One day in a small town church where a wedding is held. Adam Sandler's been invited as a wedding singer after being paid large sums of cash to do so.

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Last night after watching magic show, I became curious. Honestly how did the magician managed to pull off ridiculous stunts?

So once the show's over, I snuck backstage and found the magician's hat. I check inside for a secret compartment, but there's none so I put my hand in to feel for one. But then I grabbed something inside, I pulled it out and it's a 2009 World Series Championship locker room cap for the Phillies that was never given out. I pocketed the cap so I can sell it on eBay once I get home before proceeding to stick my hand into the hat again. I felt something soft, even start groping and feeling what seemed to be an erect nipple until it suddenly jerks away.

"Man, what was that?" I said to myself

Then I realized I really need to stop talking to myself...

I took the hat and turn it downward to spill as much contents as possible. After pouring out several objects including a satellite, game console, a train, Jimmy Hoffa's remains, Honus Wagner baseball card, a cement truck, and so on. Then someone came and yell "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!"

It's that magician, man he's pissed!

"Um...I was just checking to see if there's a rabbit in th-"

"You bastard, how dare you RUIN MY HAT?"

With no other way to escape, I used my supernatural powers to turn myself invisible and snuck past him on my way to the exit. I rarely use it since doing so for a minute can put a strain, after I got out, I stop for a breather while the magician was screaming.

"But darling I swear I didn-"

I looked up and saw some dude pleading with his girlfriend

"Then explain how someone managed to grab my breast!" she yells

"I don't know, but I swear on my pink shirt it wasn't me!"

She slapped him and angrily walks away

"Whoops!" I said

On my way back to the hotel, a blast of smoke burst right in front of me.

"What the?"

Then two figures appears making weird poses.

"Prepare fro trouble!"

"Make it double!"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"Lonic!"

"Snaw!"

"Duck Division, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

Seeing this, I said "At least it couldn't get anymore rid-"

Then a duck jumps in front of those two losers...

"AFLAC! That's right!"

I felt like banging my head on the wall, seriously WTF?

Lord-Lonic said "Our device have indicate that you're a NG member, tell us who you are"

The Snaw said "Yeah, are you a mod?"

I decided to hide my identity seeing they don't know who I am...

"I'm JohnnyWang!" I said

"Who's JohnnyWang?" asked Snaw

"He's that guy who hangs around at the Anime thread like Gendo" said Lonic

"So he's not a mod, at least it's not Idiot-Finder, Zacied warned us about him"

"Indeed!"

"AFLAAAC!"

I said "You guys better leave, I'm not in a mood right now and I don't want to fight you losers"

"Fuck you! We'll kick your ass!"

"Yeah!"

"AFLAC!"

Then I said "Judging by your collective insecurities, you two seemed to have self-esteem issues, thus leading you two to join the organization so you can finally belong"

"Shut up!"

"I'll finish you two quick as I need time to practice my chechen language"

Then I proceed to beat them with ease, even punting that AFLAC duck into the air. Soon the two DD members jumps into a pickup truck they apparently drove into the city with and tries to run me over.

"You two are wasting my time" I said while leaping over the vehicle

Soon those two idiots accidently drove into a gas station where they were blown into the sky yelling "LOOKS LIKE DUCK DIVISION IS BLASTING OFF!"

This is getting ridiculous!

Updated: 11/24/09 2:21 PM 3 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

I'm planning on staying for few days, just to let you know, it's getting crazy out here. Yesterday while blowing the cash I won from that Charger fan on slots, I could have swore that machine is acting on it's own. Come to think of it, I think it's laughing at me...

"You piece of crap!" I yelled

I start attacking it until the thing breaks and the coins starts pouring out. Yeah, I got kicked out but was allowed to keep the money. Then while outside a Charger fan from before came out of nowhere and confront me...again!

"What now?" I said

"You think it's over? Think again!" he said

"So you survived, whoop-dee-doo, what's next?"

"I'll will kill you no matter what it takes!"

"Just give it up, don't forget your Chargers won, you should be satisfied"

"I can't get no satisfaction!"

"What?"

Then suddenly a music starts playing...

When I'm drivin' in my car
and a man comes on the radio
he's tellin' me more and more
about some useless information
supposed to fire my imagination.
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say.

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no satisfaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.

