Just an hour ago a man riding a horse size of an elephant came. Each step the horse took shook the ground like an earthquake. For some reason couple of black muggers tried to mug him by point their knives at him and said, "Yo, give me your money or we'll cut ya horse bitch!"

Then the horseman said...nothing and the the hose itself stepped on one of the muggers, crushing him!

The rest dropped their knives and crapped their pants before kneeling.

"Please spare us!"

"I swear I won't do it again, I promise!"

"Forgive us!"

The only guy standing tried to shoot the horseman but then he made a slicing gesture with his hand and then...the dude got sliced in half!

Witnessing this, I stood there frozen.

Who is this guy and where did he come from? Come to think of it, as I'm typing you'll notice more mistakes than usual but to tell you the truth, I'm freaked out right now and coul;d barely keep myself from shaking like crasy!

Soon the enormous horseman said, "You're not worthy to dirty my hand for!"

Afterward the horse proceed to crush all the muggers kneeling for mercy.

COuld he be one of the...okay...I don't know anymore and I don't want to know.

Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory;
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly...

"Despite the fact that this is Minnesota, it seemed that there's a die-hard Bears fan living here!" said one of the strangers nearby.

"How long he have been playing this full blast from his home? I can hear it from the hotel," I said.

Then he replied, "It's been few years since he moved in and have been playing this crap non-stop!"

"Couldn't he be arrested for pub-"

"No, he bribed the police so they won't do anything," one of the other residents cut in.

I heard this blaring noise for sometime after I went to stay in Minneapolis for a bit. I decided to go to the neighborhood by following the noise just to see what was going on where I met one of the residents whom I had a conversation with. Being that the "Bears Fight Song!", the anthem of the NFL team Chicago Bears had been played for a long period of time non-stop, I went back to the hotel and waited until night time just so that I can sneak into that person's house and force him to turn that music off. Once it happens, I can finally be able to get some sleep. Besides that, the fact that my favorite baseball team the New York Yankees are in a slump didn't help my mood any better either.

I press the doorbell and it said, "Ding dong!"

"What the hell?"

Seriously what doorbell would make that sound?

The door opens and a shabby looking middle-aged man said, "Yes?"

"Listen, you need to turn down the radio, everyone have been listening to this playing in full-blast for few years and it's really annoying!" I said.

"No, it's mine and I get to play it anytime I want!" he snapped.

"I'm not suggesting that you should stop, I'm just saying that you should turn down the volume so only you can hear it."

"Oh...okay, why didn't you say so earlier?"

"I d-never mind,"

I decided that it's best not to start an argument.

Then the man turned to me and said, "Do you want to come in for a while? I have Johnnycakes ready in the oven,"

"Sure!" I said.

I always wanted to try those cakes and besides, the person seemed nice enough. I mean it's not like there's anything suspicious about him or anything because if it's the case then I would have noticed.

Once I enter the house, I saw disturbing amount of Bears posters plastered all over the wall.

"What's going on?" I said.

I know it's one thing to be a fan but seeing that he also have countless bobble heads and a Walter Payton doll...dissected, something's up. I went up the stairs and saw all the Chicago Bears stuff everywhere! Seriously I almost tripped on a life sized doll of Walter Payton and it's also dissected...creepy. After going into the bedrooms there are tons of Bears posters, bobble heads, under wears (WTF?), lunch boxes and a replica of a 1985 Bears Super Bowl ring piled up.

Every room except for the bathroom were filled with these things, what is up with that guy?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

The crazy guy holding a tray filled with Johnnycakes stood with a look on his face.

"I was just looking to use the bathroom, is it okay?" I asked.

"Oh, sure go ahead, for a moment I thought you're going to steal my stuff I need for research," he said.

"Research?"

"I-I mean rehearse...yeah...I meant rehearse, I'm rehearsing for a upcoming play in a local theater about the 1985 Chicago Bears!"

Then he went downstairs while whistling suspiciously.

"Okay..."

Already creeped out, I decided that it's best to leave before things gets worse but as I was on my way to the door...it's blocked by several open boxes of dissected Walter Payton dolls!

"Going somewhere?"

I turned around and saw the man holding a wrench.

"I know who you are and what you have been doing," he said.

"What are you talking about?" I said while trying to play dumb.

"You're not fooling anyone, you are a spy send by the Chicago Bears to kill me and destroy my research so that no one will the truth of the so-called great Walter Payton!"

"Wait...what?"

"Don't act surprised, I moved to this city so that the Bears fans won't try to kill be for speaking the truth, but I never thought the organization would send a professional assassin after me but luckily I'm prepared as I'm going to beat you down and call the police!"

Is this guy kidding me? But then I realized something, his obsession with the Bears seemed a tad bit familiar...

I asked him, "Are you Joe Weinbender?"

"Yes that's me and so you do know my name!" he answered.

