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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 27th, 2013


Knowing that the members of the Westboro Baptist Church will continue to persue me, I decided to call Peter and tell him that I agree to join, especially since his team could help me deal with the Westboro situation. The private detective told me to wait for them at the location that I can't tell you, but it's not far from where I live anyway so it didn't take long for me to get there. Once the van arrived, Peter welcomed me and told me that the people from the WBC aren't likely to rest until they finally eliminate me. It started to sound like something out of a spy movie but I know he's right, considering that the crazies from the WBC went through the trouble to find me, something had to be done. Not to mention the fact that I have enough problems of my own, might as well just get this over with.

As we were being briefed on the conspiracy that is taking place, two people were send to take some pictures inside a building in order to find something that might expose whatever what was going on, to be honest, I wasn't paying attention during the briefing.

"Dennis? Dennis? Are you paying attention?" Peter said.

"Um, yeah..." I said.

"Okay, you need to deal with your little problem first before you can help us solve the problems we have been dealing with for some time."

Then a man with a offensive features comes up and said, "I'rr herp him!"

For some reason I felt offended...

Peter sighed and said, "Are you sure Wong Chen? I know this guy and believe me, you're not the kind of per-"

"No, it's okay." I said.

"Are you sure? Remember what happened last time when you came across that..."

"I know but he's with us right? It can't be that bad, the sooner we deal with WBC, the better." I said.

"Plus, the caricature couldn't be horribly inept can he?" I continued.

Peter said, "Well, he's isn't inept but..."

Then Wong Chen said, "See? Not ineept!"

I was in a hurry to finish this but...I would come to regret this.

They send someone to trail one of the WBC members for a while and it was discovered that they stay in a glass house somewhere in the woods close to the greenway. We entered the greenway as joggers and followed the path for few miles until the spy pointed to the opening in the woods right next to the road before leaving, telling us good luck on our mission. Wong Chen started to fidget so I entered first and there's a dirt trail that led us to what seems to be a garden, I mean there's a rose bush decorated along the path way to the glass house.

"Who the heck built that? More importantly, who in a right mind would live in that?" I said.

Believe me, it's not even a green house, it's basically a typical house, except it's made of glass, even if it's plexiglas it still wouldn't make it any less ridiculous.

But then, Wong Chen said, "Grass stlong?" and picked up a rock.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

Without answering, he made a weak throw at the glass house, causing the rock to bounce harmlessly off the side. Be both stood there without saying anything until Wong Chen giggled like an underaged school girl model and I told him to shut up. Then we heard someone talking and quickly hid behind the tree, only for Wong Chen to try to push me and said, "Give you up I hide!"

I went to hide behind another tree and waited...

Once the group of people walked by, I peered from the side of the tree and recognized the same people whom I met in China town, they would be in for a surprise. As soon as they tried to unlock the door, the entire building shattered into pieces and Wong Chen jumped out and pointed at me.

"HIM! HIM!" he screamed.

"You bastard!" I yelled but before I could beat the crap out of that stupid asshole, the WBC members ganged up on me.

"So it's not enough for you to tarnish our dignity isn't it?" one of them said.

"How'd you know where we camp out?" the other asked.

"Faggot!" other snorted like a retarded inbred hillbilly (which I think he is).

Without answering, I kicked the shortest member of the gang, hopped over him, and took off into the woods. I could hear them giving chase as the shouts and he heard from anyone around this area. While I swore to myself that I would kill Wong Chen (or at least put him into coma), I stumbled, fell, and rolled right down the hill before hitting the fence. I got up and saw one of the golfers looking at me and he asked me if I was okay and I answered, "Yeah...I guess." The golfer then said, "Looks like you're having quite an adventure."

"You could say that."

"Mind if you look for the ball? I hit it over the fence and it landed just as you came in." the golfer asked.

I found the ball right beside the tree so I picked it up and threw it back to him.

"Thanks!" he said.

"Okay...gotta go!" I said before running off as I heard the WBC members shouting nearby.

To think that we're supposed to observe the activity and even sneak into the building once the WBC members leave so we can find whatever information we can and report it to Peter. That way, the private investigator can find a way to use the information against them, but instead, it turned into a fiasco like the Yankees west coast trip...all because that stupid idiot had to test the glass house by chucking a freaking rock!

Deep into the woods, I took me a while but I was able to lose the WBC members. However, at the same time I would end up lost as well, it gave me a tough time as I had no idea where I was yet again. For a moment I thought I heard someone running right behind me and I turned, only to see one one was there until I heard someone whispering, "I will get you!"

Spooked, I said, "Slenderman, is that you?"

No answer.

I decided to go straight since I figure that if I change direction at any given time, I might wind up walking around in circles. After walking for about several miles without any progress, I finally decided to turn and as I would soon realize, I was near the edge of the woods the whole time. Had I turned earlier, I would have been out much sooner, what a pointless waste of time.

After finding a familiar place, I knew where to head to.

Either way, I decided that if I see Wong Chen again, there's absolutely no way I'm going to let that bastard off the hook. Not only that he has some traits of an offensive stereotype, he's also a backstabber to boot. I was too busy think up ways to injure or even kill Wong Chen when I accidentally bumped into one of the thugs hanging out near the other entrance of Forest Park. They started to yell at me and before I finally realize what just happened, someone hit me from behind and then the rest of the group went to beat me up.

After that was over, I began to crawl my way back home while swearing revenge as it started to rain.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 24th, 2013


The next morning, the weather was a bit out of control, come to think of it, even now it's still is. The series of passing rainstorms (sometimes thunderstorms) for the past month have gotten really tiresome. I turned on the television to watch the news and there was a report of arrests that have been made from a anonymous tip about an "illegal operation" that have been going on. They also mentioned the bodies that were found in the basement and the people arrested are being questioned by the police. Not only that, it's believed that more suspects are still out and the police are hoping that those they arrested would provide some details of what happened and maybe even name those who are still on the run.

Later on, there's another report of a violent homosexual serial killer named Jeffrey Weaver Miller, a former high school student who went missing after he killed his own family and later bullies who driven him to madness. It is mentioned that Jeff was spotted fighting a man that night before the witness took off to a safe distance in order to call the police without being seen by the killer himself. Later the two disappeared and the police are hoping to find more information and they were asking for cooperation from the people who might known something.

Not that it'll help since it sounded kind of vague, but I never realize that we were spotted until the van hit that fruity looking clown.

Unfortunately, later on I learned that the members of the Westboro Baptist Church are using Jeff's series of murders as an excuse to condemn all homosexuals and ironically, they even have pickets that reads, "Thanks god for Jeff!", "Fags are murderers!" and even "Jeff is mein fuhrer!", don't you love Godwin's law? Not to mention Jeff's homosexuality and they still freaking' worshiped him. But then there was something that got me a bit worried when one of them on the interview said, "We heard that one of our enemies is spotted in this city and we shall find him, and punish him for what he have done to us!"

