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I want the funky chicken.


31, Male


some boring ass school

New York,NY

Joined on 8/29/02

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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 30th, 2011

On Monday, I was able to sneak into the school building without any problems despite the possibility that the dean may have beefed up the security since the incident few weeks ago. I guess they never learn their lesson. I was able to blend into the crowd and notice that some of the people I know for the past weeks were there but for some reason, Victor wasn't there...I wonder what happened...

Anyway the class starts and I sneaked into one of the closest classrooms I can find and help myself on an empty seat. Being that it's on the back of the classroom, the teacher won't notice and the students generally don't care. Once the teacher starts to discuss something, I notice something being written on the desk...I decided to see what it's about since the writings scribbled can be pretty funny. I realize it may have been written by some lovesick psycho due to this...

"Maria, how I have always love you with all my heart and yet you turned me down. But someday you'll be mine!"


"Who the hell is that?"

Then I felt a light bulb just turned on right above me (which it did because the class was starting to get dark so someone switched on the light). Once the class ends, I waited until the next day and brought a pen along. I wrote "Somebody's watching me, had stolen all my privacy!" - Maria.

"This one should be funny!"

Then the next day on the desk, some dude called "C.I.L." then wrote in response, "Maria, I will have you and there's nothing you can do to stop me...if I can't have you, then no one will!!!"

"Wait what?"

I started to become disturbed, who would use some random internet lingo on that? Seriously!

Then I wrote, "Gotcha, this isn't Maria, I'm just trolling you! I'm Mario, like that dude from a video game and that somewhat overrated ice hockey player. Can't believe you fell for that, now it makes you gay because you're flirting with a dude,!!!" - Mario

Then I added, "P.S: You're already gay!"

While waiting for the class to end, I started to wonder if I had forgotten something...

Later that day, I ran into one of my sorta friends in the hallway and asked him what happened to Victor. He said that Victor have been missing for the past several days and no one had any idea what happened. Hearing this, I knew something wasn't right...

Next day during class, I was beginning to wonder if the school dean's really that irresponsible, I mean I got in without any trouble for the fourth day in a row at that point. I mean come on, is the security really that bad? Just about anyone can sneak into the building through the rear end. Anyway I notice the writings on the desk and it said,"Lol, nice try but it won't work Maria. You will be mine no matter what as I'm crazy for you! You are in my heart and you want me, just admit it!" - C.I.L.

"P.S: I am not gay!"

"I hope the dude won't end up a love martyr for his sake!"

I wrote, "Time to come on out of the closet honey because you're officially gay!" - Mario

After the class ended, I went outside and saw two people making out on a park bench. They were trying to french it up but the dude fell on the girl and for some reason dozens of pigeons flew on them and it's hilarious!

"If only I have my i-pod with me, I'd record what happened and upload it on youtube!" I said.

While taking a walk at the park, I heard someone...

"Yo, pssst!" someone whispered

I turned and realized that it's Victor!

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"Some people are trying to kill me, I had to disappear for a while," he said.

"Wait what?!"

"The dean found out about our organization so he send his nephews after us,"

"W-what why?"

"He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that the school is been plagued with bullying so he's trying to cover it up!"

I knew it!

"So what are you going to do?" I said.

"I'll have to disappear for a while, thankfully my parents are away on a business trip so they won't be back for few months." he said.

"What about your sister?

"I actually three, two are at my uncle's and the other is in college so they'll be okay."

After that he left.

The next day I learn there's going to be a second mid-term exam on history and I didn't study!

"I didn't know there's going to be a test!" I yelled.

"Maybe next time pay some attention!" said one of the students.

The papers were handed out and when I took a look at the questions, I knew I'm in trouble. Once the test begins, I tried to concentrate on the questions...but it's impossible...I mean how am I supposed to know who Susan B. Anthony was!

Once I calm down I realize they're not difficult at all, especially since most of the questions happens to be multiple choices, my specialty. After answering them all, there's a essay question stating "What impact George Washington made on the world today?".

I wrote down the essay and finally it's over!

That essay about Washington's contribution on different uses of peanuts should help me nab an "A", what can go wrong?

But then remembering what I came for, I look on the desk and let's just say that the message have gotten a little disturbing...

"Maria, Maria, Maria, you can run but you can't hide! I know where you live and I know about your cousin being a magical girl, but no matter what I will have you and if I don't, no one will have you!" - C.I.L. R.I.P. 1993 - 2011

"Whoa, this guy's getting freaky!"

In response I wrote this, "How'd you figure it's me? Anyway I'll be waiting for you tomorrow at 4 in the afternoon, meet me at the 'Blue Oyster' where we will have fun time together, cheers!" - Maria

That stupid asshole didn't realize it's some dude writing, what an idiot!

Later I was on my way back to the hotel when I saw a group of bald men walking by and they have what seemed to be a swastika tattooed on each of their arms. I knew something's up, especially when there are neo-Nahzees around in the U.S. and out there in broad daylight. I decided to follow them quietly so that way I can stop whatever those bastards going to do later on. I hid behind the corner of every buildings in case they notice something and each time one of them seemed to be unnerved until a black Mercedes drove by and stopped. A door was opened and a tall muscular blond haired man emerge out of the vehicle and said something in German to which the skinheads saluted although they didn't went, "Heil!" while doing so.

