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I want the funky chicken.

Age 36, Male

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some boring ass school

New York,NY

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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 28th, 2011


The police arrived and arrests were made while Victor was send to the hospital. It would take few days for Victor to recover but in the end there's no lasting injuries so all is well despite the fact that James Dillon was never caught. The police are still looking for the psycho but the important matter is that the whole thing is finally over but unfortunately...there are some repercussions due to good number of students sending out death threats to Victor's home.

Also there are some "evil eye" whenever some of the students from the school walks by.

Talk about ungrateful bastards, guess they like having their school shot up and themselves killed. Maybe they wanted something exciting to spice up their lives, well that or they're as fucked up as some other people are. If that's how it is, then fuck them.

As for my friends from the group when Victor was still the leader, ironically they're pretty grateful and are actually glad that we did what we did. Granted I did most of the work but still, whatever.

"So Andrew, since you're not from this state let alone this school, what are you going to do now that it's over?" one of them asked.

I thought for a moment and said, "I don't know, I did sign up for the air hockey tournament several months ago but there's seem to be a problem right now..."

"How so?"

"Lack of participants."

"No not that, they actually have a tournament for that?"

"I thought it was odd but yeah, they actually have one for that, well it,'s not like it'll be broadcasted on ESPN, that'll be silly!"

I went my way and wonder what will happen to James Dillon since he's still on the run. I hope they'll catch that guy, but in the end we'll never know until then.

At least it's finally over!


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 24th, 2011


Some one tried to dump a bucket of liquid on my, thankfully the aiming was bad as it spilled several steps in front of me. I looked up and saw someone freaking out and ran back into the apartment window, that's when I notice the liquid smelled funny. Now I know the "surprise" Dillon was referring to on that letter he wrote, to tell you the truth I was taken by surprise...who the hell would try pour a bucket of piss onto someone's head? Not to mention that he missed.

See what happened, I ran into the apartment and up the stairs to find the sick freak. Remembering the floor and the window, I ran up to the fourth floor and stopped to think about which apartment room he's hiding in. But then a moment later I could hear a door opening and saw the piss dumper walking by...

"You!" I yelled.

He turned and his face went pale.

"H-hey...look it's a joke okay, just a funny prank...I don't mean a-any harm..." he stammered.

He took off and I ran after him.

After chasing him around the hall, he ran into an open door and slams it shut. Before he was able to lock the door, I kicked it open and the kid started to scamper to whatever he could find to defend himself. Then the door slams shut right behind me and out of nowhere all his friends jumped out.

"We got you now!" the kid laughed.

After a moment I slapped myself in the forehead and said, "Oh now I get it, surprise! This is the surprise, not that bucket of piss,"

"Too late!" said one of his friends.

Then they start spraying me with crazy strings...yeah, that's how they "attacked" me.

"Oh, don't feel bad just because you're covered with crazy strings," one said in a mocking tone.

"Now that we have humiliated you, you won't be able to show your face in the public again!" said the other.

"Really? That's it?" I asked.

But then again had their weapons haven't been confiscated by the raid, it would have been ugly I guess. I quickly forgot about the fact that I was angry at the idiot for trying to dump a bucket of excrement on me and laughed. I had been in a random mood lately, with all the things going on it gets really unpredictable so in the end what those guys did actually helped loosen me up. The imbeciles were confused and looked at me like I went crazy or something.

"Hey, what's the matter with you?"

"Yeah, have you gone mad?"

I removed the crazy strings and said, "Good one guys, this is hilarious!"

"Wait a minute, you're supposed to be crying not laughing!"

"Can't believe this, he's enjoying it!"

"I give up!"

Then there's some more conversation but I forgot the rest so...

After I left, I decided to go to Victor's to see if something happened and that he might know. While on my way, the Chargers fan from the night before shows up brandishing a glow stick and said, "You're not punking out on me are ya? I'm going to give you a reason to punk out once I'm done with ya!"

