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I want the funky chicken.

Age 36, Male

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some boring ass school

New York,NY

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Me vs. the WBC

Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 24th, 2013


The next morning, the weather was a bit out of control, come to think of it, even now it's still is. The series of passing rainstorms (sometimes thunderstorms) for the past month have gotten really tiresome. I turned on the television to watch the news and there was a report of arrests that have been made from a anonymous tip about an "illegal operation" that have been going on. They also mentioned the bodies that were found in the basement and the people arrested are being questioned by the police. Not only that, it's believed that more suspects are still out and the police are hoping that those they arrested would provide some details of what happened and maybe even name those who are still on the run.

Later on, there's another report of a violent homosexual serial killer named Jeffrey Weaver Miller, a former high school student who went missing after he killed his own family and later bullies who driven him to madness. It is mentioned that Jeff was spotted fighting a man that night before the witness took off to a safe distance in order to call the police without being seen by the killer himself. Later the two disappeared and the police are hoping to find more information and they were asking for cooperation from the people who might known something.

Not that it'll help since it sounded kind of vague, but I never realize that we were spotted until the van hit that fruity looking clown.

Unfortunately, later on I learned that the members of the Westboro Baptist Church are using Jeff's series of murders as an excuse to condemn all homosexuals and ironically, they even have pickets that reads, "Thanks god for Jeff!", "Fags are murderers!" and even "Jeff is mein fuhrer!", don't you love Godwin's law? Not to mention Jeff's homosexuality and they still freaking' worshiped him. But then there was something that got me a bit worried when one of them on the interview said, "We heard that one of our enemies is spotted in this city and we shall find him, and punish him for what he have done to us!"

Then another person butted in yelling, "He defiled us! He defiled us!"

Not long after, one of them pulled out a photo of me when I was at Cleveland fighting one of their members and I spit out everything out of my mouth. I didn't know they took a picture when I confronted those assholes, I really should have been careful and if they knew where I lived, it can get ugly. But that wasn't the reason why I stayed home that day, in fact it rained a minute later and stayed that way all day. However, the next day I can't do the same thing, because we're out of milk so I had to go out and buy a gallon (especially since my mom is out visiting relatives in Chinatown, my dad still have to work, and my brother...well you know, summer classes and all).

I was already couple of blocks out when I accidentally bumped into someone and he said, "Watch it you prick!"

Then he looked up and points his finger at me.

"Y-you..."

"Oh crap!"

"It's you!"

I made a run for it as he continue to yell, "Come back here! You won't get away with what you have done to us you heathen!"

As I ran, I looked back and saw several people chasing me and I turned, ran across the street, and up the hill toward Forest Park. Once I got to the park, I went to hide out among the trees hoping that they won't find me and give up. I started to wonder if it's a good time to give Peter a call, perhaps they deal with Westboro Baptist Church as well? I had no time to think because I got spooked by a squirrel and made a sound which gave me away so I had to make my move before the crazies from the WBC can get to me.

I decided to take out each member, one by one.

Once they separated, I slowly crept up on one of the members and subdued him. Next I came upon two other members and quickly grab each of them by their hair and slam their heads to each other, knocking them unconscious.

"This is too easy!" I said to myself.

Knowing that there are five more Westboro members left, I had to be careful and try not to mess up, or otherwise I could be in danger...whatever they might do to me, especially knowing how they're looking for a revenge for what happened few years ago. After knocking out another religious zealot by punching him in the face few times, another one showed up unexpectedly and had a brief scuffle before subduing him. But the sound of the scuffle attracted attention and by the time it was over, I was surrounded by three people.

"There's no escape, you better give yourself up or we'll really hurt you!" one of them said.

"Aren't you going to beat me up anyway?" I asked.

"Yeah but...never mind, since you're not going to come quietly, you left us no choice!" he answered.

Then the other yelled, "You're surrounded, what are you going to do against three of us together?"

Then the threesome made a formation around the area I'm standing on and soon, they started to dance around like a bunch of drunken ninjas with glow sticks on their hands. I couldn't believe I actually took them seriously for a minute as the trio prepare their assault and believe or not, instead of attacking me together, they did so by sending one person at the time, making it easy for me to pick them off. After defeating the first person they send, the second one came in and I actually had a tough time against him, even landed few hits on me but in the end, I was able to bring him down when we both slipped on a wet soil and I quickly grabbed his hair and slam his face to the muddy ground several times.

As soon as I got up, I got hit and found myself close to a bandshell.

I looked up and saw the remaining man standing on top of the bandshell.

"I have to hand it to you, I was impressed by what I just saw, you see, I thought it was ridiculous hearing how the church is obsessed with taking you out but now I know why." he laughed.

"So you're not with them?" I said.

"I'm hired by them to help eliminate you but it's not like it'll matter anyway since I'm going to end your life right here!" he said just before he leaped down right in front of me.

Before I could make a move, he landed several punches on me and landed a kick to my stomach. Afterward, he seemingly flew to the top of the tree and the worst part? He did it without strings so it wasn't an act.

I would continue to have trouble against the mercenary fighting a wuxia-style combat as I even threw rocks at him, only to realize that he's way too high for the rocks to reach. But once he jumped down toward me, one of the rocks struck him in the face, causing him to stumble on his landing. I took the chance throw several punches to his face before he leaped up again, away from my reach. Tired, I could do nothing but watch as he said, "You may have lucked out this one time, but the same mistake won't be made again!" with a hint of anger in his tone.