Then the blond man said something in German and the skin heads started to shout in excitement. I went to the pay phone about a block to call the police and left an anonymous tip where they would later arrest those skinheads, but the blond guy wasn't there however. I knew I have to be wary since there's a good chance he knew someone reported them and could be seeking revenge.

Next morning I went out to the grocery store when I notice someone following me. I looked at the window of a clothing store and saw a reflection of a black Mercedes from the day before!

"That can't be good, he must have known somehow!" I said.

I decided to walk to a crowded area where he would eventually give up and drove away.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 8th, 2011

One day while in a shack, Kagami Hiiragi was preparing a gallow. It's been five years after since her friend Konata's death six years ago to the hands of a stalker. However it was the fact that her family found out about their relationship that got her disowned. Her life have gone under downward spiral to the point that she had to steal in order to provide herself. Granted her sister Tsukasa have visited her from time to time until her marriage in which she would move away, in the end it's hell for Kagami.

As she was ready to hang herself, there's a moment of hesitation which caused her to stop. Then a door burst open and someone yell, "Wait Kagamin!"

It's Konata who was thought to be dead...despite being six years, it looked as if she haven't changed a bit.

"K-konata...but...you're..." Kagami stammered

Then she runs toward Konata and hugs her crying.

"Please don't leave me..."

"I'll never leave you Kagamin, we'll be together forever!"

The next day they found Kagami's body in the shack, cause of death is unknown...

Note: The recaps are merely exaggeration of this author's retelling of his adventure which in turns a bigger exaggeration of what really happened so take it with a grain of salt, enjoy!

Narrator: After his escaping from Boston, Dennis was relaxing in his home until a disturbance appears.

Dennis: Who could it be in a time like this? "1,000 Ways To Die!" is on!

*walks outside and finds a group of people waiting for him*

Narrator: Bunch of peace activists came to randomly invite several people to a rally at Forest Park, however Dennis who once had a knack for finding idiots was unaware of what really went on so he came due to a promise of cake!

*later at Forest Park*

Nicholas De Genova: Sieg Heil!

Ward Churchill: Sieg Heil!

Michael Moore: I'm here for the food, where's the cake?

Dennis: WTF?

*one epic fight later*

Dennis: *walks away* The cake is a lie!

Narrator: Later that night...

Dennis: *meets a girl* Hey how are you?

Girl's dad: *takes out a sword* Stay away from her!

Dennis: Okay okay...please don't kill me!

*next day*

Dennis: *beats up a crash dummy* This is fun!

*next day*

Some guy: I challenge you to a children's card game!

Dennis: Okay

*one awesome card game duel later*

Dennis: Hey I won!

*few days later*

Dennis: Now to find some batteries *goes to Radioshack*

Store clerk: There's a do not touch sign on a new computer so don't tou-

Dennis: Touch *touches the computer and gets sucked in*

Store clerk: I hate my life

*one epic adventure in a internet gaming later*

Narrator: Dennis finally made his way out of the computer but however, he ended up in the Philly capital!

Dennis: Where am I? *looks at the computer* Hey someone's posting on...what the? Did he just post death threat regarding Eli Manning? Did he just post threats on the Giants? That son of a bitch!

Some troll: *enters the room* Ladedadeda...BURGLAR!

Dennis: Go to hell *touches the loser's forehead with his fingers*


Narrator: By pressing the pressure point with the right amount of force on the forehead, the victim will suffer few seconds of agony before dying in a very painful death. Due to the fact that it is violently messy, this technique is highly illegal and has traumatized several witnesses!

Some troll: Did you just touched me? I mean what was that? What a fagg...ow...I feel funny...the pain...

Dennis: *jumps out of the second story window and took off*


Troll's dad: Jamie, the the hell are you screaming f-OH DEAR GOD!!!

Narrator: Dennis have made his way back to New York by hitching several rides where he would take a rest while Will Cooper escaped from the Chines prison for a circumstance he wouldn't talk about.

*few days later*

Eric Foreman: Thoose bastage...they mock muh beauty becuz they're jellyous...dam them all!

Narrator: Meanwhile...

Dennis: *playing pokemon sapphire* WHY?! DAMN YOU SHINY LAIRON, DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! *sobs*

Some random neighborhood kids: Hey look up in the sky!

Boy: It's a bird!

Girl: No it's a plane!

Together: It's...*gets zapped*

Dennis: What's that noise? *ran outside* What the eff?

Super Bunny: ...

Dennis: This is getting stupid *runs to draw the super bunny away*

Narrator: After luring the rabbit to Forest Park band shell, Dennis went to take on the mutated rabbit.

Dennis: *fires a ki blast at the rabbit, obliterating it* That's fast...

Eric Foreman: Yore one of thoose jellyous guys, I haet joo!

Dennis: Dick neck, is that you?

Dick neck: Don call me dick neck!

Dennis: What are ya gonna do? *cracks fists* What are ya gonn-*gets hit by dick neck's outstretched head*

Dick neck: I gonna kill you, kill you to death!!!

Narrator: Somewhere in Earth-2...

Superboy Prime: That asshole stole my line!

Narrator: Now back to our world...

Dennis: *blast dick neck's head off*

Dick neck: *regenerates*

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: You loos to muh superir bloodline!

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: DAI!

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: Stup muking me!

Dennis: WTF?

Some random dude: Hey what's going on here?

Dick neck: *wraps the dude with his neck and kills him*

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: Yoo one four nao, I bee bak!

