"So you lost the bet and had to wade through the sewage for one hour?"

"Yeah, that's what happened." I lied.

"Why do you have to do something insanely stupid? You accepted a bet under this condition and lost despite it being a long shot to win...why the hell did you accept that bet!" yelled Peter.

"You know what? Forget it!" he grunted while spraying Febreze all over me and I coughed for a bit.

"Anyway, I send some people to Minneapolis to find information of the corporation you told us about, managed to retrieve a file and faxed it to me."

He gave me a copy of the file and I said, "So what's going on?"

"I don't know, it's all we got for now, it will take time but from what we know, they are preparing an eye drop like you said but there is something sinister behind this..." he said.

"So that's it then?" I said.

"What do you think?"

I looked around and said, "Where is everybody?"

"They need to take a break for now, the reason why I asked you to meet me is to let you know what your suspicions may be on target but we still can't determine whether it's behind the zombie invasion. If it is then something will have to be done in order to prevent it from becoming a full blown zombie apocalypse or the whole thing will be over." Peter answered.

I took a deep breath and sighed, "What do you think we should do to stop this?"

"Right now, we'll need more evidence to be certain, time will tell...as long not too much time passes," he said.

"You can say that again."

After that we part ways and agreed to meet again the next day.

Remembering what I have forgotten to do the day before, I went to the electronic store to buy some batteries and head on home where I would spend much of the time washing off the sewer smell and I might have used up few bar of soaps and half of the entire reservoir. It was tough dealing with the smell and while I did managed to wash it off, the stench would still remain in my nose for few more days. Afterward, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful as I watched TV and wasn't really paying much attention to the news as it was the same thing until it got to the report of members of the Westboro Baptist Church traveling to New York City and it was believed that they're planning to stage a protest.

But I knew their true intention...in fact one of them gave it away in the interview where she let it slip that, "An infidel have been waging war against us and we shall find him in this city!"

"What did this person do to deserve your church's attention?" the reporter asked.

"HE VIOLATED OUR BRETHREN, HE SHALL PAY!" was the answer.

I can see that the end isn't in sight, that's for certain.

The next day, we were playing Candy Land in the van by folding the seat down where the board game would be placed on top. After winning for the third time in the row, the amount of candies we gambled piled up on my side, causing some accusations that I was cheating. The accusations increased when I took the lead and was close to the finish line.

"That's not fair, there's no way you could have gotten lucky again!" Aaron yelled.

"Just because you didn't have a childhood it doesn't mean you should act like a twit over losing a board game for kids!" I said.

"You're cheating, that's the only reason why you're winning!" he said.

"If it's the case then why didn't I win the first time?" I asked.

"You were biding time,"

"What?"

"You didn't cheat the first time so no one would suspect you later on!"

I sighed and said, "If it makes you feel any better, after this match, I won't participate on the later games."

"Deal!" Aaron yelled.

Michelle turned to look at us and asked, "How old are you guys? Really!"

What a nosy woman.

Once the game was finished, as a part of the agreement, I with drew from further matches to make sure that the crybaby won't throw a hissy fit over a game he sucked at. I looked out the window and said, "You know, stakeouts usually happens during the night, not everyday that there would be one done during the day...doesn't this makes us a bit conspicuous?"

"We know, but the thing is that they're supposed to work during the night but with activities being heard outside this building, something was up and to make sure nobody suspects a thing, we parked in a location where people would believe we're waiting for something." said Peter.

"We are waiting for something." I said.

"They won't suspect that however, remember most of their most capable men are still in Minneapolis,"

Remembering what happened that time, I said, "Okay sure, why not?"

If that's the best they have, then the people the company have in this city must have been jokes!

Turns out it wouldn't be the case because the next day while watching the evening news, I would learn that Peter and few others were beaten into coma. It's believed that the robbery was involved but I knew better. To think that I was mad when Michelle came to my house that morning to tell me that I should stay home because they felt that the whole situation can be handled by themselves. I calmed down when she said that it has nothing to do with whether I could help or not, just that Peter felt I have done enough by giving him the information about the company back in Minneapolis and how they just received the fax from the spies he send.

"Are you sure about this? What if something went wrong?" I asked.

"It will be fine, we just need to report this to the police and the media so the whole thing will be exposed." she answered.

"I hope so, if things went wrong, I do-"

"It's okay, we'll be fine and you just need to relax, especially after wading in the sewer..." she laughed.

"Very funny," I said.

Turns out they're wrong and knowing this, I considered the possibility that some might have been taken hostage as well so I went to the shed to grab what I need to help.

But it turns out to be unnecessary, why?

You'll find out in the next chapter.

It's a good thing my parents are away for two weeks, they were hard on me for being away for all that time in my previous adventures...

After taking the several buses to reach the location where it happened, I prepared myself by making sure my pistol is loaded along with other things I felt might be needed in case it comes down to a certain scenario that could happen, though I didn't think one would occur. As suspected, only one man was guarding the entrance but I still went around to the back to see if there's a back door...which there is and it's unlocked!

But just as I was about to enter, the door swung open and hits me in the face.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

Before I could recover from the door slam to the face, a group of men ganged up on me and not long afterward, I was thrown out of the area.

"You better not come back or we'll call the police!"

Not willing to give up, I tried climbing through the open window...only to learn that it's a restroom window and a stall opened just when I got in. I fell right out of the window and hid behind the bush.

"What the hell? Who's looking through the window? Faggot..."

Then he shuts the window.

I tried the side entrance but it turns out that side of the building was still under construction.

I figured that having no time to lose, I went for it and immediately...I got lost. Inside was like an urban jungle in decay, some of the floors caved in and nearly fell on me, it's like starring in a Indiana Jones movie with an ending from the novel "My Sister's Keeper", it's that screwed up. Throughout the journey in the dark side of the innards of the building, I encountered some death traps and rats, but in the end I made my way into the building itself which made me wonder why they didn't fix the damn place yet? Can't believe they're still using that place, it's like the Deutsche Bank building that should have been torn long before 2011.

I quietly entered the room through the cupboard (I know), and fell to the kitchen floor where a chef looked at me for a minute before proceeding to do what he was doing, cooking frog legs.

"You should leave, it's distracting and I have no idea why you people never finished fixing the place." he said, thinking I'm one of the construction workers.

"I wonder the same thing," I said.

I left the kitchen and ordered a can of soda from the nearby vending machine before bumping into a security guard shortly afterward. He recognized me and before he could do anything, I pulled out a gun and points it right at his forehead. That's when we begin to exchange somewhat cliched dialogues where I would regret doing what I just done, here's why.

"You realize that there's no way you will be able to succeed whatever you're planning right?" he said.

"I know what your bosses are up to and no matter what happens...you didn't notice? You people are fucking inept!" I yelled.

"What are you talking about? You'll never succeed, after the break in recently we tightened up the security to make sure that there would be no escape in case it happens again!"

I frozed a bit and said, "There was a break in?"

"Yes, some of the documents were stolen and the people escaped into the van. We have no idea where they went so the company send some men after them, they should got to them by now." he said with a smug grin.

That's right, some of the members of Peter's group went in and took the documents so there was no need for me to break into the place...GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

It gets worse after that, why?

He snapped his fingers and several people came out of hiding and surrounded us.

"As you can see, there's no way out so if you want to live, I suggest you to let me go and we'll simply call the police." he said.

Then it came to me.

"What if the people who took the documents turn them over to the police first?" I asked.

After minutes of silence, he said, "Damn it!"

"I'm more upset than you are with the way the Yankees are hitting right now." I said.

"What does this got to do with anything?" he asked.

"Everything!" I yelled.

"You're unbelievable, but either way it's over for you!"

He has a point, that dialogue did came out of nowhere but still...anyway, I looked around to see if there's something that can help me, anything...then I saw a table.

"How about we sit on the table?" I asked.

The security guard I held hostage said, "Getting desperate aren't you?"

Once we seated in front of each other by the table, the guard then said, "What are you up to?"

"Got two cups?" I asked while taking out a can of Coke.

"Okay?"

He gestures his men to bring in two small cups so we waited for minutes before they were placed onto the table.

I popped open the tab and pour the soda into each cup. Soon afterward, I took out a small packet of arsenic and turned around each time I pour the content into each cup before placing them back onto the table. I even made sure none of the guards surrounding us saw what I was doing.