"Want to know what you need?" I said

"What?"

"Mary Jane, drugs are bad but MJ can shut you up!"

"That's right!" a hippie yells

Then he proceeds to sing...

I'm in love with Mary Jane.
She's my main thing.
She makes me feel alright.
She makes my heart sing.

Then I took over...

And when I'm feeling low,
She comes as no surprise.
Turns me on with her love.
Takes me to paradise.

Do you love me Mary Jane?
Yeah. Whoa-oh-oh.
Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?
Now do you think you love me Mary Jane.
Don't you play no games.

Then almost everyone joins in and it gets ridiculous afterwards...

After the crowd did the chorus

I love her just the same.
I love her, Mary baby, just the same.
The woman plays no games.
Now, now, now.

I'm in love with Mary Jane.
I'm not the only one.
If Mary wanna play around,
I let her have her fun.
She's not the kind of girl
that you can just tie down.
She likes to spread her love
and turn your head around.

After couple of choruses...

Yeahhhhh! Ooowoooo.
Oh baby. Oh baby. Hit me.
Whoah, Mary. Only love.
I love you, yeah. Whooo!
Something until we give it now, lovey-dove.
Uh-huh. Wow, baby!
Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh.
Sing! La-du-da-da-du-da-dahh.
Sing it for me baby.
Come Mary, Mary Jane.
Sing it for me baby

After the song is finished, a Charger fan then tires to hit me with a chair, but I wrestle it away from him. Then I knocked him down and body slammed him before tossing him into a dumpster, he got out afterwards.

"Yeah, so what my Chargers won? At least your Giants won a Super Bowl, three!" he screamed

"The game your Chargers won, the defense gift-wrapped it for them so you should be happy" I said

"So what? How many championships my Chargers won? NONE!!!"

"Didn't they won a AFL championship once?"

"THAT DIDN'T COUNT!!! ALSO YOU'RE WEARING A YANKEE CHAMPIONSHIP ROSTER TEE, WE HAVE NOTHING!!!"

"Jeez, calm down, your screaming's hurting my ears"

Then he begins to start crying...

"Not only that...ever since you laughed at me when my girlfriend left me over a year ago, my life haven't been the same, my friends are gone because you called FBI on them, I also lost my job..."

Then someone said "They took his jerb"

"All because I laughed at you" I said sarcastically

"YES, MY LIFE IS DESTROYED AND MY BROTHERS WASTED THEIRS TRYING TO AVENGE ME AND I HAD TO POSSESS THIS IDIOT'S BODY TO..."

"You are an idiot, you know that? You could have just move on but instead you decide to waste your life away like a stupid lowlife"

Then I continued,

"Also you start ripping out ideas from mangas to try to kill me and next thing you know, you'll start doing what Jigsaw did in that crappy movie series"

Then the Charger fan begins to calm down...

Then Tony Bennett shows up and starts singing...

It seems today, that all you see, is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where all those good 'ol fashioned values
On which we used to rely?

Lucky there's a family guy
The one man on this earth who makes do everything like

Effin' cry!

He a family Guuuuuuy!

"Irony"

Then Vince McMahon shows up clapping and said "This is by far the greatest wrestling performance I have ever seen!"

He starts shaking hands with a Charger fan who then said "Really?"

"Yes, how would you like to join WWE? We'll get you a contract soon enough"

Then McMahon turns to me and said "No offense, you're a decent wrestler but you lacked the raw talent this guy has"

Then they left, I shrugged and went back to my hotel room.

"At least things couldn't get any worse" I said to myself

After turning on a television...

ESPN NEWS!!! Hey Giants fans, feeling down? Time to make you feel even worse! Linebacker Antonio Pierce will be out indefinitely due to neck injury...

Updated: 11/21/09 4:06 PM 2 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

As I was on my way to Las Vegas, some asswipe shows up with a knife in one hand and a wad of cash in another. I quickly recognized who it is, it's that dude possessed by a Charger fan's left arm, kinda like in MGS2 and 4.

"What now?" I said

"We're going to play a game!" he said

"Sounds kind of familiar"

"I have $5,000, players will place the money on their hands and stab the money with a knife, all the money on the knife goes to the player while the opponent takes turn on the remainder"

"Okay I sworn I have read about this somewhere..."