Dennis: WTF?

Narrator: Few days later, Dennis went back to Hong Kong hoping to finish something, only to run into someone whom he had trouble against...

Uyghur terrorist: You ruined my plan you filthy Han, I will defeat you like what I did before back in Somalia, NGYA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A~! (That one took place in the first Somalia expedition shortly after Bigbadron was shot in the face while trying to ban the warlords IRL)

Dennis: I'd pay you everything I have just to get you to stop laughing...

Uyghur terrorist: DIE!

Dennis: Not this time! *fires kamehameha before Uyghur can use his Mongolian champion way...he's Mongolian?*

Uyghur terrorist: N-*gets obliterated*

Dennis: *turns to the terrorist's underling* You're not getting away!

Underling: *gulps*

Narrator: Moments later...

Underling: Ow my ribs!

Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 26th, 2011

Yeah no one's here so there's no meeting for a while now.

Maybe they did gave up...but there's only one way to find out, I'll have to infiltrate the school again. It won't be easy since my cover have been blow although they still have no idea who I am. But then again you have to admit, it is hard to believe that some random tourist would waltz into a high school easily without anyone noticing. But right now I'll have to come up with a plan since it's likely that the school beefed up the security knowing how bad it had been. On the bright side, at least the principal finally acknowledge the fact that there's a problem in the school and he might have finally done something about it rather than doing nothing.

I mean in almost every case of problems regarding bullying, the schools principals would just sit there and act like everything's all fine. They refused to accept the fact that there are many things that have been going on under their watch. Not to mention the fact that if a student fights back in self defense, the student would face suspension while the bully would go out scot-free. With that said, it makes me wonder if there's something much larger behind this whole thing. Come to think of it...if I somehow manage to sneak in again, maybe I can uncover something regarding that as well.

Earlier this morning I passed by the school and noticed that the entrance was still lightly guarded, just like before. But still I have to be on guard, it could be a trap of some sort in order to lure me in and I'm not going to fall for that. As with many other buildings there's a backdoor so I might sneak though there. Besides how many people even bother to guard the backdoor? Just about anyone can waltz right in, that's how I was able to get into the theater without a ticket that one time. Just hope that they won't catch on however...

For a time being I'll kill some time by watching "Five Second Films".

Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 24th, 2011

Ever wonder why the spiral energy sounded somewhat familiar?

Hero vs. Big Bad

Hero: My penis is bigger than yours so I win!

Big Bad: Ow, you penetrated me *dies*

Hero: I'm a king of the world!

Anti-spiral: Your penis is getting way too big, we'll have to kill you all!

Hero: No fuck you!

*penetrates the anti-spiral*

Anti-spiral: Oh fuck...don't don't fuck up the universe...I beg of you! *dies*

Hero: Okay!

Love interest: I'm disintegrating! *dies*

Hero: Damn it Gainax!

That's a way to sum up the entire series.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 13th, 2011

I was on my way to the grocery when I noticed a ruckus happening at the park. Being that there are several police vehicles nearby, I knew something's up. With that, I sprinted to the park and saw something that caught my eye, several mimes were having a rampage and the police couldn't do anything.

"And I thought the police force in Philippines are useless!" I said.

I went over to one of the onlookers and said, "What's going on?"

"Those mimes, they're terrorizing the park and there's no way to stop them...we're doomed!"

I palmed my face and said, "I'll go and take care of them...idiots!"

"No, you're going to get killed!"

I flipped him off and said, "Get bent ya pussy!"

Then he said, "Fine be like that, see if I care if you get killed!"

Then I pulled down my eyelid and stuck out my tongue just to piss him off even further. His friends had to restrain him before he could make a move. I went to taunt the guy even further by making faces and calling him all those derogatory terms for homosexuals.

"I hope those mimes kill you! You deserve to die!" he screamed.

One of his friends then said, "Dude, how old are you?"

"Twenty three...why you ask?" I said.

"Twenty three? Act like you are, there's no need to make fun of my friend like that!"

I picked my nose and said, "I'll go and kick those mimes asses while your friend's busy crying his eyes out like a little girl,"


I walked right into the scene and said, "Hey mimes, bring it on!"

One of the police officers then said, "Kid are you crazy?"

"Get out of the way before you get yourself killed!" the other yelled.

I ignored them and said, "I took down your kind in New Zealand, there's no way you can win!"

Afterward I cracked my knuckles and my neck (although the latter's due to the fact that my neck was stiff that morning).

The mimes took out their imaginary katanas while I started to pretend that I have my nunchaku ready. They all attacked me the same time but I was able to repel them by swing my weapon at them, even disarming some of them until I lost my grip and it flew right at the random passerby's face, knocking him out...

"Whoops, my bad!" I said.

The mimes shook their heads and proceeded to go forward with their assault until I send them flying right across the street by my series karate kicks. They all got up and tried to attack me again but took out my imaginary pistol and shot them in the face one by one. Afterward they all pretended to be dead, leaving their leader standing in shock. The head mime pointed his finger at me and mouth some words I had no understanding of.

I said, "What was that? Are you saying 'wahbla, wala, waka'?"

Angered at this, he ripped off his shirt and began to walk toward me. Seeing a mime shirtless made me want to throw up.

"This is one of the things I wish I can unsee..." I said.

