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Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 9th, 2012

Two swans were on the ground in a puddle of their own blood after being bludgeoned to death by a pair of baseball bat wielding thugs. One of them, Richard looked down and said, "What do you think?"

His friend Michael said, "Two dead birds lying in the turd!"

The two thugs laughed as they proceed to urinate on the dead swans.

What Michael and Richard didn't realize is that they won't get away from the actions they have made as nature made sure of it.

Few days after the swan beating incident which was covered by the news (resulting in the few NYPD officers what weren't busy attacking the OWS protesters apprehending the wrong suspects), leading to a massive media frenzy, Michael was sitting outside enjoying his bowl of oatmeal. But then a a red-tailed hawk known as "Pale Male" came down and snatched away his favorite Dallas Cowboys cap he won at the raffle. As Michael went to chase the red-tailed hawk, the bird suddenly let go and drops the cap into the middle of the street. Michael ran to retrieve the cap when a SUV came by with the driver yelling, "Move out of the way you jackass!"

After retrieving his cap, Michael returned to finish his bowl of oatmeal. However, what Michael didn't realize was that his orange tabby cat named "Flozell" mistook the bowl for a litter box. Because Michael happened to have a health condition which caused to be unable to taste, he didn't notice what he was eating and went on to finish the bowl, even licking the bottom before putting it back into the cabinet without washing it (a bad habit of Michael's as his parents would try to disipline him but in the end they gave up because there's no use).

Few days later, Michael got sick and would slowly waste away day by day for the next few months, reducing him into nothing but a skin-covered skeleton muttering the same two words over and over...


Meanwhile in Boston, Richard who have moved away shortly before Michael's illness was at high school when his friend's death happened. As Richard was busy extorting his high school classmates for their lunch money, he unsuspectingly attempted to mug a person who happened to be an amateur boxer coming for a visit of his old school. After some broken ribs, blackened left eye, broken nose, and damaged pelvis, Richard would no longer try to extort money from other people ever again.

However, the lesson was far from over...

A year later, Richard was playing basketball at the nearby park when he noticed a group of junior high school students playing tennis. With a smug grin on his face, Richard went to do what he does best, being a dick to anyone he believed are below him. He figured that maybe he should have a little fun by introducing them to his version of "streetball" by chucking a basketball at a young girl from behind, knocking her over. Instead of kneeling over and cry like he was expecting her to, the girl got up and said, "What the heck is your problem?" before giving him a strong shove.

Surprised by the force of the shove the girl gave him, Richard became angry and said, "Yo bitch, do you realize who you're messin' with?"

"I don't care if you're the next LeBron James, you have no right to do that!"

Annoyed at how the girl talked back at him, Richard was ready to punch her when someone grabbed him full nelson and said, "If you're going to mess with my little sister, you have another think coming bro!"

Then the girl's brother proceed to perform the German surplex on Richard, resulting in severe injuries to his upper body, especially his head. It would take Richard a month to recover as he wasn't allowed to move for the first week as a safety precaution.

One year later, after being expelled from the school for committing a despicable crime of claiming that "Jim Phelps" from the "Mission: Impossible" movie was the same Jim Phelps from the original television series just so he could see how the teachers and the principal would react, the former high school student wandered all over the city when he came across a group of people holding picket signs with messages that includes, "GOD HATES FAGS!", "THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS!", and "KOBE IS BETTER THAN MICHAEL JORDAN!"

Fascinated by the signs, Richard went to one of the members of the picketers and said, "Hey, what is this about?"

"We are the members of the Westboro Baptist Church fighting against the evils that have been plaguing this country for centuries!"

"The evils we have been battling against are fags! Those abominations have taken control of this country, there's no hope and one day God will smite them all along with those who doesn't hate them irrationally!"

With his interest at it's peak, Richard then asked, "Where do I sign up to join?"

Suddenly, the crowd began to part as an elderly man with a cowboy hat started to walk toward Richard with a smile and said, "Hello, my name is Fred Phelps, the leader of the Westboro Baptist Church." as he held out his hand.

