Intermission #37: The Biker Man

Lance Armstrong was imprisoned inside a massive wicker man as the members of the USADA each held a torch, ready to light him on fire. The members parted a little to make way for Travis Tygart who walked over to the wickerman and said, "Lance Armstrong, you are hearby sentenced t-"

"You bastards! The reason why I'm giving up is because I have been fighting off this bull crap for 13 years, it's cutting into my personal life!" Armstrong yelled.

"Now, now, Lance my boy, we were able to get ten team mates going against you and there is nothing you can do, by giving up your defense, you might as well say that you took the performance enhancing drugs." Tygart sneered.

"But I didn't do it; You set me up to take the fall because many others were busted!"

"Yes and if we ban them, there would be no sport. Our only option is to sacrifice you so that cycling can live on."

"You monster!"

Tygart chuckled and said, "Don't you realize that with your sacrifice, many future cyclists will see you as a sacrifice for the greater good!"

Armstrong continued to scream but to no avail as the each torch are placed onto the feet of the giant wooden prison. Soon the fire began to spread and the smoke started to engulf the wicker man as the former champion cyclist struggled to break free.

The members of the USADA and the authorities in charge of Tour de France cycling competition started to sing and dance as the flame rises throughout the body of a giant wooden prison that held Lance Armstrong. Armstrong tried to break free but then he started to realize that it's hopeless and screamed, only for his efforts to fall in vain as he life would end in flames like his reputation not long ago.

Comments

Log in to Comment

PhantomCat 2012-08-24 17:51:42

That was easily the most interesting journal I've ever read on NewGrounds. I don't know what the motivation behind it was, but I like it :V

Idiot-Finder 2012-08-24 17:51:42

It's a jab at the situation involving Lance Armstrong and the USADA.

VicariousE 2012-08-24 19:47:42

Somewhat recently, I was reminded of the phrase "Judge not, lest ye be judged".
In a mixed up world like ours, where chemicals and drugs are more numerous than the things we consume, how can we judge?
But it sure is hard to ignore folks like A-Rod, who have clearly been doin' a little somethin-somethin. Maybe it's time we sequester our professional athletes in hermetically sealed bio-domes.... maybe then the paychecks they get will be well earned.
All I know, is that if I had access to the food I needed growing up, I'd be a bit taller and more muscular from the work I did, than the well fed suburbanite kids who just goofed off.

Idiot-Finder 2012-08-24 19:47:42

I know, with PED being available, the only way to end the mess is by legalizing them. I'm not exactly a fan of PEDs but who am I kidding? These things are so common you might even buy one from the local drug store.

Not to mention a small accusation is enough to turn the whole thing into a witch hunt. With that said, Armstrong is pretty much a sacrificial lamb for USADA just to make themselves look good. That's another thing.

PhantomCat 2012-08-30 06:15:59

Yeah, but Jesus, that was a stretch. A+ for originality