on my foot was unbearable and few times I nearly let go of the ladder as I climbed. After slow and agonizing minutes, I was close to the tunnel where the ladder leads to, only to accidentally let go for a second and fell halfway before I grab ahold of the rung, only for it to come off, causing me to fall a bit further down before I could grab ahold of another one. It would take me a while longer in order for me to get back up before the rung of the ladder started to loosen up and I had to grab onto another one just before it comes off.

Upon making it to the top, there's a tunnel in front and I crawled in where it would reveal to be another maze. As before, I ran into some dead ends and it wasn't easy navigating through several passages let alone retreating back from a dead end with a pain in my foot. At one point I came face to face with an enormous rat who at first was sniffing at my nose, then it bit me in the nose and I yelled. The rat then runs off for a bit before coming back and I think it was taunting me before turning back to leave, turns out it came to fetch some friends after me.

After some encounters with a gang of rats (even getting attack by them on several occasions), I finally made my way out of the twelfth level of hell and stumbled into the thirteenth corridor.

Remember how the parents would tell their kids to calm down or that there's nothing to be afraid of while riding on a roller coaster at the amusement park?

This is the thirteenth level of hell.

The corridor has a railroad that extends all the way to the room at the end, as I would learn, through the next corridor as well. The thirteenth corridor isn't the issue for me, in fact, right next to the sixth corridor, it's actually the safest one. When I got in, I made a mistake of putting my right foot down first and I screamed in pain before accidentally slipping out of the railroad car, falling on my back.

Funny thing is that compared to the pain I had on my foot at time, the arrow wounds didn't felt as bad.

After getting into the car, it automatically moved and slowly proceed toward the end of the corridor. It's probably the slowest ride I have to date as it felt like an hour by the time the railroad car made it to the end of the corridor. However, once it passes through the room and into the fourteenth corridor, the car suddenly picked up as I was jerked backward while the vehicle sped right into the darkness. I had no idea what happened but as I could vaguely recall, I tried to hold onto the car only to be dragged, jerked around, tossed, and at one point fell out before landing back into the car. I was both frightened and confused by the experience, even ignoring the pain I had on my left foot for the duration of the ride.

Once it was over, the vehicle stopped right in front of the entrance to the fifteenth level of hell. But it would take a while for me to start moving again as the shock I had kept me frozen. It's also that point that I realize what happened in the thirteenth was meant to lull you into relaxation, causing you to drop your guard until the terror in the pit of fear that is the fourteenth corridor.

This in a way makes the thirteenth corridor much worse than the fourteenth level of hell.

When I tried to climb out of the railroad car, I was still shaking to the point that not only I pissed myself, I also tumbled out and begin to crawl before stopping for minutes just to scape in what was left of my composure.

It would take every once of strength I had just to get up and start limping to the fifteenth level of hell where I could see the the path lined with of all things...rotten durians.

Rotten durians...

FUCKING ROTTEN DURIANS!

I threw up and stumbled backward from the combination of the pain from my injuries and the disgusting smell of the most vile fruit known to mankind, maybe even the entire universe for all I know.

I decided that I couldn't give up just yet, I mean if I'm going to die, there's no way I'm going to die like this. Figuring that what lies beyond that corridor couldn't be any worse than the hall lined with rotten durians, I limped down the corridor before my legs finally gave away. Then I continue to move my crawling toward the other end of the corridor before the pain from my wounds became too great that I passed out just before I could get to the entrance of the room leading to the next corridor.

I don't know how long I was out for but when I woke up, I found myself on a bed made of straws covered with a piece of cloth and heard a voice saying, "Oh, you're up?"

I turned and saw a young woman who looked in her late teens to early 20s in an old medieval peasant garb preparing something in a small pot.

"Couldn't believe that you have made it that far, I didn't believe it when my brother called me about a stranger who stiffed them." she said.

I'm more worried about the fact that while her brothers seems more adapted to modern times judging by their outfits though she seem to know how to use an iPhone as well as they do.

"Stay still, you're not completely healed yet, if you move now, you won't even make it through the next trap."

The bandages on my upper body made it difficult for me to move anyway as well as my right foot that have been bundled up. At least she didn't took off my jeans though I did imagine what would happen had she done so and relaxed for a while until...