"You posted several libelous videos on youtube and some of them were removed, also you used your actual name as a user name." I said with a sigh before continuing, "Also your obsession with Walter Payton kinda gave it away although I was hoping it's a coincidence..."

"You're not going to silence me!" he yelled.

"You're not listening,"

"Shut up!"

Then Weinbender starts swinging his pipe at me but after blocking it with my arms, he tried to hit me in the head but I caught it with my hand.

"I should have known, you caught it with your bare hand...you are a professional!" he said.

I barely held off my urge to laugh and said, "What are you talking about? If you tried to hit someone like that it will get caught!"

"Play it off as much as you like but I know you're a experienced assassin!"

I knocked him down and ran upstairs where I hide under the bed. He enter the bedroom but didn't bother to check under the bed so he left yelling, "Where are you? There's no way you could have disappeared into thin air!"

As I hid for a while, i fell asleep...

Once I woke up, I forgot where I was and hit my head on the wooden frame of the bed while trying to get up. I tried to get up again only to hit my head again and I wondered why until I remember that I'm under the bed so i crawled out and went to use the bathroom. After flushing the toilet and washing my hands, I went downstairs and saw Joe Weinbender watching the NBA playoff game between the Chicago Bulls and the Atlanta Hawks. The game ended with the Bulls victory which would allow them to advance to the Eastern Conference Final to face the Miami Heat.

"YEAH!"

"ALRIGHT!"

We both jumped for joy and even started hugging each other until...

"You?"

"Uh oh!" I said.

Weinbender took off and ran upstairs. I could have move the boxes from the door and escape but I decided to see what he was up to so I waited. After about a minute or so, Joe Weinbender returned and he has some metal claws attached to his fingers.

"Where the hell did you get these?" I asked.

"These are my special weapons, there's no way you can defend as I'll slash you to death and laugh while you squirm!" he laughed.

This guy definitely has tons of issues.

Before I could regret not leaving when I had the chance, Weinbender went to slash me but I was able to avoid them until I felt scratches on my right cheek.

"Son of a bitch!"

Weinbender then smiled and said, "That's the taste of what will follow!" before laughing maniacally.

While doing so I took my chance and start punching him in the face rapidly. I kept at it for several minutes, causing his body to be lifted right off his feet until I had to stop because my arms started to grow tired and then he was dropped to the ground.

"That's not fair, I wasn't ready yet!" he screamed.

Then he got up and tried to stab me but I caught his wrists and headbutted him to the ground. Afterward I kicked him just to make sure that he's really unconscious since the last thing I need is a sneak attack while I'm trying to leave. I moved the boxes away from the door and left. After walking couple of blocks, I heard someone yelling, "You're not going to get away for this!"

I turned and saw Joe Weinbender running toward me with a freaking machete!

"No, just no!"

I ran for several blocks and went to hide in the dumpster. After a while, I could hear him muttering something and then the sound of the footsteps fades which indicated me that he left but I remained hidden for a bit longer just in case. I got out and began to head back to the hotel when suddenly...

"There you are!" he screamed.

"Not again!" I yelled.

I took off and ran right into a sporting goods store where I then hid behind one of the shelves.

"You can't hide from me, I will find you!" he said.

I snuck from one aisle to another as the crazy bastard continues, "Walter Payton is a steroid user and I will reveal the truth to the whole world, I'm not going to let you stop me!"

Then one of the patrons said, "Sir, for one thing there's no evidence that Payton have taking steroids and second, I'm going to have to ask you to le-" before getting carved up by a machete.

As the patron lies on the floor screaming, many people started to panic. But unfortunately the security were unable to do anything because they don't have guns for some reason...I'm guessing one of those annoying budget cuts which have been a problem for sometime now.

"You dare to disagree with me? Anyone else dare to claim that Walter Payton is clean? Go ahead so I can help you join this idiot on the floor!" Weinbender laughed.

Knowing that he had to be stopped, I told one of the customers to call the police before running to another aisle where there's a shelf displaying NFL helmets. I took one of the helmets and tried to put it on but it's too big so I went for the smaller size which fits. Afterward, I cracked my fists and said, "All or nothing!"

I came out and said, "Weinbender, I'm right over here and it's time to end this madness!"

"Madness?" he said.

Then I smiled because of the perfect opportunity to yell out that overused line from a wildly overrated movie.

"This...is...SPARTA!"

I charged at the psycho and bull-rushed him, lifting him up until I dropped him to the ground. Then I kicked the machete from his hand and finished him off with a body slam, knocking him unconscious in the process. I took off my helmet and saw that it's that of the New York Giants with number "56".

"You really violated him!" said one of the customers.

"I guess I did..." I said.