"What's with the glow stick?" I asked.

"I heard it's a weapon that can kill Giants fans because it's their greatest weakness, I'm going to try it out!"

"That's Red Sox fans you fucking idjit."

He went ahead and start whacking me in the head with a glow stick, but then I punched him in the face and he starts bleeding out of his nose.

"Oh gawd...my noze...youse asswhole...how dare yoo..." he screamed while covering his face.

I grabbed his head and start slamming my head on it repeatedly until I started to feel dizzy.

"You may have won for now, next time...!"

Then he took off.

Feeling tired, I returned to the inn and took a rest for few days, I was lazy so it's almost a week since that time. Remembering what I was going to do before slacking off, I went to Victor's home and notice the door was ajar. I entered and in the living room there are some signs of struggle, granted nothing's damaged but there's a bit of a mess here and there along with some cereal being spilled, what a waste of food.

There's a note on the floor and it reads:

Dear Andrew Lau,

While our attempt to humiliate you didn't work out and more of our members have dropped out, the rest of us decided to take matters further. Your friend Victor is now under our captivity, you better show up at the warehouse unarmed.

If you don't, I hope you won't mind your friend ends up with a throat slit!

I tore up the letter and start cursing at myself knowing that if I hadn't took several days off, this wouldn't have happened. However since the letter didn't say when I should show up, I decided to abuse the loophole and hoped that I'm not too late. So later that night, I approach the warehouse and saw couple of teenagers guarding the entrance of the building. While the guards weren't looking, I sprinted to the side of the building and hid behind the corner.

I listened to their conversation...

"Eric, do you think it would work? There's only four of us left and two are inside making sure Victor won't escape!"

"Yes it will work, James Dillon knows what he's doing there's no way he'll fuck it up, he's our god after all!"

"I guess you're right, he did told us that he communicated with the spirits of Harris and Kleboid, they chose him for a reason to carry on their legacy."

I wondered if they're really that retarded...

Carefully I waited until one of the went into the building for some reason, probably to discuss something with Dillon. I crept right behind the remaining guard, armed with a steering wheel lock I found right outside of the junk shop few weeks ago, I whacked him in the head to knock him out cold.

"Hey what's that noise?" someone yelled.

I ran back to hide behind the corner.

"Oh my god! Clay...wake up...wake up!" his friend yelled.

After a moment of a pause, I took a peek and saw another teenager placing his fingers on his arm.

"He's alive, someone knocked him out." he said.

"Could it be?" asked Eric.

"I think so, he did came...we'll need to be prepared!"

"You bastard, come out!"

I waited for a while and then...

"Eric, calm down, doing this won't make him out, we'll need to lure him in!" said the teenager.

"You're right, there's no way he'll abandon his friend, time to bring out Victor and hopefully he'll cooperate or otherwise...he's dead!" said Eric.

Angry, I came up to Eric from behind and whack him in the head with a steering wheel lock, knocking him unconscious.

"You you finally showed yourself, come on in Mr. Lau!" said the teenager.

I followed him and saw Victor tied up on a chair with a gag on his mouth.

Truth to be told, it looked a bit gay...

Jame Dillon shows up and said, "So Andrew, the time has come!"

"Let Victor go, he had nothing to do with this for the past month!" I said.

"I know, but seeing your face as I'm ready to kill your friend will be...enjoyable!" said Dillon as he begins to smile.

He pulled out a knife and started to head toward Victor as the teenager restrained me from behind, causing me to drop my weapon. I elbowed him several times, causing him to let go and I finished him off with a kick to the face. Afterward I picked up the steering wheel lock and seeing that I won't get to where Dillon's heading to in time, I punt the object and hits James Dillon's hand, knocking the knife off his hand.

"My hand...you son of a bitch!" he yelled and took off.

I was ready to chase him when the unnamed teenager got up and stood in my way.