Then another person butted in yelling, "He defiled us! He defiled us!"

Not long after, one of them pulled out a photo of me when I was at Cleveland fighting one of their members and I spit out everything out of my mouth. I didn't know they took a picture when I confronted those assholes, I really should have been careful and if they knew where I lived, it can get ugly. But that wasn't the reason why I stayed home that day, in fact it rained a minute later and stayed that way all day. However, the next day I can't do the same thing, because we're out of milk so I had to go out and buy a gallon (especially since my mom is out visiting relatives in Chinatown, my dad still have to work, and my brother...well you know, summer classes and all).

I was already couple of blocks out when I accidentally bumped into someone and he said, "Watch it you prick!"

Then he looked up and points his finger at me.

"Y-you..."

"Oh crap!"

"It's you!"

I made a run for it as he continue to yell, "Come back here! You won't get away with what you have done to us you heathen!"

As I ran, I looked back and saw several people chasing me and I turned, ran across the street, and up the hill toward Forest Park. Once I got to the park, I went to hide out among the trees hoping that they won't find me and give up. I started to wonder if it's a good time to give Peter a call, perhaps they deal with Westboro Baptist Church as well? I had no time to think because I got spooked by a squirrel and made a sound which gave me away so I had to make my move before the crazies from the WBC can get to me.

I decided to take out each member, one by one.

Once they separated, I slowly crept up on one of the members and subdued him. Next I came upon two other members and quickly grab each of them by their hair and slam their heads to each other, knocking them unconscious.

"This is too easy!" I said to myself.

Knowing that there are five more Westboro members left, I had to be careful and try not to mess up, or otherwise I could be in danger...whatever they might do to me, especially knowing how they're looking for a revenge for what happened few years ago. After knocking out another religious zealot by punching him in the face few times, another one showed up unexpectedly and had a brief scuffle before subduing him. But the sound of the scuffle attracted attention and by the time it was over, I was surrounded by three people.

"There's no escape, you better give yourself up or we'll really hurt you!" one of them said.

"Aren't you going to beat me up anyway?" I asked.

"Yeah but...never mind, since you're not going to come quietly, you left us no choice!" he answered.

Then the other yelled, "You're surrounded, what are you going to do against three of us together?"

Then the threesome made a formation around the area I'm standing on and soon, they started to dance around like a bunch of drunken ninjas with glow sticks on their hands. I couldn't believe I actually took them seriously for a minute as the trio prepare their assault and believe or not, instead of attacking me together, they did so by sending one person at the time, making it easy for me to pick them off. After defeating the first person they send, the second one came in and I actually had a tough time against him, even landed few hits on me but in the end, I was able to bring him down when we both slipped on a wet soil and I quickly grabbed his hair and slam his face to the muddy ground several times.

As soon as I got up, I got hit and found myself close to a bandshell.

I looked up and saw the remaining man standing on top of the bandshell.

"I have to hand it to you, I was impressed by what I just saw, you see, I thought it was ridiculous hearing how the church is obsessed with taking you out but now I know why." he laughed.

"So you're not with them?" I said.

"I'm hired by them to help eliminate you but it's not like it'll matter anyway since I'm going to end your life right here!" he said just before he leaped down right in front of me.

Before I could make a move, he landed several punches on me and landed a kick to my stomach. Afterward, he seemingly flew to the top of the tree and the worst part? He did it without strings so it wasn't an act.

I would continue to have trouble against the mercenary fighting a wuxia-style combat as I even threw rocks at him, only to realize that he's way too high for the rocks to reach. But once he jumped down toward me, one of the rocks struck him in the face, causing him to stumble on his landing. I took the chance throw several punches to his face before he leaped up again, away from my reach. Tired, I could do nothing but watch as he said, "You may have lucked out this one time, but the same mistake won't be made again!" with a hint of anger in his tone.

Once he leaped right off the tree, he landed right behind me and put me in a head lock before I could react. I struggled for a bit until we fell and rolled down the small hill, right into the street and into a passing car. After hitting a car, he let go and leaped away to a safe distance on a tree branch just as the driver got out of the car to yell at us for wrecking his vehicle. The driver never got to say anything because what he just saw, freaked out and quickly drove away, crashing into a tree and seconds later, the vehicle burst into flames.

Fortunately, the driver got out in time before the car exploded and he ran off screaming about a flying monster.

I took the opportunity to hit the mercenary with a close ranged jump kick, only for him to leap away in a nick of time.

"I have gotten careless, don't expect this to happen again!" he said.

He went toward me again because I didn't have a rock in my hand and figured it's safe to do so. I was able to get away just in time and suddenly, I could hear a thud along with, "Ow..." as the leaves rustled. It turns out he flew into a tree and wasn't able to avoid that, a lucky break I guess as it knocked him out, so I was able to drag each one of the unconscious members of the homophobic church and place them next to the mercenary. Then I took a rest by sitting on a bench in front of a bandshell until they finally woke up.

"Lucky for you, I have a conscience, unlike you guys." I said.

One of them said, "Don't expect us to do the same for you one day!"

"I know." I replied.

The mercenary grinned and said, "Next time we meet, that fluke victory of yours won't happen again, right now, enjoy it!"

Then they left.

I really hope I won't have to see that guy again.

I went to a grocery and bought a gallon of milk before returning home.

I thought it was over, but it turns out to be the beginning...because I forgot to cash the check I received when I worked briefly at the campus. Each semester there's a work study program and I was qualified last spring. It wasn't easy landing one as most of them were already booked while some just simply doesn't need an extra help in the first place. I finally got one in the end and while the pay wasn't much, it's still a good experience and I hoped to land another one in the next semester, but nothing is guaranteed however.

The thing is that I have this one check left sitting in the drawer for months and didn't realize until I looked inside to find some used batteries to throw out. Realizing that the check will expire in two days, I quickly took the few hundred dollars worth of piece of paper and head to the J train to travel to Manhattan. Once I got to Canal Street, I head to the closest Citibank I know to cash the check. Little do I know, there are another batch of the Westboro Baptist Church members (could tell by the "God Hates Fags!" t-shirts they're wearing) walking out of McDonald's.

I was hoping to blend into the crowd, not realizing how inconspicuous I was because of the mud all over my clothes and a cut on my cheek. It didn't take long for someone to ask me about the cut and I told her that I tripped in the park. But then I heard someone yelled, "HEATHEN!"

I stopped for a brief moment until I saw a guy with a "The End Is Near!" sign walking around yelling, "LISTEN HEATHENS, THE END IS NY!"