The police eventually arrive and Weinbender was arrested. The patron and I were send to the hospital where I would receive stitches for my right cheek. After that I left and went back to the hotel though not after some questioning by the police regarding on how the incident started and although they let me go after some explanation in which I kinda made up, some were suspicious because they recognized me from the mime incident.

I turn on the television to watch the news and that's where I learn that Osama's collection of porn have been discovered in his hideout. As I was starting to wonder what kind of pornography were stashed in his hideout, I realize that it also makes it ironic that notorious terrorist would have something his religion would forbade. Good riddance to that piece of trash!

I changed the channel to ESPN and learn the New York Yankees just lost the game and are in a batting slump.

"Damn it all!"

The following takes place between 11 PM and 12 AM on Sunday.

That night I was out to buy a lottery ticket when I notice there's a car following me. When I look at the reflection from the window from a toy store, that's when I recognize that car...it's that same car from last time, the one that neo-Nazi drove. I decided to do what I did the last time it happened, walk to the crowded area so that the dude will have to give up and drive away being that the last thing he'll need is attracting some unwanted attention. But unfortunately, being that it's late at night, there's hardly any people around except for couples of homeless and some panhandlers whom came up to me out of nowhere and said, "Can you please spare some change sir? Change? Please change?"

I took out my wallet and gave them whatever change I took out before running off.

"Thank you sir!" said one of the panhandlers before they went on to harass the next guy they would meet.

"Those bums should slow him down," I said.

I was right since the car got surrounded by a massive group of those bums, gotta appreciate that. However it would not last long since while I was on my way to the deli to buy a lottery ticket, I got lost for a while and it took me a while to get back.

Once I did, a black Mercedes stopped right in front of me and the blond man came out with a smug look on his face.

"Do you think you can get away with the trouble you have caused?" he said.

I pretended that I didn't know what he was talking about by saying, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb, I saw you running off sometime before the cops came and ruined our plan!" he snarled.

Guess I was spotted before I went to the pay phone...

"Okay then, you caught me here but what are you going to do about it since your plan for that so-called master race of yours went down the drain?" I said in a mocking tone.

"You gook will regret for crossing our paths," he said.

"Bring it on!"

I cracked my fists and said, "Here's a bet, if I win, you take the rest of your thugs and leave!"

"That's not going to happen," said the neo-Nazi.

"It will, bet on it!"

The fight starts and the next thing I know, I woke up inside of somebody's car with shattered glass all over me. Ignoring the fact that this car doesn't use fiberglass and the fact that I was lying on what was left of a car door, I got out and said, "Where the hell are you going? This isn't over yet asshole!"

The neo-Nazi who was ready to leave then stopped and turn with a grin on his face.

He said, "So you're still alive, this should be interesting but in the end you won't be able to stand up to my Aryan strength!"

"You're not Indian," I said.

The neo-Nazi then gave me a glare and said, "I was planning to let you live, guess I'll just going to have to kill you!"

He came and threw a punch at me but I dodged it and proceed to attack him with barrage of punches to his body. But for some reason he shrugged it off so I tried to jump kick him and knocked him back a few yards where I would then follow up by running toward him and hit him with my flying back kick. As the kick hits him in the neck, nothing happened!

"You have chosen the wrong person to pick a fight with!" said the neo-Nazi.

I tried to punch him in the face but he leaped away and made a weird noise like as if he's having an orgasm. Afterward he charged forward and threw barrage of punches to my stomach before punting me across the street right through the thrift store window.

"I can't give up now..." I said while coughing out droplets of blood.

"As I said, you're no match for my superior bloodline, it's over!" he laughed.

I started to walk toward him as he continues his taunt, "Aryan will one day take over, you're just another insignificant bug I have dust aside and will soon he squashed!"

"You are not Indian!" I yelled.

"Guess you have a death wish, very well then...I grant you wish!"

I picked up a vuvuzela from the ground (probably from the thrift store) and tried to beat him with it but the lousy instrument snapped as it hit his head.

"Damn it all!" I said.

Then the neo-Nazi picked me up and threw me right to the back part of the thrift store.

"As I said, with my Aryan bloodline, you can't win!" he said.

I got up and said, "For the last time...you're not Indian!" I yelled.

"You're insolence will soon become the death of you and once it's done, I will lead the attack on Yankee Stadium as soon as I return to New York to teach those inferior races a lesson to be learned!"

Hearing this, anger started to flow through my body...he's going to lead an attack at my favorite sports team's stadium?

"Unforgivable!" I said.

Then I charge toward the neo-Nazi thug, lift him up and threw him to the ground before following with a body slam. The smug bastard was stunned when it happened and as soon as I got off, he got up and said, "Can't believe it...you managed to hurt me...I got careless...it's not goi-" before getting cut off by my jump kick to his face.

I cracked my fists and said, "Hey what happened? I thought your Indian blood is going to kill me, what happened?"

The neo-Nazi was surprised and said, "How is this possible? It can't be...there's no way...I'm losing?"