Soon the mime took out a imaginary AK-47 and began to fire several rounds at me. I ran zigzag in order to dodge the bullets and some of them almost got me. I was able to dodge some of them by bending backwards like that scene from "The Matrix" before falling to the ground. Then I quickly rolled away far enough before he can open fire, giving me the time I needed to get up. I looked around and saw several people pretending to be suffering from bullet wounds...some are even dying!

"That monster, you won't get away wi-holy crap!" I yelled before getting interrupted by a hail of imaginary bullets. I tried to shoot him with my imaginary pistol but unfortunately...the gun jammed!

"Damn it all!" I yelled

But then for some reason the mime stopped firing...

"Hey, he stopped!" said one of the onlookers.

"But why?" said the other.

I looked and realized that the mime's AK-47's finally out of ammo.

"Finally!" I yelled before delivering a flying back kick which the mime would block with his right arm. Even then the mime griminced in pain from blocking the kick as he held his right arm looking as if he was ready to cry. After few minutes, the mime got up and I went to deliver flurry of punches to his stomach until he started to back away with a painful expression on his face. Soon I took out a chair (To those wondering where I got that chair, I'm as confused as you are) and hit him with it. Then I follow that hit with a body slam, further injuring the mime but for some reason he refused to give up. The mime shook his finger at me and made a threatening gesture by running his finger across his throat.

I responded by flipping him the bird and soon I ran toward the mime in order to deliver one final blow. I went to hit him with another flying back kick...only to realize that the mime suddenly passed out from injuries and I knocked off the stop sign by mistake.

After it was over, we all got arrested for extensive property damage (most of them imaginary), deaths of several people (all pretend), and public disturbance. I was let off easy because I helped the police in taking down those mimes so all I had to do was pay the fine for the stop sign. The mimes however were unable to afford to pretend to pay for all those imaginary property damage and medical bills so you can guess what happened. Also what they did was horrifying enough that chances are the mimes will wind up in prison if convicted.

Before I got out, the police warned me about some high school student to terrorized the principal with a stapler and according to them, he looked just like me. They said that's he's in late teens so while he's about few years younger, that guy must have been really dangerous. Man, I really need to be careful since the last thing I need running into someone who could be a psychopath. Being that heard about what happened on the news, I was hoping that they caught him but I guess it wasn't the case.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 9th, 2011

"So you guys are now planning something new?" I asked

"Yeah, it's been a while since we tried something ever since that failure..." said Victor

"So what are you guys planning?"

"Brian adopted four dogs from the pound and we're going to set up a trap in the abandoned building,"

Hearing this, I knew the plan won't end well and this time I had a bad feeling...

"What?" I said

"With luck, the plan will go haywire and one of our members will get mauled by dogs, this should scare them into quitting!" said Victor

And he said what I did was bad, I mean really? Seriously what I did few weeks ago was getting some guy raped and few of the members did left and yet Victor had no issues with dogs? Are you kidding me?

My John McEnroe moment in my head was interrupted when I heard loud barkings erupted out of nowhere. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the shock that happened, haven't been this surprised since the time I saw a youtube video that ended with a screamer. Right in front of me there were two nasty looking rottweilers and two massive German shepherds. They're even larger than I thought!

With that said, I asked "Are they pumped with steroids?"

Brian, the guy holding the leash said, "No."

After some planning, the trap at the abandoned building was set and Brian and I were waiting for someone (Victor said that he'll pretend to call someone so that Brian will wait long enough to do something stupid...I thought it was kind of lame).

We were waiting at the bedroom in the second floor when Brian left to get something. While doing so, I began to walk around out of boredom when I notice a creaking sound right below me. I shrugged and was about to move on when suddenly the floor collapsed. I grabbed onto the edge in time when I noticed those loud barkings from before. That's when I realized I had accidentally walked right into the trap!

I looked down and saw those dogs barking menacingly with foams coming out of their mouths. When I saw this, I figured that either the dogs were infected with rabies or just happened to had some kind of drooling problem. After a while as I held on with my left hand, my fingers began to slip off one by one. Things were looking hopeless until I heard Brian yelling at someone about the pizza and that's when I realized that stupid asshole went out to order a pizza!

Hearing this, I fastened my grip on my remaining finger and started to climb back up finger by finger. Then I threw my right arm up to grab the ledge and began to push myself up with everything I have. Slowly I was able to climb out of the hole when Brian shows up with a box of pizza and said, "What the fuck have you done?!"

"What?" I said

"The trap...it's ruined!"

Then I heard a woman yelling, "Brian are you there, it's dangerous and also it's dinner time!"

He dropped the pizza box and said, "Oh shit...Andy, take care of this for me!"

As he ran out of the room, he accidentally pushed me and I fell into the hole...

After I made my way out, I ran into one of the other guys from the group and he looked at me as if I got into a fight somehow.

"Dude, are you okay?" he said

"No!" I said

"What happened? It looked like as if y-"

"Where the hell is Brian?"

"He's at home, why?"

"Before I tell you, there's a pizza in the room on second floor so help yourself!" I yawned

"Thanks!" he said

Then I said, "Also you guys may need to find a place to bury those dogs,"

"W-what happened?" he said

"I put them to sleep!" I said before limping away

The next day I went to beat the crap out of Brian in front of everyone at the warehouse.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 28th, 2011

One day at Westboro, a disbarred jerkass lawyer turned even bigger jerkass preacher named Fred Phelps was bored so he asked his servants to fetch him someone entertaining.

