Just now some teenager came and said "Hey dude, heard about a movie called 'Gay People Say No'?"

Remembering a perfect response from urbandictionary.com, I said "Yes I have, even saw it one time, my favorite part is when Jason drove his BMW right through the gas station explosion and made it out of the Westboro territory, man it's really amazing!"

Soon the teenager ends up with a disappointed look on his face and left. There is an alternate scenerio if something like this happens again...

A teenager came up to me and said "Hey, have you seen this movie called 'Gay People Say No'?"

"I haven't seen it," I said

"Ha, you're gay!"

"How is it gay?"

"I asked you whether if you saw 'Gay People Say No', you said you didn't and that's the aame thing as 'No'!"

Then after few minutes of awkward silence, he ran off yelling "DAMN IT!!!"

Now for the last alternate scenario...

A teenager came up to me and said "Hey, have you seen this movie called 'Gay People Say No'?"

I answered "Why? Are you gay?"

"NO!"

Then after few minutes of awkward silence, he ran off yelling like a maniac. Guess there is someone crazier than Red Sox fans.

If something like this happens, go with one of the three solutions I listed. Trust me, it may save your life...well not really but it will save you from a inconveniently minor embarrassment. Seriously the people who ask you whether if you have seen or heard about a movie called "Gay People Say No" are like exhibitionists, they feed off from negative reaction and the response they're looking for. Only difference between them and exhibitionists is that they don't go out and expose themselves like Brett Favre have done a while ago.

That's my advice for you, MANswer style! (Without the hot chicks and Christine Nguyen)

Anyway, "Gay People Say No" sound like a comedy movie...

I was out walking long distance for some exercise when Brett Favre came out of nowhere and exposed himself in front of many people. After getting the response he wanted (people getting disgusted), he ran off giggling.

"When the hell is he going to retire?" one of the bystanders said

"I don't want to know," I said

Moments a group PETA fags shows up and said "We will avenge our comrades, prepare for your worst nightmare!"

I took out a gun and shot them all, soon their bodies turns into dozens of chickens. Soon the chickens flew to four corners of the Earth. Basically it's the same as the previous encounters I had with PETA.

"I'm glad that's over with," I said

But then on my way back to the hotel, a group of weirdos in Ginyu Force costumes shows up. Soon the theme song of the Ginyu Force starts playing and I start wondering where the hell did it come from. After doing those same homosexual poses the Ginyu Force did in Dragonball Z including announcing themselves, I was undecided whether I should applaud their well executed choreography or weirded out by what they just did.

"So...have we met?" I asked

"Have we?" one shouts

"You killed some of our members, including our beloved leader!" said another

"You killed my cousin with 'Lagann Impact!' I won't let you get away with this!" said the other

I stood there and said "Who are you guys again?"

Then they got angry and one of them starts screaming. I don't remember meeting those losers before, that's almost as believable as one of the characters from "Kiddy Grade" being over 10 years old...oh wait she is, never mind.

Then I saw that midget cosplaying as "Guido"

"Hey I remember you! You're Chris Beer's mini me, you were funny back then!" I said

Soon an eagle came and took him away screaming.

"Now that's one down..."

The rest of the cosplayers became angry and starts dancing to Backstreet Boy's "Backstreet's Back!" that was playing out of nowhere, okay seriously what the hell is that?

I then said "I have no time to waste, screw you guys I'm going away..."

Then the guy who dressed up like Jeice said "You're not getting away, what we will do to you will be even more awesome than what the Unit 731 did!"

Then the other said "Nanking rape is cool if it's real!"

Soon I felt a sudden jolt shot up in my body and said "What did you said?"

Before they can answer, I charge toward them and quickly crushed two of those loser's skulls (Burter and Recoome) with my bare hand. Then I delivered flurry of punches to the leader's stomach until he starts to cough out blood before I went to finish him with a massive ki blast.

"Hey Jeice, what did your scouter said about my power level?" I asked, stealing a joke from ARDBZ

"W-what...SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he screamed and tried to attack

I knocked him away and said "YOU'RE CHANCE OF WINNING IS ABSOLUTE ZERO PERCENT!!!"