"The game ends when there's no more bills, player with the most wins, also the player who stabs himself will lose it all"

"Okay?"

"Are you going to take this challenge?"

"Whatever"

I decided to humor him, I could have sworn I have seen this somewhere, but where?

After making his movie by managing to have couple of 20s stuck on the knife, he takes them off and it was my turn. I carefully dug the knife into a large sum of cash on top of my hand and after stopping for a while, I slowly withdrew a knife and took out a quarter of entire sum.

"Lucky, but you will stab yourself, I can guarantee it!" he said

"Like how Jimmy Rollins guaranteed that the Phillies will win the World Series in five?" I said

After several turns, the cash eventually reduced to few bills and it's his turn. After several hesitations, he paused for a moment and took a deep breath.

"Give up?" I said

"Fuck no!"

"I'm in a huge lead, just quit and we'll leave with what we got, at least you still have some money with you"

"NO!"

Then he proceeds to turn his knife on me

"What are you doing?" I said

"I know a way to win, DIE!"

As he tries to stab me, I jumped thirty feet into the air and several feet backwards to dodge his assault.

"Now I get it!" I exclaimed

I know where he got it from, but because I do not have a ancient Egyptian artifact, I cannot mindcrush him so I did the next best thing...I kick the ever loving crap out of him. I charged toward him and kicked the knife out of his hand before pummeling him to the ground.

"I'll take what I have and you keep yours, it's a fair deal" I said

As I start walking walking away I remember something so to be safe I turn around and saw a knife levitating.

"Again?" I said

The Charger fan then used his supernatural powers to send a knife after me. After several minutes of dodging, I stood in front of him.

"That trick won't work like last time!" he said

I punched him in the face

"OW!"

Then angrily he tries to knife me again, but as usual it missed and nearly hits him instead. Seeing this, I ran dozens of meters away from him while he's calling me a "Coward!"

Then I stop and turn around, starts using similar power he's using at that time. Then while struggling to control the levitating knife, I kinda overexert it a bit and the knife blows up. A blade flew off and hits the Charger fan in the stomach. I came upon that insane asswipe, took his money while he's on the ground bleeding and said "You won't be needing this!"

Then I proceed to walk away...

Updated: 11/20/09 1:10 PM 2 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

It started when I was waiting for a freight train to pass by so I can ride my way to Nevada. After the first train passed by, I realize that maybe perhaps I should have jumped into one of the boxcars. So I waited for some time before another one arrives. About an hour later, another train arrives and I quickly ran before jumping into one of the boxcars.

After over a day in the train, I jumped off and proceed to make my way to a nearby town. It's a good thing I have enough cash in my wallet, Haggard and others would have been able to track me down if I use the NG debit card.

"Time to find a place to stay" I said to myself

While looking for a place to stay, there's a fair nearby and I decided to check it out. There I met David Wells, a drunk obese former star pitcher of the Major League Baseball.

"Yo! Is that you?" I said

"What?" he said

"You're David Wells! The dude who pitched a perfect game in 1998!"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I have questions to ask you..."

"I have a better idea, here's a 1998 World Series ring, you can hold it for a minute if you're willing to shut the hell up!"

I held a World Series ring in my hand and was admiring it, an actual championship ring in my hand!

Then some asswipe shows up and said "Yankee suck!"

I slip the ring into my middle finger and punched him in the face, leaving an imprint on his forehead. Soon that jerk ran off crying like a baby.

"Damn kid, okay you can hand that ring back now"

"If the Yanks makes it back to the World Series next year, will you do another guest column like you did this year?"

"Maybe, if I'm sober enough"

Afterward I went to a small restaurant to have something to eat. While having a soup, a fly flew into it and begins to start swimming.

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"

The waiter came, took a look and said "That can't be good, I'll inform the manager!"

"Couldn't you just get me another bowl?"

"We pride ourselves in sanitation, we're not going to let it slip that easily"

Then few minutes later, the manager and the patrons came

"There's a fly in your soup?" the manager ask

"Yeah, what happ-" before I was interrupted

"Don't worry, we pride ourselves in sanitation, we won't let this one slide!"

Then he picks up that fly and drops it to the floor...

"GET HIM!!!"