"Servants! Fetch me someone who can entertain me!" he said

They did as told by hiring David Blaine. After series of stunning performances by the famed illusionist, Phelps who believes magics are a form of witchcraft then takes out a gun and shoots Blaine in the face.

One of the servants looked on and said, "That's cold..."

They then dragged Blaine's body away where it would be fed to dogs.

"Next, the winner of the 2003 American Idols...Claaaaaaaay Aiken!"

Clay Aiken shows up with a microphone and was ready to sing when a gunshot rang out. Aiken then noticed a sharp pain oh his forehand and so he went to touch it. That's when he realized that he's bleeding and saw Phelps pointing a gun at him. Few minutes later his body was fed to the dogs by the servants.

But then a stranger shows up wearing robes all over his body.

"You better entertain me, I don't got all day!" said Fred Phelps

The stranger took out a bag and pour black dusts onto the ground. Soon he proceeds to step onto the dust and disappears, leaving nothing but a pile of clothes.

"What the hell is that?" said one of the servants

Fred Phelps was frozen in fear and pissed himself in the process. Later that night, he was ready to go to bed when something happened...

"Do you wanna be entertained?"

Phelps turned and saw a skinny effeminate while man with a distorted nose.

"Who are you?" said Phelps

Soon the gay man begins to dance and said...

Do you remember
When we fell in love
We were young and innocent then
Do you remember how it all began
It just
Seemed like heaven
So why
Did it end

"No I do not you disgusting fag!" yelled Phelps

Do you remember
Back in the fall
We'd be together all day long
Do you remember
Us holding hands
In each other's eyes we'd stare
Tell me

"I don't even know you, get away from me or I'll scream!"

Do you remember the time
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time
When we first met Fred
Do you remember the time
(Oh I)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time


The security guards shows but by the time they got there, the gay man disappeared!

Fred Phelps cowers like a worm he is and said, "Find that faggot...and kill him!"

As the guards race to find the weirdo, they notice someone right behind him...

"Who the hell is that?" said one of the guards

"Wait a minute...isn't he dead?" said the other

The weirdo then moonwalks and said...

Do you remember
How we used to talk
You know we'd stay on the phone at night till dawn
Do you remember
All the things we said
Like I
Love you so
I'll never
Let you go

Do you remember
Back in the spring
Every morning bird would sing
Do you remember
Those special times
That just go on and on
In the back of my mind

Do you remember the time
(Oh I)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time
When we first met Fred
Do you remember the time
(Oh I)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time

The guards started to dance when they came back to their senses and pump the weirdo full of lead. But when they did so, the weirdo got up and absorb the bullets before puking them out...

"What the hell?" said one of the guards

The weirdo then wags his finger at them and said, "That's not nice,"

Then he continues to dance...

Those sweet memories
Will always be
Dear to me
And boys
No matter what we said
I will never forget what we did
Now baby

Then he disappears into thin air...

Phelps was wondering what just happened when the stranger shows up ring in front of him, nearly giving him a heart attack.

"You again?!" screamed Phelps

Then the weirdo puts his finger on Phelp's mouth and said, "Do you remember the time?" before kissing him on the fore head

Soon Phelp's memory starts to flash before his eyes...

Do you remember the time
(Do you remember)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time
When I first met you
Do you remember the time
(Oh I)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time
(Deliver my baby)
Do you remember the time
(Cuz I remember)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time
All in my mind yo
Do you remember the time
(Oh I)
When we fell in love
Do you remember the the time
(Deliver my baby)

"Y-yes..." moaned Phelps

The guard hears a noise occurring at the bedroom...

(Remember the times)
(Remember the times)
Do you remember man
(Remember the times)
On the phone
You and me
(Remember the times)
Till dawn
Two or three
What about you man
(Remember the times)
Do you
Do you
(Remember the times)
Do you
Do you
Do you
(Remember the times)
In the park
On the beach
(Remember the times)
You and me
In flame
What about
What about
(Remember the times)
(rolls tongue)

A loud moaning have been heard and the guards snickers knowing what went on.

"And he said he hates gays!"

"What a fucking hypocrite!"

(Remember the times)
Oh...in the park
(Remember the times)
After dark
Do you
Do you
Do you
(Remember the times)
Do you
Do you
Do you
Do you
(Remember the times)
(Remember the times..remember the times)

Once it's over, the stranger comes out of the room and teleports. Fred was later found in his bed acting strangely while the stranger was never caught...

Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 26th, 2011

"You disgusting pig, we won't let you go!"

I turned and saw a group of people in green outfits covered with dirt. I was at the park eating caesar salad when it happened.

"Who are you?" I asked

"We are known as the 'People for Ethical Treatment of Plants', we dedicated our lives in protecting plants from harmful acts of people like you!" one of them said

"You people actually exist? I made jokes about you guys numerous times but I never thought you guys are real!" I chuckled

"So you think you're pretty funny, let's see if you'll laugh once we're through with you!"

Before they can make their move, I pointed right directly to the ground and said, "You guys are standing on grass,"

Then they stopped and one of them then said, "Wait a minute...you're right!"

"You know what this means?" I said

The other then answered, "It means...oh my god..."

"It can't be...we're murderers!"

"We gotta get off!"


Then they fled...

"That was random..." I said to myself before continuing to eat my salad

I was on my way meeting my sorta friends at the warehouse when I noticed a news being broadcasted on a electronic store.