"It's finished, be sure to drink the entire bowl so your remaining wounds can finally heal, it works faster than what you took from by brother." the woman said.

The potion tasted nasty but I forced it down knowing that I couldn't wait any longer if I were to bring down the person in charge of all this mess.

"I was also told that your friend contacted the authorities, but the overlord have made sure to cloak the building so it can never be found, I'm sorry."

It does explains a lot, but still...how can he afford these?

It wasn't until it was over that I would find out.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 23rd, 2013


My throat have gotten much better over the last few days and was able to run a bit without making it worse. More importantly, I became ready enough to try to take on the operation that have been going on in the Central Park.

Making sure that I'm armed, I carefully hid the gun so that the people won't notice. Then I got onto the subway train where I would spend time making several line exchanges in order to get to the station close to the park. As I got out, a crowd of people rushed into the train, pushing me back in and I wasn't able to get to the close as it closed just out of my reach. Because of the crowd, I had to wait several more stops before the train eventually clears out enough so I could get out and take a ride back to the park.

At first I had trouble finding the headquarter of the operation since I didn't paid attention when I escaped. I knew I couldn't ask anyone or the reaction is either:

a) "Why are you looking for an oversized shack? You're not doing something suspicious like creating a meth lab are you? If you then stay the hell away from me, I don't want to get dragged into the drug war or something."

b) "Why are you looking for an oversized shack? What's wrong with you? There are certain groups of people who would want to find it, that includes the bums..."

c) "You knew of our operation didn't you? Sorry but I'll have to kill you!"

It's way too risky and I knew it's something I'll have to find all by myself.

Remembering that it wasn't that far from the entrance, I decided to search around that part of the area where I would trip on a horse carcass that was there for some reason.

Not wanting to have anything to do with it, I backed away from the dead horse and ran off. Not long after the discovery, I found the oversized shack, the headquarter of the illegal operation to bring down the city.

First, I had to find a way to get inside.

Then the door opens and I waited behind the tree to see how many people were there, thankfully it's only one. Just as the man was digging into his pocket with a unlit cigarette in his mouth, I quickly subdue him, dragged the unconscious person, bound and gagged with a rope and duct tape, and hid him behind one of the bushes. Then I made my way through the door and it turns out to be a much different building inside than it is from the outside. In fact, it doesn't look anything like a shack...the marble floor is polished and the hall...I couldn't find a word to describe it other than how huge it is.

The shack is in fact a cover to disguise itself so people won't notice.

As I went to look for the stairs, I came across the kitchen and helped myself to one of he sandwiches prepared on the table. After finishing the food, someone covered my mouth from behind and pulled me out of the room.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

I turned and to my relief, it was Coop, an old friend I knew from Newgrounds (though he became much more strict ever since his promotion as a moderator).

I was about to ask Coop what he was doing when...

"Shush, I was send here to go undercover so I can find what these guys are planning and bring them down." he whispered.

"For fuck sake, what the hell are you doing here? It's bad enough that you have a habit of making things worse by putting yourself into trouble and ruined things for everyone, now you're trying to play hero like Zimmerman?"

Then we heard someone coming and we both tried to find a place to hide but it was too late as the two thugs I met few days before and a short old man saw us.

"You! I remember you!" one of them yelled.

"You're the guys who got us beaten few days ago, you're dead now!" the other growled.

Coop pulled out his gun and said, "Dennis, you better stay out of the way, last thing anybody needs is having you to screw things up in a time li-" as he suddenly disappeared.

I looked down and to my horror, I saw a pile of clothes and a gun lying in front of it. Almost immediately after, I saw something inside of Coop's shirt started to move and a frog came out.

I looked up and saw the old man smiling and said, "Your friend is nothing more but a pitiful creature waiting to be squashed!"

Just as he was about to cast a spell on me, I dove out of the way and pulled out my weapon as I fell. I fired blindly and soon, I could hear "Oh my..." followed by a thud and two men screaming.

"No, Pops!"

"Pops, speak to me!"

When I got up, I saw the old man lying in a puddle of blood.