He and rest of the patrons proceeds to attack the tiny insect like a mob beating up on one person. Freaked out by this, I place the money on the table and said "Let's say it's my fault, I'll be leaving so here's the money"

What a way to lose my appetite but it only gets worse...

I went to a pay phone to make a call, remember you cannot trace calls made from pay phones. As I was ready to make a call, couple of people were passing by talking about a football game that happened.

"Do you think the Giants will be able to recover from this loss?"

"Beats me"

The Giants lost? They lost to the Chargers? They lost to the fucking Chargers? They lost to a mediocre west coast team?

"DAMN IT!!!"

I start attacking the pay phone like what Robert DeNiro did in Goodfellas when he learned that Home Alone dude was shot.

"DAMN IT!!!"

"What's his problem?"

"Must have something do do with that phone call, lets go or he'll take it out on us"

After hyperventilating few few minutes, I walk away from the destroyed pay phone and kicked the sand screaming "I DON'T NEED THIS!!!"

Updated: 11/15/09 10:54 PM 3 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Months after suffering a humiliating defeat at the hands of some emo kid and his Mexican girlfriend, Facepalmer wanted nothing more than having a quiet time at lunch when something happened. While eating his Italian sausage, a wigger came and points his finger at his direction like an evil monkey. Figuring that he's probably pointing to someone else, he decides to ignore him. But then the wigger shouts, "Yo *Facepalmer's real name*, you pissed me off you fucking mofo, I bet I can kick yo ass ni-"

"Okay then, I'll fight you!" Facepalmer interrupts

"Meet me one hour after school, Imma busta cap in yo ass!" said the wigger

"One more thing, why the n-word? Someone will kick your ass for that and I'm not even black!"

"You're a playa hata!"

"What?"

"You hate me because I'm black!"

Everyone anime sweat-dropped...

Immediately after school, Facepalmer starts thinking up a strategy to beat up a stupid wigger in order to redeem himself once and for all when he bumped into someone. He looks up and to his surprise, it's Flozell Adams!

"Flozell Adams?"

"The one and only!"

"Can you help me? Please, please, please, please, please!"

"What for?"

"Some wigger challenged me to a fight and I-"

"Hold it! Do you said 'wigger'?"

"Yes"

"I'll help you kick this mofo's ass, but don't tell anyone that I'm involved in this"

"Deal!"

"Make sure you call your friends too, I'll need an alibi"

Then an hour later...

"Where's that cracka? Must have given up" said the wigger

Then Facepalmer shows up

"Who are you calling cracka?" he said

"You and I'm gonna fuck ya up!"

Then the wigger begins to charge at Facepalmer when Flozell Adams, the left-tackle of the Dallas Cowboys came and sticks his leg out, tripping the wigger in the process.

"OW! What the fuck just happened?"

Then every one of few of only Facepalmer's friends came along with Facepalmer himself came and surrounds the wigger, kicking the crap out of him.

"N-No fair..." said the wigger as he starts coughing blood

Facepalmer turns around and said "Thanks Flozell"

"Don't mention it" said Flozell Adams as he walks away

Then moments later the principal shows up

"What the hell's going on here?" he yells

"Oh crap, RUN!!!"

They all split up and ran for cover, but unfortunately some of Facepalmer's friends were caught. But despite the threats the principal gave them, they refused to tell him what really happened so Facepalmer is safe.

After returning home, Facepalmer stretch his arms and said "Man, what an epic day! I'll tell everyone on Newgrounds how cool I am, but they won't believe me if I told them about Flozell Adams and I made a promise not to tell so I'll just say it's a star from some high school"

Then he turns on the computer and logs into Newgrounds...

"Wait! I'll also tell them that I ditched the 1st period since cutting class is awesome and hardcore!"

Then he starts to type...

So last week, this white rap kid called ME out and wanted to fight me. So today, I planned a sneak attack. I knew he would be looking for me, so I ditched first period...

Updated: 11/09/09 9:22 PM 13 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Yeah I stayed a little longer to watch the World Series, so what? The best part is that the Yankees won, one of the greatest moments of my life. Seeing the last out recorded on television at the motel room, I ran outside screaming "THE YANKEES WIN! THE YANKEES WIN!"

Then some asswipe came by and said "Shut up and the Yankee suck!"

"You take that back!"

