Remember that stupid cliche that one would often encounter in the U.S?

Often times you would meet a redneck who would harass you just because he assumes that well...here's what happened that day.

I was out to buy some batteries when I accidentally bumped into someone on my way to the electronic store. The person acted like he had just been shot and once he calmed down, I hastily apologized and he shoved me, saying "What's with the stutter? You're not from this country ain't ya?" before shoving me again. Before I could say anything, he then said, "What's the matter? Can't speak American?" and huffed like a hot air balloon.

It gets worse...

"Don't understand what I'm saying? How about this, in thirs countly, we speek Amelican, undelstand?"

For a moment, I thought he said pelican.

At that point and angel appeared on my right shoulder while the devil appeared on my left.

The devil said, "What are you waiting for? Just kill him, it's not like there are people would care, remember what happened over three years ago? He could be lying on the ground bleeding and nobody would bother to dial 911 for this guy!"

Then the angel said "No, don't listen to him, the people would know and that incident he's referring to was a circumstance that caught attention, it's not worth killing this man for insulting and I know you're still mad at what happened that day with Wong Chen."

Then the devil yelled, "Shut up you goody two shoes! Do you think he would let this guy off the hook? There's only two choice Dennis, is either you kill this man or walk away like the pussy you are, what is it going to be?"

The angel then said, "Please don't do it, if you kill him, not only you would get charged for murder, you could wind up in prison. Just think about the consequences and remember what the prisons are famous for, do you want that? He's not worth it!"

The devil became angry and said, "Damn you fucking annoying!"

The angel then said, "I had enough of you trying to start things like this!"

Then the two went at and starts beating the crap out of each other before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"Hey, HEY, are you listening to me slanty? Thought so, you don't understand what I'm saying do you? You people move into our country, take our jobs and you never bother to learn our language, the American language! If you don't assimilate...oh wait, become American and learn to speak American, you better get out!"

At least he didn't say 'MURICA.

I punched him in the face and he yelled, "What the fuck?"

I ran into the furniture store and he gave chase until I picked up a folding stool.

"What are you gonna do, beat me with this?" he yelled.

"Yes you stupid redneck, spout that bullshit again I will put you into coma and for your information, it's English you twit!" I yelled back.

Taken by surprise, the red neck said, "So you can speak, damn bilinguals...you should have said so in the first place." and left.

After he left the store, someone tapped me in the shoulder and said, "Excuse me sir, are you going to buy that stool?"

I put down the stool and left.

But the day would be far from over thanks to my another encounter with the members of the Westboro Baptist Church.

The encounter felt like it's being scripted because as soon as I got out of the store, couple of people walked by and they recognized me.

"Hey, it's you!"

"Get him!"

And so the chase begins.

After sprinting for a block, I stopped and turned around to head toward the WBC member and punched one of them in the face before turning back. I could hear them yelling, "You shall pay for that you dirty fag loving heathen!"

I took a quick shortcut by heading into the construction area where they were fixing the underground pipe. I quickly veered away and hide, waiting for the WBC lunatics to show up looking for me. One of them being the dumbass he is, jumped into the pit and I could hear some yelling of which the WBC member started to scream and I couldn't make out what it was, all I know was that the construction workers in their had to restrain him and he would be arrested later that day.

The other member on the other hand saw a dog tied to the pole just outside of the Dunkin Donuts. Because the dog is a poodle, the idiot then said, "You fag dog...you shall go to hell you spawn of gay Satan!" and spat on it. The dog bit him in the leg and he starts kicking and screaming until the animal was flung right off his leg before stumbling right onto me.

"There you are!" he yelled.

I took off before he could grab me.

We would spend the next several hours playing a "cat and mouse" chase in which I had to make every turns to avoid the person in order to shake him off. While doing so, I stepped on a fat woman's shoe (she's wearing a pair of kid's shoe and I could her feet bulging out) and she yelled, "Ouch, jarbjarbjarbjarb..." as I tried to apologize. However, she continued to yell some gibberish at me, I wondered what would happen if I poke her with a stick, would she pop? If so, would the fat ooze out or explode right out?