Then I continued "DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT ME? YOU LOSERS ARE THE EPITOME OF EPIC FAILURE!!!"

Soon I took out a shade and slashed him in the face, finishing him off once and for all. Now that it's over, one question remains...who are these guys?

The encounter is almost as random as the time when I saw the Geico caveman starring in a "Head On" commercial.

After drinking a bottle of Coke, I spotted a group of people wearing Eagles caps. Knowing that those are Eagles fans, I decided to leave before it's too late. While Chargers fans are bad, Eagles fans on the other hand are downright diabolical. Keep in mind, Philly sports fans are generally deranged, sociopathic, and completely obnoxious. While some sports fans would dump beer or spit on you, Philly sports fans would vomit on you because they can.

If only the Giants haven't blown that three touchdowns worth of lead...

Anyway I found a shiny penny on the ground and it looked different. Usually there would be a Lincoln Memorial on the back and back then it's "One Cent" with a wheat. Now it's "One Cent" with a shield-looking thing. Guess they just made a redesign on the back like they did with the nickel, granted the nickel have also changed on the front as well. To those wondering, in World War 2, pennies are made from steel in order to save copper for the war effort, that's why they looked silvery.

Not much going on right now so I went to check on when will the air hockey tournament start, if I made it out of the qualifier I'll receive a prize money of $800. They said the qualification will begins once they have enough participants so it'll take a while.

While walking on a ground covered with salt, a Chargers fan shows up with a machete and it's the same guy from last time.

"Now we meet again, this time I will get my revenge!" he laughed

After spending several minutes fighting him off with my shade, he then said "Not bad but this time I wi-"

A phone booth fell on him and two stoners came out.

"Whoa dude, the world's gonna end in snow?" one said

"Awesome!" said the other

Then I said "This is 2010, not 2012 and besides aren't you guys going to be famous deep into the future?"

"Whoa you're right, that Mayan thing is full of crap!"

"Let's go back and bet on Super Bowl games!"

As they're going back, I told them to bet on the Giants in 1991 and 2008. Afterward they left when the phone booth disappears leaving a Chargers fan lying on the ground unconscious. Then I spend several hours playing air guitar, it's for fun.

A huge muscular freak about seven feet tall came stomping toward me, creating a small tremor every step. He looked like a giant gorilla and for some reason looked incredibly homosexual, I mean just look at him!

"ME HATE YOU!" he yelled

"That's the leader of the gay pile? That's almost as believable than the time someone told me the cavemen from GEICO had their own show!" I said

I took out a shade and jumped several meters into the air before coming down to slice him.

"SUPPA CUTTING SHADE ATTAAAAACK!!!"

The fruity gorilla barely bled...

"WTF?"

Then the fruity gorilla starts laughing and said "ME ITCH GONE!"

I stood there and said, "Um...you're welcome?"

Judging by this, this guy is slightly weaker than "Iron Shirt". Then I realized something, to clear something up I asked, "You're not wearing a shirt and it's freezing out here, aren't you worried about getting sick?"

"HUH?" he grunted in a retarded manner

"Never mind,"

I pick up a discarded metal pole and starts to beat him with it yelling "EAT MY STEEL POLE OF MANLINESS!!!"

But then he grabs the pole and shook me off saying "OKAY!"

Then he ate the pole, crunching it with his teeth. Afterward he let out a huge burp and I can smell something awful in the air, nearly threw up. So tried my kamehameha but all it did was blowing him just several feet. Sometime later he sat down and fell asleep with a bubble coming out of his nose before sneezing himself awake. Without thinking as the fruity gorilla starts walking toward me, I start throwing random objects lying on the snow covered ground.

As times goes by, the fruity gorilla starts to grow fatter as I fed him until the blood starts to seep out of his stomach. Soon he begins groan before falling to the ground, creating a minor tremor and just like that, he's dead.

"I'm glad that's over with, now time t-"

Suddenly someone shows up and said "It's been a long time, now that I'm back it's time for me to do what I came here to do!" said the stranger

"Who are you?" I asked

"WHAT?!" he screamed

"I don't remember you, are you the guy who worked at McDonald's?"

