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Intermission #54: Keeping It Real - Aaron Hernandez

Posted by Idiot-Finder - July 27th, 2013


Aaron Hernandez was the starting tight end of a Super Bowl contending team known as the New England Patriots. For a while he had it all, fame, fortune, glory, women, and a shot to win a Super Bowl ring. However, as the New England Patriots would learn, once a thug will always be a thug as the team and Aaron Hernandez himself would soon learn.

It all started after signing a multi-million dollar contract extension which helps lock him up with the team for the prime of his career. Aaron Hernandez was living it up big time by partying all night long with his bitches and hoes as the Tupac album plays at full volume which caused the neighbors to file a complaint against the tight end.

Aaron Hernandez, being the kind of person he is couldn't take it very well so once in a while he would challenge his neighbors to a street fight.

Each fight would end in a injury to the poor sap who accepted the challenge from the tight end. One day, Aaron Hernandez would resort to a more drastic measure when he learned that his mother is dating a semi-pro football player, Odin Lloyd. Being that he's a Norse mythology buff, Aaron was okay at first, even became friends with Odin. However, as time went by, the tight end starting to become paranoid. What if Odin sees him as a threat and decides to smite him? He read the comic and watched Thor more than enough times to figure that Odin might eventually turn against him.

Aaron had two choices to make, either he could ignore the fact that his friend happens to have a name of a Norse god and hope that he doesn't smite him or try to keep it real.

"Something has got to be done!" he thought.

With that, he chose to keep it real!

So the tight end contacted his friends, Carlos Ortiz and Ernest Wallace to ask them for assistance.

"Guys, this Odin guy is on to me, I have a feeling he might try to smite me one day!" he said.

"What are we going to do, brotha?" asked Carlos.

Ernest smacked him on the back of his head and said, "Aaron called us so what do you think? He's asking us for help!"

"That's right, thanks man, I know I can count on you guys!" said Aaron.

"You can't trust anyone anymore..."

Later that night, Aaron's friends went out to a karoake bar where they proceed to get drunk. At first everything was fine, but when "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow started to play, the singers sung the song badly without any concern of what might happen to them because they were young and had each other. Ernest became angry at how his favorite song was being butchered so a punch was thrown and the chair was smashed into. A gunshot was heard but no one knows who tried to shoot whom.

Ernest and Carlos were thrown out of the bar.

Next morning, Aaron Hernandez met up with the two in the apartment he recently rented in order to plan out the murder of his mother's boyfriend.

"Okay, listen, we have to be careful because it could mean the end of my career if things goes wrong." said Aaron.

"C'mon Aaron, this is our best chance to knock off this motherfucka!" said Carlos.

"Yeah, if we screw up then this could be the end of all of us!" said Ernest.

The three got into the car and drove to the industrial park where Aaron asked Odin to be at in promise that he would find a roster spot for the semi-pro football linebacker if the request is complied. Excited at the prospect of getting a spot in a professional football team and contending team at that, Odin starts texting to his sister.

"Did you see who I am with?"

"Who?" his sister asked.

"NFL!" Odin replied.

"Really?"

"Just so you know."

Not long after, a car arrived.

Aaron Hernandez and his two friends got out to Odin's surprise.

"Aaron, who are these people? Do they play for the Patriots too?" Odin asked.

The two men then grabbed Odin by his arms.

"Hey, what's this about?"

Aaron smiled and said, "No, they're not from the NFL and neither will you!" as he points a gun at the semi-pro football player's direction.

Stunned, Odin said, "Aaron, what's going on here? Is this a joke?"

Several shots were fired that night.

The next day, the body was discovered and upon hearing the news, Aaron Hernandez then took his cell phone apart and waited until the police arrived.

"Mr. Hernandez, a body was discovered one mile away from your home so we came here to see if you can help us with the investigation." said the police officer.

"Okay, I got nothing to hide!" said the tight end.

"Seeing that we were able to identity the body, it's also the reason why we came here so if you can turn over the cell phone to us, it can really help us with our investigation of the possible homicide."

"Okay."

Aaron then walks into his bedroom and came back with a pieces of the cell phone.

The police officer's smile quickly disappeared as he looked at what was left of the cell phone and said, "Sir, I'm afraid we need to talk!"

So Aaron was taken to the police station for questioning and each answer the Patriots tight end gave became more suspicious than the last. In time, Aaron Hernandez's accomplices to the murder were caught and one of them revealed the location of his secret apartment. Once the police searched the apartment, they were able to turn up enough evidence to convict the Patriots tight end for the crime.

Not long after the evidence against Aaron Hernandez were turned up, the New England Patriots terminated the contract with the tight end and his football career would soon come to an end.

Aaron Hernandez, the tragic story of a Pro Bowl tight end of the New England Patriots who seemingly had it all, only to throw it away for a life of crime. He could have gotten just about anything he could have wanted along with a shot for glory, now trying to stick it out as a football player by converting to a wide receiver in the prison room where he would catch passes from his new team mate affectionately known in prison among inmates as "Bubba" each night in the end zone.

Just another case of what can happen if keeping it real goes wrong.


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