One of the men turned to me and said, "You bastard...not only you've helped humiliated us...you shot pops!"

Then a soft voice said, "Calm down...it's better this way..."

"Pops, why are you saying this?"

"Truth is...the reason why I joined because I've figured that if an intruder comes in, I can finally die at last as I have lived far too long." he said.

"Pops, don't say that!"

If it weren't for the fact that those two enforcers worked for Monsanto, I would have felt a little more sympathy for them.

"It's okay...boy, come here..."

I moved forward.

"Now that you have defeated me, I am free...but there's one thing I have to tell you...the overlord in charge of this...the truth will shock you, be prepared."

Then he coughed out blood and stopped moving.

"What happened?"

I turned around and saw Coop putting his clothes back on with a confused look on his face. Turns out defeating the wizard breaks the spell that was casted on Coop, kind of convenient.

"Can anybody tell me what happened?" he yelled.

I was about to tell him when he said, "You know what? I don't want to know."

I'm with him on that.

The two hired goons looked at me and said, "You go on ahead, we don't care anymore now that Pops is dead, I hate this place!"

Seeing that they were beaten with a belt, can't say I blame them.

Coop called the police and told me to stay put since getting to the person in charge of the operation to wreak havoc onto the city may be too much for us to handle. He had a point, if this person manages to hire a friggin' wizard, what might lie beyond this level?

Then as the goons were about to leave, one of them said, "Before we go, there's something we need to tell you, the boss is planning to create a citywide black at 3:30 p.m. this afternoon."

"What 3:30?" Coop asked.

"The reason is that when school ends at 3, kids would rush home to watch their favorite cartoon shows, just imagine their disappointment once the TV blacks out right in front of them."

"To get to his room, there's a stairwell right next to the entrance that leads to the room, but beware, there are series of death traps that only he can get through, no one else made it past those!"

Then I remembered something, I prerecorded my favorite show at 4!

I ran down the hall and head to the stairwell.

"Where the hell are you going? The tykes crying over their cartoons isn't mean the world will end, come back here!" Coop yelled.

I stormed up the stairs and darted right into the upper floor where everything suddenly dimmed. After few steps into the corridor, something whizzed right past my face and I felt something warm leaking down my cheek. I turned to see an arrow sticking on the wall right next to the door and looked down to find myself standing on a large button that set the trap off.

After carefully navigating myself through the first corridor, I looked carefully to see if there's buttons on the floor as well. Decided that it's safe enough to enter, I stepped into the second corridor and there was a loud slam from behind, the entrance back to the first corridor became sealed shut!

I started to feel nervous but knowing that recording my favorite show is at stake, I couldn't just give up and even if I do, there's no turning back because of what happened.

There was a squeaking sound and I looked down to see a mouse running around when suddenly a bunch of spikes shot up right in front of me!

Once they retracted back to the floor, I fell back and sat there with my body shaking like I have Parkinson's.

Knowing if I try to move forward, I could get skewered, how could I make it through? If the mastermind of this operation somehow made it through, then there's got to be a trick, but what and how?

Looking at the floor carefully, I noticed how the holes from which the spikes would shoot out were inches from each other, I could navigate through them. As I carefully took a step at that part of the corridor, the spikes shot up and I freaked out again. However, I was able to regain my composure and slipped right past the spikes before they could retract back into the floor.

Making my way to the entrance to the next room, I took a deep breath and prepared myself what trap could lie in this area. I walked up the stairs and came across a seemingly empty room. The encounters I had in the last two corridors made me weary enough to know that something might have been up so I picked up a pebble and toss it into the room. At first, nothing seemed to happen but remembering what happened in the second corridor, I waited for a while and soon I realized that if I stand there for too long, the city will experience a blackout like what happened in 2003, so I was ready to move when suddenly...

BOOM!

The ceiling just slammed right into the floor and I nearly fell backward down the stairs.

My heart was pounding faster than ever and felt that any more of this I might die from heart attack.