"NO!"

Then he takes out a sword shaped like a bolt. That's when I realized who it is, yeah now I remember that loser!

"Oh, now I remember...you're that electrician who got tased by coupled of police officers few days ago, but what does this have any-"

"WHAT?! THAT'S NOT IT!"

"So...who are you then?"

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAH!"

Then he tries to attack me with that bolt shaped sword but I blocked it with my shade. After clashing for a minute, I jump kicked him in the stomach, sending him flying into someone's car.

After that I said "Tell me if I'm correct, Chargers fan?"

"FINALLY, NOW T-"

I punched him in the face before he could finish his sentence. Soon he got and run, but I gave chase because he's a douche. Soon I chased him into a supermarket where there's a special on lutefisk (whatever that is). Soon he ran to the shelf and starts chucking canned goods at me, but I was able to dodge them all. Then picked up those cans and starts throwing them right back at him before he proceeds to make a run for it.

I followed him into the seafood section where he then takes out a swordfish and tries to stab me with it. I grabbed a stale french bread and blocked the blade before running toward the Chargers fan and starts beating him senselessly with it.

Then I said "Somebody call 911! This maniac tried to mug me and I chased him into this store!"

The Chargers fan on the ground growls and said "This is bullshit, I did-"

The security came and tased him until he became completely stunned. Afterward the police came and took him in.

He'll be back again, Chargers fans are stubborn.

After being sick for a week, I have been watching news about the Metrodome getting pwned by a snow. This forced the Giants/Viqueens game to Detroit, well the good news is that the Giants won, the bad news is this, will they finally beat that team led by a dog killer? I mean it, last year stinks and Philly sports fans tops the New England sports fans in terms of being complete douche bags.

Anyway I went outside to take a look at the stadium and see if it's really that bad when I notice there's something going on at the warehouse. I took a peek and saw a large gathering of Twins fans for some reason so I decided that I'll need a disguise.

I quickly mugged one of the Twins fans and stole his baseball cap.

"Hey guys I'm a Twins fan, nothing suspicious just want to see what's going on so what Twins fan thing you're doing?" I said

"Oh that's easy, we're planning to kill some non-Twins fans and use their bodies as sacrifices so we can become immortal!" said one of the Twins fans

"...."

"Are you alright, you don't look so well,"

"I'm fine, just got weirded out a bit,"

"That's okay, we're just messing with ya!"

I sighed in relief, for a moment I thoug-

"What we're actually doing is to sacrifice some captured tourists to Satan so that maybe our hometown sports team will finally win somethin...why is the upper part of your face turning blue?" he said

"Screw this!" I said before proceeding to put on my brass knuckles and start beating the crap out of the nut bar.

"A SPY!!!"

"GET HIM!"

"I LIEK JERSEY SHORE!"

Hearing this, I said "Jersey Shore is a crappy show and you know it!"

"HE DISSED JERSEY SHORE, DIE!"

He takes out a knife but I took out my shade and slashed him across the face with it. Soon he became horrified and stabs himself with a sword.

"Whoa, this guy must have been narcissistic," I said

Soon the entire group came together and said "COMBINE!"

They all strip off their clothes and start having an orgy.

"This is one of the things I wish I can unsee!" I said to myself

I prepared my kamehameha and shortly before firing, I yelled "SUPER EPIC MANLY BLAST!!!"

After obliterating the gay pile, the burnt remain of the pile (head and a torso) made a weak laugh and said "This isn't over, the big guy knows what happened, he's the real leader..."

"The real leader?" I said

He grins and said "You will know soon enough..."

Then he vanished without a trace.

"The leader must have been fat, I'll keep a lookout I guess,"

Then I went back to the hotel to take a nap. I guess the gay orgy is a way to summon the "big guy" if you know what I mean...maybe.

It's been a fun day.

After being cheered up by the news of the Giants victory and saddened by the death of Lt. Frank Drebin, I went out to sign up for an amateur air-hockey competition. After completing the registration, I was told to wait for few weeks until the registration ends. I was given a shade as a courtesy for participating.