"Why? Mariano Rivera cheats, he use spit ball"

Angered by such bullshit lie flung on my favorite player, I kicked that faggot...but didn't realized my strength and accidentally kicked him across the street.

"Oh well, he'll live"

Thankfully I ran into the Yankee territory (though small) in San Diego, they were celebrating. After spending some time there, I went to buy a can of 7up and drank it. After finishing the can, I started to feel bubbly...then I found myself prancing around, swing around the street lamp, and leaping over vehicles while singing the opening theme song of the South Park movie.

There's a bunch of birds in the sky

And some deers went running by!

Oh, the snow's pure and white on the earth rich and brown!

Just another Sunday morning in my quiet mountain town...

Someone yells "WTF?"

The sun is shining and the grass is green...under the three feet of snow I mean

This is a day hard to wear a frown

All the people stop and say 'hello'

"Shut the fuck up!"

Even though the temperature's low, it's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet mountain to...

"Get out! Stop singing!"

"Asswipe" I said

As I walked away, I saw that idiot I kicked just across the street crying to several thugs...

"What happened? Are you okay?" one of the said

"Did a big scary man made fun of you?" the other said

"Y-yes" he sobbed

Then he saw me

"IT'S HIM!"

"This is getting lame"

Anyway I quickly dispatched them after few minutes and start walking toward the asswipe.

"P-please don't hurt me" he cried

"Say 'Mariano Rivera is the greatest closer in baseball'" I said

"No, Trev-"

"Say it!"

"M-Mariano Rivera is the greatest closer in baseball"

"Also he is not a cheater, if you see that uncut video the spit didn't hit the ball you fucking faggot!"

"Please don't kill me, I have three friends...kill them instead"

Then one of the thugs whom I have beaten up said "What?!"

I walk away as the thugs came upon on that idiot and proceeds to beat him up. Right now I gotta go, later the certain football game will start and it gets dangerous...

No matter what the results are, the Charger fans will be out for my blood. I'll leave in the morning by foot, good thing I didn't have any luggage as i shipped them to my home when i was in New Zealand, wish me luck!

Right now I'll get some rest and hopefully I won't wake up too late...

Updated: 11/08/09 12:27 AM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Well I got back after few weeks, would've got there sooner if the ship haven't been making all those stops at the islands in the Pacific. Right now I'm staying at the motel for few days until I can finally get the sea-sickness out of my system. While on my way out of the ship, I realize I'm at San Diego!

Once I got out into the street several Charger fans starts pointing at me and made loud screeching noise.

"What the?"

Soon they start chasing me until I've finally lost them. Then as I was walking along, as usual someone's following me. It wasn't surprising since I'm still in San Diego so I turn around and said "You better leave if you don't want to get hurt"

"It's been a while"

"Do I know you?"

"You may not recognize me as I live on through this arm"

Then he shows he left arm...

"Wait a minute..."

"That's right, after all our previous confrontations back in Hong Kong, I have waited for a perfect time for revenge..."

"How did you...you're dead, no way anyone coul--"

"Actually I have known someone from Japan, his name is Jail Scaglietti"

"Who? Jail Spaghetti?"

"Scaglietti, he's a wanted criminal in Japan, who was going to put my other arm as well until that golden haired magical bitch came and fucked up the whole thing, he's back on the run but I was able to take this body and fled"

"Why all this time? Couldn't you just move on? Besides the Chargers are doing well this year"

"You have humiliated me for all this time, I wanted revenge!"

"So what are you gonna do then?" I yawned

"Allow me to demonstrate"

He raise his left hand and fires a beam at the cement truck, soon he proceeds to lift it into the air before tossing it at my direction.

"WHOA!"

I jumped out of the way in time and fired my ki blast at the truck so he won't use it on me again.

"WHAT?! SINCE WHEN CAN YOU DO THAT?" Charger fan screams

"It started in Houston when I took on a Storm Front member, he's gone now and so will you...again"

Then suddenly the dude starts to struggle and his voice changes...

"...let...go...of...me..." he moans

Then he starts hitting himself with his left fist

"Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"

Then the Charger fan regains control

"Just a minor inconvenience, now where was I?"

"You want to know how I blew up that truck you're gonna use to hit me with"

"I'll just use my powers to lift you then"

"You won't"

Then I proceed to beat the crap out of him before kicking him into garbage truck. Seeing that it's getting dark, I decide to find a place to stay for a bit when a soccer ball bounced right in front of me...