"I get it now, but too bad I watched the movie Princess Bride as well and I know how it works."

"Care to explain?" I asked.

"It's simple, you're probably expecting me to agonize my decision so that way you can stall some time until something happens, but I'm sorry, deus ex machina doesn't apply to real life bud!" he answered.

"You can't blame me for trying and besides, if you back out then how would your men look at you?" I said.

He glared at me and said, "Fine, I'll play that little game of yours but in the end it will be you who made the wrong choice!"

I cracked my fingers and said, "We'll see."

So we sat there for over an hour when the head of the security guard said, "Aren't you making your move?"

I shook my head and said, "No, you're supposed to choose first!"

"Let's settle this, rock, paper, and scissor?"

"Best of 7?"

We started the game with several stalemates and I heard someone making a joke about the episode of The Regular Show regarding this and so on. I took the lead when I beat his scissor with my paper, but then he took the next two matches, leading 2-1. I was able to tie it by beating him on the fourth match with a scissor before hitting another series of stalemates.

I finally took control by leading 3-2, then we hit few more stalemates before taking the match at 6.

I exhaled and said, "Okay, now that's over with, time for you to make a decision."

Just as he was about to reach for the cup, the head of the security stopped and said, "Knowing full well that we both saw that movie, I know you're expecting me to stall for time by talking about how I would do this and that."

"How do you figure?" I asked.

"It's obvious isn't it? First I would agonize on making a decision and knowing that I won't back down in front of my men, I will have to pick out one of the two."

"What else?"

"Next, you will try to lead me into thinking that you poisoned both cups but I really doubt you would go that far? The only reason it worked in the movie is because Elwes' character developed immunity to poison, I really doubt you have."

"What made you think so?" I asked with a hint of apprehension.

The head of the security laughed and said, "Hear that? That tone in your voice is telling me that you only poisoned one cup, you have to be an idiot to do what Elwes did. Not only that, why else would you want me to choose first? It's because had you choose first, you would have picked the one that wasn't poisoned, thus giving it all away!"

I looked on without saying anything.

"As you can see, it's a matter of time before your plan goes awry!"

"But you still don't know which one is poisoned though." I said.

Then he stood silent and sat back down.

We waited for who knows how long because at that point I didn't bother to look at the clock. The head of the security eyed the cups and said, "What if you didn't poison the cups...no, the packet was empty..."

"Take your time." I said.

"You think you could get me to stall do you? Well, think again as I...er...nice try, you tried me to rush my decision so I could pick the wrong one but it's not going to work, nice attempt playing a mind game but it won't work!" he said.

"I'm still waiting for you to make your move."

"But that's the thing, after I would think you couldn't dare to poison both cups, I realize that you would think that I would think that you wouldn't go that far and did indeed poisoned both cups, a clever plan. But then again, you're probably expecting that so you poisoned only one cup and placed the harmless one on your side because it's likely that you believe that I would believe the harmless cup would be on my side and choose it."

"Is that all?" I sighed.

"Far from it, after you expected me to think that, it would turn out that the harmless one is in fact on your side while the poisoned one is on mine...wait! You would think I would think that do you? Think again, you're the fool as there's no way I would fall for that trick but then again...you could have known that I would think that and remembering what happened in that scene, you would expect me to trick you into looking the other way so I would switch the cups, landing my side the poisoned one instead..." he said.

My head started to grow dizzy.

"Are you done yet?" I said.

"No, in fact, I've figured it out!" he said triumphantly.

"Really?"

"Of course!"

I stretched my arms and said, "Please, do tell!"

"The packet you have, it's not poison is it? In fact, it's powdered sugar!" he yelled.

I jumped a bit before regaining my composure and said, "You really think so?"

He chuckled and said, "The tone in your voice confirms it! But your bluff is impressive as you were able to stall for hours but the game have to end."

"You still have to drink first." I said.

"Nice try, after making me believing that you would be foolish enough to poison even one of those cups, it's fair that we both drink it."

"Okay, fine then."

We both took the cup at the same time and the head of the security said, "Cheers!"

After downing the soda, I sat back and wait.

"What are you waiting for? Being that you could no longer stall for anymore time, it's the end for you!"

He pulled out a gun and pointed it at my face.

I smiled nervously and said, "Same for you..."

He began to breathe shallowly and soon his face started to turn pale.

I started to have difficulty breathing as well and soon, his men came to hold him up.

He glared at me and said, "Y-you...it can't be...you actually..."

I nodded.

"You...fool...you...really...did...it..."

"I know..." I wheezed.

Then I heard the commotion at the entrance just when I collapsed to the floor and begin to black out.

Remember that stupid cliche that one would often encounter in the U.S?

Often times you would meet a redneck who would harass you just because he assumes that well...here's what happened that day.

I was out to buy some batteries when I accidentally bumped into someone on my way to the electronic store. The person acted like he had just been shot and once he calmed down, I hastily apologized and he shoved me, saying "What's with the stutter? You're not from this country ain't ya?" before shoving me again. Before I could say anything, he then said, "What's the matter? Can't speak American?" and huffed like a hot air balloon.

It gets worse...

"Don't understand what I'm saying? How about this, in thirs countly, we speek Amelican, undelstand?"

For a moment, I thought he said pelican.

At that point and angel appeared on my right shoulder while the devil appeared on my left.

The devil said, "What are you waiting for? Just kill him, it's not like there are people would care, remember what happened over three years ago? He could be lying on the ground bleeding and nobody would bother to dial 911 for this guy!"

Then the angel said "No, don't listen to him, the people would know and that incident he's referring to was a circumstance that caught attention, it's not worth killing this man for insulting and I know you're still mad at what happened that day with Wong Chen."

Then the devil yelled, "Shut up you goody two shoes! Do you think he would let this guy off the hook? There's only two choice Dennis, is either you kill this man or walk away like the pussy you are, what is it going to be?"

The angel then said, "Please don't do it, if you kill him, not only you would get charged for murder, you could wind up in prison. Just think about the consequences and remember what the prisons are famous for, do you want that? He's not worth it!"

The devil became angry and said, "Damn you fucking annoying!"

The angel then said, "I had enough of you trying to start things like this!"

Then the two went at and starts beating the crap out of each other before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Hey, HEY, are you listening to me slanty? Thought so, you don't understand what I'm saying do you? You people move into our country, take our jobs and you never bother to learn our language, the American language! If you don't assimilate...oh wait, become American and learn to speak American, you better get out!"

At least he didn't say 'MURICA.

I punched him in the face and he yelled, "What the fuck?"

I ran into the furniture store and he gave chase until I picked up a folding stool.

"What are you gonna do, beat me with this?" he yelled.

"Yes you stupid redneck, spout that bullshit again I will put you into coma and for your information, it's English you twit!" I yelled back.

Taken by surprise, the red neck said, "So you can speak, damn bilinguals...you should have said so in the first place." and left.

After he left the store, someone tapped me in the shoulder and said, "Excuse me sir, are you going to buy that stool?"

I put down the stool and left.

But the day would be far from over thanks to my another encounter with the members of the Westboro Baptist Church.

The encounter felt like it's being scripted because as soon as I got out of the store, couple of people walked by and they recognized me.

"Hey, it's you!"

"Get him!"

And so the chase begins.

After sprinting for a block, I stopped and turned around to head toward the WBC member and punched one of them in the face before turning back. I could hear them yelling, "You shall pay for that you dirty fag loving heathen!"

I took a quick shortcut by heading into the construction area where they were fixing the underground pipe. I quickly veered away and hide, waiting for the WBC lunatics to show up looking for me. One of them being the dumbass he is, jumped into the pit and I could hear some yelling of which the WBC member started to scream and I couldn't make out what it was, all I know was that the construction workers in their had to restrain him and he would be arrested later that day.

The other member on the other hand saw a dog tied to the pole just outside of the Dunkin Donuts. Because the dog is a poodle, the idiot then said, "You fag dog...you shall go to hell you spawn of gay Satan!" and spat on it. The dog bit him in the leg and he starts kicking and screaming until the animal was flung right off his leg before stumbling right onto me.

"There you are!" he yelled.

I took off before he could grab me.