I exhaled and started to walk toward the bank when I heard someone screaming and I jumped. It turned out to be a woman who has a irrational fear of cats and there's a large orange tabby cat that stands what I think is a fish market, but then again I never really paid much attention to the sign. The important thing is that I made my way to the bank without any trouble although I did receive some stares, but after cashing in the check, I relaxed. Unfortunately, I relaxed a bit too much and as a result, I became careless and came across one of these guys...

"There you are!"

"Get him!"

Not long after, the following dialogues went like this...

"He's getting away!"

"Stop you heath-OW! HE PUSHED ME!"

"COME BACK HERE!"

Knowing that they might take a precaution and camp out close to Canal Street Subway or even take a J-train there so they can wait for me once I enter the train (I was too paranoid to think of whether they might not do that due to timing, when you think about it, it's really silly), I went to take a more dangerous route by crossing the Williamsburg Bridge through the walk lane. The reason why it's dangerous is due to the fact that the beginning part of the lane was combined with a bicycle lane and believe me, bicyclists can be pretty obnoxious.

Just when I was heading toward the bridge, the WBC members spotted me again and I had to run yet again. Once I got to the bridge, I started to sprint past the joggers and couple of bicyclists who stopped to check the tire for some reason. Afterward, I came across a guy selling water bottles and bought one for a dollar before continuing on. I started to grow exhausted and knew that sooner or later, the WBC people might catch up so as I slow down to a walk, I looked back and saw that they were far behind as well.

I would continue to walk for few minutes and could feel the sweats gushing out like a Gatorade fountain to the point that I looked like someone who was caught in a rain. Then not long after, the clouds darkened and it rained for a few minutes before it stopped, but then it turns out it was a patch of hole in the rain cloud and once that passed, it rained again. I started to jog and before I knew it, the rain begins to let up but when I looked over my shoulder, the WBC members would fall further back than ever.

I made my way to the end of the bridge and stopped for a brief moment to take a rest.

I took a drink of water when I heard this...

"You can't escape now you heathen, it's time for you to pay for what you have done!"

I tuned around and realized that I took a break way too long, allowing them to catch up.

Several of them spend minutes panting and one of them started to vomit on the side, getting some on his fellow member's shoes (seriously, shoes, not sneakers and they looked torn up).

"We are going to take you in and make sure your wicked deeds of Satan won't go unpunished you fag loving heathen!" one of them said with a smug look on his face while others were still trying to recover from the run.

Then I said, "But first, you'll have to catch me!"

"We already caught you, give it up!"

I splashed some water into his face and threw the empty bottle at the person next to him before taking off. There I sprinted across few blocks to the subway station, only to miss the train by a minute so I got out and move on. I was able to blend into the crowd for a bit which allowed me to slow down and take a breather, making my way to the next station without any incident. When I got up to the next station, I started to grow dizzy and my body begin to ache but finally...this time it was over and I finally made my way back home.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 18th, 2013


After the class ended, I went to take a break at the local diner on my way home (after walking and sprinting few miles, even hearing someone yelling "Run Forrest Run!"). I was reading the menu and noticed how the foods are overpriced and thought about whether I should order this or that when I heard someone yelling, "You people are sheeps! The Satanists from the Illuminati are going to take over you fools! Remember what they did on 9/11?"

Then a woman who was seated on a table next to me said, "I see this is your first time in this diner."

I nodded.

"Don't mind this guy, he's a resident conspiracy theorist who have been mouthing off the same nonsense for the past year, just ignore him." she said.

"Isn't someone going to stop him?" I asked.

"Just don't, trust me!" she answered.

I wondered why.

Once the semester has ended, I went to the campus bookstore to sell back the textbooks I bought earlier that spring and to tell you the truth, it wasn't much as they were all used. Afterward, I felt great because I have about twenty pounds of books taken off my back and decided to walk several miles back to the subway station (as usual) where I can worry about my parents getting angry about the sweat smell because...you know. On my way, I felt hungry and decided to stop at the diner, forgetting what happened the last time I went there.

As soon as I ordered a cheeseburger, I was suddenly reminded why I haven't went there for a while, because that idiot came in and did what he does best...

"Newtown is a hoax! The parents are liars and the kids doesn't even exist!"

I groaned in disgust, feeling even worse than the plight of just about everything that happens to bother me, including something trivial among other things.

"Obama just wanted to ban our guns and he also set up the bombing in Boston so he can arrest the Muslims to impress his Zionist bosses!"

I tried to fight off my urge to punch him but as he continues to make an ass out of himself, I started to curl my fist to the point that just a little more pressure, my knuckles would have popped right out of the skin. The next thing I know, I was already up and start to walk slowly toward the conspiracy nut and a possible offspring of Alex Jones and one of the people I came across on YouTube. I second later, I stood an inch right in front of the psycho and at that point, he stopped and said, "What do you want you sheep? Do you have a crush on me or what? Spit it out already! The government set this up and your ignorant ass wo-" as my fist was buried in his face, knocking him right into the floor, narrowly missing the table (thankfully too, trust me, the waiters and the waitresses gave me death glares).

The guy got up and said, "You fool, you Zionist loving fool..." as he started toward the entrance.

"You will pay for what you have done, the truth shall come out!"

I sighed and got back to my table when someone tapped me in the shoulder.

I turned and it was a waitress who said, "You idiot!"

"What for?" I asked.

"It seems that there are a lot you need to learn of the situation." she answered.

I started to become worried and said, "You mean the conspiracies are real?"

"No! What happened was that there were some customers who confronted this lunatic, the next day they were never heard again..."

I almost stopped breathing for a moment and asked, "Didn-"

"We tried the police, but there were no evidence."

I put down my burger and said, "No evidence? With disappearances occurring, you'd figure that something might turn up sooner or later."

"That's what we thought too and that was five years ago."

After the break was over, I headed onto the subway station when I saw a suspicious figure in black hood gesturing me to come toward him. I ignored him and started to continue my way when several more figures came out of nowhere and one of them said, "You can't ignore us!"

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Just come with us." was the answer.

Having no choice, I followed them and they led me to a warehouse.

"What is this about?" I asked.

One of the hooded figures turned to me and said, "Remember when you tried to order an album from Amazon and the site was out of stock?"

Stunned, I took few seconds to recover and asked, "How di-"

"Easy, we worked for Amazon!"

"What?"

"Truth is, ever since the rise of electropop, anyone caught dead selling some teen pop albums would be branded an outcast, though still not as much as those who goes out to buy one." he answered.

"Wait, you mean th-"

"Yes, we care enough about our customers and would go an extra mile to make sure no one would get screwed, although there are exceptions but it couldn't be helped...so anyway, about the European Backstreet Boys album you're trying to order."

I groaned in embarrassment as I heard one of the patrons shout, "A guy who listens to the Backstreet Boys? What a faggot!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I felt slightly madder than the struggles of my favorite baseball team.