Then as I was on my way back to the hotel, someone yelled "THERE YOU ARE!"

It's three men each wearing shirts with PETA logo. Did I mention how much I hate those people? I mean seriously!

"You guys, for a second I thought it's that farmer because of that dead horse I beat up," I said

"You what?" one of the said

"Monster..." said the other

"You gonna pay!" said the third

Then the second guy points at me and said "Men, get him!"

In few seconds, I made a short work of those two cannon-fodders.

"This is why you should eat some meat next time!" I said

Then the body of two PETA members begins to break down and turns into dozens of turkeys. Instead of flying to the four corners of the Earth like I thought they would, they stayed. What's going on?

The leader then steps forward and said "You're tougher than I thought, guess I'll have to call for desperate measures..."

Then he takes out a wooden knife and continues "This should teach you a lesson!"

"A wooden knife, that won't gut anyone!" I said

"I know that, but it can still give you splinters!"

"Oh...that sucks!"

"Indeed it will!"

As he was ready to attack with a wooden knife, I kicked it out of his hand. Soon I lift him by his legs and threw the nut onto the top of the car, shattering the windows. Then I wait for him to get up before proceeding to deliver swift punches to his head. Afterward I land a powerful kick to the chest and sends him flying several yards in to the air before landing into a tree.

"Lucky bastard!" I said

The PETArd jumps out of the tree and said "This isn't good...one last resort..."

He gestures his turkeys to come to him and shouts "TIME TO COMBINE!"

"Wait what?" I said

Soon his body was enveloped by the entire flock and then...they merged into a one giant turkey!

"GOBBLE!"

"You have got to be kidding me!"

The turkey is about the size of Ernie, the giant chicken whom Peter have fought in several occasions. It's eyes freaks me out the most, if you were there...you'd be having nightmares for weeks. Those eyes are red and the most frightening part is that the pupils each have spiral, and it glows!

Suddenly the turkey flew to the parking lot and stabs one of the vehicles with it's beak. Then it used it's wings to take the vehicle off of it's beak and threw it right at me. It's a good thing the throw was wild because I was too freaked out to move.

"GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE!"

For a moment I thought my eardrums blew out.

"I have got to stop that turkey before it makes another sound that rendered Beethoven deaf at the later part of his life!" I said

I summoned enough courage to attack the giant bird by firing my ki blast at it, but the turkey flew off before it can hit.

"Damn it!"

Then it lands a street away from me and went "GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, GOBBLE, 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"OW! My ears!"

Angered by this, I leaped several feet into the air and punch the turkey on my way down as the bird begins to take off. Then in response, the turkey use it's wing to smack me across the street but I quickly got up and punched it right in the face. I jumped away before the turkey can throw down a powerful peck which creates a huge crack on the street. There I threw a strong uppercut which missed because it jumped backward knowing it'll take even longer had it tried to fly.

After several minutes of fist/wing fight, we became bruised up that it looked as if we had a bar fight. Then I smiled and said "Who the hell do you think I am?"

The turkey begins to have the same look I had when I saw it's eyes. Eventually it calms down and begins to launch an assault. As the giant bird begins to fly right toward me with it's beak point at my direction, I took off the shade I was wearing up to that point and slashed it across the turkey's face. Then the bird had to pull back for I can stab it with the shade. After landing several yards away from me, it nods and flies into the sunset, indicating that it will return for a rematch. I know I could have kill it right there, but I decided to let it go.

Don't ask me why, I have no idea what I was thinking. Anyway I went back to my hotel and in the elevator, I heard "Libra Me From Hell" playing.

"Very funny," I said

Seeing how the farm has a tree that grows "Honey Crisp", I decided to come up with a plan to steal some. Being that it's close to winter, I have to be quick or they'll be gone for some time...sucks that "Honey Crisp" apples are hard to come by.

I was able to bag five of them before the farmer chased me away with an ice pick. After running back to the hotel, I went to the room and enjoy my victory snack. There I went to turn on the television to watch the "Watch the paint dry channel".