We would spend the next several hours playing a "cat and mouse" chase in which I had to make every turns to avoid the person in order to shake him off. While doing so, I stepped on a fat woman's shoe (she's wearing a pair of kid's shoe and I could her feet bulging out) and she yelled, "Ouch, jarbjarbjarbjarb..." as I tried to apologize. However, she continued to yell some gibberish at me, I wondered what would happen if I poke her with a stick, would she pop? If so, would the fat ooze out or explode right out?

So I poked her and she starts clucking like a poorly imitated hen until the woman began to bawk. Afterward I made a run for me because she said that she's going to eat me...actually she didn't say that but still, could anyone put it past her? I know I'm sounding like a dick for mocking her just now but c'mon...anyway, back to what happened soon after...I hid in the manhole because I figured that she won't be able to fit through and I was right, but the problem is that the WBC member saw the ruckus and he followed so you can guess what happened next.

That's where the action happened, sewer jousting!

As, I sprinted down the sideway next to the sewage although it was still shallow at that point, a crocodile popped right out of the sludge and I jumped a bit, causing me to stumble into the sewage. I had a feeling that the crocodile was mocking me because it saw me falling into a river of smelly stuff that came from countless toilets that were flushed.

I could here someone coming toward us and not surprisingly, it's that WBC member who still wouldn't stop tailing me. Not only that, he's even riding on a crocodile while armed with a broom at the same time.

"You thought you can hide from me you dirty heathen, but with god on my side, you infidel shall be punished!" he said.

I expected him to say "Allahu akbar!" or something like that.

Without thinking, I hopped onto the crocodile and he tried to shake me off until the WBC member laughed and said, "Do you really believe you can fright me with that? What a pathetic creature you got there!" and his crocodile starts making a taunting sound. My crocodile stopped and I can guess that hearing the taunt, he wanted to prove himself and let me ride for the battle. But the second before it begins, I realized that I was unarmed...and not long after I felt a hit in the face and almost fell off the crocodile.

As I struggled to stay on, I realized another thing so I asked, "How did you stay on the crocodile and joust well?"

He smiled and said, "Since you're going to die by my hand, I might as well tell you, it all started when I was a little tyke..."

Then he goes on about his life growing up in Texas where his family morals would be instilled, his high school days, the day when he dropped out and moved to Kansas where he joined the Westboro Baptist Church which allowed him to embrace his homophobic heritage.

"That's when they realize that once the time comes, forces are needed to defeat the unholy likes such as you, so they trained selective few including me on the art of jousting, especially alligator jousting, the crocodile was done for good measure if it ever comes to that." he said.

Soon he laughed and said, "Without a weapon, how are you going to win against me?"

Without answering, I got the crocodile to slowly move toward him and attempted to throw a punch before getting hit in the face by a broomstick, nearly knocking me off the animal once again. I could hear the laugh while struggling to get back onto the crocodile's back and realized something, with the slow motion...I knew there is a way I can end this.

For the next charge, I kept my eye on the broomstick and once the WBC member swung his weapon directly at me, I grabbed it with my right hand and tried to pull it, hoping to make him fall off, but instead the stick snapped like a piece of twig. I quickly threw the piece of broomstick at him and threw a punch at the man's face, knocking him off his steed. Soon the animal turned on him and I could hear him scream in the midst of the struggle as the crocodile was eating him alive, leaving a severed arm floating toward us.

If it weren't for that mirror house incident years ago, that scene would have haunt me in my nightmares. I did felt a bit bad about that guy but in the end, he got what he deserved anyway.

After finishing his meal, the crocodile swam away while mine took me to the ladder where I would get off and we part ways. I climbed up the ladder to the manhole and pushed the manhole cover right off. I slowly poked my head out and saw a truck coming towards me so I quickly duck, waiting for the vehicle to pass right through before checking to see if it's safe enough to climb out.

As soon as I did so, a pick up truck came and I barely dodged it in time.

The vehicle stopped and the driver yelled, "What the fuck are you doing in the middle of the street, are you trying to get killed? Really..." before he noticed the foul odor and saw the uncovered manhole.

"Did you just climbed out of the sewer?"

He quickly drove away before I could say anything and after that I returned home. It would take the next few days for me to wash off the sewage smell as even several hours in the shower couldn't get rid of the stench that easily.

Tony DarkGrave never believed in a grey morality. To him, life is all about absolute right and wrong, good and evil, and that everything done by the authority figures are justified for the sake of good. Ironically, he's also an overly patriotic twit obsessed with rights to bear arms and thinks the government wanted to take his guns away, but that's another story for another day.

One day, Tony's position would be put into a test when a NSA agent was standing by the alleyway and said, "Hey, come over here, I have a question for you to ask!"

Tony did as told without question.

As they came into the alley, the NSA suddenly stopped him and said, "Okay, can you drop your pants and bend down?"

Tony frozed for a bit but then he figured that whatever it is, the NSA agent must have a good reason for making such order. Without a word, Tony did as told and not long after, he could hear the NSA agent unzipping his own pants. After few hours have passed, Tony limped out of the alley like something is stuck inside of his pants while the NSA agent laughed.

When Tony recounted the event to his friends the next morning, some of them laughed believing it to be some weird dream he had while others asked him why he didn't report the incident.

The naive fool of a redneck said, "Everything that law enforcement does is done for our freedom and safety and as I am a freedom loving patriotic American, I endorse undercover operations if they assist the police force."

"You stupid dumbass, that one particular member of the law enforcement just...that's not for freedom and safety, that's a abuse of rights and it shouldn't happen!" his friend yelled.

Tony got up and said, "You're just jellyous because I did what I can to help the police, you anarchists can go to hell!"

Then he left the room.

Few days later, his body was found hung with a small pack of cocaine right below with a supposed suicide note that was written with a hand writing other than his. Despite the suspicion, suicide was ruled.

Meanwhile in Britain, David Kelly turned over in his grave and muttered, "Bullshit!"

"I'm not surprised, I was trying to warn you about Wong Chen, he did that before because he tends to fold at the worst possible time." said Peter.

"Is that why you're protecting that stupid asshole right now?" I asked.

"No, the truth is none of us have any idea where he is now but even then, he's adept in picking locks which helps us get the information we needed." he answered.

Then I said, "If that's the case, aside from his backstabbing cowardice, that would mean without him then no one will pick the lock to the glass house though now I rather be partnered with someone else."

"Yes but ever since we acquired a gadget that allows us to open any locks with ease, we had no need for him but we couldn't just kick him out, in fact he became insecure because of this, which is why he was willing to go with you before he fell apart."

Still feeling the aches on my body came from the beatings I took few days before, I said, "Still not feeling any sympathy for that twit, I'm still going to fucking kill him..."

"You'll have to wait in line." Peter sighed.

Thankfully, ever since the destruction of the glass house, the presense of the WBC members in New York have disappeared so we were able to begin our mission. But I wasn't allowed to take part in it as I wasn't in any shape to do so. What happened was that there's a suspicious activities reported in a small house near Canarsie Rockaway Parkway subway station.

I aways recognize the row of small houses near the station, often times the place would be infested with pigeons so it's generally unsafe to venture into this area without an umbrella.

"Why are they taking so long?"

"Probably because they're too busy scrubbing off the pigeon crap." I said.

"Shut up, seriously why are they taking so long?"

Then Peter said, "It takes time, if they get impatient, the operation may fall apart."

Yeah, the operation can fall apart alright, see that we're a bunch of wannabes led by a private investigator. All I know is that there is a good chance I might regret join them as something weird might turn up, but what?

It didn't take long for that question to be answered.

I heard someone yelling, "Enrique! David! Get out of there! The pink-eyed zombies...they're here!"

I looked out the window and saw a bunch of people walking toward the houses...they looked just like the ones I came across over a month before!

David and Enrique tried to escape but the zombies pulled them away and we had no choice but to drive away. Couple of people were mourning the loss and one of them got on my case for not crying over someone I hardly knew, I mean really. I was going to punch her in the face when someone came and pulled her away saying, "Don't be hard on him, it's not going to bring those two back!"

"Thank you hotel receptionist." I said.

"No need to, but it still doesn't changed what happened back in Minneapolis." said the receptionist.