After several punches to his face, I ran after Dillon but by the time I did so, he's nowhere to be found.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 14th, 2011


This afternoon at the park, I was walking by when I saw an egg roll on the ground right in front of a tree. I looked up and saw a poorly made cage hanging up supported by a rope that leads to a bush right next to the tree. After hearing someone sneezing from behind the bush, I shook my head and wonder if they're actually serious, not to mention what they were doing is racist.

I decided to wait for a bit just to see if someone came and pick it up.

A dog came and started to eat the egg roll when the idiot behind the bush let go the rope and drops the cage.

"I got him! I got hi-oh fuck!"

The dog growled and a second later you can guess what happened.

His friends ran off and abandoned him while I stood there wondering if I should help him.

"He had it coming anyway," I said to myself and left.

The next day I heard the kid is in the hospital with stable condition so he'll be okay. But then things gets weirder from here...

Someone dug a hole hole on a lawn in a neighborhood and covered it up with some branches and leaves. I don't know if there's anyone gullible to fall for this but I could tell the person to dug this isn't from this neighborhood, because when an old guy came out of the house, he saw the covered hole and start cursing. Guess these idiots should learn that one must never piss off an old guy by messing up his lawn, do that and you're dead.

I was curious to see if anyone of those idiots would come back to see if the trap worked so I went to the arcades to kill some time knowing it'll be awhile. Besides, if I stay there and wait, the old man would think it's me. After a bout with Pac man and Metal Slug, it's starting to get late and I returned to the neighborhood to see if something happened, surprisingly someone did fell but unsurprisingly, I heard someone screaming for help and I recognize the voice, it's one of the other idiots who tried to trap me a day before. The old guy's at home and judging by the look from the window, he's calling the police about a vandal (also helped that he was yelling and the window's open) who messed up his lawn.

You know, I was expecting to see the old man blowing the dude's head clean off with a shotgun, guess he calmed down.

I started to walk back to the motel when some dude on a bicycle came and stopped right in front of me.

"Hey, what's the big deal?" I said.

"I knew you'd be here, but didn't expect you not to fall into the trap...that fucking moron messed it up!" the bicyclist growled.

"I seriously doubt the trap would fool anyone expect for you guys, so I'm guessing there's a message for me from you guys right?"

"Yes."

He handed me a letter and rode off.

I open up the envelope and begin the read, it says:

To whom it may concern,

Andrew Lau, for sometime you have been a bane of our existence.

Ever since you joined our alliance, you have been sabotaging our efforts to seek revenge against those who have tormented us and even demeaned our reputation.

"As if they even had one from the start."

Before I continue to read the letter, I went to the lamp post and proceed.

We may not have as much members as we used to thanks to you and that traitor Victor, if only his cousin with the same name were here our alliance would have been much better. But the point is that you have mocked us and humiliated us and this is unforgivable. Now that you called the cops on us, all our weapons are gone so our previous plan have been put on hold...until we succeed in our next mission which is to kill you disgusting stinky poo poo head!

"What the?"

Ha ha ha!

How does it feel? I bet it hurts didn't ya?

Burned bitch! You got pwned!

There's more where that comes from but don't worry, we won't kill you and we won't attack you now or it won't be much fun.

We'll plan something big tomorrow and it will target you, we won't tell 'cuz it's a surprise...

MUWAHAHAHAHA!

Scared now aren't you? Well you should be because we will humiliate you like you have humiliated me!

I bet you're pissing yourself right now huh babby, cry for your mommy you ca ca brain!

"I think my brain cells are dying..."

I turn the letter over to read the rest of the message on the back.

We will own you faggot so die!

I hate you yellow man, go back to China!

I will kick your butt!

That's all!

Sincerely, James Dillon.

P.S: You suck!

The last part of the message was ad-nauseating, I mean is this guy really serious? Maybe I shouldn't have call the cops on them because those idiots would have hurt themselves instead of anyone in the school.

I looked up into the sky and could barely see stars due to light pollution. I wished that I could see the stars for once, I always wanted to see if the could spot Polaris so that way I can know if it's possible to use it as a guide.

