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I want the funky chicken.

Age 36, Male

Student

some boring ass school

New York,NY

Joined on 8/29/02

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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - October 21st, 2010


Last night I had a strange dream where I'm in a middle of the universe and was surrounded by tons of galaxies. Then suddenly a Chargers fan appears and said "This is the place where you will meet your end!"

"What?"

Then he picks up some of the galaxies and starts chucking them right at me. I was able to dodge them while weirded out at the same time. Then the Chargers fan zoomed in and punched me through several galaxies. As he start throwing more galaxies like a bunch of shurikens, I took a large one and shield myself with it.

"Man, how many people did we just killed?" I said

Then the Chargers fan fire a beam of energy from his finger and that's when a woke up.

"What a weird dream, me getting beaten by a Chargers fan? Like that would happen!"

Later that morning, I got out of the hotel room ready to go out for a walk when I saw Haggard and his thugs at the lobby. Seeing this, I quickly hid myself right behind a giant plant before they could notice something. Then I snuck carefully toward them in order to hear their conversation due to a random curiosity.

"Haggard's out of his mind, I mean the guy were supposed to arrest was no longer a fugitive!"

"Yeah, I think Haggard has a personal issues with this guy, maybe he found him one time,"

"Ha! I get it!"

Then they started to laugh.

Anyway I made my way out and walked several blocks until I found a farm. I have some interest in "Honey Crisp", these things are hard to find outside of Minnesota for some reason (couldn't find those in New York). Just outside however, I found a horse lying on the ground for some reason and there's a strong smell. I came closer to the horse whom I thought was sleeping...only to find out it's actually dead!

Conveniently, there's a discarded baseball bat right next to a tree. With that, I pick up the baseball bat and proceed to beat a dead horse with it.

"Wow, this is fun!"

I kept on beating the horse until a farmer came out and said "Hey, what the hell are you doing?"

"Um...uh..." then I point at the space right next to him and yell "WHAT'S THAT?"

"What where?" he turns

I took off...

Moments later, I met some guy with a troll costume.

"Who are you supposed to be? Halloween's not until the 31st," I said

"I am the servant of the Troll Rider, your people will soon bow down to us!" he said

"Only way that will happen is if everyone came down with a back problem like Kevin Brown,"

"Do you dare?"

"I heard about this loser, he kills mediocre mods, so what? Jamoke would have slaughter your kind without breaking a sweat, tell your boss to bring it on, I'm not scared of that faggot!"

"You shall regret those words!"

Then he left.

I took all the money from his wallet and toss it into the waste basket. Apparently trolls are loaded, leading me to believe they're generally spoiled rich brats with nothing better to do with their lives. Beating "Troll Rider" should be a cinch, even if he is the ultimate troll.

Anyway, there's a air hockey club nearby, I'm thinking about joining...

Afterward I went back to the farm and start kicking the dead horse because it's fun. Soon the farmer chased me away yelling "DAMN CITY FOLK!"

After wandering around, I went back to the city and ran into an old friend...

"DICK NECK!" I yelled

"YOU AGAIN?! I'M NOT DIIIIIIIIIIIICK NEEEEEEEEEECK!!!" he screams

"You haven't changed a bit, how is it going?"

Then dick neck stretch his neck toward me for a headbutt but I punched him in the face, knocking it back.

"Your head isn't going to pierce the heavens," I said

"STOP, STOOOP!!! I HATE THAT SHOW AND I HATE THAT SHADE GUY FOR COPYING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screams

Then he stretch his arms toward me, but I grab him by the hands and swung him into the building. As he struggles to get up, I walk towards him saying "Not so tough are ya?"

Suddenly he tries to make a jump on me, but I quickly fire a ki blast at a human giraffe, blasting him into the sky.

"LOOKS LIKE FOREMAN IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" he yells before disappearing into the sky with a twinkle.

"Man I'm bored...I know!"

I went back to the farm and start attacking a dead horse until the farmer came out with a shotgun.

"Uh oh!" I said

The farmer screams "DAMN YOU CITY FOLKS!" and tries to shoot me, but he missed badly.

I quickly hid behind his car to take cover and pick up a rock. Then I threw a rock at the corpse of a horse and ran off.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

"Lol, teeheeheehee..."