Breaking news today! A group of activists known as PETOP were seen leaping from the roof of a apartment building to their deaths. Reason for this is unknown...

Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 15th, 2011

I was out walking one night when I saw a group of women having some sort of demonstration. Wondering what they could be doing, I walk right to them and said, "Hey, what are you doing at this time of night?"

But then they all turned to me and one of them said, "You male pig, stay away from us or we'll..."

Then she took out a cleaver...

"What's your problem?" I said

"Problem? You people have been the source of all violence! You people have been the source of all diseases! You people are the cause of every problems in the world!" she said

That's when I came upon a realization...but to be sure I decided to ask them...

"Are you guys from that radical feminist group called 'Century of Womyn'?"

"Yes we are and don't call us guys you disgusting pig, all you people think about is sex!"

Then one of the other feminazi came and said "What should we do with this man?"

"Kill him!" she answered

I felt a giant sweat drop on the side of my head...I mean are they serious? But then again I shouldn't be surprised as they're suspected of several counts of unprovoked attacks on men for the past decades. Something's definitely wrong with those people, I wonder where they got it from?

As they started to move in on me, I prepared to defend myself when one of them said, "So you're going to hit us? What a shame you pig!"

Then I said, "I'm going to defend myself, what's wrong with that?"

"Men should never hit women!"

"Even in self-defense?"

"Shut up!"

Then a butch looking woman came and said, "I know you're bluffing, you won't dare to hit us you pi-"

"So hows that?" I said

Soon the butch woman wiped the blood off her nose and learned that she's bleeding!

"Y-you...you hit me!" she screamed

"Yeah, so?"

"You men are worst than I though...you're even worst than Hitler!"

"Wait what?"

"Even Tojo's more le-"

I delivered a small jump kick right to her face, knocking her down to the ground in which she began to writhe in pain. Afterward I turned and saw a "For Sale!" picket on the lawn which I would then pluck it off the ground, flip the butch feminazi over, and shove the sign right down into her rectum. Then I looked up and saw several of her friends or colleagues (whatever) staring at me in disgust and horror. Happy at the reaction I just received, I proceed to crack my knuckles and twitch my neck on each side in order to loosen up.

"I'm just warming up!" I said

I have to admit, I was a bit uncomfortable on hitting women. When it comes to that, I'm a bit envious of tyke bombs because while they went through a huge deal since birth, at least they don't have much qualm on attacking someone, especially in self-defense (Besides, it's not like some would show up and disagree). So I did what Chris Tucker did in that movie, I pretended that they're men...very ugly and effeminate looking men. Unfortunately after picturing them as such, I nearly threw up...it's as disgusting as imagining Justin Bieber wearing a bikini.

"Forget that!" I said

Then someone grabbed me by the back of my coat and said, "I'll take care of this!"

I looked and it's a teenage girl wearing somewhat revealing outfit, kinda like something out of anime.

"Isn't it cold out there?" I asked

Then she said, "If you attack them, it'll help their cause, I'll take care of them myself as they have been causing trouble in my world!"

Alternate universe...this is getting weird although I've seen weirder.

Then soon there's a light flashing and I suddenly woke up in the hotel room...what a weird dream!

I really need to lay off anime for sometime...

Later that morning, I went to that high school disguising myself as a student again and do what I had been doing for sometime. After killing sometime in the cafeteria and even attended couple of classes while sitting in the back of the room so the teacher won't notice. I was on my way out when a balding man in his 50s showed up right in front of me and said, "You need to come with me young man!"

"Why? What did I do?" I said

"First of all, I have never seen you around before and not to mention you have also been missing for several days as well!"

"I was sick,"

"Then explain why you didn't appear until few weeks ago?"

"What made you believe that I just snuck in here? I mean there's no way you could have kept track of everyone in this school!"

"Our security have checked the camera and the staff went on to search for a student matching your description, not to mention the cameras have also shown you doing the same thing every time you're here,"

"Some students could have plastic surgery, no one stays the sa-"

"Cut the crap! Come with me and we'll get this cleared up if there's a mistake!"

After a while we're at the office when the principal then came and said, "There's no record of someone named Andrew Lau being admitted into this school, care to explain?"

"You need to check again, someone could have lost it som-"

"Enough of this, who are you kid?"

"I'm a student of this school,"

"No you're not, keep this up I'm going to call the security!"


Once he picked up the phone to call the security, I went over to the desk and picked up a stapler. After loading it up with some staples, principal then said, "What are you doing? Put that stapler down!"

"Why?" I said

"Just put that thing down, someone could get hurt!"

"Oh someone's gonna get hurt alright!"

Then few minutes later, the security came and to their horror, I point the stapler right at them.

"Calm down, put that stapler down..." one of the said

"We can talk this over, don't do something you might regret!" said the other

With that I took the principal hostage and point the stapler to his face.

"You better let us through or this guy gets it!" I said

The security guards then moves aside and I shoved the principal right at them before making my escape. I ran down the hall and head for the entrance where several security guards blocks the door only to be knocked down by my bull rush.

"You can't catch me assholes! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

I then head toward the street but it was clogged by several cars due to some accident that happened to my chagrin. Knowing the security guards are hot on my tail, I jumped right onto the car and proceeds to hop from one vehicle to another until I made it to the other side.

"Finally, now t-"

"You're not getting away, Omar, get him!"

I turned and saw one of the guards pushing the vehicles out of the way...wait what?