Anyway, I decided to head back when someone came right in front of me and placed his hands on his hips.

"What now?" I groaned.

"It's been a while you filthy Giants fan..." he said.

"Wait a minute...do I know you?"

I tried to recall who this guy is to no avail.

"Very funny," he said.

He takes out a knife and continued, "I have been waiting for this day, what you did in San Diego will never be forgiven!"

Then it hits me!

"Wait a minute, it rings a bell...where have you been?" I said.

"Few months ago you said that you beat up a mime who took over a village in New Zealand so I went there to see for myself," he said.

I took out a small bad of popcorn and continued to listen.

"But then when I got there, I remember that you said that the village was somewhere near Auckland but I don't know exactly where so when I tried to find the place...I got lost for a while," he continued.

"Really? For how long?" I asked.

"Didn't keep track so I don't know, ended up in a jungle and got attacked by monkeys..."

While listening to his story, I took out a can of Pepsi and said, "What happened after that?"

"I blacked out for a while...I think they gang-raped me...it's still sore..." he said.

After stopping for few minutes, the Chargers fan then proceed to carry on with his story about his journey in New Zealand.

"After countless days and nights and nights and days...I finally rediscover the civilization back in Auckland, I was going to give up searching for that village you told me about because you never told me the exact direction!" he yelled.

"Hey don't blame me, I stumbled into the village after wandering around, except it took me few hours and it wasn't that far from the city, not to mention I didn't even need to wander into the jungle to get attacked by monkeys like an idiot you are!" I said.

After ticking him off for a bit, the Chargers fan then said, "I asked around in the city about the village and the evil mime but everyone looked at me like I'm on drugs but one day...I finally struck gold!"

"Really?" I said.

"Yeah, I ran into one of the villagers who happens to be in the city and he took me there, even told me about the evil mime and how he was defeated!"

"See? Told you I'm not lying!"

"But then what I saw was disgusting, you're a hero in this village and whenever I talked bad about you, they tried to kill me!" he growled.

"Serves you right!" I laughed.

"You're beneath me!" he yelled.

"I crapped bigger than you!" I said.

He tried to punch me but I grabbed his arm and flipped him over.

"What the...what did you do?" he screamed.

"Saw it on T.V., it looked cool so I practiced for a bit," I yawned.

Then I continued, "It's getting late, if you want to continue let's do this tomorrow."

The Chargers fan got up and said, "Okay, we'll fight tomorrow and this time I will kick your ass!"

Then he ran off.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - August 12th, 2011


Wondering where the guys have gone to, I decided to check out the old warehouse hoping that maybe some of them were having a meeting of some kind despite Victor's disappearance. Sure enough there are some noise coming from the building. After going through couple of non-related events from the past months, I grew cautious and took at peek at the warehouse room just to see what was going on at that point.

"...since then I'm going to find that bastard for humiliating me and once I do, I will fucking kill him!"

I carefully went to take a look at the speaker and it's James Dillon.

One of the audience then said, "But James, he was just trying to help us trap a bully, no one thought that you would ge-"

"Shut up! Because of him, I got raped by Ben Roethlisberger, I could even sleep because this!" screamed Dillon.

As I recalled, he did get raped, just "almost". At least now I know whom he's after, me!

"I'm going to get my revenge if that's the last thing I do, you asshole will listen to me and help me come up with plans of revenge!"

Then one of the people stood up and said, "No thanks, Andrew's a good guy and besides, it's getting late and I have to get home!"

"Same here,"

"My favorite show on Spike is on, I don't want to miss it!"

I quickly hid behind the side of the building as some of the people went to leave the building.

I went to take a look again and notice there's still some people left in the building.

One of them said, "Forget them James, we'll help you deal with this asshole!"

"Yeah, he's as bad as those jocks, I bet he's one of them!"