Anyway should I try out for a air hockey tournament? I know I haven't play it since 2002 and had a tendency to blow leads like the Giants did last year (The Chargers game is unforgivable!).

Should I do it?


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 26th, 2010


One day in what seemed to be a peaceful and quiet neighborhood, there are small groups of people gathering inside of someone's house. At a glance, one would think they're preparing for a social gathering, but it wasn't the case. The truth is more disturbing once you learn that these people are among those who believes in some of the most outlandish conspiracies, especially the infamous "9/11 is caused by the government" conspiracy. They are discussing a way to try to "expose" the wrongdoings they believed were perpetrated by the U.S.

"We'll have to expose the crimes committed somehow," said one of the neighborhood residents, Mel Tac

"The people who claimed they witnessed what happened on 9/11 are clearly paid off, those planes are actually missiles and some are holograms!" said another resident, Tony Retald

"The jews did it!" said Adolf Schemmell

Later that evening, the meeting ends and everyone returns to their homes. Next morning, the truthers gathers and starts discussion something that will eventually lead to the break up of the group. It all started when one of the neighbors named Ted O'Donnell came and said something that shocked everyone.

"I have a question, it's been bothering me for sometime...what if one of us happens to be a spy send by the government to infiltrate our meeting?"

Stunned, everyone became silent until...

"You could be right, one of use may have been working with the government!" said Mel Tac

Then Tony points at Mel saying "It could be you!"

"ME?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Do you expect us to believe that the government didn't got to you first? After all you did organize the meeting so no one will become suspicious!"

Angered by such accusation, Mel points at Tony and said "It's obvious what you're trying to do, you're the spy who tried to pin the whole thing on me, nice try!"

Soon every member of the group starts accusing each other of being a spy and proceeds to beat the crap out of each other. Soon afterward a major riot erupts in what was once a peaceful suburban neighborhood. Being that the riot grew severe, a SWAT team would be deployed to quell the riot (successful although almost every member of the group were killed, especially Tony Retald, Mel Tac, and Adolf Schemmell).

Ted O'Donnell however wasn't at the riot as he left the group shortly after the whole event grew out of control and laughs at the pathetic conspiracy idiots as the survivors are being led away in handcuffs. Ted wasn't a government spy, just a person who have common sense to know everything isn't a government conspiracy and incited that riot for laughs. To whoever reading this, don't shake your head.

Why?

You'd do the same thing when it comes to those idiots.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 19th, 2010


Q: What kind of a name is Superboy Prime anyway?

- SlntCobra1

A: I'M FROM EARTH PRIME, THE MOST AWESOME WORLD YOU ASSHOLE AND STOP DISSING MY NAME OR I'LL KILL EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY!!!

Q: How is a babby formed

-LeroyJ

A: WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS A BABBY? ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? GO KILL YOURSELF!

Q: Wait, what?

- LoKoCoCo

A: THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUESTION, FUCK YOU!!!

Q: Who is Superboy Prime?

- Currensy

A: YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'M GONNA KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU TO DEATH!!!

I CAN'T TAKE THIS CRAP, SCREW YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME!!!

---------------------------

Whoa guys, what did you do? I haven't seen Superboy Prime this messed up since...wait he's been like that since the "Crisis of the Infinite Earths", what a mess. Really sucks that with all those potentials, he turns up as a super-villain...oh well.

I hope you're not offended by his behavior, keep in mind what happened in the "Crisis" really messed him up although none of us should forgive him for killing the original Superman.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 12th, 2010


Okay kids, a celebrity guest star known as Superboy Prime have agreed to answer whatever question you people will throw at him. I promised to illegally get him the latest issues of DC comics, Pokemon "Lost Silver", Pokemon "Creepy Black", and Pokemon Mulatto if he do the Q/A session with you guys so be reasonable or he'll punch through reality again.

The session ends at 9/17, 5 p.m. EST.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 21st, 2010


After reading some strings of disgusting posts made by a youtube punk "fawkyou3" regarding a certain sports team I root for, I decide to "teach him a lesson". I tracked him down through the internet by using methods that wasn't what you would call "legal".

After a few hours drive to Boston, I went to the neighborhood when the search have been narrowed down to.

"If I'm right, his house should be close to emptiness like his life," I said

I check the most ugliest house I can find and...

"Just as I thought!"