Richard quickly shook his hand and everyone cheered.

"Okay now, before you become a full member, there's one thing you have to do," said Phelps.

"What's that?" said Richard.

Phelps then takes out a small bird from his pocket and said, "What you need to do is to kill this thing..."

Richard was stunned, after all when it comes to a catch, he never thought it would be so easy. His last few years have been tough on him, but now it seems that everything's being handed to him on a silver platter. Life couldn't be getting any better than this for Richard and for a brief moment, he started to think about Michael. Whatever happened to Michael and why hadn't he contact him for years? But then he shrugged and figured that maybe Michael didn't have the time to send a letter or something because he was too busy. All Richard knew is that had his friend been with him, he would have been estatic since not many people get to have a chance to do what he was going to do under the approval of a large group of people.

Richard was ready to stab the bird with his switchblade when he started to notice something strange. His view became distorted and next thing the thug knew, he found himself sitting in a courtroom filled with anamorphic birds. The thug couldn't believe what he was seeing, a room full of human sized birds...what in the world is going on here? Could it be a bad dream? Sure that it was a dream, Richard pinched himself to no avail, causing him to believe that the pain wasn't enough to wake him up so he took out a switchblade and stabbed himself in the thigh.


"Silence!" someone squawked.

To his horror, Richard finally realize it's not a dream...he's being tried by a bunch of birds!

The thug looked around to see if it's a trick only to be disappointed and surprised that there wasn't a raccoon accompanying a blue jay for some reason...

"Richard Barr, you are hearby charged for your vicious crimes committed with your friend, Michael Adams, how do you plead?" a falcon squawked.

Richard stood up despite the pain in his leg and yelled, "What the fuck is this? I didn't do nothing wrong and what kind of prank your leader Fred Phelps is pulling? Those costumes are creepy as hell and not only that, h-"

A bald eagle cuts in and said, "You're right, it is a trick...we disguised ourselves as the human group we believe would attract you so we would be able to confirm that you were Michael's accomplice in these heinous crimes that were committed."

Then a goose added, "Also, we're working together because in this particular time, we are united, don't you remember your people's motto? United we stand and divided we fall...although you humans have been divided for quite a while."

Richard tried to say something, but he wasn't able to think of anything to say. Then he realized something...something had indeed happened to Michael!

"Wait, about Michael...what did you guys do to him?" he demanded.

"Your friend have been staying quiet for a while, in the Cypress Hills Cemetary," answered the eagle.

"NO!" Richard screamed.

Several birds including his assigned lawyer (who hated his job) had to restrain him until he stops struggling.

"Son, your friend got what he deserved, we're giving you a chance to redeem yourself but this depends on whether if you have a remorse for what you have done." the eagle said.

Richard looked up at the eagle in extreme hatred and said, "You bastards...you killed him...YOU KILLED HIM!"

He continued to struggle to the point of exhaustion and then the eagle said, "This isn't remorse for the birds you helped killed, this is a remorse for your friend who brought you down...don't make the same mistake he made!"

"FUCK YOU!" Richard screamed.

"We're willing to give you a chance and this is our final offer, turn this down then there is no turning back!" the eagle warned.


The eagle slowly nods and said, "Very well then..."

Soon the birds who held Richard down to restrain him let go and then a large flock of smaller birds came and began to swarm at the thug. Richard tried to run but for some reason, his legs just wouldn't move, it's like they're frozen stiff even though aside from the stab wound, there was nothing wrong with them. Richards looks on helplessly as the birds swarm upon him and then it's all dark...

"Welcome Richard Barr, we have been waiting for your arrival, feel free to make yourself feel at home!" a gravely voice assured.

Richard wakes up and found himself in what seemed to be a large underground cave filled with fire, brimstone, and magma...

"WELCOME TO HELL!" someone laughed.

Richard turned and saw a hideous looking creature taunting him.

"Where the hell am I?" he demanded.

"What the hell do you think?" the creature asked.