"Also, stop calling hotel receptionist, my name is Michelle and I'm not telling you my last name in case you ask!" she continued.

As people in the van were discussion the red eye looking zombies, I start recounting the adventure I had in Minneapolis and suddenly, it hit me. The red eye...why does it sound familiar?

It's because of the incident I got myself involved in where a little girl with psychic powers was pursued by some members of a shady corporation hoping to experiment on her or something like that, truth to be told, it might have been a part of another project of theirs as I don't know the whole story. Maybe I should have asked her sister when the situation was resolved but if it's what I suspected, we're in for a big surprise.

"Are the zombies connected to 'Red Eye'?" I asked.

"Who is asking you, shut up!" someone yelled.

I looked around for the person who said that when Peter said, "The 'Red Eye'?"

"Yeah." I answered.

"You don't mean..."

I told him about the incident in Minneapolis and some of the people laughed, to be fair, it does sound weird and too ridiculous to be taken seriously. To further my point, one of the people said, "Oh come on Peter, you're not believing this crap do you? An ultimate eye drop?"

"No, actually he could be on to something." he said.

"What?!"

"We first met in Cleveland over a year ago, what happened was that we came across a strange event that seems irrational so I wouldn't be surprised if what Dennis said is true."

Couple of people begin to yell.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Just because you met him before you have to...gah!"

"Yeah seriously! This is pure bullshit! I'm getting out of there...stop the car!"

We had to restrain the idiot from opening the car door and I said, "There are zombies walking around, if you don't believe that something's up then you're fucking blind!"

He spat on me and I slammed his head right through the window before getting myself restrained in the process.

"Dennis, stop! He's not worth it!"

The van stopped and the idiot got off the vehicle.

I was given a tissue to wipe the spit off my face and said, "You know what? Let him go, if he gets pulled apart by a zombie like that stupid asshole in 'Shaun of the Dead', it's not my problem, he can go to hell for all I care!"

Some of the people helped calmed me down a bit but I was still upset because it was disgusting, who wants to get spat on? Especially in the face? I still remembered the time in elementary school when one of my classmates spit on me and some of them went into my mouth. The memory still haunts me to this very day so naturally, I'm not very forgiving to people who does that.

I even told them and one of them said, "Do you need to tell us? I don't want to hear that."

Few laughed but I was too tired to be mad anyway, besides it was late at that point and the zombies would return home. In one stop we made to refuel the van, I got off to get the newspaper to learn that the gas station was all out so I jogged a block to the deli and saw couple of zombies walking around the store. I picked up the newspaper and paid the deli owner when one of the zombies grabbed me by my shoulder and pointed to the empty shelf.

"Just wait a bit, Hostess products will be back." I said.

Then I left the store and returned to the van.

"Those guys doesn't seem bad." I said.

A man named Brian said, "Probably because there's only few of them at this time of night, remember many of them have to return home or otherwise they could get mugged."

"True but still, they seem docile unlike the ones we came across earlier..."

"That sounds interesting, maybe something is up...anyway can I have a look at the sports section real quick? I need to see who won the NBA Finals!"

Once the zombie invasion have subsided, we all return home and agreed to meet at a disclosed location few days later.

Knowing that the members of the Westboro Baptist Church will continue to persue me, I decided to call Peter and tell him that I agree to join, especially since his team could help me deal with the Westboro situation. The private detective told me to wait for them at the location that I can't tell you, but it's not far from where I live anyway so it didn't take long for me to get there. Once the van arrived, Peter welcomed me and told me that the people from the WBC aren't likely to rest until they finally eliminate me. It started to sound like something out of a spy movie but I know he's right, considering that the crazies from the WBC went through the trouble to find me, something had to be done. Not to mention the fact that I have enough problems of my own, might as well just get this over with.

As we were being briefed on the conspiracy that is taking place, two people were send to take some pictures inside a building in order to find something that might expose whatever what was going on, to be honest, I wasn't paying attention during the briefing.

"Dennis? Dennis? Are you paying attention?" Peter said.

"Um, yeah..." I said.

"Okay, you need to deal with your little problem first before you can help us solve the problems we have been dealing with for some time."

Then a man with a offensive features comes up and said, "I'rr herp him!"

For some reason I felt offended...

Peter sighed and said, "Are you sure Wong Chen? I know this guy and believe me, you're not the kind of per-"

"No, it's okay." I said.

"Are you sure? Remember what happened last time when you came across that..."

"I know but he's with us right? It can't be that bad, the sooner we deal with WBC, the better." I said.

"Plus, the caricature couldn't be horribly inept can he?" I continued.

Peter said, "Well, he's isn't inept but..."

Then Wong Chen said, "See? Not ineept!"

I was in a hurry to finish this but...I would come to regret this.

They send someone to trail one of the WBC members for a while and it was discovered that they stay in a glass house somewhere in the woods close to the greenway. We entered the greenway as joggers and followed the path for few miles until the spy pointed to the opening in the woods right next to the road before leaving, telling us good luck on our mission. Wong Chen started to fidget so I entered first and there's a dirt trail that led us to what seems to be a garden, I mean there's a rose bush decorated along the path way to the glass house.

"Who the heck built that? More importantly, who in a right mind would live in that?" I said.

Believe me, it's not even a green house, it's basically a typical house, except it's made of glass, even if it's plexiglas it still wouldn't make it any less ridiculous.

But then, Wong Chen said, "Grass stlong?" and picked up a rock.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Without answering, he made a weak throw at the glass house, causing the rock to bounce harmlessly off the side. Be both stood there without saying anything until Wong Chen giggled like an underaged school girl model and I told him to shut up. Then we heard someone talking and quickly hid behind the tree, only for Wong Chen to try to push me and said, "Give you up I hide!"

I went to hide behind another tree and waited...

Once the group of people walked by, I peered from the side of the tree and recognized the same people whom I met in China town, they would be in for a surprise. As soon as they tried to unlock the door, the entire building shattered into pieces and Wong Chen jumped out and pointed at me.

"HIM! HIM!" he screamed.

"You bastard!" I yelled but before I could beat the crap out of that stupid asshole, the WBC members ganged up on me.

"So it's not enough for you to tarnish our dignity isn't it?" one of them said.

"How'd you know where we camp out?" the other asked.

"Faggot!" other snorted like a retarded inbred hillbilly (which I think he is).

Without answering, I kicked the shortest member of the gang, hopped over him, and took off into the woods. I could hear them giving chase as the shouts and he heard from anyone around this area. While I swore to myself that I would kill Wong Chen (or at least put him into coma), I stumbled, fell, and rolled right down the hill before hitting the fence. I got up and saw one of the golfers looking at me and he asked me if I was okay and I answered, "Yeah...I guess." The golfer then said, "Looks like you're having quite an adventure."

"You could say that."

"Mind if you look for the ball? I hit it over the fence and it landed just as you came in." the golfer asked.

I found the ball right beside the tree so I picked it up and threw it back to him.

"Thanks!" he said.

"Okay...gotta go!" I said before running off as I heard the WBC members shouting nearby.

To think that we're supposed to observe the activity and even sneak into the building once the WBC members leave so we can find whatever information we can and report it to Peter. That way, the private investigator can find a way to use the information against them, but instead, it turned into a fiasco like the Yankees west coast trip...all because that stupid idiot had to test the glass house by chucking a freaking rock!

Deep into the woods, I took me a while but I was able to lose the WBC members. However, at the same time I would end up lost as well, it gave me a tough time as I had no idea where I was yet again. For a moment I thought I heard someone running right behind me and I turned, only to see one one was there until I heard someone whispering, "I will get you!"

Spooked, I said, "Slenderman, is that you?"

No answer.

I decided to go straight since I figure that if I change direction at any given time, I might wind up walking around in circles. After walking for about several miles without any progress, I finally decided to turn and as I would soon realize, I was near the edge of the woods the whole time. Had I turned earlier, I would have been out much sooner, what a pointless waste of time.

After finding a familiar place, I knew where to head to.

Either way, I decided that if I see Wong Chen again, there's absolutely no way I'm going to let that bastard off the hook. Not only that he has some traits of an offensive stereotype, he's also a backstabber to boot. I was too busy think up ways to injure or even kill Wong Chen when I accidentally bumped into one of the thugs hanging out near the other entrance of Forest Park. They started to yell at me and before I finally realize what just happened, someone hit me from behind and then the rest of the group went to beat me up.