It's a mess, well losing your youtube account for trolling can do that to trolls, especially hateful ones. Using a gadget I bought from a gift shop at the "007" convention, I was able to open the door without setting off ADT alarm system. Then suddenly someone shows up with a gun and said "Who are you and what the hell do you want?"

"Do you have an account with a user name of 'fawkyou3'?" I said

"Had and yes, so what?"

"So it's you, time for you to die for those posts you made!"

"I'm not going to let this happen!"

Then he tries to shoot me but I used instantaneous movement to move out of the way and again right in front of him where I went to break every bones in his hand along with his gun.

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Then I start beating the crap out of him until his body became broken in the inside. There I place my hand on his chest and blast a hole, killing him instantly.

"See you in HFIL!" I said


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 16th, 2010


In the NG headquarter, while everybody is celebrating Clock Day, couple of pompous douchebags tries to spoil the party.

"CRAP! THE PORTAL'S FULL OF CRAP! MY EYES!" XxRobJohnsonxX screams

Then thdrkside yells "EVERYONE, VOTE ZERO!!!"

Wabblefish then said "With few of us together, our voting powers can help save the day...um, Rob...what did your scouter said about the retards' voting power?"

After scanning the general population's voting power, RJ was stunned and takes off his scouter yelling "It's over 9,000!!!" while smashing it with his bare hand

"WHAT! 9,000?! HOW CAN IT BE?" thdrkside yells

Then EtchASketchClock comes in and beat the crap out of them. The party proceeds as planned despite some minor problems including a security scuffle with a muslim terrorist from Xinjiang (later admitted that he's looking to assassinate a certain NG member who had wrecked their plans in Hong Kong over a year ago).

Meanwhile, Haggard wakes up naked in a bed...

"Ow..my head, I shouldn't have drank this mu-what the?"

Bahamut then got up and became stunned when he saw Haggard in bed with him...

"...Haggard...what have you done to me?" said Bahamut

"Listen, it's not what it looks like!" said Haggard nervously

"You bastard...you sick bastard..."

"NO LISTEN! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I SWEAR..."

"LIAR!"

EagleRock, byteslinger, SlntCobra1, idiot-buster, jaY11, thepigeonmaster, and few others snickers as they're the ones who set it up to make it look like what it seemed to be.

Meanwhile Michael Strahan beats the crap out of drunken Flozell Adams at the NG lobby for trying to trip him. The situation would soon go out of hand as the cowardly no-talent left tackle tries to do the same to Poozy...

--------------------------------------

IF: *goes back to the U.S. to get his glasses* Stupid jet lag! *throws up*

*few days later*

IF: I'm out for a walk

Mason the Seahawks fan: MAH SITE IZ GUN 'CUZ U H8 MAH 9/11 JOKES!!!

IF: That does it!

*pwn*

IF: You got pwned n00b!

*sometimes later*

Nicholas De Genova: I'm going to take over the world!

Genova's students: YEAH!

IF and Strahan: Hell no!

*epic pwnage*

Narrator: The day is saved thanks to Idiot-Finder and a former football star Michael Strahan!

*few days later*

IF: On to Somalia here I come!

Narrator: Meanwhile...

*In Hong Kong*

Coop83: You shall not pass!

Yaya: Bring it on!

*pwn*

Coop83: Now to celebrate with cups of tea!

Narrator: Now in Somalia...after defeating a group of savages who drags bodies for fun, IF meets a villain from the final season of Stargate-SG1...

Prior: Convert to origin!

IF: I'd rather watch a marathon of Uwe Boll directed films than do that.

*pwn*

IF: Yippie-ki-yay mothafucka!

*sometimes later*

Zen444: I hate you!

IF: You hurt my feelings!

*pwn*

Zen444: Damn I couldn't beat you...screw you guys, I'm going home!

Narrator: After killing off several Chris Beer clones...

4Kids employee #1: To protect the world from devastation!

Employee #2: To unite all people within our nation!

Employee #3: To denounce the evil with truth and love!

Employee #4: To extend our reach to the stars above!

IF: No, just no!

Employee #1: You cheese muffin, we never got to finish the motto!

Employee #3: You're gonna pay!

IF: How?

4Kids: Invisible gun attack! *points fingers at IF* Bang, bang, bang...

IF: I'm still standing.

4Kids: Oh noes, he's invincible!