There's several kids at the part asking me to kick it back to them.

Instead I show off my skills by performing tricks and emulating Pele's trademark "bicycle kick"

"Wow cool!"

"How do you do that?"

"Can you teach me?"

The I stomp the ball flat before walking away laughing like a maniac as the kids starts to cry.

"Over-glorified kickball" I said to myself

After finally finding a place to stay, I turned to ESPN to see who's winning the first game of World Series. I saw the box score and the Yankees lost...

I open up the window and scream "F---" as it gets drowned out by the ship's blaring noise...

"Dude, watch your mouth!"

Updated: 10/29/09 2:20 PM 2 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

I remember that kid who blew up, what happened? I have been wondering for quite a while now, to make it worse I spotted Haggard few days ago, because the deadline have passed, you know what that means as well. That's right, Bahamut the asswipe send his men after me for doing my job which is friggin' stupid. Anyway, I went to the jungle to investigate since this is where I last seen this guy from days before. Moments later...

"FREEZE!"

I turned around and saw Haggard pointing a gun at me

"Drop the gun" I said

"No and what are you gonna do about it?" he said

Then suddenly a boomerang flew and knock his gun out of his hand before flying back to it's owner. It's that tourist I helped few days earlier!

"Crikey, what's going on mate?" he said

Then a figure appears in front of us.

"Wait a minute...I recognize that guy!" i said

'Who is he?" said Haggard

Then a tourists steps in and said "Don't worry mate, I'll oughta take him" before throwing his boomerang at him

But then the figure caught the boomerang and said "Nice toy, you can have it back" before throwing it back at the aussie

Then the boomerang dug into the tourist's chest and he said "Crik--" before the upper part of his body blows up.

We got out of the way in time.

"What the hell is that?" Haggard yelled

"That's Zolf Kimblee, the Crimson Alchemist!" I said

"Who?"

"That guy blows things up with his hands"

"Your kidding me right? How can..."

Then the ground was leveled and we were thrown several yards. After landing on a tree and fell off the branch into the greens, Haggard who also survived got up and said "How can anyone DO THAT?!"

"Ever heard of anime and manga series called 'Full Metal Alchemist'?" I said

"What?"

"Forget it, we have to be careful"

"Nonsense, I'll just...where's my gun?"

Then we remember how the gun was knocked out of his hand by a boomerang

"SHIT!"

But unfortunately, Kimblee heard that and said "So there you are"

"Dammit Haggard! Why did you have to yell that out for?" I said

"I was getting a bit worried, no fun if I kill you guys too quick" Kimblee laughs evilly

I reach into my jacket pocket (don't ask why I'm wearing a jacket in such a weather) hoping to find something that can help us, I found a hand grenade. I remember I didn't use that grenade back when I was trapped in Zombietown and it's my last one. Knowing I cannot use my super powers with Haggard watching, I came up with a plan.

"Haggard, listen I have a plan" I said

"What? It better be good, I'm already in deep shit because of you" said Haggard

After hiding for cover, we start discussing our plan to get out of this situation. Once the discussion have reach it's conclusion, Haggard then said "It better work, I haven't done cardio for years and I got man-boobs from all the crap i ate and drugs I took just to pass the time"

I pull out a pin and toss the hand grenade at the Crimson Alchemist, soon it lands right next to him.

"What the?"

Then there's a explosion...

"NOW!!!" I yelled

Then we proceed to run like hell

"FASTER, FASTER, FASTER!!!"

Soon we found our way out of the jungle

"FINALLY!!!"

After taking a breather, Haggard came and said "Thanks, but..."

"What?"

"I'm still gonna have to take you in"

"WHAT?!"

"Nothing personal, under order"

Then he takes out a taser

"Don't taze me bro!"

"That crap is getting old, just don't resist and I won't have to do this"

Quickly I kick the taser off his hand and proceed to flip him to the ground

"Sorry Hag, I'm not going to let you take me in"

"You bastard..."

"I know the rules, if I turn myself in, I'll get lesser charge than when someone turn me in"

"How did you know?"

"When I first sign in at 2002, I paid attention as well, even though I originally did so just to find Xito and beat him to a pulp"

"Didn't you slept through the introduction? I heard about that, there's no way you could've..."