After that was over, I began to crawl my way back home while swearing revenge as it started to rain.

The next morning, the weather was a bit out of control, come to think of it, even now it's still is. The series of passing rainstorms (sometimes thunderstorms) for the past month have gotten really tiresome. I turned on the television to watch the news and there was a report of arrests that have been made from a anonymous tip about an "illegal operation" that have been going on. They also mentioned the bodies that were found in the basement and the people arrested are being questioned by the police. Not only that, it's believed that more suspects are still out and the police are hoping that those they arrested would provide some details of what happened and maybe even name those who are still on the run.

Later on, there's another report of a violent homosexual serial killer named Jeffrey Weaver Miller, a former high school student who went missing after he killed his own family and later bullies who driven him to madness. It is mentioned that Jeff was spotted fighting a man that night before the witness took off to a safe distance in order to call the police without being seen by the killer himself. Later the two disappeared and the police are hoping to find more information and they were asking for cooperation from the people who might known something.

Not that it'll help since it sounded kind of vague, but I never realize that we were spotted until the van hit that fruity looking clown.

Unfortunately, later on I learned that the members of the Westboro Baptist Church are using Jeff's series of murders as an excuse to condemn all homosexuals and ironically, they even have pickets that reads, "Thanks god for Jeff!", "Fags are murderers!" and even "Jeff is mein fuhrer!", don't you love Godwin's law? Not to mention Jeff's homosexuality and they still freaking' worshiped him. But then there was something that got me a bit worried when one of them on the interview said, "We heard that one of our enemies is spotted in this city and we shall find him, and punish him for what he have done to us!"

Then another person butted in yelling, "He defiled us! He defiled us!"

Not long after, one of them pulled out a photo of me when I was at Cleveland fighting one of their members and I spit out everything out of my mouth. I didn't know they took a picture when I confronted those assholes, I really should have been careful and if they knew where I lived, it can get ugly. But that wasn't the reason why I stayed home that day, in fact it rained a minute later and stayed that way all day. However, the next day I can't do the same thing, because we're out of milk so I had to go out and buy a gallon (especially since my mom is out visiting relatives in Chinatown, my dad still have to work, and my brother...well you know, summer classes and all).

I was already couple of blocks out when I accidentally bumped into someone and he said, "Watch it you prick!"

Then he looked up and points his finger at me.

"Y-you..."

"Oh crap!"

"It's you!"

I made a run for it as he continue to yell, "Come back here! You won't get away with what you have done to us you heathen!"

As I ran, I looked back and saw several people chasing me and I turned, ran across the street, and up the hill toward Forest Park. Once I got to the park, I went to hide out among the trees hoping that they won't find me and give up. I started to wonder if it's a good time to give Peter a call, perhaps they deal with Westboro Baptist Church as well? I had no time to think because I got spooked by a squirrel and made a sound which gave me away so I had to make my move before the crazies from the WBC can get to me.

I decided to take out each member, one by one.

Once they separated, I slowly crept up on one of the members and subdued him. Next I came upon two other members and quickly grab each of them by their hair and slam their heads to each other, knocking them unconscious.

"This is too easy!" I said to myself.

Knowing that there are five more Westboro members left, I had to be careful and try not to mess up, or otherwise I could be in danger...whatever they might do to me, especially knowing how they're looking for a revenge for what happened few years ago. After knocking out another religious zealot by punching him in the face few times, another one showed up unexpectedly and had a brief scuffle before subduing him. But the sound of the scuffle attracted attention and by the time it was over, I was surrounded by three people.

"There's no escape, you better give yourself up or we'll really hurt you!" one of them said.

"Aren't you going to beat me up anyway?" I asked.

"Yeah but...never mind, since you're not going to come quietly, you left us no choice!" he answered.

Then the other yelled, "You're surrounded, what are you going to do against three of us together?"

Then the threesome made a formation around the area I'm standing on and soon, they started to dance around like a bunch of drunken ninjas with glow sticks on their hands. I couldn't believe I actually took them seriously for a minute as the trio prepare their assault and believe or not, instead of attacking me together, they did so by sending one person at the time, making it easy for me to pick them off. After defeating the first person they send, the second one came in and I actually had a tough time against him, even landed few hits on me but in the end, I was able to bring him down when we both slipped on a wet soil and I quickly grabbed his hair and slam his face to the muddy ground several times.

As soon as I got up, I got hit and found myself close to a bandshell.

I looked up and saw the remaining man standing on top of the bandshell.

"I have to hand it to you, I was impressed by what I just saw, you see, I thought it was ridiculous hearing how the church is obsessed with taking you out but now I know why." he laughed.

"So you're not with them?" I said.

"I'm hired by them to help eliminate you but it's not like it'll matter anyway since I'm going to end your life right here!" he said just before he leaped down right in front of me.

Before I could make a move, he landed several punches on me and landed a kick to my stomach. Afterward, he seemingly flew to the top of the tree and the worst part? He did it without strings so it wasn't an act.

I would continue to have trouble against the mercenary fighting a wuxia-style combat as I even threw rocks at him, only to realize that he's way too high for the rocks to reach. But once he jumped down toward me, one of the rocks struck him in the face, causing him to stumble on his landing. I took the chance throw several punches to his face before he leaped up again, away from my reach. Tired, I could do nothing but watch as he said, "You may have lucked out this one time, but the same mistake won't be made again!" with a hint of anger in his tone.

Once he leaped right off the tree, he landed right behind me and put me in a head lock before I could react. I struggled for a bit until we fell and rolled down the small hill, right into the street and into a passing car. After hitting a car, he let go and leaped away to a safe distance on a tree branch just as the driver got out of the car to yell at us for wrecking his vehicle. The driver never got to say anything because what he just saw, freaked out and quickly drove away, crashing into a tree and seconds later, the vehicle burst into flames.

Fortunately, the driver got out in time before the car exploded and he ran off screaming about a flying monster.

I took the opportunity to hit the mercenary with a close ranged jump kick, only for him to leap away in a nick of time.

"I have gotten careless, don't expect this to happen again!" he said.

He went toward me again because I didn't have a rock in my hand and figured it's safe to do so. I was able to get away just in time and suddenly, I could hear a thud along with, "Ow..." as the leaves rustled. It turns out he flew into a tree and wasn't able to avoid that, a lucky break I guess as it knocked him out, so I was able to drag each one of the unconscious members of the homophobic church and place them next to the mercenary. Then I took a rest by sitting on a bench in front of a bandshell until they finally woke up.

"Lucky for you, I have a conscience, unlike you guys." I said.

One of them said, "Don't expect us to do the same for you one day!"

"I know." I replied.

The mercenary grinned and said, "Next time we meet, that fluke victory of yours won't happen again, right now, enjoy it!"

Then they left.

I really hope I won't have to see that guy again.

I went to a grocery and bought a gallon of milk before returning home.

I thought it was over, but it turns out to be the beginning...because I forgot to cash the check I received when I worked briefly at the campus. Each semester there's a work study program and I was qualified last spring. It wasn't easy landing one as most of them were already booked while some just simply doesn't need an extra help in the first place. I finally got one in the end and while the pay wasn't much, it's still a good experience and I hoped to land another one in the next semester, but nothing is guaranteed however.

The thing is that I have this one check left sitting in the drawer for months and didn't realize until I looked inside to find some used batteries to throw out. Realizing that the check will expire in two days, I quickly took the few hundred dollars worth of piece of paper and head to the J train to travel to Manhattan. Once I got to Canal Street, I head to the closest Citibank I know to cash the check. Little do I know, there are another batch of the Westboro Baptist Church members (could tell by the "God Hates Fags!" t-shirts they're wearing) walking out of McDonald's.

I was hoping to blend into the crowd, not realizing how inconspicuous I was because of the mud all over my clothes and a cut on my cheek. It didn't take long for someone to ask me about the cut and I told her that I tripped in the park. But then I heard someone yelled, "HEATHEN!"

I stopped for a brief moment until I saw a guy with a "The End Is Near!" sign walking around yelling, "LISTEN HEATHENS, THE END IS NY!"