The seller smiled and said, "Usually, the people who bought that band's albums did so because of that movie that just came out, but you tried to order it a month ago so you have no excuse for that matter, not to mention it didn't even have that track."

I sighed and asked, "Okay, how much for the album?"

It could have been worse, but at least it wasn't that conspiracy nut from the diner, at least for the time being anyway. At that point, I figured that I won't see that crazy guy again but you know the cliche where certain thoughts like that tends to backfire.

You see, what happened was that few days later I received a letter from the office of Financial Aid regarding the FAFSA and the problem was that it claimed I haven't send in the form. I decided to make a trip to the campus administration building where I would try to deal with the issue and hoped that what happend was a mistake that can be corrected.

I was right and in the end the problem was solved.

But then, a new problem would arise.

As soon as I left the entrance, the nutcase from the diner came up and yelled, "The truth shall be revealed you government nazi shee-YOU!?" pointing his finger at me in shock.

"You again?" I said.

"YOU! YOU HAVE BEEN STALKING ME!" he screamed.

"What the heck are you talking about? You ran in yelling like a lunati-wait, you are a lunatic and just because the diner probably no longer allowed you to do this, you decided to do this over here?" I answered.

"Y-YOU GONNA PAY FOR WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE! I SWEAR YOU WILL PAY YOU GOVERMENT PIG AND ONCE IT'S OVER, YOUR SATANIST ZION BOSSES WILL FALL!"

Then he ran off.

"What's that about?"

I sighed and said, "I punched him in the face at the diner few days ago."

"Oh!"

Later that afternoon, tired of taking the same route all over again, I went to take an alternate route to it can feel a bit shorter as I had no intention of taking the bus, I mean it's a beautiful day after dealing with series of rainy days. Then I felt someone was following me so I turned to look over my shoulder and saw no one was there to my relief. I thought I was just getting paranoid because of what the waitress said before not to mention my run in with the staff members of Amazon website didn't helped matters either.

Then one by one, each figure emerged from each bush and one even jumped from the tree, only to land onto someone's car screaming in pain. Sure enough, the nutcase from before came up and sneered, "Well, well, well, who's laughing now?"

"I wasn't laughing." I said.

"Same thing!"

"No it was-"

"Shut up you government pig!" one yelled as I felt a whack from the back of my head, causing me to stumbled a bit before recovering. Almost immediately, I turned around and grabbed the person in the arm just as he was about to hit me with a wrench for the second time and laughed, "Do you really think that stupid cliche would actually work? That hit is weaker than the Yankees offen-" before stopping for a brief moment in anger and continued, "...weaker than a marshmallow hammer, do you really think you can hurt anyone with that?"

A moment later, someone smothered me with a napkin with a funny smelling liquid and I blacked out. Once I come to, I found myself tied up on a chair in a dark room with one window and judging by the sunlight peering through, I wasn't out for that long. I could still feel the pain throbbing from the back of my head from the hit I took earlier. I was still groggy and after a while, I was able to shake it off and look around, barely making out the furnitures until I was finally able to adjust my eyes in the dark room.

"Look who's finally up?"

I could see several figures walking toward me and one of them took out a flashlight and flashed it on my face.

"Ow, my eyes."

I heard a chuckle and one of them said, "You will be here with us for quite a long time unless you tell us what the government is up to."

"What?" I groaned.

"Don't play us for fools, you know what we're talking about!"

"Yeah, do you want to end up like your colleagues for defying us?"

Colleagues? What colleagues? That's when I remember what the waitress said to me back at the diner, some of the people who confronted one of them went missing and their bodies were never found...could it be?

I decided to play along out of curiosity and asked, "What happened to them?"

"None of them agreed to cooperate with us so we did what we had to do, it really saved us the trouble of buying expensive dog food."

At first a shock went through my body, then I started to feel anger growing inside of me. Knowing that I'll have to find a way to escape, I waited for the right moment to act, especially since I was tied up on a creaky wooden chair, anybody could have gotten out of that. As I was typing this, I started to wonder why didn't the others realize this.

I'm guessing they were too freaked out of their minds to do anything.

After a series of questions asked by each of the conspiracy theorists, I slowly answer each of them, one by one with bullshit answers that no one in a right mind would have believed in any of these. Then again, none of those guys are exactly sane so naturally, they gobbled up each of the garbage I gave them like a piece of candy, including the stuff about how Mentos is in on the conspiracy to take over the Andromeda galaxy so the New World Order can expand their influence to different parts of the universe. Turth to be told, it was kind of fun, especially when they also bought into the conspiracy I came up on the fly about how the Sasson jean brand is a plot by the government to turn everyone gay and one of the people who questioned me stormed out of the building yelling, "I knew it!"

After that was over, some of the lunatics would leave while few remained to stand guard. That was the moment I was waiting for, the perfect opportunity, just needed to be careful or otherwise I might blow this one. With that, I stood up despite being tied up and hunched over before I jumped onto my back just as the two guarding me turned to look. Once the chair was shattered, the rope became undone and I was able to get back on my feet, easily subduing both men before they had the chance to do anything.

Not long after, I searched the house for a trace of evidence so that way, these nutcases can finally be put away for what they have done. I checked everywhere, including the backyard, the kitchen (where I stopped and helped myself to a can of Pepsi), and the upstairs room. I wasn't able to find anything until I went to have a look at the basement. As I went down the steps, I noticed the smell and the fact that the basement seems pretty deep since I might have been walking for few minutes down the steps at that point. However, further I proceed, the odor became even stronger and I could hear flies buzzing around, causing me to freeze up for a bit before continuing downward.

The smell, the foul odor...it became so strong that once I made my way to the basement, I nearly threw up. Then I felt the wall next to the staircase for a lightswitch to switch on the lights...once I did so, I wished I hadn't done just that. It was a gruesome sight, the floor was completely covered with what appeared to be a pool of red and yellow mush covered with maggots and cocoons, I could see some flies emerging from some of them. As I forced myslef to look around, I could see decomposing skin that barely covered some bones with gray matter seeping out of the skull. I didn't notice the flies flying all over me until one buzzed past my left ear, causing me to jump and nearly fell down the steps into the pile of rotted mess. Come to think of it, it's not even piles, more like a vast wasteland of a rotted mess, something out of a horror movie, except it's actually frightening. I quickly switched off the light and sprinted up the steps and back into the living room where the two I have beaten continued to groan and one of them said, "You can't get away...the truth will come out..."

I took a moment to calm down from what I just saw and said, "The truth will come out alright, you people will be the one to pay."

Then I walked out to the payphone to make sure the call won't get traced since I don't want anymore part of this mess. I dialed 911 and left an anonymous tip regarding the suspicious activities that occurred in a house, leaving an address as well. After sprinting across few blocks, I came up to the waste basket and began to vomit everything I had in my stomach. The worse part is that I could still smell the stench from the basement, making it hard to forget and could only hope that I won't having another run in with those people once the police done their job. As I would soon realize, the situation's far from over as I would find myself going face to face with what could be described as the righthand man of death itself and no, I do not mean Thanos from Marvel comics. In fact, that "person" is much creepier and weaker at the same time.