I cracked my neck and said, "For planning a racial motivated attack on my favorite sports team's stadium is something I can't forgive, Hitler's waiting for you in hell!"

Then angrily the neo-Nazi then yelled, "I'm among the great white race, the superior bloodline, the Ayran descent, there's no way I'll lose to you!"

"Oh you will!"

He began to run toward me and threw a punch but I dodged it and slam my fist to the side of his head, knocking him over. Once he recovered, I threw a barrage of fists at his midsection and started punching so fast and hard that his feet were lifted right of the ground.

"ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA TATA..."

Few minutes later...

"...ATATATATATATA!!!"

Then I finish him off with a knockout punch to his face, sending him flying right out of the thrift store.

Then neo-Nazi slowly got up and tried to walk toward me but then I said, "You're already dead!"

The neo-Nazi then said, "...hell...I...am...I...will...kil..." before falling to the ground.

I picked up his body and dropped it into the dumpster. Yes he's still alive unfortunately although barely since he's still breathing, he would be discovered the next morning where he would be send to the hospital while charges awaits him according to the news (must have been for his previous crimes). Being that there were not witnesses that night, no one knows what really happened aside from him and me so that's good.

I got back to the hotel after giving up on the lottery ticket and there are some people giving me some weird looks. They acted as I I have gotten into a bar fight or something, guess I'll never understand some people.

I got back to my room and there's a bottle of champagne on a bucket of ice with a note attached to it.

For this special occasion, everyone in this hotel will get a bottle for free in celebration of this event.

Turn on the television and watch the news.

Sincerely, Manager Tom Watts.

I turn on the television and there's a news of Osama's long overdue death!

I shook the bottle of champagne, popped the cork and spray the bubbly all over the room in celebration.

"Cheers!"

One day in Pakistan, a notorious terrorist leader Osama bin Laden was in his cave reminiscing the days when he ordered the deaths of countless lives.

"Life is good," he said.

But then suddenly there's an explosion and everything went black. When he woke up, Osama finds himself in a very dreary place and not only that, it's burning hot. Not only that a song "Hot in Herre" was playing in countless loops, there's flames everywhere!

"What is this?" he said.

Then a fat ugly demon prostitute appears right in front of him and said, "Hello there," in a masculine voice.

"Who are you?" said Osama.

"I'm whom you're promised in the afterlife," said the demon.

"You're kidding right? I was promised 72 virgins, you're a..."

"Oh you heard wrong, it's something that your imam came up with for shits and giggles, you're coming with me!"

Then Osama begins to collapse to the ground stammering, "N-no...it can't be true...impossible!"

"Search your feelings, you know it's true!" said the demon.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

FP version.

On Monday, I was able to sneak into the school building without any problems despite the possibility that the dean may have beefed up the security since the incident few weeks ago. I guess they never learn their lesson. I was able to blend into the crowd and notice that some of the people I know for the past weeks were there but for some reason, Victor wasn't there...I wonder what happened...

Anyway the class starts and I sneaked into one of the closest classrooms I can find and help myself on an empty seat. Being that it's on the back of the classroom, the teacher won't notice and the students generally don't care. Once the teacher starts to discuss something, I notice something being written on the desk...I decided to see what it's about since the writings scribbled can be pretty funny. I realize it may have been written by some lovesick psycho due to this...

"Maria, how I have always love you with all my heart and yet you turned me down. But someday you'll be mine!"

-C.I.L.

"Who the hell is that?"

Then I felt a light bulb just turned on right above me (which it did because the class was starting to get dark so someone switched on the light). Once the class ends, I waited until the next day and brought a pen along. I wrote "Somebody's watching me, had stolen all my privacy!" - Maria.

"This one should be funny!"

Then the next day on the desk, some dude called "C.I.L." then wrote in response, "Maria, I will have you and there's nothing you can do to stop me...if I can't have you, then no one will!!!"

"Wait what?"

I started to become disturbed, who would use some random internet lingo on that? Seriously!

Then I wrote, "Gotcha, this isn't Maria, I'm just trolling you! I'm Mario, like that dude from a video game and that somewhat overrated ice hockey player. Can't believe you fell for that, now it makes you gay because you're flirting with a dude,!!!" - Mario

Then I added, "P.S: You're already gay!"

While waiting for the class to end, I started to wonder if I had forgotten something...

Later that day, I ran into one of my sorta friends in the hallway and asked him what happened to Victor. He said that Victor have been missing for the past several days and no one had any idea what happened. Hearing this, I knew something wasn't right...

Next day during class, I was beginning to wonder if the school dean's really that irresponsible, I mean I got in without any trouble for the fourth day in a row at that point. I mean come on, is the security really that bad? Just about anyone can sneak into the building through the rear end. Anyway I notice the writings on the desk and it said,"Lol, nice try but it won't work Maria. You will be mine no matter what as I'm crazy for you! You are in my heart and you want me, just admit it!" - C.I.L.