Then James motion the crowd to silence and said, "I agreed with you, ever since Andrew Lau came in, all he have been doing is mocking us, half-assed and even sabotaged everything we have been trying to do, we will find him and make sure that he will pay!"

Sabotaged? Really? With the way things are planned, these idiots have sabotaged themselves with their own stupidity. After James Dillon finished making a speech that was a reminiscent of Adolf Hitler's speech and the time when Howard Dean came to my history class as a substitute teacher in high school.

Once their meeting is over, I quietly followed Dillon and few of his friends into his house where I would hid right behind a sofa as one of them looked behind.

"Hey Eric, what's wrong?" one of his friends asked.

"Nothing Clay, I thought I heard someone following us..." he said.

"Oh, it's probably a raccoon, one of them crawled into my house one time, had to call my cousin to kill the damn thing," said Dillon.

They all went upstairs and I decided that it's best to stay hidden so I went to check the basement instead. There I found several piles of porno and none of them are good, trust me I checked most of them and they're pretty lame. Before I could start wondering about Dillon's parents and why would their house have a basement filled with pornography, I heard someone coming down so I dove into one of the large piles and hid. As I lay inside the pile, I could hear those two kids talking to each other about something and to sum up what they said, one of them told the other to guard the pile while the others will go out to get something to eat. But then again with magazines all over my head, I could barely hear what they were saying so I could be wrong.

I waited for sometime and then once I removed one of the magazine from my face, I could see a teenager sitting on a couch facing away from me bobbing his head. Knowing that he's listening to his Walkman, I thought this is a perfect chance to escape without him hearing a sound. But then once I got out, he took off the headphone, turn his head and before he could say anything, I clocked him in the head to knock him unconscious. Quickly I ran upstairs to the living room where I then decided to check out the bedroom and saw a box filled with weapons!

This is much more dangerous than the time I went to Boston wearing a Yankee cap.

I took the opportunity to call the police and whatever news media available at the time and stole one of the handguns for myself. The next day there's a news about a house being searched by the police and a cache of weapons have been found. A high school student who was found "sleeping" in the basement full of porns was found and detained for questioning. James Dillon's parents were also taken by the police for questioning and their son however...disappeared!

It's easy to understand why, I mean when a police finds weapons in your home, you would have to be a massive idiot to go back.

Later that day, I saw one of the people with James Dillon looking at me and made a throat slashing gesture. Not sure what was going on, I thought he challenged me to a sign language contest, too bad I don't know any sign language so I used some of the signs I knew. For my turn, I punched my hand, point my finger right at him and then I pointed up.

He gave me a weird look and made a gun gesture toward me.

In response, I made gestures that Bruce Lee used.

Annoyed, the kid flips me off.

With one more trick up my sleeve, I copied the entire dance sequence by John Travolta in "Saturday Night Fever".

Confused, the kid walks away.

"What's with him?" I asked the guy next to me.

"What's with him? What's with you?" he said.

Remembering something, I went to the neighborhood and found one of the guns that was kicked off of my hands. The other however was smashed up, what a powerful kick. Then I took my time stretching in the park and ran around a bit. Then came nightfall where I ran into a mugger who points a switch blade at me and said, "Give me your money and no one gets hurt!"

I took out one of my handguns and points it right at his face.

"Never bring a knife to a gun fight!"

He pissed himself and ran.

Next morning, I went to look for Victor since something's up with Dillon's plan to get his revenge on me and I figured that maybe he'll help me with something. Maybe he could try to reason with Dillon and convince him to turn himself in. After spending some time waiting right outside the school building, I ran into one of my friends from the warehouse and he said, "What the hell are you doing out here?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"After the cops raided James Dillon's house, he and his friends went on a hunt to find you!"

"Really? That bad? How did you know?"

"One of them asked me about your whereabouts, you need to hide for a while until the whole thin blows over!"

Then remembering what I'm here for, I asked him about Victor's whereabout.

"He's back in his home, he didn't have to take the summer classes so..."