It was starting to grow dark and I had no idea where I was at that point. I couldn't even find the right bus stop so I had no choice but to follow the signs of the location, hoping that they might lead me back to where I was before the kidnapping. Instead, I ended up with a run in with a notorious serial killer known as "Jeff the Killer", one of the most narcissistic killers in history. I didn't know who it was at first since I was spooked a bit and then I thought that he might have been a midget clown who got out of a party a bit wasted or something, either way I just wanted to get home so I tried to move aside. Each time I tried to move away, he copied what I did, even when I waved my hand to his face, he did the same. I scratched my head and he did the same, I sneezed and he did the same, I yawned and he did the same, I jumped and he did the same, annoyed at this, I punched him in the face without a second thought and said, "Get out of my way and mime some place else, I don't have anymore time to waste!"

Just as I was ready to walk by him, the clown then squealed, "Oh dear, you dare to hurt my beautiful face, you will pay for that!"

Annoyed because of the smell of decomposing bodies I encountered earlier that day, I said, "How much?" and laughed. Yeah, I was in a crummy mood and felt like a douche but it was a hectic day and it gotten on my nerves. I continued on until the clown screamed, "HOW DARE YOU HURT MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!", causing me to jumped a bit because it sounded like a screech.

I turned around and saw a homicidal look on the clown's face as he pulled out a knife.

As he started to walk toward me, I picked up and rock and toss it right into his face, grazing his cheek, leaving a gash. The clown gasped and stopped to feel his left cheek, that's when he realized that his "beautiful" face got scratched. He squealed and cried with the same smile on his face, making it much more creepier as he screamed, "OH DEAR...YOU AWFUL MAN! YOU SCRATCHED A PERFECT WORK OF ART!"

"YOU RUDE MAN, MY BEAUTY IS RUINED! YOU MUST DIE!"

Suddenly, my body couldn't move no matter how much I tried as a bowl of fruit moved closer by the passing second with a knife in his hand, then for a brief moment, he stopped just to lick the knife before proceeding.

"Damn it!" I growled.

My body stood in place despite my efforts and once he got close, he laughed like a flamboyant hyena and moved his face so close to mine that it was only few centimeters apart, the smile made it unnerving. But then I had a reprieve because I stopped by the pizza place and had a slice which I would coat it with at least few inches of garlic powder. The smell caused the clown to jerk backward and gagged with a smile on his face, screaming, "EW GROSS! YOU SMELLY BOY...SMELLY, SMELLY, SMELLY, STINKY! OH DEAR...YOU STINKY ONE!" as he started to run around in circle like a chicken with its head cut off. After a minute of running around and screaming like the maniac he is, the creepy evil clown finally stopped in the middle of the street and said, "Oh deary, I almost forgot...I'm supposed to kill you for cutting my gorgeous face!"

The clown was ready to move toward me when a van came and struck him, sending him flying down the street like a rag doll. The maniac got up and scampered away like a cockroach before disappearing into the setting sun. My body suddenly regain its movements and I sighed in relief when someone got out of the van and said, "Dennis, you have to come with us!"

"Who are you and how did you know my name?" I asked.

"There's no time, Jeff will return, just get in the van!"

"Look, I appreciate the fact that you saved my life but I need to get home and not only that, I don't even know you...wait a minute, I remember you!"

Couple of years ago when I was traveling cross country (long story), I was at Cleveland when I had another run in with a Chargers fan. To make a long story short, it turns out he sold his soul just to try to kill me and it really backfired on him in the end as he was trapped in the mirror house and was never seen again. I was able to escape due to some help I received from a private investigator who was there because he had some suspicions on the disappearance of several other people prior to that incident, I never thought we would meet again.

I got into the van and along with Peter Connelly, there are several other people as well including couple of people working on the computer.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Truth to be told, we have been looking for you so I looked up your place of residence and we were on our way when...this happened." he answered.

"Why?"

The private investigator sighed and said, "For the past year, there were series of strange events that have happened, it might have something to do with a rumor I heard, I didn't give much thought to it at first but ever since the zombie incident few months ago, the rumor grew stronger."

I remembered the incident, it was weird but I didn't really think much of it after it ended because I was too busy getting caught driving home from college without a license, decided not to take a chance since then.

"So what's the rumor about?" I asked.

"There was a rumor going on that the government tried to find the ultimate eye drop in hope to cure pink eye for good, but the problem is that..."

"Does it involve a bottle of Worcester sauce?" I interrupted.

"No! This isn't South Park, it didn't involve a bottle of Worcester sauce, what happened is that someone messed up the chemicals and that's all I know." he said.

It sounded like the MK Ultra, without the mind control.

I looked around and said, "So...you guys are going to send me home right?"

"Yes, it is getting late and we'll meet up tomorrow." was the answer.

"Good." I said with a sigh of relief.

Then Peter introduced me to some people and said, "By the way, here are the people I would like you to meet."

I saw a woman who gave me a death glare and I wondered why until...

"You? Have you been stalking me?" I yelled.

"That's my line!" she yelled back.

Then Peter came and said, "About that, sorry I didn't tell you earlier, she's here too."

"Thanks a lot!" I said, remembering the meeting I had with her some time ago when she was a receptionist of a hotel I stayed in when I was at Minnesota. Not exactly thrilled to see her again because after what happened in Cleveland which happens to be a sheer coincidence, it gets pretty awkward.

She turned to look at the window and said, "I can see you're not goofing off like what happened back in Minneapolis."

"That's nice, like I even care about this right now." I said with a sarcastic tone.

After being introduced to rest of the staff in the van, Peter offered me to join to help deal with the growing conspiracies that have been going on for sometime. I said, "No thanks, look, I appreciate what you did for me but I don't want to get involved in any of this okay? I'm tired and I just don't want any more of this, just drop me home and it's done with!"

Peter shook his head and said, "You do realize that you just had a confrontation with Jeff the Killer, right?"

I stopped and said, "Jeff the what?"

"Jeff the Killer, I'm sure you heard of him."

"Yeah I heard of the guy, you mean that was him? That guy exist?"

"Where do you think that story came from? Somebody's boredom?"

"Yes."

Then there was a brief silence.

"What?" I said.

"Jeff the Killer is still out there, if you don't join us, you won't be safe." said Peter.

I thought for a minute and said, "So you said that you guys deal with conspiracies, am I right?"

"Yes."

"If I join, do we get to take down Monsanto?"

"No, unless Monsanto is involved in bigger ones than their current problems, we're not going to get involved in this."

I was disappointed so I said, "Then I'm out."