I exhaled and started to walk toward the bank when I heard someone screaming and I jumped. It turned out to be a woman who has a irrational fear of cats and there's a large orange tabby cat that stands what I think is a fish market, but then again I never really paid much attention to the sign. The important thing is that I made my way to the bank without any trouble although I did receive some stares, but after cashing in the check, I relaxed. Unfortunately, I relaxed a bit too much and as a result, I became careless and came across one of these guys...

"There you are!"

"Get him!"

Not long after, the following dialogues went like this...

"He's getting away!"

"Stop you heath-OW! HE PUSHED ME!"

"COME BACK HERE!"

Knowing that they might take a precaution and camp out close to Canal Street Subway or even take a J-train there so they can wait for me once I enter the train (I was too paranoid to think of whether they might not do that due to timing, when you think about it, it's really silly), I went to take a more dangerous route by crossing the Williamsburg Bridge through the walk lane. The reason why it's dangerous is due to the fact that the beginning part of the lane was combined with a bicycle lane and believe me, bicyclists can be pretty obnoxious.

Just when I was heading toward the bridge, the WBC members spotted me again and I had to run yet again. Once I got to the bridge, I started to sprint past the joggers and couple of bicyclists who stopped to check the tire for some reason. Afterward, I came across a guy selling water bottles and bought one for a dollar before continuing on. I started to grow exhausted and knew that sooner or later, the WBC people might catch up so as I slow down to a walk, I looked back and saw that they were far behind as well.

I would continue to walk for few minutes and could feel the sweats gushing out like a Gatorade fountain to the point that I looked like someone who was caught in a rain. Then not long after, the clouds darkened and it rained for a few minutes before it stopped, but then it turns out it was a patch of hole in the rain cloud and once that passed, it rained again. I started to jog and before I knew it, the rain begins to let up but when I looked over my shoulder, the WBC members would fall further back than ever.

I made my way to the end of the bridge and stopped for a brief moment to take a rest.

I took a drink of water when I heard this...

"You can't escape now you heathen, it's time for you to pay for what you have done!"

I tuned around and realized that I took a break way too long, allowing them to catch up.

Several of them spend minutes panting and one of them started to vomit on the side, getting some on his fellow member's shoes (seriously, shoes, not sneakers and they looked torn up).

"We are going to take you in and make sure your wicked deeds of Satan won't go unpunished you fag loving heathen!" one of them said with a smug look on his face while others were still trying to recover from the run.

Then I said, "But first, you'll have to catch me!"

"We already caught you, give it up!"

I splashed some water into his face and threw the empty bottle at the person next to him before taking off. There I sprinted across few blocks to the subway station, only to miss the train by a minute so I got out and move on. I was able to blend into the crowd for a bit which allowed me to slow down and take a breather, making my way to the next station without any incident. When I got up to the next station, I started to grow dizzy and my body begin to ache but finally...this time it was over and I finally made my way back home.

After the class ended, I went to take a break at the local diner on my way home (after walking and sprinting few miles, even hearing someone yelling "Run Forrest Run!"). I was reading the menu and noticed how the foods are overpriced and thought about whether I should order this or that when I heard someone yelling, "You people are sheeps! The Satanists from the Illuminati are going to take over you fools! Remember what they did on 9/11?"

Then a woman who was seated on a table next to me said, "I see this is your first time in this diner."

I nodded.

"Don't mind this guy, he's a resident conspiracy theorist who have been mouthing off the same nonsense for the past year, just ignore him." she said.

"Isn't someone going to stop him?" I asked.

"Just don't, trust me!" she answered.

I wondered why.

Once the semester has ended, I went to the campus bookstore to sell back the textbooks I bought earlier that spring and to tell you the truth, it wasn't much as they were all used. Afterward, I felt great because I have about twenty pounds of books taken off my back and decided to walk several miles back to the subway station (as usual) where I can worry about my parents getting angry about the sweat smell because...you know. On my way, I felt hungry and decided to stop at the diner, forgetting what happened the last time I went there.

As soon as I ordered a cheeseburger, I was suddenly reminded why I haven't went there for a while, because that idiot came in and did what he does best...

"Newtown is a hoax! The parents are liars and the kids doesn't even exist!"

I groaned in disgust, feeling even worse than the plight of just about everything that happens to bother me, including something trivial among other things.

"Obama just wanted to ban our guns and he also set up the bombing in Boston so he can arrest the Muslims to impress his Zionist bosses!"

I tried to fight off my urge to punch him but as he continues to make an ass out of himself, I started to curl my fist to the point that just a little more pressure, my knuckles would have popped right out of the skin. The next thing I know, I was already up and start to walk slowly toward the conspiracy nut and a possible offspring of Alex Jones and one of the people I came across on YouTube. I second later, I stood an inch right in front of the psycho and at that point, he stopped and said, "What do you want you sheep? Do you have a crush on me or what? Spit it out already! The government set this up and your ignorant ass wo-" as my fist was buried in his face, knocking him right into the floor, narrowly missing the table (thankfully too, trust me, the waiters and the waitresses gave me death glares).

The guy got up and said, "You fool, you Zionist loving fool..." as he started toward the entrance.

"You will pay for what you have done, the truth shall come out!"

I sighed and got back to my table when someone tapped me in the shoulder.

I turned and it was a waitress who said, "You idiot!"

"What for?" I asked.

"It seems that there are a lot you need to learn of the situation." she answered.

I started to become worried and said, "You mean the conspiracies are real?"

"No! What happened was that there were some customers who confronted this lunatic, the next day they were never heard again..."

I almost stopped breathing for a moment and asked, "Didn-"

"We tried the police, but there were no evidence."

I put down my burger and said, "No evidence? With disappearances occurring, you'd figure that something might turn up sooner or later."

"That's what we thought too and that was five years ago."

After the break was over, I headed onto the subway station when I saw a suspicious figure in black hood gesturing me to come toward him. I ignored him and started to continue my way when several more figures came out of nowhere and one of them said, "You can't ignore us!"

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Just come with us." was the answer.

Having no choice, I followed them and they led me to a warehouse.

"What is this about?" I asked.

One of the hooded figures turned to me and said, "Remember when you tried to order an album from Amazon and the site was out of stock?"

Stunned, I took few seconds to recover and asked, "How di-"

"Easy, we worked for Amazon!"

"What?"

"Truth is, ever since the rise of electropop, anyone caught dead selling some teen pop albums would be branded an outcast, though still not as much as those who goes out to buy one." he answered.

"Wait, you mean th-"

"Yes, we care enough about our customers and would go an extra mile to make sure no one would get screwed, although there are exceptions but it couldn't be helped...so anyway, about the European Backstreet Boys album you're trying to order."

I groaned in embarrassment as I heard one of the patrons shout, "A guy who listens to the Backstreet Boys? What a faggot!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I felt slightly madder than the struggles of my favorite baseball team.

The seller smiled and said, "Usually, the people who bought that band's albums did so because of that movie that just came out, but you tried to order it a month ago so you have no excuse for that matter, not to mention it didn't even have that track."

I sighed and asked, "Okay, how much for the album?"

It could have been worse, but at least it wasn't that conspiracy nut from the diner, at least for the time being anyway. At that point, I figured that I won't see that crazy guy again but you know the cliche where certain thoughts like that tends to backfire.

You see, what happened was that few days later I received a letter from the office of Financial Aid regarding the FAFSA and the problem was that it claimed I haven't send in the form. I decided to make a trip to the campus administration building where I would try to deal with the issue and hoped that what happend was a mistake that can be corrected.

I was right and in the end the problem was solved.

But then, a new problem would arise.

As soon as I left the entrance, the nutcase from the diner came up and yelled, "The truth shall be revealed you government nazi shee-YOU!?" pointing his finger at me in shock.

"You again?" I said.

"YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN STALKING ME!" he screamed.

"What the heck are you talking about? You ran in yelling like a lunati-wait, you are a lunatic and just because the diner probably no longer allowed you to do this, you decided to do this over here?" I answered.

"Y-YOU GONNA PAY FOR WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE! I SWEAR YOU WILL PAY YOU GOVERMENT PIG AND ONCE IT'S OVER, YOUR SATANIST ZION BOSSES WILL FALL!"

Then he ran off.

"What's that about?"

