After learning that Chris Beer might have been hired by the NSA, I knew something Had to be done before the situation would spin out of control. Peter and his co. told me to stay out of it because they're intending to put a stop to this issues themselves but what they didn't understand is that I have been after Chris Beer for the past years, that was the reason why I have been traveling cross-country during those times. Knowing that Chris Beer might use his possible NSA connections to bring down Newgrounds, I have to make sure he won't be able to use the internet again.
To find a troll, you have to know a troll, to know a troll...you have to be a troll.
To be a troll? You have to learn!
So I dove into the cesspool of the internet, the largest gathering of filth and the lowest of the lows one can find...the internet comments section, every single one of them (that goes for YouTube comments, Yahoo! Answers, every sports forums, news site comments, etc.). However, for a while I did regret doing so as some of the comments I have read made me lose faith in humanity. In some cases I felt like tracking some of the users down and slit each and every one of the in their fucking throat and I mean it!
In the end I had to stop looking at one point in order to recover, it was awful...
But then I hit the jackpot!
I learned in the message board of a racist website that NSA hired someone who moved from New Zealand to the U.S. because of his hacking ability and has a sizable followers willing to help him in his venture. The person is said to be residing in Trenton, New Jersey so I prepared myself by arming myself with some non-lethal weapons to ward off muggers and took several buses to get there. As I got off, I started to wonder where I could find Chris Beer and his gang since there is a good chance that it's either a rumor or something the poster posted to throw people off.
Then I realized that that's what he would expect me to think and ultimately, Chris Beer is in Trenton after all. Afterward, I sat down at the bus station to think where a trolling hacker like Chris Beer would be hiding, especially when employed by the government agency.
After getting mugged by a bunch of thugs (they took away my non-lethal weapons before I could use them), I came upon a mostly abandoned apartment building with only one lit window. Seeing that the front entrance was heavily guarded, it pretty much confirmed that someone important is in there so I went through the back door only to find it locked!
Angry, I kicked the door and it swung open.
"That was easy!" I thought.
I ran up the stairs before running back down to see what floor that the brightly lit light is at. Once I ran back in, I became tired after after climbing several stories and wondered why they couldn't fix the damn elevator. I took a rest at the twelfth floor and waited for minutes before I continued on and climbed up several steps before making it to the twenty fifth story.
I listened to each door to hear if there's any noise, that way I could find which room Chris Beer could be hiding in. I came across the one door guarded by two armed men...
If there's a way to get through the line of defense...so I think...then it hits me!
They can't guard him all night and even if they could, Chris Beer will have to go outside sooner or later since even he can't stay in at all time. But then I remember that this is Chris Beer and remembering what he had done years ago...
I decided to wait until the guards' shift ends so I can seize my opportunity to take down and maybe even kill Beer. So I waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited, waited...and waited.
I nearly dozed off when I heard someone was coming so I hide in one of the abandoned rooms. I peeked through the door way and saw the guards walking toward the stairway, ending their shift.
I jumped for joy and sprinted to the door where the notorious internet hacker and troll is at. I slowly knocked on the door and someone said, "No, I'm not going out, the sun is too bright and I don't care if it's morning!" with a whining tone.
I knocked again.
"Go away, just give me something to eat...like some wasabi peas or anything from McDonald's, I'll hack for you later but I'm watching something...oh yeah, take it like a bitch Lizard Misty!"
I kicked the door open and saw a slightly pudgy and pale figure who is slightly taller than me. I spat out whatever he had in his mouth onto the computer screen and yelled, "Who are you?"
"We have finally meet Chris Beer..." I said.
"A Newgrounds user? I heard there were some trying to hunt me down after that incident few years ago, but you're too late as I'm employed by your country's government!" he said with a smug smile.
"It doesn't matter,"
I cracked my fists.
"If you attack me, you'll get arrested!"
"No one will have to know." I said.
Beer got up and said, "Then I won't go down without a fight!"
He took a slow swing at me but I was able to dodge it in the nick of time. Then I responded by pushing him onto his computer which he picked up and toss it right directly at me, only to land inches away from my feet.
Chris Beer jumped toward me and we struggled for a bit until I stumbled, causing me to fall backward. I got up, threw him to the ground, and picked up a lava lamp so I could use it as a weapon. The NSA employed New Zealander stared down at me and roared while I yawned and looked up at the clock, it was 5:38 in the morning, we've been up all night.
I threw the lava lamp at Beer and it harmlessly hits him in the groin.
Once the lamp was smashed on the floor, Beer looked up and said, "Am I supposed to fall down or something?"
I quickly punched him in the face, breaking the slow pacing the fight has up to that point. However, Chris Beer touches the content from the lava lamp and his skin starts to turn green.
The hacker got up and took a swipe and cuts me in the cheek. I picked up whatever random object I could find and toss each of them at the mutated hacker with little to no effect. As he started toward me, I tried to hold him back with an urn but Beer than grabs the object and crushed it with his hand.
Once again I reached for whatever I could find on the desk and grabbed a pen. As Beer marched toward me, I stabbed him in the eye and there was a loud groaning scream that filled the room.
I landed a dropkick on Beer and he fell right out of the window.
"What's going on here?"
"It's coming from this room!"
Realizing that the guards heard the scream, I ran out of the room and hid in one of the abandoned rooms. Before long, the men ran into Beer's room and I sprinted to the stairs where I made my way out of the building.
I turned around and saw a horribly disfigured Chris Beer crawling toward me.
"...hlp mee..." he hissed.
I didn't think it would be that bad, what was inside of that lava lamp?
"Get away from me!" I said.
But then Beer hissed, "...thrrr...or...ovrlerrd...keel...u..."
That part caught my attention, overlord kill me? That means he's not the overlord, he really did lost much influence he had over the years. I walked away as his remains melts into a red bubbly puddle.
It wasn't over, some of the agents from NSA saw me and I had to lose them before I could start my way back home. By that time, that's when I remember I couldn't afford the bus fare because I lost my wallet in the mugging earlier that night!
With that, I had to find a way to get back to New York City without the bus and with my wallet missing, that can poise a problem. Yes I know I was fortunate enough to leave my debit card and my ID at home but my driving learner's permit and my Metro-cards are there, not to mention I stuffed it with several twenties inside the damn thing.
I sat right on the bench in the school's playground when a tour bus arrived.
"Why would tourists go to Trenton?" I said to myself before remembering the historical significance the place had in the American history. Then I realize that if I could sneak inside the bus, I can get back home...or end up somewhere in Canada since I had no idea where the bus goes to. I was able to hide myself among the crowd of tourists and for a while it worked, but once we got to Little Italy, they found me out and I was thrown out.
From then on, I started my journey to get back home by traveling across the Williamsburg Bridge and trekked all the way back to Woodhaven by following the J-train line. After making it back home, I took a shower, eat and finally sleep.
Next morning I got sick.