Half an hour later, they dropped me home and Peter gave me a card.

"In case you change your mind, just give us a call."

I nodded and said, "Okay, I'll think about it for a bit."


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 12th, 2013


One evening, I was out for a jog at the park when a hooded white guy came up to me and pulled out a switch blade.

"Okay, hand me the dough you gook or I'll cut yo motherfucka face!" he said.

At first I was frightened, but then I said, "What?"

"You hear me, give me the dough 'cuz I have good vibrations!"

"What?"

Then suddenly, he starts break dancing like a member of the funky bunch and said, "You better hand over the dough, I blinded a gook back in the day to show how badass I am and that I'm not like my faggot ass brother who hung with a boyband!"

This is got to be one of the worse mugging ever, is he even trying? I know who he is now and I guess he really did lost his good vibrations. But then again, you have to admit, starring in a movie about a talking teddy bear can do that to anyone's credibility, especially when the bear sounded like Peter Griffin.

I was ready to leave when his friends came and surrounded me.

"What gives?" I yelled.

The mugger gave a smug grin and said, "Hand over the dough and I'll let you off!"

"What if I don't?" I asked.

"Then my homies will force you to watch my movies!" he answered.

After that, I quickly handed over my wallet without further questions...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 7th, 2013


"So you must be Fred Phelps, the minister of the infam-er...I mean famous Westboro Baptist Church?"

Fred Phelps looked up and saw a man in a business suit standing in front of the table he's sitting on and said, "Yes, I'm Fred Phelps, what do you want?"

"I'm a representative of a designer brand Sasson and we read of your church's exploits so I was send here to find you and ask whether if you're interested in signing an endorsement deal with us." the man answered.

"Endorsement deal?"

The pastor thought for a moment, "An endorsement deal? If I sign a deal with a company, it may bring our church some money and perhaps an added publicity as well."

Buoyed by excitement, the homophobic pastor jumped up and said, "Hell yes, as long we get paid!"

"Good!" said the representative as he takes out a piece of paper.

"Now if you can just sign here and there..."

Few weeks later, Fred Phelps was at the church along with many of his followers as they were preparing a grand premiere of a latest Sasson commercial that some of their brethens starred in. Granted, Fred Phelps wasn't at the production when the commercial was being film, but he figured that it will be a nice way to make some money and besides, it's not like the content will be flamboyant and gay or anything.

"Everybody, silent! The commercial is coming up!"

Once everyone settled down, the program that was on cut to a commercial break.

"It's starting..." Phelps squealed like a school girl.

On the screen, some of their members were seen dancing around in tight jeans singing...ooh, lala, Sasson...

After series of fruity twirl like a bunch of ballerinas, the commercial comes to an end and Phelps would be rushed to the emergency room due to cardiac arrest. The homophobic pastor would recover but since then, the Westboro Baptist Church would become one of the nation's biggest laughing stocks.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 19th, 2013


Somewhere in hell, Tamerlan Tsarnaev was buried in a steaming pool of manure all the way up to his neck when he wonder what just happened. Hours earlier, he and his brother we're planning to blow up the MIT building when a police officer caught them, causing the plan to go awry. Eventually, a shootout occurred and for some reason, Tamerlan stepped out of his car just before he and his brother made their escape when he felt a pain in his chest, causing him to fall over. His brother, Dzhokhar panicked and drove off, running over Tamerlan in the process.

Not long afterward, Tamerlan could feel his life fading as he slowly blacked out before finding himself in a inferno filled with moans of despair.

"What is this?" he cried.

A tall cat-like creature comes to him and said, "Welcome to hell my boy, I will show you the way so you'll know where you will stay for the duration of your eternity!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Tamerlan was then thrown into a pit and stayed there since then.

Spending time in a pit full of shit can drive anyone into deep depression but even then, Tamerlan looked around and saw several people in the same predicament, including the people who participated in the genocide in Rwanda, Al-Zarqawi, Ted Bundy, Adolf Hitler, and countless others!

In the end, there's nothing the dead Boston bomber can do as he's now in deep shit.

Meanwhile back on Earth, the members of the Westboro Baptist Church are celebrating the tragic event in Boston in which the deranged pastor Fred Phelps said, "Rejoice my brethen, as those enablers of fags are being punished for their crimes against humanity!"

His followers cheers as each of them raise their right arm to salute the day of joy just moments before their pastor does the same.

"Those two young men were send by god to punish those sinful people of Earth and for that, we shall declare them as saints!"


Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 5th, 2013


Little Johnny spend much of his life in school knowing nothing but pain inflicted by the bullies due to their sadistic tendencies. Each day the methods the bullies use would range from annoying to painful, seen as harmless by the eyes of the school principal to a "nusiance that should be ignored and they'll go away". Each day nothing was done and the bullies starts beating the poor kid to a pulp for "squealing" on them. Little Johnny would begin to lose hope when a black guy shows up and said, "Yo kid, are you alright?"

He looked up and said, "No...bullies are mean to me and no one in the school want to help me...I don't want to live!"

The stranger slaps him and said, "What are you? A girl? You need to stand up for yourself and forget the crappy rule that the schools has for a while to protect bullies."

Johnny nodded and said, "But what if they beat me up even worse?"

The stranger gives him a card and said, "Just chant 'Rice' three times and I will come!" as he walks away.

"Huh?"

The next day, the bullies were pummeling Johnny even worse than before because someone "ratted" them out for smoking in the hallway and they assumed it was him. After using Johnny's head as an ash tray, the kid took out a card and said "Rice" three times...but nothing happened!

"Who are you talking to? Your imaginary friend?" one of the bullies laughed.

Then suddenly, the bully started to scream as his head was crushed like an egg.

The rest of the bullies backed off and one of them screamed, "RAY RICE?!"

Ray Rice is a star runningback for the Baltimore Feathered Browns and was celebrating his team's Super Bowl win when he learned of a bullied victim who was beaten to coma and ultimately passed away. Since then, Rice vowed that actions will be taken against bullies so kids can go to school and learn in peace (well, except for the bullies).

"Damn you Ray Rice, how dare you getting in our way?" one of the bullies yelled.

"I can't stand a jock like you foiling our plans!" the other yelled.

Ray Rice grinned and said, "I did say that actions will be taken and this time it's not going to be a cheap two day suspension by that soft ass principal of yours...it's time for you to know the pain you have been dishing!" as his flaming red aura burst out of nowhere.

Johnny looked up from the ground and had no idea what just happened, it seems that Ray Rice just powered up!

"T-this can't be!"

"SSJ GOD? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT?"

The bullies didn't have the time to wonder how Rice has a saiyan heritage let alone pulling off the feat without a help from five other saiyans to fill the requirement to unlock the god mode as they were massacred, not a single cell of them would remain.

The SSJG football player would help Johnny up and said, "You okay kid?"