"Where can I find his home? I need to ask him something," I said.

He told me where I can find him and then I made a visit.

Victor opens the door and was surprised to see me.

"Hey Andrew, how did you find me here?" he said.

"Your friend told me, I have a question to ask, if someone tries to kill you, what would you do?"

"What happened?"

I explained everything to him and then he offered to let me hide in his home for a while, especially since his parents are away on a business trip they won't know about the unexpected guest. His older sister is away in college and his younger sister was missing for some reason, he told me that she complained about some contract few days prior. Remembering a show I watched few months ago, I laughed for a bit, maybe it's just a coincidence.

Then he said, "I'm not surprised that James Dillon wanted to kill you, especially after what you did to him."

"So what do you think he's up to now that his weapons are gone?" I asked.

"I don't know, whatever he's planning, you should be careful,"

I was ready to leave when he said, "You should hide for a bit, as far as I know, they might come after you,"

"It's okay, I already have a place and besides, did you hear about the principal?" I said.

"Yeah, I saw it on the news, thanks...I guess..."


Posted by Idiot-Finder - July 28th, 2011


It's still the middle of summer school and knowing the back door of that building still haven't been covered by the security, I prepared to sneak in the next morning. I made sure my iPod's charged up so that I can record something that can help expose the suspicious activities. Knowing how the bullies may have been connected with what the principal could be hiding, I might as well try to find out what it is and why is he doing this.

Once I entered the building, I got hungry and went to the cafeteria to see what they have. They were serving Jell-O with pudding and some pies!

"That's unfair!" I mumbled.

Seriously they never served that in my high school!

I took the lunch tray from one of the students who wasn't looking and sat on an empty table at the back of the room. After finishing my lunch, I head out to the hallway to find the principal's office. Realizing that I have forgotten where the office is...

"Damn it!"

I decided to explore the entire hall way, knowing the office is somewhere in the first floor, it shouldn't be too difficult. I was right as I finally found his office about a second later, it helped that the principal's name is printed on the door.

"That was convenient!"

I slowly open the door and saw that no one's here. I quietly snuck in and hid from one desk to another until I found a massive bookshelf with a bust of Jesse Jackson right next to it. Wondering what these two things were doing in the office and why, I got tired and leaned on the bust...shifting it by accident. Suddenly the book shelf slowly opens up and there's a dark corridor right behind. Surprised, I quickly record it with my iPod as a proof.

I walked into the corridor and came upon a brightly lit room with shelves stocked with wines. That principal must have been even more wasted than the one at my high school, there's even a shelf filled with bottles of Dom PĂ©rignon!

But then behind all those shelves, I heard someone talking.

I began to record the conversation with my iPod and heard this...

"What do you want us to do? Many of these guys have gone into hiding and Victor have disappeared for sometime, we're not going to hunt them down!"

"Yeah and besides, Victor used to belong to a gang, if we do find him, what if he calls up his old buddies?"

"Wait, is that the same Victor wh-"

"No, they're distant cousins though..."

"Can't you guys just shut up? We have many things to worry about, remember you guys are supposed to bully the bullied victims into silence so the reputation of the school will not be tarnished, my career is at stake!"

I recognize that voice, it's the principal's!

So that's what he's covering up...

After few minutes, I saved the recordings and put my iPod away. As I was ready to leave, I accidentally pushed the shelf and tried to hold it but...I was too late.

Everyone on the desk turned to look at me and the principal who recognized me yelled, "You!"

"Whoa oh!" I said before taking off.

"Get him!" he screamed.

I hid from one shelves to another and grabbed one of the bottles of champagne.

"Put that bottle down!" said one of the principal's hired thugs.

I start to shake the bottle.

"You better stop!"

And then...POP!

The cork flew like a bullet and hits the thug right in the face, knocking him unconscious. As the foam starts flowing out of the bottle, the principal ran up in front of me and said, "You better not drink it!"