"You don't mean this is..."

"You're not very bright are you? Anyway, let me take you on a tour before I can take you to your room where you will be staying for the entire eternity."

Then Richard's body started to move on it's own, following the creature on a tour throughout the fiery underworld. After spending what seemed to be years following the creature around hell, they finally made their way to the final stop at the mountain decorated with infinite doors. The creature pointed his finger at one door and said, this room is where Kálmán Cseh von Szent-Katolna now resides as things are now hot for him..."

Then the points his finger at the other door, "The home of Osama Bin Laden, he didn't receive his 72 virgins but we gave him something just as good," as a bloodcurling scream is being heard from behind the door.

Then the creature points his finger at the door next to it, "Where the members of the 1965 Pulitzer Prize committee lives, we made sure things are comfortable for them..."

Richard gulped and said, "So...I'm going to live in one of the doors...right?"

"Exactly," said the creature before adding, "Follow me!"

Richard had to sprint in order to keep up with the creature as he started to fly and at one point, it looked as if he got lost only for his body to find its way to were the monster stood. The creature gave Richard a smug grin, points his finger at the door that suddenly appeared right beside him and said, "Here we are Richard, this is your new home, prepare to rest up for today as tomorrow will be the beginning of your eternal torment reserved just for you...not only that, we also have a roommate waiting for you as well so be sure to keep him company!"

Richard walks into the door and to his surprise, his friend, Michael is sitting on the edge of the bed staring at the television.

"Michael...is that you?" Richard said nervously.

Michael turns and said, "Hello Richard..."

"Michael...the place...how is it? Is the torment going to be as bad as the guy said it would be?"

"No, this place is actually great, we had tons of fun and sometimes we get to party, but of course, it's not for everyone."

Richard breathed a sign of relief and smiled while figuring that "Not for everyone" meant the people in heaven are now living boring eternity while they themselves gets to live it up in hell. But then, the thug suddenly felt something wrong...it's like a jolt being shot through his ears...but why? Why the weird feeling? Then there's a loud scream and Richard went to take a look out of the door and saw a demon riding a motocycle with chains dragging the helpless victim down the road. Upon a more closer look, Richard would soon realize that the victim is in fact...Michael!

The door quickly shuts itself and disappeared.

Richard turned around and saw Michael sitting on the bed smiling.

"Michael...what the hell is going on here? Why did I saw you being dragged outside?" Richard stammered.

"I sorry to disappoint you Richard Barr, while your torment was supposed to start tomorrow, I say it starts now!" said "Michael" as he pulls off the mask to reveal his true identity.

Richard slid to the ground and started to piss himself at what he just saw.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 24th, 2012

Lance Armstrong was imprisoned inside a massive wicker man as the members of the USADA each held a torch, ready to light him on fire. The members parted a little to make way for Travis Tygart who walked over to the wickerman and said, "Lance Armstrong, you are hearby sentenced t-"

"You bastards! The reason why I'm giving up is because I have been fighting off this bull crap for 13 years, it's cutting into my personal life!" Armstrong yelled.

"Now, now, Lance my boy, we were able to get ten team mates going against you and there is nothing you can do, by giving up your defense, you might as well say that you took the performance enhancing drugs." Tygart sneered.

"But I didn't do it; You set me up to take the fall because many others were busted!"

"Yes and if we ban them, there would be no sport. Our only option is to sacrifice you so that cycling can live on."

"You monster!"

Tygart chuckled and said, "Don't you realize that with your sacrifice, many future cyclists will see you as a sacrifice for the greater good!"

Armstrong continued to scream but to no avail as the each torch are placed onto the feet of the giant wooden prison. Soon the fire began to spread and the smoke started to engulf the wicker man as the former champion cyclist struggled to break free.

The members of the USADA and the authorities in charge of Tour de France cycling competition started to sing and dance as the flame rises throughout the body of a giant wooden prison that held Lance Armstrong. Armstrong tried to break free but then he started to realize that it's hopeless and screamed, only for his efforts to fall in vain as he life would end in flames like his reputation not long ago.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 22nd, 2012

With his team down by twenty points with five minutes to go, coach Gardner calls for a timeout and gathers his player into a huddle.