*pwn*

IF: I hate 4Kids.

Narrator: While IF is busy killing Chris Beer clones and Somali warlords, Coop83 and NEVR are kicking ass in Hong Kong.

Coop83 and NEVR: THIS IS NEWGROUNDS!!! *raids Chris Beer's secret cloning lab*

Lab: *gets destroyed*

Narrator: I haven't seen such destruction since Fate pwned Jail Spaghetti, well anyway back to Somalia...

IF: Um...what?

Narrator: Now back to Hong Kong...

Coop83: *gets arrested by the Chinese for joining the "Free Tibet" protest*

Narrator: Sometimes later he gets busted out by the G.I. Joe so he's okay...now back to Somalia...

IF: *pwns the warlord and destroys the terrorist training camp* LOL

*several days later*

Narrator: Now IF returns to the U.S. and somehow he ends up in Boston...of all places!

IF: Oh crap, I hate the Boston Red Sox!

*later*

IF: *at the gift shop* Yeah I'll have a glow stick!

Dude at the gift shop: Good thing the airport is a neutral zone or you would never have been able to buy this!

*sometimes later*

IF: *waves his glow stick at the Red Sox fans* Stay back!

Red Sox fans: Watch where you pointing this, it's fatal to us Red Sox fans!

Carl Pavano: Hey can I help?

IF: Get lost Pavano, nobody needs your help!

Carl Pavano: Oh *sobs*

Narrator: With that, IF was able to make his way back to New York!

IF: Life am good! *turns on TV*


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 14th, 2010


Hi I'm Vince Coleman, the former player of the Major League Baseball. Some of you may have known me as "Vincent Van Go" while some may not have heard of me at all so fuck you. Anyway the reason why I'm here is to teach you kids how to handle firecrackers in a proper manner. Just a reminder, this has nothing to do with the fact that I served three years of probation.

Here's three basic steps for you to learn when it comes to firecracker safety:

1) Be sure to bribe the right people when buying firecrackers, especially since that bullshit law was passed years ago making them illegal.

2) Don't light the one you're holding, trust me...

3) Um...stay away from Los Angeles...especially after what happened in 1993 and more importantly don't tell those fucktards there where I live!

Now that we're done with those three basic steps, here's a important lesson to learn. Pay attention because this may save your reputation!

Never ever throw firecrackers at people out of a passing car, it'll result in injuries!

That's all for safety tips regarding firecrackers, remember when things gets rough...blow them all up.

Thank you for watching and I hope you'll have a nice day!

Intermission #14: Firecracker safety with Vince Coleman


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 12th, 2010


One day during the inauguration ceremony, William Harrison went to take the stand at the podium when he notices the weather may not be suitable for him to make a speech. Knowing that, he decides to go ahead as planned hoping to inspire the crowd, after all he was a war hero and led people into believing that he's a common folk who drinks hard cider despite not being as such. But the campaign worked and enabled him to win the election over the incumbent Van Buren.

Then his advisor came and said "Mr. President, I think we should postpone the ceremony,"

"No thank you, besides if we do that then people will view me as a weakling with no power, I can't let that happen!" said Harrison

"But you do have no power! Remember you're going to do what your party members going to tell you to do,"

"Whatever, I'm not going to let them think I'm a coward so we're going through with the ceremony as planned!"

"If you say so...could I get you a jacket?"

"No thank you, the weather's not that bad, just a slight drizzle,"

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, also I need to show the people that I'm a badass who won't back down, a crummy weather won't stop me and besides, what can possibly go wrong?"

Harrison would eventually go on to make one of the longest inauguration speeches in the history of the U.S. But then one month later, President William Harrison dies from illness (though likely somewhat unrelated to the weather) that may have been at the very least aggravated by the weather that day.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 6th, 2010


The four Chargers fans came after me and to make a long story short, it gets ridiculous.

"It's morphin' time!"

Then they each said "Chargersaurus Rex!" so it's the same thing and they ends up donning white uniforms with a yellow bolt.

I sweat-dropped and said "Wait...what?"

Go, go Charger Rangers!
Go, go Charger Rangers!
Go, go Charger Rangers!
Mighty Ripoff Charger Rangers!

Then they start doing some weird poses ripped out of the Ginyu Force's choreography manual (whatever it was).