I took a huge gulp from the bottle.

"Okay, but you better not enjoy it!"

I made a sound to show that I was enjoying it.

"You bastard!" he yelled.

Rest of the thugs came toward me and I smashed the bottle on one of the guy's head. After making my way out of the corridor, I turned to leave the building when a familiar face arrived...that over sized security guard Omar!

He looked at me and said, "Your journey ends here, stop what you're doing and nobody gets hurt..."

Then couple of injured thugs came out of the office door.

"...from now on!" he finished.

Then the principal comes out and said, "Great job Omar, now finish him, finish him off!"

I took out my iPod and yelled, "Wait! I have a proof that this principal have been behind the wrongdoing this whole time!"

"What are you talking about?" said Omar.

"You have no proof, finish him Omar!" the principal yelled.

I turned on the iPod, select the video on the menu and then I showed it to Omar.

After few seconds, he turned to me and said, "Okay...why did you record yourself rubbing your nipple?"

I took a look at my iPod and realized my mistake, after almost fumbling it out of embarrassment, I exit out and went to the correct video.

"Now here, look at this and listen!" I said.

After few minutes, Omar then turned to the principal and said, "Is this true?"

The principal tried to explain the whole thing but instead he ended up sounding like he has a stuttering problem. Soon he points at Omar and said to his hired thugs, "Get him! Get him now!"

But the thugs were intimidated by Omar to the point that one of them pissed himself. Soon they turned to the principal and said, "No way man, I'm leaving!"

"Yeah, I remember I have chores to do!"

"I have something to do too, see ya!"

Then they all ran off.

"Guess the jig is up!" I said.

Then Omar walked up to the principal and said, "Is this why my son have been bullied? He was beaten to near death and you bastard have done nothing! The reason why I resigned my position as a police lieutenant to become a security so that I would make sure this wouldn't happen again, you're going to pay for what you have done you stupid son of a bitch!"

No, Omar didn't beat the crap out of the principal, he did reported what happened to the news and with the proof, the scandal resulted in the principal's resignation and the hired thugs turned themselves in. They were going to testify but the principal being who he is fessed up.

To make a long story short, the trial was scheduled shortly and it went pretty quickly.

Glad I didn't have to make an appearance on the trial although my iPod recording was used as an evidence. The principal was found guilty and will be behind bars for five years and even longer with the house arrest although they didn't state low long.

Knowing that this is over with, I got my iPod back and decided to go off telling my friends from the club about what happened by I wasn't able to find them however...something's wrong...I even went to check Victor's house and he's still not there.

It's a good thing his parents are out of town due to business trips, they should be concerned.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 24th, 2011


EddyFromEEnE is an overly optimistic Asian American who wanted to embrace his heritage as a Chinese. However he became so overly enthusiastic that many of the people in the message board started to find this very grating.

Meanwhile, hongkongexpress is a cynical self-hater who gets angry whenever she sees someone posting something positive about China. When she saw posts by Eddy, she thought of him as an ignorant ABC pollyanna who looks as the world through rose-tinted glasses. What that, she's determined to crush his view by pointing out the realities of modern China.

But then one day they went to meet face to face...

"So we have finally meet!" said HK

"This is the day your ignorant view will end!"

Eddy clenched his fists and said, "Why do you have problems with me? For years you have been harassing me and killed my dog for no reason, this time it will end!"

They each drew out their swords and attacked.

They both leaped into the air and began jousting while standing on the top of the tree. Soon they leaped away and tried to attack each other with long range energy attacks but each time it was done, they missed. As a result, much of the neighborhood got nuked and many passing cars were obliterated along with the passengers and the drivers.

The confrontation ended with the police cars arrives and they had to flee in order to fight the another day...

A day later, they stood at the top of the Statue of Liberty face to face.

"Today's battle is not only for the name of master pride, it's about the honor of the Chinese people!"

Eddy and HK both turned and yelled, "Shut up!"