Once he leaped right off the tree, he landed right behind me and put me in a head lock before I could react. I struggled for a bit until we fell and rolled down the small hill, right into the street and into a passing car. After hitting a car, he let go and leaped away to a safe distance on a tree branch just as the driver got out of the car to yell at us for wrecking his vehicle. The driver never got to say anything because what he just saw, freaked out and quickly drove away, crashing into a tree and seconds later, the vehicle burst into flames.

Fortunately, the driver got out in time before the car exploded and he ran off screaming about a flying monster.

I took the opportunity to hit the mercenary with a close ranged jump kick, only for him to leap away in a nick of time.

"I have gotten careless, don't expect this to happen again!" he said.

He went toward me again because I didn't have a rock in my hand and figured it's safe to do so. I was able to get away just in time and suddenly, I could hear a thud along with, "Ow..." as the leaves rustled. It turns out he flew into a tree and wasn't able to avoid that, a lucky break I guess as it knocked him out, so I was able to drag each one of the unconscious members of the homophobic church and place them next to the mercenary. Then I took a rest by sitting on a bench in front of a bandshell until they finally woke up.

"Lucky for you, I have a conscience, unlike you guys." I said.

One of them said, "Don't expect us to do the same for you one day!"

"I know." I replied.

The mercenary grinned and said, "Next time we meet, that fluke victory of yours won't happen again, right now, enjoy it!"

Then they left.

I really hope I won't have to see that guy again.

I went to a grocery and bought a gallon of milk before returning home.

I thought it was over, but it turns out to be the beginning...because I forgot to cash the check I received when I worked briefly at the campus. Each semester there's a work study program and I was qualified last spring. It wasn't easy landing one as most of them were already booked while some just simply doesn't need an extra help in the first place. I finally got one in the end and while the pay wasn't much, it's still a good experience and I hoped to land another one in the next semester, but nothing is guaranteed however.

The thing is that I have this one check left sitting in the drawer for months and didn't realize until I looked inside to find some used batteries to throw out. Realizing that the check will expire in two days, I quickly took the few hundred dollars worth of piece of paper and head to the J train to travel to Manhattan. Once I got to Canal Street, I head to the closest Citibank I know to cash the check. Little do I know, there are another batch of the Westboro Baptist Church members (could tell by the "God Hates Fags!" t-shirts they're wearing) walking out of McDonald's.

I was hoping to blend into the crowd, not realizing how inconspicuous I was because of the mud all over my clothes and a cut on my cheek. It didn't take long for someone to ask me about the cut and I told her that I tripped in the park. But then I heard someone yelled, "HEATHEN!"

I stopped for a brief moment until I saw a guy with a "The End Is Near!" sign walking around yelling, "LISTEN HEATHENS, THE END IS NY!"

I exhaled and started to walk toward the bank when I heard someone screaming and I jumped. It turned out to be a woman who has a irrational fear of cats and there's a large orange tabby cat that stands what I think is a fish market, but then again I never really paid much attention to the sign. The important thing is that I made my way to the bank without any trouble although I did receive some stares, but after cashing in the check, I relaxed. Unfortunately, I relaxed a bit too much and as a result, I became careless and came across one of these guys...

"There you are!"

"Get him!"

Not long after, the following dialogues went like this...

"He's getting away!"

"Stop you heath-OW! HE PUSHED ME!"

"COME BACK HERE!"

Knowing that they might take a precaution and camp out close to Canal Street Subway or even take a J-train there so they can wait for me once I enter the train (I was too paranoid to think of whether they might not do that due to timing, when you think about it, it's really silly), I went to take a more dangerous route by crossing the Williamsburg Bridge through the walk lane. The reason why it's dangerous is due to the fact that the beginning part of the lane was combined with a bicycle lane and believe me, bicyclists can be pretty obnoxious.

Just when I was heading toward the bridge, the WBC members spotted me again and I had to run yet again. Once I got to the bridge, I started to sprint past the joggers and couple of bicyclists who stopped to check the tire for some reason. Afterward, I came across a guy selling water bottles and bought one for a dollar before continuing on. I started to grow exhausted and knew that sooner or later, the WBC people might catch up so as I slow down to a walk, I looked back and saw that they were far behind as well.

I would continue to walk for few minutes and could feel the sweats gushing out like a Gatorade fountain to the point that I looked like someone who was caught in a rain. Then not long after, the clouds darkened and it rained for a few minutes before it stopped, but then it turns out it was a patch of hole in the rain cloud and once that passed, it rained again. I started to jog and before I knew it, the rain begins to let up but when I looked over my shoulder, the WBC members would fall further back than ever.

I made my way to the end of the bridge and stopped for a brief moment to take a rest.

I took a drink of water when I heard this...

"You can't escape now you heathen, it's time for you to pay for what you have done!"

I tuned around and realized that I took a break way too long, allowing them to catch up.

Several of them spend minutes panting and one of them started to vomit on the side, getting some on his fellow member's shoes (seriously, shoes, not sneakers and they looked torn up).

"We are going to take you in and make sure your wicked deeds of Satan won't go unpunished you fag loving heathen!" one of them said with a smug look on his face while others were still trying to recover from the run.

Then I said, "But first, you'll have to catch me!"

"We already caught you, give it up!"

I splashed some water into his face and threw the empty bottle at the person next to him before taking off. There I sprinted across few blocks to the subway station, only to miss the train by a minute so I got out and move on. I was able to blend into the crowd for a bit which allowed me to slow down and take a breather, making my way to the next station without any incident. When I got up to the next station, I started to grow dizzy and my body begin to ache but finally...this time it was over and I finally made my way back home.


Comments

This is turning into quite a saga! It's like having all the bad guys (and more) from the original 'Blues Brothers' after you, only in a sad, 21st century setting. Fuckin' Illinois Nazis.....

I know and not only that, they are persistent as well.