"Okay guys, I know we're down by twenty but we can still win this; Even though this is the final quarter, lost our best scorer and we have five minutes left on the clock...but we can still win this!" said Gardner.

"Coach, you have a plan right?" one of the players ask.

Gardner smiles and answer, "I have an ace up my sleeve!"


Gardner takes out a card from his sleeve and shows it to the players.

"Here it is, Ace!"

Afterward, the coach proceeds to reveal several more cards from his sleeves. Then he went on to shuffle the cards, flip some into the air and catches them with his teeth. Gardner went on to put the cards in his hands back into his pocket and take the ones he is holding with his mouth to reveal to his players.

"Royal flush!"

The players looks on with confusion and one of them asks, "Um, coach, what does this have anything to do with this game?"

"To tell you the truth, nothing...nothing at all." said the coach.

The players looks on in silence.

Then Gardner continues, "Truth is we have no chance of winning this game, I mean as I said before, we lost our best scorer and we're running out of time; Unless the game is like the boxing match where it gets decided by the panel of judges and some of them happens to be the ones who chose Bradley over Pacquiao in what was probably a rigged game, we're screwed! With that said, I have nothing in mind to help us win so you guys should just...well...you know...just give it all you got."

"Thanks coach, that sure was helpful." said the player with a sarcastic tone.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - July 21st, 2012

Note: From my popular work from Fiction Press.

"I'm not a team player and fuck you guys!"

His teammates stare as he throws down his jersey and storm right out of the locker room.

"What the hell just happened?" asked one of the players.

"Well, ever since he became a star, it's like he went 180 all of a sudden!" said the other player.

"Tony, what does it mean?"

"It means that he has a change in personality, it's like he turned into a massive douche!"

"You mean like 'Elfen Lied'?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

The coach comes in and said, "Okay guys, I know that Tyrone has a sudden shift in personality and that Marvin became hesitant to help us knowing that he's a favorite to win the MVP this season but we still have to win."

The players agrees except Marvin, the team's starting point guard who said, "I know it's important for us to win but...we lost Tyrone to super-stardom, it's like living in sports movies where the star players are shown as asswipes."

"It's true Marvin but sti-"

"No, you don't understand, if I keep on playing, I might turn into a ball hog who cares about nothing but pumping up stats...basketball is a team game right? If you guys go on ahead without me, the team might win the championship despite losing Tyrone and me."

The coach looks at the players and said, "Well, we have no choice, he's right."

Then suddenly, a figure enters the locker room and said, "Really? You're gonna give up already?"

Marvin looks up and to his surprise...

"Michael Jordan?"

The legendary basketball player smiles and said, "There is something you need to know, while it's true that basketball is a team game, but teams needs a star or otherwise, just look what happened to my old team after their best player got hurt, they fell to a flukey mediocre team."

Marvin stammers a bit but recovers and said, "But they said there's no 'i' in team!"

"Maybe so but there is an 'i' in win".

"What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is that it is okay to be selfish, as long it motivates you, I mean you're still looking for a championship ring right?"

Then Jordan shows him a fist full of championship blings.

In awe by the shiny hardwares on Jordan's fingers, Marvin calms down and said, "I get it now, I want one of these, no wonder why they made a big deal!"

Then his team mates gets up and one by one they said, "Hey I want one of those too!"

"Our assistant coach was a Hall of Fame player, he never got one, let's win one for him too!"


Then the team caught fire and went on to win the whole thing.

For the real ending...

Posted by Idiot-Finder - July 3rd, 2012

One day at Francis Lewis High school, we were waiting for our history teacher to show up when an unexpected guest arrived.

"Howard Dean?"

What was he doing here?

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cosgrove is out sick so for today I'll be filling in." said Dean.

Then he asked, "Okay, where did Cosgrove left off from last time?"