Few days later I nearly threw up watching the Giants/Eagles game, damn it Eli c'mon! At least Justin Tuck did something against the dog killer. Ever notice how the Giants starts winning games whenever Tiki Barber badmouths them? When is he going to do it gain?

Then yesterday...

"HEY LOOK AT ME!"

I looked out the window and saw Brett Favre in the public dropping his pants to show everyone his penis...

"This is one of the things I wish I can unsee," I said

Okay I'm, done bashing Tiki Barber, it's fun while it lasted...

I didn't face troll rider because the pussy never came, he send one of his cannon-fodders instead. You know how I feel about cannon-fodders.

"Who the hell are you?" I said

"I'm here to remove a useless threat to my master, it'll be quick," he said

Then he takes out a sword and proceeds to make a weird pose for few minutes. As he was ready to attack, I took out a gun and shoots him right in the stomach. After that I walked away while whistling a theme from Indiana Jones.

Then I went to the farm and proceed to empty the pistol on what's left of a dead horse. I quickly ran away giggling before the farmer can chase me away.

Later that night, I saw someone walking towards me with a baseball bat.

"All those times you have mocked me, humiliated me, and turned down my help...how does it feel to be on the wrong end?" he said

It's Carl Pavano!

"Pussy shit?" I said

"You may think it's funny, but this time I will have the last laugh!"

"I recalled you getting injured from stiff winds..."

"STOP MOCKING ME!"

He slam the bat to the ground and a cloud of dust starts to kick up.

"So intimidating," I said with a sarcastic tone

Then Pavano took a swing and I leaped backward over a parked car. Soon with one strike of the bat, he smashed the car in half.

"WHAT THE HFIL?!" I yelled

"All those times, you won't get away with this you asshole!" he said

Since when does this loser became dangerous?

Then I saw a street vendor selling something, it includes a dental drill!

While the vendor wasn't looking, I snatched the drill and went on to face that crappy overpaid pitcher who rarely stay healthy for the entire season.

"FINISHING MOVE..." I yelled before proceeding to chuck that dental drill at Pavano

But unfortunately, Pavano smacked it away with his bat and said "What the hell is th...my bat! You scratched it!"

Then suddenly a wind blows and Pavano frozed up...

"Not...again..."

Then he starts to collapse, I flicked him in the face and his nose breaks. After he begins to sob, I said "You're still a pussy shit,"

Later that night I was back at my hotel room having my "Wayne Time" (Wayne Brady recommends this to everyone who wants to relax) by watching VH1, eating chips, and drinking beer. After falling asleep, I start dreaming that I'm in a music video with Bobby Brown, Wayne Brady and Mike Tyson. The dream ends when I beat up a horse that turns out to be Whitney Houston, that's when i woke up and said "What an awesome dream!"

Then I went back to sleep.

Every little step I make,
Every little step I take...

Last night the farmer was busy guarding his dead horse so I hid for some time and stayed there until he leaves. I drank several cups of coffee and two cans of Red Bull so I figure that I should be okay when it comes to this. Whenever the farmer looks away, I threw a rock at the horse and ran back to my hiding place so the farmer won't find me. If you think my idea of fun is bad, well it could have been worse, Nanoha's idea of befriending people is potentially murdering them...that's Japan for you.

"How long that old man's going to stay out there?" I whispered to myself

About few minutes later the farmer went back to his home.

I grinned and said "Now here's my chance!"

I pick up a fallen tree branch and start violating the horse with it. Soon I start laughing and yell "SQUEAL HORSEY SQUEAL!!!"

"What th-DAMN CITY FOLK!"

A dirt blows up just inches away from me and I saw the farmer at the window with a shot gun. I gave a horse one last kick and made a run for it.

"COME BACK HERE! I'M AIN'T DONE WITH YOU YET!"

After running to safety, I saw a kid wearing a turban with his face painted blue.

"Preparing for Halloween?" I said

"Yeah!" he said

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"Mr. Popo,"

"What?"

"I said I'm supposed to be Mr. Popo..." acting like I've just asked one of the most dumbest questions in the world

"Isn't Mr. Popo black?"