So I poked her and she starts clucking like a poorly imitated hen until the woman began to bawk. Afterward I made a run for me because she said that she's going to eat me...actually she didn't say that but still, could anyone put it past her? I know I'm sounding like a dick for mocking her just now but c'mon...anyway, back to what happened soon after...I hid in the manhole because I figured that she won't be able to fit through and I was right, but the problem is that the WBC member saw the ruckus and he followed so you can guess what happened next.

That's where the action happened, sewer jousting!

As, I sprinted down the sideway next to the sewage although it was still shallow at that point, a crocodile popped right out of the sludge and I jumped a bit, causing me to stumble into the sewage. I had a feeling that the crocodile was mocking me because it saw me falling into a river of smelly stuff that came from countless toilets that were flushed.

I could here someone coming toward us and not surprisingly, it's that WBC member who still wouldn't stop tailing me. Not only that, he's even riding on a crocodile while armed with a broom at the same time.

"You thought you can hide from me you dirty heathen, but with god on my side, you infidel shall be punished!" he said.

I expected him to say "Allahu akbar!" or something like that.

Without thinking, I hopped onto the crocodile and he tried to shake me off until the WBC member laughed and said, "Do you really believe you can fright me with that? What a pathetic creature you got there!" and his crocodile starts making a taunting sound. My crocodile stopped and I can guess that hearing the taunt, he wanted to prove himself and let me ride for the battle. But the second before it begins, I realized that I was unarmed...and not long after I felt a hit in the face and almost fell off the crocodile.

As I struggled to stay on, I realized another thing so I asked, "How did you stay on the crocodile and joust well?"

He smiled and said, "Since you're going to die by my hand, I might as well tell you, it all started when I was a little tyke..."

Then he goes on about his life growing up in Texas where his family morals would be instilled, his high school days, the day when he dropped out and moved to Kansas where he joined the Westboro Baptist Church which allowed him to embrace his homophobic heritage.

"That's when they realize that once the time comes, forces are needed to defeat the unholy likes such as you, so they trained selective few including me on the art of jousting, especially alligator jousting, the crocodile was done for good measure if it ever comes to that." he said.

Soon he laughed and said, "Without a weapon, how are you going to win against me?"

Without answering, I got the crocodile to slowly move toward him and attempted to throw a punch before getting hit in the face by a broomstick, nearly knocking me off the animal once again. I could hear the laugh while struggling to get back onto the crocodile's back and realized something, with the slow motion...I knew there is a way I can end this.

For the next charge, I kept my eye on the broomstick and once the WBC member swung his weapon directly at me, I grabbed it with my right hand and tried to pull it, hoping to make him fall off, but instead the stick snapped like a piece of twig. I quickly threw the piece of broomstick at him and threw a punch at the man's face, knocking him off his steed. Soon the animal turned on him and I could hear him scream in the midst of the struggle as the crocodile was eating him alive, leaving a severed arm floating toward us.

If it weren't for that mirror house incident years ago, that scene would have haunt me in my nightmares. I did felt a bit bad about that guy but in the end, he got what he deserved anyway.

After finishing his meal, the crocodile swam away while mine took me to the ladder where I would get off and we part ways. I climbed up the ladder to the manhole and pushed the manhole cover right off. I slowly poked my head out and saw a truck coming towards me so I quickly duck, waiting for the vehicle to pass right through before checking to see if it's safe enough to climb out.

As soon as I did so, a pick up truck came and I barely dodged it in time.

The vehicle stopped and the driver yelled, "What the fuck are you doing in the middle of the street, are you trying to get killed? Really..." before he noticed the foul odor and saw the uncovered manhole.

"Did you just climbed out of the sewer?"

He quickly drove away before I could say anything and after that I returned home. It would take the next few days for me to wash off the sewage smell as even several hours in the shower couldn't get rid of the stench that easily.