"We were starting to learn about the Mexican-American War."

His eyes became wide and then he said, "Let's get this started!"

Everything started out rather tame as he made some discussions about how the Mexican-American War started along with some stuff about the "Manifest Destiny" as well as the Texans' independence from Mexico. But once Dean got to the part about the invasion of what was Mexican territories at the time, things got crazy...

When things got crazy, guess what happens?

"Once we entered through the deeper part of Texas, we marched right onto New Mexico...THEN WE HEAD TO ARIZONA, COLORADO, THEN WE WENT INTO UTAH, PARTS OF WYOMING NEVADA..." as he rolled up his sleeves and yanked his tie off screaming, "...THEN WE TOOK OVER CALIFORNIA, YEEEAH!" while his face turned red as a beet.

Then he jumped to the desk with a spectacular back flip, ripped off his shirt and screamed, "YEEEAH, YEEEAH, YEEEAH!"






For a second, I thought I was listening to a car alarm.

It was the best class I ever had...until something random popped up and ruined the day.

Since 2003, the school start using music as a substitute for a bell to signal the beginning and the end of each class. But for some reason, out of all songs, they chose this...

Don't be so quick to walk away
Dance with me
I wanna rock your body
Please stay
Dance with me...

Then the lunatic proceeds to strip off his clothes including his underwear, resulting in the class seeing something that should never be seen. This is one of the things I wish I can unsee...if only there is a way to bleach my brain.

Damn you Justin Timberlake!

Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 20th, 2012

Note: If the writers can come up with a random Mary Sue character like Takuto just to keep Ash from winning anything, just imagine what his next league opponent in the future would be.

Part 1 - Odds:

We were at the bar when a kid was being interviewed after losing to Takuto, the overwhelming tournament favorite who came out of nowhere to take the league by storm. The kid didn't seem to mind and said, "I will be back next year at the Unova League!"

I said, "I'm betting five hundred dollars that he'll make it to the semi-finals again and loses to some random god-mode dude in a blowout fashion."

Then the person next to me said, "Seven hundred bucks that he won't even make it out of the preliminaries!"

Then Jim Fassel came and said, "I'm raising the stakes and pushing all the chips to the middle of the table, this kid will make it back to the Pokemon League and out of the preliminaries!"

Part 2 - Slaughter:

After his triumphant victory in the Unova League, a dark skinned Italian trainer was ready to leave when a kid ran toward him screaming, "You bastard! You killed all my Pokemon...how can you do this?"

The trainer smiles and said, "Don't you realize that by the end of the battle, only the strong survives and the weak perish."

The kid became furious and said, "P-Pikachu was my friend...you murderer!"

"It's not murder if the winner writes the history and if you can't deal with it..."

The mysterious trainer raise his finger and points right at the kid.

"Sekishiki Meikai Ha!"

The kid then falls to the ground lifelessly and nobody notice what's going on. The mysterious trainer leaves and came upon a strange looking creature who then said, "It sure is good to see you here Deathmask."

Deathmask gave a smug grin and said, "Where the hell have you been for all this time Kyubey?"

"Give me a break, there are many young girls for me to contract." answered Kyubey.

"Whatever, let's go home, this is getting boring already!"

Part 3 - Temple of Cancer:

Meanwhile, back in Athens, the temple of the star sign Cancer is decorated with the faces of those killed by Deathmask. Among the faces, the face of the kid whom Deathmask have killed appears and all he can do is moan like the rest...

Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 13th, 2012

Usher corners Justin Bieber and said...

"Yo, I ain't seeing you in a minute, but I got something to tell ya, listen."

Bieber said, "Then why are you coming toward me in a very aggressive man-" as Usher puts his finger onto his lips.

See the thing about you that caught my eye
Is the same thing that makes me change my mind
Kinda hard to explain, but girl, I'll try,
You need to sit down this may take a while
See this girl, she sorta looks just like you
She even smiles just the way you do
So innocent she seemed but I was fooled
I'm reminded when I look at you.