Once the ceiling was raised back up, I would eventually calm down and knew that to have a chance of getting past this one, I would have to time the trigger. I threw another small piece of rock into the room and looked up while counting the seconds it would take for the ceiling to slam down. Because I didn't have a watch with me, I had to guess the timing of how the seconds would go by and mentally counted to somewhere around sixty or seventy when the ceiling slams down once again. Once it retracted, I sprinted across the room and down the third corridor while mentally counting seconds at the same time. The count went down to fifty seconds when I begun to close into the next entrance and for a while, it felt like everything slowed down and by the time it reaches sixty five seconds, I dove toward the entrance and screamed over the top of my lungs.

Then the ceiling slammed right behind me!

Sitting on the stair step, I breathe so hard that I felt my lungs are on fire and fell into a coughing fit. Knowing that those three corridors took a lot out of me, I decided to rest for a moment before proceeding onto the next area.

Once I enter the next area sometime later, to my surprise, there's a short man at the stand selling something.

"I'm amazed my boy, only one other person made it that far and it's the overlord who runs this place!" he said with a cheerful smile.

Overlord?

I shook my head and figured that it's probably just what some people refers to their leader or something, I mean what are the odds that it could be the same one Chris Beer tried to tell me about?

I went to take a look at what the vendor was selling and saw bottles of strangely colored liquid.

"Wondering what these are my boy? This one here is a healing potion, restores your health after your tough journey from the first three levels of this place!"

I became interested and nodded.

"This one is the revival potion, you can use it to bring back your knocked out comrade but be warned, it doesn't work on the dead."

"Now this one here can cure burns, aches, minor sicknesses, and paralysis, but it doesn't cure major diseases like cancer, A.I.D.S., ebola, and so on, sorry that we couldn't get that far yet."

I sadly nodded in agreement.

"This one...the personal favorite of the overlord's and the most expensive, remember the previous potions I showed you? This one does what these three does and more importantly, it taste like cranberry juice, because it's made with cranberries!"

Impressed, I decided to buy one but then I stopped as something about this bothered me.

"Don't trust me? Well, I can't say I blame you, especially after what you have been through so here's a proof!"

The vendor took out a small cup, took a bottle of red liquid and poured some into the cup. Then the vendor picked up the cup and said, "Cheers!" as he drained the container of the red liquid.

"That's the stuff, good enough for you?" He said.

I took the potion and drank all the way down to the last drop, it does taste like cranberry juice.

"Now that would be twenty pieces of gold please!"

I fumbled and nearly dropped my wallet, twenty pieces of gold?

"What's the matter, you have the money or not? It's just twenty pieces of gold, much better deal that what you could have gotten at the village I came from, so please just hand over the gold." he demanded.

Seconds later...

"Hey, come back here, you're not leaving without paying!" the vendor yelled.

He's crazy if he expected me to pay twenty pieces of gold, I'd be lucky to have even one!

After escaping the potion vendor and making my way to the next corridor, as before the stone door sealed itself shut to make sure that I wouldn't be able to turn back. I could here a pounding from behind the door as the vendor yelled, "Open up over there, I'm not done with you yet, you still have to pay, open up!"

I went to proceed to the fourth corridor and saw half a dozen of blade pendulum swinging, each of them in opposite direction of each other. Knowing that one slip up can get me sliced into two, I stretched my legs and took a deep breath. I waited until the time was right and once the blade swung to the right side, I darted toward that side just as the blade began to pull back to the left. Then I had to made a abrupt turn, nearly twisting my knees in order to get past the second blade and narrowly avoided getting hit by the third because I forgot to make a turn, but at least it enabled me to get past the fourth blade much more easily.

By the fifth blade, I started to slow down and tried to move past it only to slip on the wet floor. Seeing the blade coming toward me, I rolled as far as possible only to be stopped by the wall and could only watch as the pendulum swung directly at my direction. But then the blade stopped just inches away from my torso before swinging away and I had to wait for a while to calm down, letting few more swings go by before I could get up and made my way past the sixth and final blade.

Feeling dizzy from what happened, I sat just outside of the entrance for a moment before going into the fifth level of horror. As I sat there, I wondered how the person in charge of this was able to afford all of these. The fact that the "overlord" was able to hire a wizard was bad enough but those death traps and the potion vendor is ridiculous as hell, it's like an RPG game.