"Yes, thanks sir...but why didn't you use that form in the previous playoff games?" the kid asked before getting his head flicked off.

"Shut the fuck up kid!"


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 19th, 2013


We were at the bar when a kid was being interviewed after losing to Takuto, the overwhelming tournament favorite who came out of nowhere to take the league by storm. The kid didn't seem to mind and said, "I will be back next year at the Unova League!"

"After so many failures after your victory at the Orange League, do you believe that you can finally end your championship drought at the Unova League?" the reporter asked.

"I have a feeling that it will finally happen and even if I do lose the next time out, I will still continue my journey so I can one day become a Pokemon master!"

I chuckled and said, "Maybe when the world ends."

Then the bartender came and said, "How long are you going to stay in the bar? You could go home and watch it there."

"I like watching it at the bar." I said.

"You're not even supposed to be here after what happened last year when you assaulted the writer of Forbes magazine, Tom Van Riper." he growled.

"He got what he deserved." I said as I took out an issue of Forbes magazine to show the bartender the article he wrote recently and continued, "Look at what he wrote! Sometimes I wonder if Forbes hired that guy to incite some readers to get extra attention."

"Why did you buy a copy if you have in issue with one of their writers? You do realize that you're helping Forbes to pay the man's salary right?"

"Never mind that, just take a look at what he just wrote!" I said.

The bartender then said, "Alright, alright, I'll take a look, but you could have look it up from the internet instead of buying a copy."

I almost gagged at the thought...I hate "what shoulda been done", it makes me feel like crap. I took a deep breath and said, "As I said before, never mind that...the headline should be enough to make you cringe, seriously!"

Not long afterward, the bartender tore the page right out of the magazine and lit it on fire with his lighter. After much of the page was burnt, he shook the burning paper to put the fire out and much of the burnt remains of the magazine page flew onto my face and I wiped them off. I hand the magazine over to the bartender and said, "See? Now you understand why, even if punching him in the face was a dick move but...do you really have to tear the page out of the magazine and light the page on fire?"

The bartender sighed and said, "Then you probably shouldn't have shown the article to me since there's NO WAY I WOULD STAY CALM AFTER READING THAT LOUSY PIECE OF SHIT!" as he proceeds to tear the rest of the magazine apart.

Some of the patrons were startled and I heard one of them said, "What the hell?"

"There are some good articles in the other parts of the magazine you know..." I sighed.

Later that day, some of my friends came in.

"Hey, Dennis! Thanks for saving the table for us!"

"It wasn't easy Rob." I said.

Then I heard the bartender yell, "You guys better not cause trouble like what happened last time, the whole thing nearly escalated into something out of NHL and we're lucky that Sean Avery was in the restroom at the time when you..." he pointed right at me, "...punched the writer of that magazine and his friends got up and then suddenly it turned into a mess!"

"It's not going to happen this time, I promise!" I said.

The bartender then shook his head and went back to clean the mug.

I remember what happened that day and he was right, Sean Avery would have jumped in to get involved for the hell of it. But the truth is that the situation that started the mess was kind of weird. When I punched Tom Van Riper in the face, he stumbed backward onto a shelf, knocking over some wine bottles that were stacked on top and they all roll off with each one hitting the guy in the head like something out of a cartoon. It's still amazing how none of the bottles broke since they're not even made with plastic glass...must have been a really strong glass, even if it's half an inch thick.

But then his friends got up from their table and one of them said, "You bastard, we won't let you get away with this!" and shoved me onto the table right behind me. Then my friends got up and one of them jumped the guy who shoved me and then the whole thing quickly grew out of control. Later on, once it was over nearly everyone became all beat up and worn when Sean Avery got out of the restroom and yelled, "WHAT DID I MISS?"

I could tell he was upset that he missed the action and the bartender was upset because...well...we trashed the bar.

It turns out that not only the bottles knocked the Forbes magazine writer out cold, the trauma to the head caused him to lose memory of what happened so he didn't remember who hit him. However, his party agreed not to sue the bar as long the guy responsible for the mess gets banned and that was me...but that doesn't stop me from coming however and there wasn't much he can do aside from refusing my order anyway.

"Have you seen the Pokemon battle today?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious who's going to win." said Rob.

"I know, that guy has legendaries, if he loses then the match would have to be fixed as hell!" said Justin.

"So who are you going to draft in Yahoo! Sports Pokemon Fantasy League? You have the top pick after all." asked Rob.

"I'm going to draft Takuto, with the stacked roster like that, it should garner tons of points for me. Gym leaders can wait until the second round since there will be tons of them left once I get there anyway." I answered.

"Speaking of Takuto, do you think he might have been feeding his roster some performance enhancing candies?" asked Rob.

I shook my head and said, "I doubt it...then again I really hope not because I met the guy few months ago, he seems to be an okay dude though I wasn't aware that he has such a stacked roster."

"You'll never know, I mean there are people who took the performance enhancing drugs and still look and seem normal. You can never really judge a book by its cover."

"True, I didn't really expect Andy Pettitte to have taken one when he was named on the Mitchell's Report. Clemens on the other hand, I can't say that I'm surprised since it does explains a bit...just surprised that David Ortiz wasn't named however and few years later, exposed."

Juan said, "Okay, enough with the talk, how far do you think this kid, Satoshi...though he called him 'Ash' for convienence, well how far do you think he will go on the Unova League?"

"When's the last time he won anything? He's pretty much one of the biggest choke artists in the history of Pokemon battles!" I said.

Then I continued, "His strategies are suspect and he finds a way to lose matches that he could have easily won. I know I couldn't hold the Takuto game against him, he has no chance but it doesn't excuse his previous defeats, it's ridiculous!"

"Three hundred bucks that he won't even get enough badges in time to even qualify!" answered Rob.

I said, "I'm betting five hundred dollars that he'll make it to the semi-finals again and loses to some random god-mode dude in a blowout fashion."

Then the person next to me said, "Seven hundred bucks that he won't even make it out of the preliminaries!"

Then Jim Fassel came and said, "I am raising the stakes right now. If this is a poker game, I am shoving my chips right in the middle of the table...anybody who wants out, can get out. This kid will make it back to the Pokemon League and out of the preliminaries, okay? This young Pokemon trainer will collect all eight badges in time to qualify in the Unova League and will go past the preliminaries!"

"So Jim, when are you going to get a coaching job again?" I asked.

"Sooner or later," answered the former NFL head coach.

"They can't blacklist me any longer, I will get that head coaching job again and I'm willing to bet everything I have that it will happen!"

Part 2!


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 6th, 2013


Collecting Newgrounds flash medals may seem like an easy work, but it's not. Trust me, I've been doing this for years and it really depends on the flash games themselves. It's a cutthroat business in which sometimes you can get ripped off, you really don't make that much money that way as you'll know why.