"P.S: I am not gay!"

"I hope the dude won't end up a love martyr for his sake!"

I wrote, "Time to come on out of the closet honey because you're officially gay!" - Mario

After the class ended, I went outside and saw two people making out on a park bench. They were trying to french it up but the dude fell on the girl and for some reason dozens of pigeons flew on them and it's hilarious!

"If only I have my i-pod with me, I'd record what happened and upload it on youtube!" I said.

While taking a walk at the park, I heard someone...

"Yo, pssst!" someone whispered

I turned and realized that it's Victor!

"Where have you been?" I asked.

"Some people are trying to kill me, I had to disappear for a while," he said.

"Wait what?!"

"The dean found out about our organization so he send his nephews after us,"

"W-what why?"

"He didn't want to acknowledge the fact that the school is been plagued with bullying so he's trying to cover it up!"

I knew it!

"So what are you going to do?" I said.

"I'll have to disappear for a while, thankfully my parents are away on a business trip so they won't be back for few months." he said.

"What about your sister?

"I actually three, two are at my uncle's and the other is in college so they'll be okay."

After that he left.

The next day I learn there's going to be a second mid-term exam on history and I didn't study!

"I didn't know there's going to be a test!" I yelled.

"Maybe next time pay some attention!" said one of the students.

The papers were handed out and when I took a look at the questions, I knew I'm in trouble. Once the test begins, I tried to concentrate on the questions...but it's impossible...I mean how am I supposed to know who Susan B. Anthony was!

Once I calm down I realize they're not difficult at all, especially since most of the questions happens to be multiple choices, my specialty. After answering them all, there's a essay question stating "What impact George Washington made on the world today?".

I wrote down the essay and finally it's over!

That essay about Washington's contribution on different uses of peanuts should help me nab an "A", what can go wrong?

But then remembering what I came for, I look on the desk and let's just say that the message have gotten a little disturbing...

"Maria, Maria, Maria, you can run but you can't hide! I know where you live and I know about your cousin being a magical girl, but no matter what I will have you and if I don't, no one will have you!" - C.I.L. R.I.P. 1993 - 2011

"Whoa, this guy's getting freaky!"

In response I wrote this, "How'd you figure it's me? Anyway I'll be waiting for you tomorrow at 4 in the afternoon, meet me at the 'Blue Oyster' where we will have fun time together, cheers!" - Maria

That stupid asshole didn't realize it's some dude writing, what an idiot!

Later I was on my way back to the hotel when I saw a group of bald men walking by and they have what seemed to be a swastika tattooed on each of their arms. I knew something's up, especially when there are neo-Nahzees around in the U.S. and out there in broad daylight. I decided to follow them quietly so that way I can stop whatever those bastards going to do later on. I hid behind the corner of every buildings in case they notice something and each time one of them seemed to be unnerved until a black Mercedes drove by and stopped. A door was opened and a tall muscular blond haired man emerge out of the vehicle and said something in German to which the skinheads saluted although they didn't went, "Heil!" while doing so.

Then the blond man said something in German and the skin heads started to shout in excitement. I went to the pay phone about a block to call the police and left an anonymous tip where they would later arrest those skinheads, but the blond guy wasn't there however. I knew I have to be wary since there's a good chance he knew someone reported them and could be seeking revenge.

Next morning I went out to the grocery store when I notice someone following me. I looked at the window of a clothing store and saw a reflection of a black Mercedes from the day before!

"That can't be good, he must have known somehow!" I said.

I decided to walk to a crowded area where he would eventually give up and drove away.

One day while in a shack, Kagami Hiiragi was preparing a gallow. It's been five years after since her friend Konata's death six years ago to the hands of a stalker. However it was the fact that her family found out about their relationship that got her disowned. Her life have gone under downward spiral to the point that she had to steal in order to provide herself. Granted her sister Tsukasa have visited her from time to time until her marriage in which she would move away, in the end it's hell for Kagami.

As she was ready to hang herself, there's a moment of hesitation which caused her to stop. Then a door burst open and someone yell, "Wait Kagamin!"

It's Konata who was thought to be dead...despite being six years, it looked as if she haven't changed a bit.

"K-konata...but...you're..." Kagami stammered

Then she runs toward Konata and hugs her crying.

"Please don't leave me..."

"I'll never leave you Kagamin, we'll be together forever!"

The next day they found Kagami's body in the shack, cause of death is unknown...

--------------------------------------
-----------------------
Note: The recaps are merely exaggeration of this author's retelling of his adventure which in turns a bigger exaggeration of what really happened so take it with a grain of salt, enjoy!

Narrator: After his escaping from Boston, Dennis was relaxing in his home until a disturbance appears.