I remembered it was around two when I entered the dungeon which gave me about an hour and a half to stop this operation from succeeding before it's too late, but the problem is this, how many more death traps do I have to go through before I could reach the overlord's room? At that point, I wouldn't be surprised if the room turns out to be a lair because he seems to want to live his life of fantasy of the RPG game but still, how did he get through all these? To think that he might have done this every single day, some more elaborate than the other.

Not really sure how he managed to get the potion vendor in there since from what I remembered, the overlord was the only one who made it in and out. Either there's a secret passageway that we all have missed or the vendor was assumed to be dead. I could understand how the vendor can survive for a long time without food, especially when you have potions like these, there's no need for food supplies.

Maybe there's a potion that deals with the bowels as well, I could really use one myself.

I finally decided that it's long enough so I went to make my move to the fifth level of torture.

If it weren't for that potion, my legs would have gave out at that point and they're already wobbling as I got up to move into the fifth corridor. To tell you the truth, usually the traps would have been in the room as far as I know aside from certain occasions in the RPG game but in this particular case, the small room each connects the corridors filled with traps now that I think about it. Then again it makes it much more dangerous as I have to go through all these corridors and as I would soon learn, much more has yet to come.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 21st, 2013


My parents called to tell me that the friends of our relatives will come to visit so me and my younger brother have to go to Chinatown to greet them. Usually I would have stayed at home but after what happened a while ago, I decided to come with him. So we got into the car and my brother drove to Chinatown and said, "Did our parents say where to wait for them?"

I shook my head and made sure he can see my response on the mirror.

"Really? What about the time?"

I shook my head.

"What the hell!"

"God..." he sighed.

I know, seriously...

Once we got to Chinatown, we decided to drive around to see if there are some people waiting, if long enough, there's a chance it's them. I got out of the car to look around for a time being when someone ran by me and looked around with a suspicious look on his face before spotting me and said, "Here!" slamming a digital camera into my hands.

After that, he ran off.

I was wondering what was going on, especially since no sane person would ditch a perfectly good digital camera. Checking to see what might have been wrong with the camera that caused the person to want to ditch it, I wasn't able to find a damage to it or anything. That's when I started to turn on the camera to see if there's something wrong with how it worked.

Remembering that I have to find the relatives, I carefully looked for some people who could be waiting for someone to pick them up. After wandering for hours (and getting some awkward stares from people whom I asked if they're waiting for someone), I became tired and decided to find a place to take a rest. At this point, couple of women (one was grabbing other by the arm) ran by me and I started to wonder what was going on, especially after what happened earlier that day.

Not long after, a couple of burly men ran by me and one of them knocked me over.

Angrily, I got up and gave chase, following them into the restaurant.

I went in and saw a woman fighting off two men as one of them was knocked backward right onto me. After he got up, the man then charged to the woman in an attempt to hold her down so his partner can beat her. But then I got up and saw one of them attempted to go after the younger girl saying, "If your sister won't cooperate, I'm sure she will..." as it gets drowned out by the crowd who filed out of the building, pushing me out in the process (and it wasn't even big either). After a while, I went back in and saw the cook calling the police.

Then one of the men was knocked onto me again and this time, I took an empty beer bottle and smashed it onto his head, knocking him out. I looked to see the woman finally subduing the person she was fighting with.

The cook then asked, "What happened here?"

I shrugged.

The woman then walked up to me and said, "Who are you?"

"What are you doing getting involved in this? If you're a passerby, I think you better leave or you'll be dragged into this mess as you're likely have no clue what went on."

I nodded in agreement and was about to leave when I heard someone groaned and said, "You can't run from us any longer...soon you will have to work with us...or..."

The woman turned to the man person she defeated and yelled, "What? Or what? I don't care what happens, I won't be a part of your little conspiracy and dragging my sister into this..." as the man interrupts with a laugh.

"It doesn't matter, the police wouldn't be able keep us in due to our connections and we'll be back much more prepared, there's nothing you can do!"

But then a grin came upon my face as I raised my camera and showed it to the woman.

"What?" she asked.

I picked up the menu from the table and the cook realized what I was about to ask for before I could ask him. He gave me the pen and I immediately wrote down a note before giving it to the woman.