"No he's not, are you stupid?" he said before walking away mumbling "Grownups thinks they're so smart, they never watch the show..."

I fought an urge to make him grit his teeth, but decided that idiot isn't worth it. Since when is Mr. Popo blue? Kids these days, something like that happens only if 4Kids took over and besides, what are the odds of that happening?

Moments later while on my way back to the farm, a human-giraffe thingy appears.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR LAST TIME!" said dick neck

I quickly deliver a flurry of punches on his rock hard abs and soon he starts screaming about the pain. Then I start performing a series of jump kicks right to his face before firing a ki blast to blow him into the sky.

"LOOKS LIKE FOREMAN IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!"

Then he twinkles

"Man, why is he still in this story?" I said

I went back to the farm and start jumping on the horse until it's corpse popped, bunch of maggots starts crawling out of what's left of it's head.

"GROSS!"

I took off before the farmer can chase me away.

"I haven't been this disturbed since the time when the Giants blew that game against the Chargers last year,"

Speaking of the Giants, the other Giants are pwning the Rangers...guess they forgot to morph. Not even Michael Young can save them. Clinch it on Game 5, the hippie will be the series MVP (Seriously look at him, he looked like Keanu Reeves in his younger days).

I went back to my hotel and log into a computer they have (Yes I can afford it, don't ask how okay? I don't want people to find out about their missing wallets!). I went to Yahoo Answers and learn that...

I just lost something precious that can never be replaced...my Answers account...they suspended it!

Update: The hippie did won the game but the MVP is Renteria, so yeah.

Regarding Yahoo Answers, I'm sending an appeal. I may not get my account back but I won't give up, as of now I'll FIGHT DA POWA!

After spending several hours flogging a dead horse early in the morning before the farmer woke up, I saw several people near the funeral home. I went to take a look at what was going on when I saw them holding disturbing picket signs...

"Fags burn in hell!"

"Thank god for 9/11!"

"Thank god for the dead troops!"

"Lol, Kamina dies in episode 8!"

"Chargers rule!"

What's with these people? Especially the last one, the Westboro losers are even worst than I thought!

Usually I'd beat the crap out of them, but unfortunately steroid-enhanced body guards with them so I had no choice but to leave for the time being...

"I'll wait until some of them goes their separate ways," I said

I went back to the farm and gave a dead horse few kicks before leaving. Then going back to see if those idiots are still around, most of them left but one and a body guard who looked terroristy...not that I'm being racist or anything but...never mind.

I went to the local garage sale and saw a power drill.

"I could use one of those," I said to myself

After buying that power drill, I went back to see if I can beat up that lone Pestboro loser and his cannon-fodder.

"Hey asshole! You two better get lost or I'll beat the straight out of you!" I yelled

"Bring it on!" said the Pestboro

Then the body guard came and said "Let me handle this!"

"Why? I can take him!"

"You don't understand, his kind have been oppressing us with wealth and awesome opportunity in Xinjiang!" he said

Then I said "That explains it, no wonder why you looked terroristy,"

Soon he takes out a sword and swung it at the trees, slicing them.

"I'll make it quick you infidel," he said

He went for a quick swing but I block the blade with my power drill. Soon the drill starts working on it's own...like it's possessed. The drill went through the sword, breaking the blade in half and right into the terrorist's abdomen. Afterward a green light came from the drill and blew right through his stomach, killing him.

"Wait what?" I said

Freaked out by this, the Pestboro loser starts to back away and said "Get away from me..."

Emboldened and hyped up, I said "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?! THIS DRILL WILL PIERCE YOUR HEAVEN!"

Then I threw the drill at him, hitting his thigh and the blood starts squirting out. A moment later he blew up along with the terrorist. That's when I started to get weirded out...

First of all, is that show based off from the real event or just a coincidence (I thought the spiral energy is just science fiction)? More importantly, how do you die from getting stabbed in the thigh? Is there a vital vessel or something?

I don't get it!

By the end of the day, I went back to the farm and performed the Irish river dance on a dead horse before the farmer chased me away with an axe.

What's eating his grapes?