"I did slept through most of it, not all of it"

Then I knock Haggard unconscious. Afterward I went back to the hotel which is almost empty due to having my stuff shipped back to my home in the U.S., I'm using the computer in this hotel room right now but soon I'll check out. Knowing they'll be expecting me to return via plane, I'm going to stow away in a ship to California, wish me luck!

Updated: 10/13/09 12:49 PM 9 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Here's a recap of the events that have started in the late winter of 2008 to now:

------------------------------

Idiot-Finder: I have a confession to make, I took VGH...

EGB: We know, thumb injury right? As long you didn't abuse it...

IF: Um...yeah

*moments later*

IF: I have evidence that lists all the users who took them, here's a photo of Canseco with Dream-of-Duke's college logo...

gfoxcook: Damn!

*moments later*

IF: I'll take this files to...

Someone: *knocks IF unconscious*

IF: That came out of nowhere *blacks out*

------------------------------

IF: I know I screwed up but I'll get those reports back

The superior: *sarcastically* Sure

gfox: We'll all be waiting with baited breath to hear the results of your inquiries!

------------------------------

IF: Hey Brian NcMamee, you told me you got a lead

Brian NcMamee: I did, all I know is that Roman Polanski have the information regarding the stolen files

------------------------------

*In France*

IF: Now to find that troubled film maker...

9/11 truthers: Lets kick his ass *pointing at IF*

IF: WTF!

*pwn*

IF: Now that I kicked their asses, I'll...damn it! Where is Polanski?

------------------------------

*moments later*

IF: Finally, now to find a way to break into Polanski's home...

*few minutes later*

IF: *breaks into Polanski's house* Now to find...*finds a note*

Polanski's been kidnapped!!!

Sincerely, Saddam Hussein's bastard son

IF: Damn it!

------------------------------

IF: Polanski's been imprisoned at a gambling boat, because I don't have $500,000 required to get in, I'll have to find a reputated gambler to help me.

gfox: Alright, do the best you can

IF: Also my fantasy team just beat Chuckers and is now in the finals, probably won't win but I'll try to keep it close

gfox: You know you're paying for this call right?

------------------------------

*meanwhile*

chr0me: I'm gay!

Everyone: No one cares!

------------------------------

piglet: Now to troll NG...

IF: *knocks him down* Whoops, my bad

piglet: Wahhhhhhhh!!!

------------------------------

*skips certain event that doesn't make any sense*

------------------------------

*sometimes later*

IF: Now that I found where the God of Gamblers lives, I'll...

Bodyguard: *points gun at IF*

IF: *runs like hell*

------------------------------

Coop: I'm a student of that dude

IF: All this time? Do you realize how much trouble I have went through to find that guy and you're telling me just now?

------------------------------

*at the gambling boat*

Coop: Lol I'm pwning you on poker

Saddam's bastard son: WTF

*somewhere at the part of the ship*

IF: *brandishing a nunchuku made from plungers*

Henchmen: WTF

*pwn*

IF: Now that I pwned you, where's Polanski?

*back at the gambling room*

Coop: I win lol

Saddam's bastard son: *points gun at Coop* Die

IF: *throws ashtray to knock his gun off*

Saddam's bastard son: WTF

God of Gambler's bodyguard: I hijacked the ship!

Saddam's bastard son: Oh poopy, I'm screwed!

Polanski: I wanna go home...

IF: After you tell us about the stolen files and you can go, after all it's not like you're going to slip up by going to Switzerland where they finally catch you and ship you back to the U.S. right?

------------------------------

*back to the U.S.*

IF: So Polanski said it's in San Jose...I'm sure he meant the one in the U.S., not the one where "The-Wonder" was murdered by thugs.

*moments later*

IF: WTF, the thug just killed a cop, he's not getting away with this

*jumps into a bus*

IF: Freeze!

Thug: Oh poopy *takes hostage*

IF: *shoots him*

Thug: OW!

Hostage: Oh poopy I got heart attack...

IF: CALL THE AMBULANCE!!!

Hostage: Too late *dies*

IF: Aw man...