She read the note and said, "That's interesting...I was starting to wonder why you couldn't tell me but I can see the reason, it's too cruel...I guess I have no choice."

The cook agreed to phone the police and tell them the situation have been resolved as we forced the two men to pose shirtless in a homoerotic manner. After taking about a dozen of photos, the men put their shirts back on and walked out of the door, each with a depressing look on their face.

I gave the woman the camera and she understood.

"I'll make sure to keep this safe in case they come back for me and my family, thank you." she said.

I nodded.

Just as she was ready to leave, she started to check out the files on the camera when her smile suddenly disappeared from her face.

"Why do you have these pictures in the camera?" she asked, showing me some photos that finally explain the reason why the owner ditched it.

"You're sick...you're really sick!" she yelled.

"Yes I'm aware that such so-called 'modeling' sites are legal in certain countries but even then, to have such photos stored in your camera..."

I was about to explain to her before she continues on.

"Because you helped us, I won't call the police but it doesn't mean I'll let you off the hook that easily."

I walked back to Canal Street waiting for my brother when he stopped by and rolled down the window.

"Did you find them yet?" he asked.

I shook my head.

Then he did a double take and said, "What the hell happened to you? Forget it, we'll keep looking." before driving away.

I wished we brough a cellphone with us, maybe we could have asked them where we're supposed to meet the relatives. Then it hits me, why didn't we call them back in the first place?

I smacked myself in the face and started to bite down on my fingers when I heard someone yelling, "You let them get away?!"

"Someone interfered an-"

"There's no excuse for your incompetence, you two used to work as enforcers for Monsanto and I expected better from you!" said the gruff voice.

"And yet after you two have been beaten by a woman, you also ran off...I told you that I would bail you two out had you been arrested, instead you fools ran away!"

I crept carefully and peeked at the alley to see two men from before with one person wearing a black winter coat!

Wouldn't it be a bit suspicious?

I kept on listening and the following conversation goes like this.

"The reason why I hired you two is because I was hoping that you idiots would be able to force that bitch to work for us so her programming can help us bring this city down to its knees!"

More I hear him talk, more it hurts my throat.

"For god's sake you two used to pressure farmers into accepting deals by Monsanto and force people to accept poison added to the crops, now you guys are expecting me to believe that you have been beaten by a couple of nobodies?"

"Come to think of it, why did you run away?"

Neither of the two men said anything.

"Forget it! We'll just have to keep track of that woman and make sure no one will interfere...what are you guys shuddering?"

"N-nothing boss!"

"Okay, we'll have to disappear for a while, last thing we need is attracting suspicion."

I quickly hid behind the dumpster and waited until they passed by. Afterward, I went to follow them and made sure they won't hear me which is a bit easier to do so with many people walking by.

After navigating through the busy crowd, I saw the three climbing into a limo and started to drive away. I climbed onto the top of the roof and held on while hoping that they didn't hear something as it happened. After several stops, I looked up and saw an oversized shack before looking around to see trees all over the place, making me realize that we're in Central Park.

As soon as the limo stopped, I quickly leaped off the vehicle and hid behind the bush.

Once they got out of the vehicle, the figure in a winter coat and a ski mask then said to the two men, "Once we get in there, you will face the consequence of your cowardice!"

The two men fell to their knees and begged, "Please, anything but that!"

"If you don't come into the headquarter, your punishment will come much sooner!"

The two got up and followed the figure along with the driver into the building as I sat there and listen.

"I have had it with your failures. It's bad enough that you guys fucked up each time but to back down like this? This is just as well..."

"No...no, please...no..."

"Anything but that!"

I started to feel bad for those guys.

"All you had to do was to get her to join us, even with force and you still failed, I can I be able to keep up my operation if you two keep on screwing up?"

"Please..."

"Guards, hold him and make sure he watches his friend's punishment so he'll know what will be coming to him..."

"No, please...please, I beg of you!"

"Shut up, your ass is mine!"

"Not the belt, not the belt, not the belt!"

"You may call this an abuse but even the union ain't saving your ass!"

Whack!

"OW!"

"Whack!"

"GAH!"

"Giddyup motherfucker!"