I sighed and said, "I punched him in the face at the diner few days ago."

"Oh!"

Later that afternoon, tired of taking the same route all over again, I went to take an alternate route to it can feel a bit shorter as I had no intention of taking the bus, I mean it's a beautiful day after dealing with series of rainy days. Then I felt someone was following me so I turned to look over my shoulder and saw no one was there to my relief. I thought I was just getting paranoid because of what the waitress said before not to mention my run in with the staff members of Amazon website didn't helped matters either.

Then one by one, each figure emerged from each bush and one even jumped from the tree, only to land onto someone's car screaming in pain. Sure enough, the nutcase from before came up and sneered, "Well, well, well, who's laughing now?"

"I wasn't laughing." I said.

"Same thing!"

"No it was-"

"Shut up you government pig!" one yelled as I felt a whack from the back of my head, causing me to stumbled a bit before recovering. Almost immediately, I turned around and grabbed the person in the arm just as he was about to hit me with a wrench for the second time and laughed, "Do you really think that stupid cliche would actually work? That hit is weaker than the Yankees offen-" before stopping for a brief moment in anger and continued, "...weaker than a marshmallow hammer, do you really think you can hurt anyone with that?"

A moment later, someone smothered me with a napkin with a funny smelling liquid and I blacked out. Once I come to, I found myself tied up on a chair in a dark room with one window and judging by the sunlight peering through, I wasn't out for that long. I could still feel the pain throbbing from the back of my head from the hit I took earlier. I was still groggy and after a while, I was able to shake it off and look around, barely making out the furnitures until I was finally able to adjust my eyes in the dark room.

"Look who's finally up?"

I could see several figures walking toward me and one of them took out a flashlight and flashed it on my face.

"Ow, my eyes."

I heard a chuckle and one of them said, "You will be here with us for quite a long time unless you tell us what the government is up to."

"What?" I groaned.

"Don't play us for fools, you know what we're talking about!"

"Yeah, do you want to end up like your colleagues for defying us?"

Colleagues? What colleagues? That's when I remember what the waitress said to me back at the diner, some of the people who confronted one of them went missing and their bodies were never found...could it be?

I decided to play along out of curiosity and asked, "What happened to them?"

"None of them agreed to cooperate with us so we did what we had to do, it really saved us the trouble of buying expensive dog food."

At first a shock went through my body, then I started to feel anger growing inside of me. Knowing that I'll have to find a way to escape, I waited for the right moment to act, especially since I was tied up on a creaky wooden chair, anybody could have gotten out of that. As I was typing this, I started to wonder why didn't the others realize this.

I'm guessing they were too freaked out of their minds to do anything.

After a series of questions asked by each of the conspiracy theorists, I slowly answer each of them, one by one with bullshit answers that no one in a right mind would have believed in any of these. Then again, none of those guys are exactly sane so naturally, they gobbled up each of the garbage I gave them like a piece of candy, including the stuff about how Mentos is in on the conspiracy to take over the Andromeda galaxy so the New World Order can expand their influence to different parts of the universe. Turth to be told, it was kind of fun, especially when they also bought into the conspiracy I came up on the fly about how the Sasson jean brand is a plot by the government to turn everyone gay and one of the people who questioned me stormed out of the building yelling, "I knew it!"

After that was over, some of the lunatics would leave while few remained to stand guard. That was the moment I was waiting for, the perfect opportunity, just needed to be careful or otherwise I might blow this one. With that, I stood up despite being tied up and hunched over before I jumped onto my back just as the two guarding me turned to look. Once the chair was shattered, the rope became undone and I was able to get back on my feet, easily subduing both men before they had the chance to do anything.

Not long after, I searched the house for a trace of evidence so that way, these nutcases can finally be put away for what they have done. I checked everywhere, including the backyard, the kitchen (where I stopped and helped myself to a can of Pepsi), and the upstairs room. I wasn't able to find anything until I went to have a look at the basement. As I went down the steps, I noticed the smell and the fact that the basement seems pretty deep since I might have been walking for few minutes down the steps at that point. However, further I proceed, the odor became even stronger and I could hear flies buzzing around, causing me to freeze up for a bit before continuing downward.

The smell, the foul odor...it became so strong that once I made my way to the basement, I nearly threw up. Then I felt the wall next to the staircase for a lightswitch to switch on the lights...once I did so, I wished I hadn't done just that. It was a gruesome sight, the floor was completely covered with what appeared to be a pool of red and yellow mush covered with maggots and cocoons, I could see some flies emerging from some of them. As I forced myslef to look around, I could see decomposing skin that barely covered some bones with gray matter seeping out of the skull. I didn't notice the flies flying all over me until one buzzed past my left ear, causing me to jump and nearly fell down the steps into the pile of rotted mess. Come to think of it, it's not even piles, more like a vast wasteland of a rotted mess, something out of a horror movie, except it's actually frightening. I quickly switched off the light and sprinted up the steps and back into the living room where the two I have beaten continued to groan and one of them said, "You can't get away...the truth will come out..."

I took a moment to calm down from what I just saw and said, "The truth will come out alright, you people will be the one to pay."

Then I walked out to the payphone to make sure the call won't get traced since I don't want anymore part of this mess. I dialed 911 and left an anonymous tip regarding the suspicious activities that occurred in a house, leaving an address as well. After sprinting across few blocks, I came up to the waste basket and began to vomit everything I had in my stomach. The worse part is that I could still smell the stench from the basement, making it hard to forget and could only hope that I won't having another run in with those people once the police done their job. As I would soon realize, the situation's far from over as I would find myself going face to face with what could be described as the righthand man of death itself and no, I do not mean Thanos from Marvel comics. In fact, that "person" is much creepier and weaker at the same time.

It was starting to grow dark and I had no idea where I was at that point. I couldn't even find the right bus stop so I had no choice but to follow the signs of the location, hoping that they might lead me back to where I was before the kidnapping. Instead, I ended up with a run in with a notorious serial killer known as "Jeff the Killer", one of the most narcissistic killers in history. I didn't know who it was at first since I was spooked a bit and then I thought that he might have been a midget clown who got out of a party a bit wasted or something, either way I just wanted to get home so I tried to move aside. Each time I tried to move away, he copied what I did, even when I waved my hand to his face, he did the same. I scratched my head and he did the same, I sneezed and he did the same, I yawned and he did the same, I jumped and he did the same, annoyed at this, I punched him in the face without a second thought and said, "Get out of my way and mime some place else, I don't have anymore time to waste!"

Just as I was ready to walk by him, the clown then squealed, "Oh dear, you dare to hurt my beautiful face, you will pay for that!"

Annoyed because of the smell of decomposing bodies I encountered earlier that day, I said, "How much?" and laughed. Yeah, I was in a crummy mood and felt like a douche but it was a hectic day and it gotten on my nerves. I continued on until the clown screamed, "HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!", causing me to jumped a bit because it sounded like a screech.

I turned around and saw a homicidal look on the clown's face as he pulled out a knife.

As he started to walk toward me, I picked up and rock and toss it right into his face, grazing his cheek, leaving a gash. The clown gasped and stopped to feel his left cheek, that's when he realized that his "beautiful" face got scratched. He squealed and cried with the same smile on his face, making it much more creepier as he screamed, "OH DEAR...YOU AWFUL MAN! YOU SCRATCHED A PERFECT WORK OF ART!"

"YOU RUDE MAN, MY BEAUTY IS RUINED! YOU MUST DIE!"

Suddenly, my body couldn't move no matter how much I tried as a bowl of fruit moved closer by the passing second with a knife in his hand, then for a brief moment, he stopped just to lick the knife before proceeding.

"Damn it!" I growled.

My body stood in place despite my efforts and once he got close, he laughed like a flamboyant hyena and moved his face so close to mine that it was only few centimeters apart, the smile made it unnerving. But then I had a reprieve because I stopped by the pizza place and had a slice which I would coat it with at least few inches of garlic powder. The smell caused the clown to jerk backward and gagged with a smile on his face, screaming, "EW GROSS! YOU SMELLY BOY...SMELLY, SMELLY, SMELLY, STINKY! OH DEAR...YOU STINKY ONE!" as he started to run around in circle like a chicken with its head cut off. After a minute of running around and screaming like the maniac he is, the creepy evil clown finally stopped in the middle of the street and said, "Oh deary, I almost forgot...I'm supposed to kill you for cutting my gorgeous face!"