------------------------------

IF: Hey, a pineapple fished from under the sea

Livecorpse's ghost: Get down *knocks IF down as a bullet sails over his head*

IF: WTF

Livecorpse's ghost: kbye *disappears*

IF: WTF

------------------------------

IF: *picks up a receipt* Super HGH and meth were sold to some guy by the name of David Arias? Who is he?

Steroid dealers: Oh noes! Raid!

IF: I reported those drug dealers, now off to find voting drugs...

------------------------------

IF: *beating up Bud Selig* English motherfucker! English!

Bud Selig: No, no more please stop...

IF: *continues to kick the crap out of Bud Selig for being responsible for Wang's injury*

------------------------------

IF: *reads a note* Meet at 5? Could it be a trap? I'll go and check it out...

*at the park*

Thugs: *grabs IF by arm*

IF: WTF

Thugs: Were here to kick your ass!

*pwn*

IF: As you were saying? So where's the voting drugs?

Thugs: It's not here, we moved them to Hong Kong...

*later that night*

Jean Muggli: You're better than my ex-husband, I'll go out with you as I'm not after your money despite my reputation as a golddigger who swindles people for the lulz and plants false accusations on people

Alex Jones: You're my kind of girl

IF: *watching them* I won't warn him, that's for help spreading that conspiracy crap around, people are gullible idiots these days!

*even later*

Chupacabra: lol Imma suck yer goat

IF: *in the car* No way *runs that monster over*

*drove through a shanty town*

Police: Freeze!

IF: Oh poopy

------------------------------

*breaks out and takes hostage*

IF: Drive me to San Diego *pointing a gun at the guard*

------------------------------

*in San Diego*

Charger fan: *screaming at his girlfriend regarding her brother serving in war in Iraq* "YOUR BROTHER IS A BLOOD-THIRSTY MUR..."

Girlfriend: *smacks him in the face* I'm outta here *leaves the internet cafe*

Charger fan: *tries to follow her but a door swung and hits him in the face*

Everyone: LOL

Charger fan: I'll kill you one day!

*about few hours later*

Charger fans: *burning effigies of people including Bush* Burn!

IF: WTF, I'm calling FBI

Malachy: *arrives on a bus* Here's a plane ticket

IF: Kthanx

*much later*

Stupid kid: Weeee, I'll go hide in casket

IF: WTF, I'll go and warn him

Men from the crematorium: *came in and picks up the casket*

IF: WAIT!

Men from the crematorium: *takes out a taser* Bug off!

*stuns*

IF: WTF *recovers and chase*

Charger fans: *blocks IF's path*

IF: WTHM

Charger fans: YOU THINK THAT WAS FUNNY? YOU CALLED FBI ON US FOR BURNING EFFIGIES!!!

IF: Well you shouldn't done this in the first place considering the fact that any threat can get you into trouble

FBI: *fires tear gas*

IF: *escapes* Now to rescue that kid

Men from the crematorium: WTF you again?

*pwn*

IF: Now to...

Stupid kid: *burning*

IF: &^&^%$%^&&**(((*(*&^&^%%%#@$^&*^%$$^&&
%##%&%^&*&%&(((&^%$$##@#@#$$%@!@#$%#@@
$^^&^&%$##@#@%&**(&^%$$#%^^&^&%$$$%%^%
^&^%$%$^&^&^&*...

------------------------------

*in a plane*

IF: *sleeping*

*hijack happens*

IF: *wakes up* WTF

*pwn*

Hijackers: Ow...

Passengers: Lol we won

Freed pilots that weren't injured: Were in Somalia

Passengers: Oh poopy

*lands in the section where the Red Cross is at*

Passengers: Were safe!

IF: *gives a refugee kid Jolly Rancher*

*warlord comes*

Warlord: *sees a kid holding a western product and shoots him*

IF: *upset as he's partly responsible for what happened to the kid*

BigBadRon: You're banned! *holds up a banning paper*

Warlord: *shoots BBR in the face*

Everyone: ...

Warlord and his group: *leaves*

*the next day*

IF: *steals a vehicle to find the warlord to avenge the kid*

*encounters a villain*

IF: WTF

Villain: *knocks IF out*

------------------------------

*at the hospital after being moved to South Africa by the Red Cross*

IF: *escapes* On to Hong Kong

------------------------------

End of the first recap...

Updated: 10/10/09 4:46 PM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!