Whack!

"ACK!"

"Every single time, every single fucking time!"

Whack!

"OOH!"

Whack!

"AAAH!"

Whack!"

"OW!"

Whack!

"EEEK!"

Whack!

"YEOW!"

Whack, whack, whack!

"..."

Whack!

"OUW..."

"Now go to the room and sleep. Don't wake up until I tell you to you stupid motherfucker!"

"Now it's your turn,"

"Wait, no...no, not the belt, not the belt, not the belt!"

WHACK!

"AGH!"

"Squeal like a pig!"

There was a sob.

"Squeal I say!"

Whack!

"AIEEE!"

"I said SQUEAL!"

Whack!

"OW!"

"SQUEAL!"

Whack!

"EEE!"

"SQUEAL MOTHERFUCKER! SQUEAL!"

Whack!

"OOO..."

"SQUEAL!"

Followed by several more whacks.

"GAH!"

"SQUEAL!"

Whack!

Then there was a suffocating sound followed by, "Squee..."

"Again!"

Whack!

"Squee..."

"Louder!"

Whack!

"S-squee..."

"LOUDER!"

Whack!"

"SQUEE..."

"Good, now go to your room and don't come down here until I tell you so, we're having a house party and you two aren't invited!"

What was going on in there?

Taking couple of steps back and turned to leave when someone opened the door and saw me!

"Hey, what are you doing here? Intruder!"

I sprinted out of the park, stripping past couple of joggers in the process before making my way to the subway station right outside of the entrance. Catching my breath, I start vomiting some glob of yellow gunk into the garbage bin. Once I was finished, I turned and bumped into a homeless who gave me a glare and said, "I eat out of that you know." before taking out a switchblade and pressed it against my throat.

"If I ever catch you puking in my snack box again, I will cut you up and have you for lunch, understand?"

I slowly nodded in fear once he placed his weapon back into his pocket.

Unable to move because of what happened, my legs continued to shake for several minutes before I was able to regain my composure. Then I took the train and amde some exhanges in order to get back to Canal Street where I would wait for my brother to drive by to pick me up once he finds where our visiting relatives from China are.

Turns out he did figured it out and drove back home to pick up the cellphone and call our parents where to find the relatives. Also it turns out that they did realized that they forgot to tell us where to pick them up and tried to call us but being that we leave the cell phone at home, it tells you something. Because of that, I waited by the entrace of the subway station for hours before he finally turns up with our relatives inside the car. After giving them a brief tour around the city, we then dropped them off at our cousin's where they would stay for a while before returning home ourselves.

All and all, it wasn't a complete waste of time, because I learned something new that day. As it turns out, there's a group of people setting up some kind of operation to bring the city down.

But why?

That's when I spend the next few days preparing myself to find out.

However, later that night my brother came into the kitchen and said, "It's for you."

I took the phone and my dad wasn't happy about the near fiasco that happened during the day which kept our relatives waiting for countless hours. Then he called me stupid and said that I couldn't do anything right. I thought about tossing the phone but kept on listening as several more verbal abuse would be hurled on my way, feeling as if the wind blew from the phone as I started to shake in anger.

Once it was over, I took a deep breath and put the phone back before walking into the living room where I punched the wall in frustration.

Did he have to call me stupid? I mean it wasn't my fault that I wasn't told where to find them.

Last thing I need is getting my self-esteem shot down more than ever and I had too much of that...more than enough to last several lifetimes.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 18th, 2013


Remembering Chris Beer's last words before his gruesome demise, I couldn't help but wonder who the overlord could be. As I recalled, Chris Beer was the one who led the spam and hack attack against Newgrounds few years ago, what could have happened?

All I do know is whoever the so-called "overlord" is, that person might be planning something and not much time is to be wasted. Bad enough that there was a recent news report in regards to a sighting of a flamboyant serial killer named Jeff, I have a feeling he's intending to finish the job he started. I was worried about that since someone send me a letter with writings written in blood, it really freaked me out.

The letter reads:

Dear Dennis,

I have been following for a while now and your actions against the Westboro Baptist Church really turned me on, lol!

I am looking forward to the day when we finally meet again so I can have the honor of covering myself with your blood as a way to remembering you once it's done.