Bieber became confused and said, "What are you talking about?"

Usher responds, "You remind me of a girl that I once knew..."

Bieber started to blush as Usher explains how he became enamored with him at the first glance. Then soon, the two began to kiss and then Bieber made a huge cry, "Oh baby, baby, baby..."

Once the two part ways, Bieber heads to the stage as Usher suddenly changes his mind and said, "You may remind me of that girl that I once knew, but you're different!"

Bieber turns toward Usher and said, "You are the one for me!"

Then the couple started a long term relationship that would last for a week when it would end because Usher finally realizes that the kid reminds him of a girl he once knew a little too much so he decided that it's for the best that he would be connected with Bieber in other ways.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 30th, 2012

Our favorite president and secret agent is back!!!

Agent: Do you expect me to talk?

Villain: No, I expect you to die!

He's better than ever!

Agent: *beats up thugs and saves the girl*

Girl: Who are you?

Agent: The name's John...

*cuts to big bad getting dropped from a helicopter into a industrial smokestack*

Villain: Mr. Kennedy........*crash*

Agent: ...John F. Kennedy!

John F. Kennedy is...Agent JFK!

*sniper scope follows JFK*

Rated R, coming to theaters near you!

*a shot is heard as the screen blacks out*

Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 5th, 2012

One day in 1997, a pseudo-psychologist in Italy named Vera Slepoy was analyzing an anime called, "Sailor Moon" when something hits her. Figuring what might happen, she went on to write an article.

"Sailormoon turns little boys gay!"

Years later, she didn't stop right there...

"Fullmetal Alchemist encourages Satanism!"

"Fist of the North Star inspires grisly murders!"

"Knight of the Zodiac (Saint Seiya) turns boys into fighting metrosexuals!"

"Umineko something encourages people to have sex with furniture and kitchen appliances and practice witchcraft!"

"Speed Racer encourages people to violate speed limit!"

"Elfen Lied encourages little girls to commit murder!"

Then few weeks ago, Slepoy was ready to write another anti-anime article when someone knocked down the door. She got up to see who it was and to her surprise, it's a Asian man with a bleached hair drawing stars on his chest with a sharpie.

"Who are you? I'm calling the security!" she said.

The man looked at her with a psychotic grin and said, "Hokuto Shinken is the most powerful martial art in the world, it can never be DEFEATED!"

Then he proceeds to attack the so-called psychologist with a rapid series of fist cuffs to the point it looked as if he has multiple arms. Then with a final blow, he landed a powerful punch to her chest which sends her flying right through the window.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 22nd, 2012

Note: The story was originally posted by "CloseThyDoor" hoping to draw some attention. When I came into this thread, I went to write what would become a part of the continuation of a racist story.
Contributors - CloseThyDoor, Idiot-Finder, Dromedary, DirtyMeatball, and ManlyChicken.

Part 1:

Students, please settle down, we got a new student here, his name is JJ.

We all stared at JJ seeing as he was the only black kid in our class. The teacher knew what had to be done so he told JJ to stand in the middle of the room. JJ walked over and stood in the center of the classroom with his baggy jeans hanging down.

The teacher was kind enough to put his hands on his own mouth and start doing that rap thing, you know that "phsh cuh psh chus phsh cuh" noise.

Then we all stood up and gathered around a big giant circle and began snapping our fingers. JJ was in shock and dropped his text book. Next thing you know we all start singing, "looking like a fool with dem pants on the ground" "dem pants on the ground, looking like a fool with dem pants on the ground"

Then we all started swinging our arms from side to side and making monkey noises

"ooohohohohohoh" we called.

After all this happened we sat down in our seats and acted like nothing happened. JJ sat down without saying a word.

Part 2:

An hour later, as the kids became restless due to those boring lectures, one of the kid named Tommy jumped up and pounced onto JJ.

"Yo, what are you doing?" said JJ.

"I saw this on a movie, I want to try it out!" Tommy yelled.

Rest of the class got out from their seats and circled around the two while the teacher took out an iPod to watch a downloaded episode of "School Days".