The clown was ready to move toward me when a van came and struck him, sending him flying down the street like a rag doll. The maniac got up and scampered away like a cockroach before disappearing into the setting sun. My body suddenly regain its movements and I sighed in relief when someone got out of the van and said, "Dennis, you have to come with us!"

"Who are you and how did you know my name?" I asked.

"There's no time, Jeff will return, just get in the van!"

"Look, I appreciate the fact that you saved my life but I need to get home and not only that, I don't even know you...wait a minute, I remember you!"

Couple of years ago when I was traveling cross country (long story), I was at Cleveland when I had another run in with a Chargers fan. To make a long story short, it turns out he sold his soul just to try to kill me and it really backfired on him in the end as he was trapped in the mirror house and was never seen again. I was able to escape due to some help I received from a private investigator who was there because he had some suspicions on the disappearance of several other people prior to that incident, I never thought we would meet again.

I got into the van and along with Peter Connelly, there are several other people as well including couple of people working on the computer.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Truth to be told, we have been looking for you so I looked up your place of residence and we were on our way when...this happened." he answered.

"Why?"

The private investigator sighed and said, "For the past year, there were series of strange events that have happened, it might have something to do with a rumor I heard, I didn't give much thought to it at first but ever since the zombie incident few months ago, the rumor grew stronger."

I remembered the incident, it was weird but I didn't really think much of it after it ended because I was too busy getting caught driving home from college without a license, decided not to take a chance since then.

"So what's the rumor about?" I asked.

"There was a rumor going on that the government tried to find the ultimate eye drop in hope to cure pink eye for good, but the problem is that..."

"Does it involve a bottle of Worcester sauce?" I interrupted.

"No! This isn't South Park, it didn't involve a bottle of Worcester sauce, what happened is that someone messed up the chemicals and that's all I know." he said.

It sounded like the MK Ultra, without the mind control.

I looked around and said, "So...you guys are going to send me home right?"

"Yes, it is getting late and we'll meet up tomorrow." was the answer.

"Good." I said with a sigh of relief.

Then Peter introduced me to some people and said, "By the way, here are the people I would like you to meet."

I saw a woman who gave me a death glare and I wondered why until...

"You? Have you been stalking me?" I yelled.

"That's my line!" she yelled back.

Then Peter came and said, "About that, sorry I didn't tell you earlier, she's here too."

"Thanks a lot!" I said, remembering the meeting I had with her some time ago when she was a receptionist of a hotel I stayed in when I was at Minnesota. Not exactly thrilled to see her again because after what happened in Cleveland which happens to be a sheer coincidence, it gets pretty awkward.

She turned to look at the window and said, "I can see you're not goofing off like what happened back in Minneapolis."

"That's nice, like I even care about this right now." I said with a sarcastic tone.

After being introduced to rest of the staff in the van, Peter offered me to join to help deal with the growing conspiracies that have been going on for sometime. I said, "No thanks, look, I appreciate what you did for me but I don't want to get involved in any of this okay? I'm tired and I just don't want any more of this, just drop me home and it's done with!"

Peter shook his head and said, "You do realize that you just had a confrontation with Jeff the Killer, right?"

I stopped and said, "Jeff the what?"

"Jeff the Killer, I'm sure you heard of him."

"Yeah I heard of the guy, you mean that was him? That guy exist?"

"Where do you think that story came from? Somebody's boredom?"

"Yes."

Then there was a brief silence.

"What?" I said.

"Jeff the Killer is still out there, if you don't join us, you won't be safe." said Peter.

I thought for a minute and said, "So you said that you guys deal with conspiracies, am I right?"

"Yes."

"If I join, do we get to take down Monsanto?"

"No, unless Monsanto is involved in bigger ones than their current problems, we're not going to get involved in this."

I was disappointed so I said, "Then I'm out."

Half an hour later, they dropped me home and Peter gave me a card.

"In case you change your mind, just give us a call."

I nodded and said, "Okay, I'll think about it for a bit."

One evening, I was out for a jog at the park when a hooded white guy came up to me and pulled out a switch blade.

"Okay, hand me the dough you gook or I'll cut yo motherfucka face!" he said.

At first I was frightened, but then I said, "What?"

"You hear me, give me the dough 'cuz I have good vibrations!"

"What?"

Then suddenly, he starts break dancing like a member of the funky bunch and said, "You better hand over the dough, I blinded a gook back in the day to show how badass I am and that I'm not like my faggot ass brother who hung with a boyband!"

This is got to be one of the worse mugging ever, is he even trying? I know who he is now and I guess he really did lost his good vibrations. But then again, you have to admit, starring in a movie about a talking teddy bear can do that to anyone's credibility, especially when the bear sounded like Peter Griffin.

I was ready to leave when his friends came and surrounded me.

"What gives?" I yelled.

The mugger gave a smug grin and said, "Hand over the dough and I'll let you off!"

"What if I don't?" I asked.

"Then my homies will force you to watch my movies!" he answered.

After that, I quickly handed over my wallet without further questions...

"So you must be Fred Phelps, the minister of the infam-er...I mean famous Westboro Baptist Church?"

Fred Phelps looked up and saw a man in a business suit standing in front of the table he's sitting on and said, "Yes, I'm Fred Phelps, what do you want?"

"I'm a representative of a designer brand Sasson and we read of your church's exploits so I was send here to find you and ask whether if you're interested in signing an endorsement deal with us." the man answered.

"Endorsement deal?"

The pastor thought for a moment, "An endorsement deal? If I sign a deal with a company, it may bring our church some money and perhaps an added publicity as well."

Buoyed by excitement, the homophobic pastor jumped up and said, "Hell yes, as long we get paid!"

"Good!" said the representative as he takes out a piece of paper.

"Now if you can just sign here and there..."

Few weeks later, Fred Phelps was at the church along with many of his followers as they were preparing a grand premiere of a latest Sasson commercial that some of their brethens starred in. Granted, Fred Phelps wasn't at the production when the commercial was being film, but he figured that it will be a nice way to make some money and besides, it's not like the content will be flamboyant and gay or anything.

"Everybody, silent! The commercial is coming up!"

Once everyone settled down, the program that was on cut to a commercial break.

"It's starting..." Phelps squealed like a school girl.

On the screen, some of their members were seen dancing around in tight jeans singing...ooh, lala, Sasson...

After series of fruity twirl like a bunch of ballerinas, the commercial comes to an end and Phelps would be rushed to the emergency room due to cardiac arrest. The homophobic pastor would recover but since then, the Westboro Baptist Church would become one of the nation's biggest laughing stocks.

Somewhere in hell, Tamerlan Tsarnaev was buried in a steaming pool of manure all the way up to his neck when he wonder what just happened. Hours earlier, he and his brother we're planning to blow up the MIT building when a police officer caught them, causing the plan to go awry. Eventually, a shootout occurred and for some reason, Tamerlan stepped out of his car just before he and his brother made their escape when he felt a pain in his chest, causing him to fall over. His brother, Dzhokhar panicked and drove off, running over Tamerlan in the process.

Not long afterward, Tamerlan could feel his life fading as he slowly blacked out before finding himself in a inferno filled with moans of despair.

"What is this?" he cried.

A tall cat-like creature comes to him and said, "Welcome to hell my boy, I will show you the way so you'll know where you will stay for the duration of your eternity!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Tamerlan was then thrown into a pit and stayed there since then.

Spending time in a pit full of shit can drive anyone into deep depression but even then, Tamerlan looked around and saw several people in the same predicament, including the people who participated in the genocide in Rwanda, Al-Zarqawi, Ted Bundy, Adolf Hitler, and countless others!

In the end, there's nothing the dead Boston bomber can do as he's now in deep shit.

Meanwhile back on Earth, the members of the Westboro Baptist Church are celebrating the tragic event in Boston in which the deranged pastor Fred Phelps said, "Rejoice my brethen, as those enablers of fags are being punished for their crimes against humanity!"

His followers cheers as each of them raise their right arm to salute the day of joy just moments before their pastor does the same.

"Those two young men were send by god to punish those sinful people of Earth and for that, we shall declare them as saints!"