"What is he? The Hulk?" I said

I made a run for it and after a while I had to stop to catch a breath. Seeing that Omar also stopped as well, he stood there and said, "Just give it up, you can never outrun me!"

"Hell no!" I said

"Very well then, time to feel the pain!"

I went to try to punch him but then Omar picked me up by the head and threw me onto the hood of someone's car, shattering every windshield.

"Guess that's it!" he said

He was about to walk away when I got up and said, "I don't see no bell!"

He turns and said, "It's 'hear' not 'see', also I'm surprised that you can still stand, guess I'll have to take this one seriously!"

I ran toward Omar to deliver a flying kick to his neck. After hitting the mark, he begins to rub his neck and said, "You know, my neck have been a bit stiff...thank you for the massage!"

Stunned by Omar's invulnerability, I tried to trip him up with my low kick but he jumped out of the way.

"There's no way you can win, give it up!" he said

I picked up a shard of glass from a broken windshield and threw it with all my might, but he caught it and ate the glass. Without thinking, I charge right directly at Omar to deliver multiple kicks to his head but nothing fazed him. Soon he grabbed me by the throat and picked me up before saying, "This is it, I had fun but...it must end!"

Then I poked him right in the eyes, causing him to let go and dropped me to the ground. He was screaming and I took a chance to make a run for it, knowing that there's no way I can beat this guy in a fight. After running several blocks, there's a "Staples" building right in front and I decided to hide there for a while. Omar who recovered tried to give chase but for some reason he wouldn't enter the store so you can guess what happens afterward.

"Screw this, they're not paying me enough for me to do this!" he said and left

Actually he didn't say that, just something I threw in but yeah...

After being thrown out of the store by one of the staff members who said, "Next time you come here, buy something!", I went to a gift shop to check things out. I entered the store and on the shelves were realistic looking dolls of kids. Granted some people would think it's adorable but personally, I thought they're creepy...

"Hello, how may i help you?"

I turned and saw an old lady...

"Is there something you want?" she asked

I said, "Not really, I'm just checking to see if there's something interesting,"

"That's okay, take your time!"


"Now I'll go and check to see if my cookies are ready, would you like some?"

"Okay I guess..."

"Wait right here, it may take a while,"

Then she went to the stairs right next to the entrance.

"Guess the store is also her home," I said to myself

After waiting for several minutes, I went to check out one of the dolls on the shelves and noticed something's up. These dolls...tears were streaming down from their faces...

"Some kind of new models?" I said

Then I began to hear some voices...





"What the hell?" I said

I touched the dolls and they're warm...so out of morbid curiosity I lift the shirt of a doll of a girl dressed up as a nurse and felt her up.


"Whoa, something's up alright!" I said




I turn to the stairs and heard the old lady coming down. Determined to know what was going on, I waiting for her until she returned from the second floor where I went to confront her about the matter, being that it's a delicate situation, I decide to try not to overdo it.

"What's with these dolls? They're crying and I can hear them talking to me!" I yelled

Soon the innocent kindly smile on the old woman's face changed into a grin and said, "Oh so you found me out,"

"Who are you?"

"Kids disappear from time to time and some were never seen again...some were gone for decades and were never found alive!"

"So you're a...what are you?"

"I hate adults coming to interfere with my business, people like you should be taught a lesson!"

Then she reached into her jacket and took out her wand but before she could use it, I kicked it out of her hand.

"You're a bit smarter than I thought, but this time you won't be very luc-stay away from my wand," she said as I dove for the wand

I took the wand and said, "Why should I? Time for a taste of your own medicine!"

Frightened, she went to shield herself as I tried to cast a spell on her only to realize it doesn't work...

"Um...crucio? Stupefy...avada kedavra...damn it!"

Yeah I learned something new today, magics do not work like they do on Harry Potter.

"Time for plan B!"

I snapped the wand in half.

Soon the old witch started to scream and in a bright flash of light, she turned to stone. Few seconds later the statue that used to be what I thought was a kindly old lady who turned out to be an evil witch blew up and what's left are dusts.

"Well, I guess she got stoned!" I said

The dolls began to disappear one by one until there's none left, I'm guessing that they're freed from the curse. After a long day, I went back to the hotel where I would go on to take a rest.

I really hope those kids would finally reunite with their families although good number of the won't sadly...well it could have been worse. There's one thing that bothers me, why is Omar afraid to go into Staples? It's pretty weird.

Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 10th, 2011

"Okay everyone, I'm back from the hospital, I hope thing went well with Andrew filling in as the leader, so...how did it go?" said Victor

Most of the people in the room said, "Terrible!"

"He got James Dillon raped!" one said

"Some of our members quit saying that they don't think revenge is worth it anymore!" said the other

"He's a dick!" said another

Victor turns to me with a weird look on his face and I responded by giving him a thumbs up. The dude didn't look too happy for some reason although I can see why. Guess those idiots are okay with the fact that one of them almost drowned while the other ends up with a bodily injury from being used as a projectile for a giant slingshot. Those rejects really need to make up their own mind, not to mention many of them helped out as well.

"Okay people, it's time to move on, for our next plan we'll need to be prepared..." he said

Then he takes out a rope before proceeding to continue, "We'll set up a rope trap so that the bully will find himself dangling upside down!"

It reminds me of that show from "Nick"...