Until we meet, ;)

Love, Jeffrey!

It's difficult to think of someone less saner than this guy off the top of my head. It's not going to stop me from sleeping however since I have more important things to worry about and seeing that Jeff is waiting for the right moment, maybe the next meeting will occur once the WBC ordeal is over, I don't know.

A doorbell ranged and I carefully checked from the window on the room next to the front entrance and to my relief, it was Peter. I opened the door and said, "Hey Peter, I didn't expect you to be here."

Peter smiled and said, "It's good to know that you're okay, but there's something I need to tell you,"

"What is it?" I asked.

"I heard that a computer technician employed by the NSA was murdered last night, do you by any chance know anything about this?"

"No, not at all, why?" I lied.

"Well, back in Minnesota, I remember how you said that the reason why you traveled around for a while is because you were looking for a computer hacker who launched an attack on a website you go to and he was from New Zealand. The person the NSA rumored to employed recently moved from New Zealand and shortly afterward, he disappeared." he said.

"Really? Wow...sucks for the NSA." I said with a feigned surprise.

"Considering what they tried to do, I wouldn't feel bad for them."

"I know, still who saw that one coming? I hope the worse will happen to Monsanto one day."

"We can all hope." said Peter.

"Anyway, we're leaving and I hope we'll meet again."

"Thanks Peter, good luck on your journey!" I said.

After he left, I closed the door and went to the kitchen to make something to eat. I fried a couple of eggs and I went down to the basement to get a can of soda while waiting for a moment for the eggs to cool down.

Once I got back up to the kitchen, I started to wonder if I can sit more comfortably by tipping the chair backward to the wall while resting my legs on the table. So I gave it a try but tipping the chair backward to the door and rested my feet onto the table and it worked for a while. Just when I was able to fall asleep, the chair slipped and I fell.

I decided that this would be the last time I try something like that.

The fried eggs made my throat a bit worse as I started to cough more the next morning, even vomiting out the greenish-yellow gunk that were lodged in the back of my throat. The problem would last for few days as I had to take some cough medicine every four (or six hours depending which one I was using as the first bottle was already running low). As I started to get better, at the same time my throat would feel like it's been covered with pigeon feathers, making it nearly impossible for me to speak without getting into a coughing fit.

Later that night, I tried Tylenol but it made my throat even worse as I ended up spending the entire night coughing. That's when I decided to get it checked out at the clinic so I took the train, only to have yet another run in with those guys...yes, you know the one.

The train was crowded and I was holding onto the poll when someone grabbed my shoulder and said, "Well, well, well, even after all the trouble for the past month you still have the guts to go outside you filthy infidel!"

"What's the matter? Loss for words? I can't blame you since I would too if fear took over knowing that my enemy have caught me. You really gave us a lot of trouble but this time you will finally meet your downfall for you insolence!"

"Not now!" I thought.

At the time like this, I couldn't afford to get sidetracked by a group of religious fanatics, I needed to get to the clinic.

"Our stop is coming up next." he said.

Once the train stopped at Woodhaven Blvd., the fanatic nudged me and I started to move toward the door when at the last second, I elbowed the man in the stomach and shoved him right out of the door. He screamed and tried to get back into the train only to get kicked out by me just as the door started to close. The nut starts banging on the door as the train begins its departure.

I flipped my would be kidnapper the finger and smiled.

I was worried that his friends might come after me, but thankfully, they didn't.

After getting myself checked out, I had to wait an hour in line to get the medicine the doctor prescribed me. During the wait, I had an uneasy feeling, it's like I have been watched!

I thought I was just being paranoid only to see a creepy figure smiling just in front of the door as he made a throat slitting gesture toward me. The security guard came and dragged him away.

"WA DID I DOOOOO!" he screamed.

I sighed in relief and thought this would be the last of him.

After making my way back home without trouble, I took two tea spoon of cough medicine and turned on the television. I was ready to change the channel when the new station reported a story that would kept me awake for days...a security guard from the clinic was found murdered as his body was discovered a block from the building.

Not only that, a rubber mask was discovered!

I have a feeling I know who that creepy figure is...