Dennis: Who could it be in a time like this? "1,000 Ways To Die!" is on!

*walks outside and finds a group of people waiting for him*

Narrator: Bunch of peace activists came to randomly invite several people to a rally at Forest Park, however Dennis who once had a knack for finding idiots was unaware of what really went on so he came due to a promise of cake!

*later at Forest Park*

Nicholas De Genova: Sieg Heil!

Ward Churchill: Sieg Heil!

Michael Moore: I'm here for the food, where's the cake?

Dennis: WTF?

*one epic fight later*

Dennis: *walks away* The cake is a lie!

Narrator: Later that night...

Dennis: *meets a girl* Hey how are you?

Girl's dad: *takes out a sword* Stay away from her!

Dennis: Okay okay...please don't kill me!

*next day*

Dennis: *beats up a crash dummy* This is fun!

*next day*

Some guy: I challenge you to a children's card game!

Dennis: Okay

*one awesome card game duel later*

Dennis: Hey I won!

*few days later*

Dennis: Now to find some batteries *goes to Radioshack*

Store clerk: There's a do not touch sign on a new computer so don't tou-

Dennis: Touch *touches the computer and gets sucked in*

Store clerk: I hate my life

*one epic adventure in a internet gaming later*

Narrator: Dennis finally made his way out of the computer but however, he ended up in the Philly capital!

Dennis: Where am I? *looks at the computer* Hey someone's posting on...what the? Did he just post death threat regarding Eli Manning? Did he just post threats on the Giants? That son of a bitch!

Some troll: *enters the room* Ladedadeda...BURGLAR!

Dennis: Go to hell *touches the loser's forehead with his fingers*

HOKUTO KAI KOTSU KEN!

Narrator: By pressing the pressure point with the right amount of force on the forehead, the victim will suffer few seconds of agony before dying in a very painful death. Due to the fact that it is violently messy, this technique is highly illegal and has traumatized several witnesses!

Some troll: Did you just touched me? I mean what was that? What a fagg...ow...I feel funny...the pain...

Dennis: *jumps out of the second story window and took off*

Some troll: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-*explodes*

Troll's dad: Jamie, the the hell are you screaming f-OH DEAR GOD!!!

Narrator: Dennis have made his way back to New York by hitching several rides where he would take a rest while Will Cooper escaped from the Chines prison for a circumstance he wouldn't talk about.

*few days later*

Eric Foreman: Thoose bastage...they mock muh beauty becuz they're jellyous...dam them all!

Narrator: Meanwhile...

Dennis: *playing pokemon sapphire* WHY?! DAMN YOU SHINY LAIRON, DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! *sobs*

Some random neighborhood kids: Hey look up in the sky!

Boy: It's a bird!

Girl: No it's a plane!

Together: It's...*gets zapped*

Dennis: What's that noise? *ran outside* What the eff?

Super Bunny: ...

Dennis: This is getting stupid *runs to draw the super bunny away*

Narrator: After luring the rabbit to Forest Park band shell, Dennis went to take on the mutated rabbit.

Dennis: *fires a ki blast at the rabbit, obliterating it* That's fast...

Eric Foreman: Yore one of thoose jellyous guys, I haet joo!

Dennis: Dick neck, is that you?

Dick neck: Don call me dick neck!

Dennis: What are ya gonna do? *cracks fists* What are ya gonn-*gets hit by dick neck's outstretched head*

Dick neck: I gonna kill you, kill you to death!!!

Narrator: Somewhere in Earth-2...

Superboy Prime: That asshole stole my line!

Narrator: Now back to our world...

Dennis: *blast dick neck's head off*

Dick neck: *regenerates*

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: You loos to muh superir bloodline!

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: DAI!

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: Stup muking me!

Dennis: WTF?

Some random dude: Hey what's going on here?

Dick neck: *wraps the dude with his neck and kills him*

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: Yoo one four nao, I bee bak!

Dennis: WTF?

Narrator: Few days later, Dennis went back to Hong Kong hoping to finish something, only to run into someone whom he had trouble against...

Uyghur terrorist: You ruined my plan you filthy Han, I will defeat you like what I did before back in Somalia, NGYA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A~! (That one took place in the first Somalia expedition shortly after Bigbadron was shot in the face while trying to ban the warlords IRL)

Dennis: I'd pay you everything I have just to get you to stop laughing...

Uyghur terrorist: DIE!

Dennis: Not this time! *fires kamehameha before Uyghur can use his Mongolian champion way...he's Mongolian?*

Uyghur terrorist: N-*gets obliterated*

Dennis: *turns to the terrorist's underling* You're not getting away!

Underling: *gulps*

Narrator: Moments later...

Underling: Ow my ribs!

Yeah no one's here so there's no meeting for a while now.