"Last time you got lucky because the police came or we would have killed you!" said the leader (the middle one on the front)

"Um...as I recall, I was kicking your ass," I said while picking my nose

Then soon they start jumping around and I start knocking them down one by one until they're all on the ground. I decided to wait for few minutes until they're ready so i can fight them again, after all it's fun.

"I have all day, keep it up losers!"

Then one of them angrily said "You bastard have been messing with us for years!"

"How can you be giving us so much trouble?"

"We're Chargers fans!"

I said "While it's true that the Chargers are a good team and Philip Rivers may become the best statistical quarterback of the 2004 NFL draft, but there's one problem...it's the NFL and you root for the Chargers! Seriously, they're never meant to win the Super Bowl (Better chance than the Bills though) and even if they do built up a title contender, the team's owner will find a way to screw it up like the time when they decided to trade Fred Dean to the 69-I mean the 49ers!"

But the fab four took off their helmets with dumb look on each of their faces. Then one of them said "Um...what? We Chargers fans have ADD,"

"So do I, what's your point?" I said

Then the fab four comes together and each of them begins to charge up a massive pink energy ball.

"Okay..."

Then they all yell "FRUITY POWER BALL!"

"Fruity power ball? Hahaha, you guys ripped off from Gozar, not to mention that attack sounded so ga-"

Then the ball knocks me through several buildings...

"Ow..."

I got up, cup my hands together and...

"Ka...me...ha..."

The fab four stood there and said "What are you doing? You're not going to wipe out this portion of the town, there's too many innocent people!"

"...me..."

"Oh crap, HE'S GOING TO DO IT!"

I power down a bit and aim right at the ground, "...HA!"

A massive blue wave blows through the town, creating a large gust of wind but fortunately no real damage was done so the place remains mostly intact but the fab four and several bystanders were blown dozens of yards away. Once the fab four got up, they fled...pussies!

"Well, well, well, I can see you have managed to defeat the Charger Rangers..."

It's "Iron Shirt"!

"What the HFIL do you want?" I said

"I'm here to offer you a membership in the Chargers fan base, a chance for you to join the real team!"

"Why?"

"Seeing how you have been outsmarting us for the past years, you would become a huge addition and can help strengthen the fanbase!"

"Weren't you with the PETA?"

"I work for whoever pays me, so what do you say?"

"The offer sounds tempting but I'm gonna have to turn it down, I'm already a part of a fan base of a great NFL team, the winners of three Super Bowls and seven titles overall, the Giants!"

"So that's how it is..."

"Not only that, I'd join the Jets rather than joining the Chargers,"

"Very well, next time we meet...I won't be very friendly,"

Then he walks away.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - July 31st, 2010


After being sick for few days, I was preparing to move on to the next city when a Chargers fan attacked me from behind just outside the grocery store. I grab his arm and twist it to an exaggerated angle until he starts begging me to stop. Soon I start beating him with flurry of punches until his body turns completely black and blue.

"Next time...don't do that!" I said

His attack on me is even more idiotic than the time when Empress Cixi decides to use the funds on a garden instead of spending them on the navy which could've help the Chinese win the war against Japan in 1895. Nice going you stupid bitch, no wonder your tomb got robbed!

Okay that's in bad taste...but a movie was made about that event.

Anyway after buying some supplies and a beautiful garde...what the hell, that stupid medicine's making it tough for me to write this. After buying some supplies for my next trip to the summer pala-seriously what the hell? Now I forgot where the heck I'm going to...forget it.

What happen is that I'm preparing to leave and so blah, blah, blah, and so on. Now I remember, it's Minnesota! That's the city I'm heading to.

I haven't been feeling this messed up since the time when I was recovering from a jet-lag. About what happened after buying the food I need, a small group of Chargers fans shows up with pipes and metal rods while staring menacingly at me.

"You think you can get away with what you have done to us for the past few years?" one said

"You're gonna pay!" other yells

"He has a perty mouth..." said the retarded one

I put down my groceries and said "Bring it on assholes!"

Then the fab four all powers up and said "We're mystic!"

"Not that again!"

As they attack all at once, I quickly pick up my groceries and leap right over them.

"What the hell?" one of them said

Then I put down my groceries and proceed to beat the loving crap out of them. Then I heard a siren and pickup my groceries before fleeing.

I'm sure we'll meet again...