Medal hunting is a illegal business as it is forbidden for people to pay someone to help them rack up some medals they have trouble earning themselves. Believe me, I know someone who tried it, Trevor however wasn't good at keeping things discreet and in the end he was busted by the voting police (I didn't know they existed until that day). Not that Trevor was much of a medal hunter anyway.

I dabbled in a dangerous underground job myself, but unfortunately, finding customers isn't easy as I'm not one of the people who has over 100,000 total medal points. In fact I'm currently suck in 80,000 due to some issues going on with some of the medal games right now. Some games have medals that can be earned way too easily, resulting in complaints because some people just couldn't appreciate the good things that were handed to them on a silver platter. Then there's the fact that some of the medals on the new games doesn't register onto the page despite being unlocked on the game page.

Goes to show you that there are flaws in the medal system.

But a while ago I had a customer who was desparate to get a medal so he came to me because all other medal hunters were booked. Well, what happened was that this kid (whose name will be withheld for his safety) had some trouble earning a medal from the game called, "Where's Derpy?" which is a fan made flash game of "My Little Pony". The kid had trouble looking for Derpy and Lyra in the last level so instead of looking up on the walkthough video on Youtube, he decided to recruit a help from a medal hunter...what an idiot!

Not that I'm complaining though.

I decided to take advantage of it by charging him $300 per hour, heh, heh, heh. He would have been better off rage quitting like someone I know has.

Surprisingly, he accepts and with that, I decided to squeeze it out by first start playing the game and after first few levels, I stopped for a moment to stretch and watch a movie on Fios VOD. It milked out over two hours thanks and afterward I got back to my computer when I realize that I need to work out some sweat as I hadn't use the elliptical trainer for nearly a week so I ran down to the basement and proceed to burnt some fat for fourty minutes non-stop.

The kid then said, "When are you going to finish?"

I said, "After I take a shower."

After twenty minutes, I got back on the computer and made my way to the last level when I sat back and relax for a bit. Doing so milked out another twenty minutes and the kid starts yelling, "Stop messing around, I want the medal and I want it now!"

I laughed and said, "Okay kiddy!"

I logged into Youtube and watch the clip from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" when Veruca Salt sang about being a selfish bitch who wants what she wants.

"You're mocking me aren't you?" he said.

"How'd you figure?" I asked.

"Enough already, I want the medal!"

"Okay, okay, jeez!"

I went to finish the game and after several tries (I wish I could say that I threw them just to extend the time a bit but...the truth is that I forgot where Derpy was), I finally finish it up. After four hours I accomplished the mission and afterward the kid wrote a check of twelve hundred dollars (I was surprised too, didn't think he has that much money) and said, "I hate you, you're a bigger con-artist than a underaged prostitute!"

Since then I may have been blacklisted...

He was my last customer or client...which is it? Nevermind.

However, there are things that can really hinder your quest for medals due to system flaws and so on. Not to mention there are artists who creates flash games with broken medals and never bother to fix them despite getting complaints, these people are among the lowest of the low. Believe me, they can make you feel like even bigger crap than what happens after your parents talks you down because you screwed up and well...it's a long story and it was at least partly my fault it's a different story but you know what I mean.

Then there are those who created ridiculously complicated game with medals that are almost impossible to earn. Not only that, the games are bad and for the most part not worth playing, like that crap by Donovan Jackson who seemed to have a hard on for "Devil May Cry". That game was called "Fear Unlimited Issue 2" which is appropiately named since the game does indeed have unlimited issues, especially with bugs and all. A thread was made about the problem in the "General" forum and Jackson blew it off, accusing them of being whiners who sucked at his games.

But then the medals were revoked by the site's administration and not long after, Donovan Jackson was found beaten unconscious in his home and his beloved parrot, Beaky was decapitated. It turns out that he was working on another game called "Fear Unlimited Issue 3" where you get to play as Barry Bonds and you have to kill the steroid enhanced feds coming after you.

Now that you know who about dizmiz (Jackson's screen name), he pretty much had it coming.

Oh and one more thing, if you're a NG member and want help on getting game medals, sorry, I can't help you. The reason is that after being blacklisted, my business have to close, there's not much I can do about this.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 4th, 2013


I was driving home from class one night when a whole bunch of people got in the way moaning like someone who got kicked in the groin. I pulled over and was about to get out of the car to tell the people to move out of the way (they didn't notice the honking so I figure that they're trying to be "rebel" or something) when another car pulled over right next to me and the driver rolls down the window and said, "Don't go near those guys, they're zombies!"

Stunned, I said, "Again? Really?"

The driver nods and said, "Yes, again!" as he toss me a cross-bow once we both got out of our cars. As the zombies are advancing toward us, I said, "What is the difference between 'alive' and 'undead'?" as I fire a bolt and hits one of them in the shoulder.

"There's no time for that, they're coming our way!" he yelled.

"They're walking slower than a turtle, it would take hours before they even get five yards within our distance!" I said.

I fire another bolt at the zombie and hits one right in the stomach but he continues on without flinching so I fire another one and hit him in the face, causing him to keel over.

"The difference between 'alive' and 'undead' is that when you're alive, your body still functions and undead means you just came back from the dead...I think," he said.

"I don't know, undead would still means you're not dead which is what alive is, not only that, I just hit the guy in the head and he fell over, if they were dead then how come they stop if you hit them in the brain? It's not like they're brain dead or anything!" I yelled.

"How the hell should I know, I'm not the one who created the definition for alive and undead, I would go with the 'living dead' and even then it still wouldn't answer your question about the brain!"

"If their brain still functions then they're not really dead are they? Basically we're killing people who are still alive but got infected and end up in a trance or something."

I fire another bolt and hits another one of the zombies in the sack, causing it to moan even louder.

"Guess they can still feel." I said.

In time the group started to part away and we both wonder what was going on until we saw a bunch of pale men in suits came in from between and smiled. I fire a bolt into one of the men in the face and nothing happens...he just stood there and pull the bolt out from his eye socket!

My partner became shocked and said, "W-what's going on here? What are they?"

I realize what they are and said, "They're the sportswriters who participated in the Hall of Fame votings, they have the ability to function without brains despite the lack of...mind."

"How do you know?"

"Remember the Pro Football Hall of Fame results last month?"

"Oh, that explains a lot I guess."

Then something came to mind and I said, "You know, just earlier this morning, 'Shaun of the Dead' was on, it's kind of weird."

"Coincidence?" he asked.

"Maybe." I shrugged.

Because the zombie sportswriters aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, we got into our cars and sped toward them, knocking them over. They'll be alright, I know because I had an encounter before and dealt with them and the next day they're on ESPN spewing same nonsense over and over. I'm surprised Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith aren't among those guys though, maybe the rumor of the show "First Take" being scripted is true after all, wouldn't find it surprising if that's the case.