Maybe they did gave up...but there's only one way to find out, I'll have to infiltrate the school again. It won't be easy since my cover have been blow although they still have no idea who I am. But then again you have to admit, it is hard to believe that some random tourist would waltz into a high school easily without anyone noticing. But right now I'll have to come up with a plan since it's likely that the school beefed up the security knowing how bad it had been. On the bright side, at least the principal finally acknowledge the fact that there's a problem in the school and he might have finally done something about it rather than doing nothing.

I mean in almost every case of problems regarding bullying, the schools principals would just sit there and act like everything's all fine. They refused to accept the fact that there are many things that have been going on under their watch. Not to mention the fact that if a student fights back in self defense, the student would face suspension while the bully would go out scot-free. With that said, it makes me wonder if there's something much larger behind this whole thing. Come to think of it...if I somehow manage to sneak in again, maybe I can uncover something regarding that as well.

Earlier this morning I passed by the school and noticed that the entrance was still lightly guarded, just like before. But still I have to be on guard, it could be a trap of some sort in order to lure me in and I'm not going to fall for that. As with many other buildings there's a backdoor so I might sneak though there. Besides how many people even bother to guard the backdoor? Just about anyone can waltz right in, that's how I was able to get into the theater without a ticket that one time. Just hope that they won't catch on however...

For a time being I'll kill some time by watching "Five Second Films".

Ever wonder why the spiral energy sounded somewhat familiar?

Hero vs. Big Bad

Hero: My penis is bigger than yours so I win!

Big Bad: Ow, you penetrated me *dies*

Hero: I'm a king of the world!

Anti-spiral: Your penis is getting way too big, we'll have to kill you all!

Hero: No fuck you!

*penetrates the anti-spiral*

Anti-spiral: Oh fuck...don't don't fuck up the universe...I beg of you! *dies*

Hero: Okay!

Love interest: I'm disintegrating! *dies*

Hero: Damn it Gainax!

That's a way to sum up the entire series.

I was on my way to the grocery when I noticed a ruckus happening at the park. Being that there are several police vehicles nearby, I knew something's up. With that, I sprinted to the park and saw something that caught my eye, several mimes were having a rampage and the police couldn't do anything.

"And I thought the police force in Philippines are useless!" I said.

I went over to one of the onlookers and said, "What's going on?"

"Those mimes, they're terrorizing the park and there's no way to stop them...we're doomed!"

I palmed my face and said, "I'll go and take care of them...idiots!"

"No, you're going to get killed!"

I flipped him off and said, "Get bent ya pussy!"

Then he said, "Fine be like that, see if I care if you get killed!"

Then I pulled down my eyelid and stuck out my tongue just to piss him off even further. His friends had to restrain him before he could make a move. I went to taunt the guy even further by making faces and calling him all those derogatory terms for homosexuals.

"I hope those mimes kill you! You deserve to die!" he screamed.

One of his friends then said, "Dude, how old are you?"

"Twenty three...why you ask?" I said.

"Twenty three? Act like you are, there's no need to make fun of my friend like that!"

I picked my nose and said, "I'll go and kick those mimes asses while your friend's busy crying his eyes out like a little girl,"

"Asshole!"

I walked right into the scene and said, "Hey mimes, bring it on!"

One of the police officers then said, "Kid are you crazy?"

"Get out of the way before you get yourself killed!" the other yelled.

I ignored them and said, "I took down your kind in New Zealand, there's no way you can win!"

Afterward I cracked my knuckles and my neck (although the latter's due to the fact that my neck was stiff that morning).

The mimes took out their imaginary katanas while I started to pretend that I have my nunchaku ready. They all attacked me the same time but I was able to repel them by swing my weapon at them, even disarming some of them until I lost my grip and it flew right at the random passerby's face, knocking him out...

"Whoops, my bad!" I said.

The mimes shook their heads and proceeded to go forward with their assault until I send them flying right across the street by my series karate kicks. They all got up and tried to attack me again but took out my imaginary pistol and shot them in the face one by one. Afterward they all pretended to be dead, leaving their leader standing in shock. The head mime pointed his finger at me and mouth some words I had no understanding of.

I said, "What was that? Are you saying 'wahbla, wala, waka'?"

Angered at this, he ripped off his shirt and began to walk toward me. Seeing a mime shirtless made me want to throw up.

"This is one of the things I wish I can unsee..." I said.

Soon the mime took out a imaginary AK-47 and began to fire several rounds at me. I ran zigzag in order to dodge the bullets and some of them almost got me. I was able to dodge some of them by bending backwards like that scene from "The Matrix" before falling to the ground. Then I quickly rolled away far enough before he can open fire, giving me the time I needed to get up. I looked around and saw several people pretending to be suffering from bullet wounds...some are even dying!

"That monster, you won't get away wi-holy crap!" I yelled before getting interrupted by a hail of imaginary bullets. I tried to shoot him with my imaginary pistol but unfortunately...the gun jammed!