As it happened, Tommy pulled down his pants and ripped JJ's cloths into shreds.

"N-no...please!" JJ stammered.

"Shaddup bitch!" yelled Tommy.

All the students began to chant, "Do it! do it!"

Tommy proceeded to plunge his penis right into JJ's rectum, penetrating it until the hole became filled up with the "white stuff".

JJ tried to scream, only to have series of orgasmic sounds coming out of his mouth instead and said, "More!"

However, Tommy was done so the rest of the male students each took his turn making love with JJ. At one point there were two boys sucking JJ's nipples while another was straddling him by his back. The girls all covered their faces with their hands while sneaking a peak at the same time.

It went on until the bell rang.

Part 3:

"No! Please, stay with me for a while longer!" cried JJ, who had grown accustomed to the physical abuse of his peers. But it was no use, the bell's ring meant the schools compulsory daily reflection period had started. All the children were required to go and sit in their designated 2x2 metre square, which was marked out on the concrete yard at the back of the school. It was JJ's first reflection period, and he was unsure what to expect.

In a daze, JJ stumbled out of the classroom, into the yard, and collapsed in his designated square. As the puddle of all the bodily fluids shared earlier grew rapidly around JJ, he tried to be like the others. He tried to reflect. It was hopeless! All he could think about was Tommy and the other boys, and the passionate moment they had shared minutes earlier. How could they all have stopped caring about it so soon, thought JJ, in despair. He knew what he had to do.

Shakily rising to his feet, he glanced around the yard, looking for Tommy. After a minute of searching, he found what he was looking for. The bright red mop of hair that belonged to Tommy. The hair of the boy he was sure he loved. Ignoring his aching body parts, JJ staggered towards Tommy's square. Then the alarms started going off.

"Stop! You'll kill us all!" screamed Tommy, in an attempt to coax JJ back into his square. "I'm coming, my love!" cried JJ, gathering speed the whole time. He was closing in, inch after inch, metre after metre. He was in arms reach, and lunged out, to stroke Tommy's hair once more, but was enveloped in a blinding light, and surrounded by gale force winds. JJ managed to grab Tommy's hand, just before he uttered the words "It was worth it." That was the last thing JJ ever thought.

And that's the story of Hiroshima.
Part 4:

said Grandpa JJ, throwing his arms in the air after presenting the story of his boyhood to his grandchildren. Many of them had left out of fear, but little Ryan Seacrest was intrigued. He sat staring and Grandpa, jaw and eyes open, barely able to believe something so astounding could have truly taken place. "Did that all really happen, Grandpa?" said Ryan Seacrest inquisitively. "Why yes it did" said Grandpa triumphantly. "Ol' gramps wouldn't lie to you, would he Ryan?". Ryan Seacrest's eyes lit up. "Grandpa...do you think I could be like you one day?". Grandpa JJ patted Ryan on the head with a thoughtful look on his face for a few seconds, and answered. "Yes, Ryan. In fact, I think one day you might take even more dicks than I did, just as long as you believe." Ryan looked up into his Grandpa's eyes in silence. "I believe."

Part 5:

Ryan went to his bright pink Honda with his pants bulging.
"Man, some day, I'm gonna suck more dicks than grampa!" he though aloud "He'll see. They'll all see!"
Just then a black man approached him...

Part 6:

"I was born a poor black man." said Ryan.

"I know...from the bottom of my heart!" said the black guy.

As they undressed, the two lovers proceed to have sex in the parking lot at broad daylight. Many onlookers stood there in awe as two men were consummating their relationship. But then a purple creature carrying a purse jumped into the fray yelling, "Tinkywinky!"

It became a threesome!

Soon Flozell Adams, the Boston Red Sox, the Chargers fans, some of the players from the Philadelphia Eagles and their entire fan base came in to join the fun.

The day would be known as the day in which the largest "sausage-fest" have occurred. But Ryan Seacrest would regret having an unwanted harem as it would haunt him for the rest of his life...