Hours later while at the woods, the trap was set and everyone decided to come up with a plan to lure someone when they realized that a bait is needed.

"How about hot dog and steroids?" one of them said

"That won't work, we need something else!" said the other

"Yeah, especially after what happened few chapters ago," I said

Everyone then turns to look at me and said, "What?!"

"Never mind..."

I went to the local pharmacy to buy some juice (steroids itself would work as a lure anyway) when my old nemesis appears. The Chargers fan came and show up slightly more ridiculous than ever due to swimming in the sewage. Seriously the smell is unbearable and he's covered with dried sludge, dude needs to take a bath.

"We meet again Dennis and this time I will finally kill you for all the abuse and suffering I have been put through!" he said

"Dude, you need to take a bath, the smell is almost as nauseating as the time when Comedy Central butchered that South Park episode, just get out of the way and we'll fight another time!" I said

"Hell no I won't go, I will get my revenge for what you have done for the past two and a half years!"

"All I did was laugh at you because you let the door hit you in the ass and not to mention I had to call the feds on your friends at the effigy burning ceremony!"

"You did it because you're a Nazi!"

"I did it because you people are fucking idiots, you can't burn an effigy of a president as I said before and I don't like the guy...not to mention you burnt effigies of Giants players as well!"

"Shut up! Giants suck and they always will, the Chargers are the greatest team ever and will win more championships than anyone else before Rivers retires!"

I facepalmed and said, "Giants won three Super Bowls, how many the Chargers won? None! Not to mention the most Super Bowl titles won is 6 by the Steelers and the Packers lead the league in overall championships with 13,"

"That's a lie, the Packers only won 4!"

"There are championship games before the Super Bowl era kid, with that said the Giants have won a total of 7 which is more than your Chargers can ever win even if the AFL title counts...also the Chargers were loaded with steroids when they won the title!"

Then I continue, "Keep in mind, the only time the Chargers made it to the Super Bowl, they got raped and LT wasn't even involved!"

Angered at this, he then said, "Enough with that bullshit and LT wasn't drafted until 2001!"

"You're a disgrace to the reasonable Chargers fans you know, just quit being a sports fan and go to Tibet so that you can become a monk!"

Suddenly he takes out a gun and said, "Fuck no! I'll just shoot you instead!"

"What the...who sold you the gun?"

"The gun shop owner didn't want to sell me the gun so I told him my parents are dead and he felt sorry for me!"

"Looks like we have something in common, South Park is a good show,"

"Yeah it is, but still I'm gonna kill you!"

I kicked the snow right into his face, blinding him and then I knock the weapon out of his hand. Afterward I pick up the gun and point it right at him saying, "Just give up, seriously every time you went to fight me it's going to be the same result, you'll never win and I have no idea how many times I said that!"

The Chargers fan got up and said, "You're not gonna shoot me, it's broad daylight and people will know!"

"I know, I'll just kick the crap out of you instead!" I said before putting the gun away

"Big mistake!" he said

Soon he went to throw series of punches at me but I dodge them all and knee him in the stomach. Then he gets up and threw a high jump kick but I leaped right over him instead, causing him to hit someone's car instead, rupturing a windshield. I went to change my stance to that of a boxer and starts to move around like in a ring. The Chargers fan got out of the car and proceeds to make a charge only to get punched repeatedly in the face. Then I went to deliver flurry of punches right to his abdomen, causing him to stumble backwards and puke out whatever he ate.

"H-how...how is it possible for you to beat me!" he said

"I have been doing the same thing for all this time and you still think you can win? I beat up a mime one time and that clown's even more challenging than you are!" I said

"I don't believe you, no one can beat a mime!"

"Don't believe me? Just go to New Zealand and ask him, he'll tell you!"

"Alright, I will...where does he live?"

"In a village near Auckland, forgot where so you may have to search from one village to another but it's close to Auckland..."

"Okay thanks, I'll go and ask him if what you said is true,"

Then he left.

After buying some steroids, I went back to the woods where everyone have been waiting for sometime.

"Where the hell have you been?" said Victor

"I had a hold up back there, but it's taken cared of!" I said

"Okay, now to...where's the trap?"

I point at where the rope is placed.

"Andrew, sometimes I think you have been taking all the spotlight," he said

"Being the main character can do that," I said

"I have no idea what you're talking about..."

Soon afterward the some dude who went to place the bait on the trap got snared and was hung upside down by the foot.

"Idiot!" said Victor

The rope snapped and he fell on his back, so the plan failed as usual but this time it wasn't as funny as the previous ones for some reason. Everyone went home since it's already getting late anyway and agreed to meet again to prepare for the next plan while Victor came to me and said, "I told you not to overdo it, one of our members got raped because of this!"

"So walking on a thin ice and slingshot someone as a projectile are any better?" I said

"No, but the point is some of the things can be traumatizing that it'll worsen the situation to the point the guy would snap and it happened before!"

"The slingshot gave one of our other member a cartoonishly massive body injury, I seriously doubt it's any better,"

"Except he quit and gave up on revenge, that's the goal but what you have done will motivate Dillon, I told you to keep your eye on him, if he snaps then it's going to be a real problem!"

"There's no need to worry, the experience will help build some character on him!"

"I hope you're right but the rape is messed up and if things goes wrong, it's on you...anyway did you catch a glimpse of the rapist?"

"Yeah I did, he plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers!"

After few minutes of silence, Victor then walks away looking squicked.