"Damn it all!" I yelled

But then for some reason the mime stopped firing...

"Hey, he stopped!" said one of the onlookers.

"But why?" said the other.

I looked and realized that the mime's AK-47's finally out of ammo.

"Finally!" I yelled before delivering a flying back kick which the mime would block with his right arm. Even then the mime griminced in pain from blocking the kick as he held his right arm looking as if he was ready to cry. After few minutes, the mime got up and I went to deliver flurry of punches to his stomach until he started to back away with a painful expression on his face. Soon I took out a chair (To those wondering where I got that chair, I'm as confused as you are) and hit him with it. Then I follow that hit with a body slam, further injuring the mime but for some reason he refused to give up. The mime shook his finger at me and made a threatening gesture by running his finger across his throat.

I responded by flipping him the bird and soon I ran toward the mime in order to deliver one final blow. I went to hit him with another flying back kick...only to realize that the mime suddenly passed out from injuries and I knocked off the stop sign by mistake.

After it was over, we all got arrested for extensive property damage (most of them imaginary), deaths of several people (all pretend), and public disturbance. I was let off easy because I helped the police in taking down those mimes so all I had to do was pay the fine for the stop sign. The mimes however were unable to afford to pretend to pay for all those imaginary property damage and medical bills so you can guess what happened. Also what they did was horrifying enough that chances are the mimes will wind up in prison if convicted.

Before I got out, the police warned me about some high school student to terrorized the principal with a stapler and according to them, he looked just like me. They said that's he's in late teens so while he's about few years younger, that guy must have been really dangerous. Man, I really need to be careful since the last thing I need running into someone who could be a psychopath. Being that heard about what happened on the news, I was hoping that they caught him but I guess it wasn't the case.

"So you guys are now planning something new?" I asked

"Yeah, it's been a while since we tried something ever since that failure..." said Victor

"So what are you guys planning?"

"Brian adopted four dogs from the pound and we're going to set up a trap in the abandoned building,"

Hearing this, I knew the plan won't end well and this time I had a bad feeling...

"What?" I said

"With luck, the plan will go haywire and one of our members will get mauled by dogs, this should scare them into quitting!" said Victor

And he said what I did was bad, I mean really? Seriously what I did few weeks ago was getting some guy raped and few of the members did left and yet Victor had no issues with dogs? Are you kidding me?

My John McEnroe moment in my head was interrupted when I heard loud barkings erupted out of nowhere. I thought I was going to have a heart attack from the shock that happened, haven't been this surprised since the time I saw a youtube video that ended with a screamer. Right in front of me there were two nasty looking rottweilers and two massive German shepherds. They're even larger than I thought!

With that said, I asked "Are they pumped with steroids?"

Brian, the guy holding the leash said, "No."

After some planning, the trap at the abandoned building was set and Brian and I were waiting for someone (Victor said that he'll pretend to call someone so that Brian will wait long enough to do something stupid...I thought it was kind of lame).

We were waiting at the bedroom in the second floor when Brian left to get something. While doing so, I began to walk around out of boredom when I notice a creaking sound right below me. I shrugged and was about to move on when suddenly the floor collapsed. I grabbed onto the edge in time when I noticed those loud barkings from before. That's when I realized I had accidentally walked right into the trap!

I looked down and saw those dogs barking menacingly with foams coming out of their mouths. When I saw this, I figured that either the dogs were infected with rabies or just happened to had some kind of drooling problem. After a while as I held on with my left hand, my fingers began to slip off one by one. Things were looking hopeless until I heard Brian yelling at someone about the pizza and that's when I realized that stupid asshole went out to order a pizza!

Hearing this, I fastened my grip on my remaining finger and started to climb back up finger by finger. Then I threw my right arm up to grab the ledge and began to push myself up with everything I have. Slowly I was able to climb out of the hole when Brian shows up with a box of pizza and said, "What the fuck have you done?!"

"What?" I said

"The trap...it's ruined!"

Then I heard a woman yelling, "Brian are you there, it's dangerous and also it's dinner time!"

He dropped the pizza box and said, "Oh shit...Andy, take care of this for me!"

As he ran out of the room, he accidentally pushed me and I fell into the hole...

After I made my way out, I ran into one of the other guys from the group and he looked at me as if I got into a fight somehow.

"Dude, are you okay?" he said

"No!" I said

"What happened? It looked like as if y-"

"Where the hell is Brian?"

"He's at home, why?"

"Before I tell you, there's a pizza in the room on second floor so help yourself!" I yawned

"Thanks!" he said

Then I said, "Also you guys may need to find a place to bury those dogs,"

"W-what happened?" he said

"I put them to sleep!" I said before limping away

The next day I went to beat the crap out of Brian in front of everyone at the warehouse.