They they went to duke it out, damaging the statue. As time went by, parts of the statue got sliced off as well as the torch, crushing many onlookers nearby. Soon they both went on to unleash their special techniques...

"I've been waiting for this day!" said HK

"Time to end this bull crap!" said Eddy

They both unleashed a massive force at the same time and soon...the upper part of the statue blows up, sending rubbles in every directions. Once the dust clears, all what was left is the stupidity of the arguments in the message boards and the swords used in the battle.

State of emergency is declared...but that's a whole different story for another time.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 9th, 2011


I got bored one day and decided to go to the farm just to see what I can do to amuse myself. Knowing that the farmer might be on alert ever since that little incident involving kicking a dead horse, I didn't shave, put on my sunglasses and a baseball cap for a convenient disguise. Once I got to the farm, the farmer wasn't there, guess he's busy. I saw a poorly made straw man propped up as a scarecrow, however being that it looked incredibly ridiculous, I'd be surprised if that thing would scare anything. I picked up a giant fallen tree branch and start beating it like a pinata.

With a mocking tone, I said, "Help me, someone's beating me!"

Once I knocked it off the stake, I start ripping out the straws and torched it with my lighter. That's when the farmer came out with a sawed off shotgun and yell, "You again? City folks like you never keep off my property!"

I took off before he could fire a shot.

Then the next day I came back and saw him waiting with a shot gun in his hand...

"Going somewhere?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and said, "Um...yeah, I'm just looking for the bathroom...I was wondering if you can point to the nearest pla-" before he points the gun on my face.

"I don't know who the fuck you are and why you're messin' up my farm, but if you don't get out in 5 sec-hey wait!"

He was yelling every curse words known to everyone and some I never heard of but I didn't stop to listen so I kept on running until I made my way back to the city. Later that night I snuck back and saw him still guarding his farm. I hid behind a tree and began to crept closer when I stepped on a branch...

"Who there? Show yourself!" he yelled.

"Meow," I said.

"Oh a cat, got me worked up for nothin'"

Soon he got tired and went home, giving me the perfect opportunity to sneak into the farm to perform some hijinks. I came upon on a cow and tipped it, man it was fun, especially once it wakes up and starts mooing helplessly. After tipping about dozens of cows, I saw a light in one of the windows at the farmer's house turned on and I made a break for it. Turns out to be a false alarm as I heard a toilet flushing and the farmer yelled, "Aw dang it, clogged it again!"

Using this as a perfect opportunity to perform one more hi jink for the night, I took out a small firecracker, light it with my lighter and threw it into the hen house. Soon there's a small explosion and the chickens starts making noises and panicked all over the farm after escaping from the hen house. I laughed before running off as I heard the farmer yelled, "What the hell's going on down there?"

The next night being more careful than ever, I hid from tree to tree and bushes to bushes and saw the farmer holding what appears to be a rifle.

"Wait a minute...isn't that AK-47?" I said to myself.

Guess he had enough.

I was ready to go back when something caught my eye...a dead horse!

Unable to resist the urge to beat a freshly dead horse, I decided to take my time coming up a plan to lay a few kicks on a horse's corpse. But then a wonderful idea come up so I picked up a rock and toss it right at the horse. The farmer reacted and open fired at the direction of the small thumping noise, only to shot up his beloved dead horse.

"Wha-oh god...no...NOOO!!!" he screamed.

He dropped his weapon and walked slowly toward the horse and started to cry. I felt bad for the guy, I mean he was just trying to protect his property so I turned and started to leave. But then for no reason at all I turned back and kick the dead horse right in front of him...

Angrily, the tearful farmer turned toward me and said, "You son of a bitch...I'm going to fuckin' kill ya!"

"You can never catch me!" I yelled as I took off.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 4th, 2011


I was working on an upcoming chapter of the story when I kept on hearing that motor sound right outside my house. Seriously it went on all fucking day and it's hard to concentrate on the chapter of the story I'm trying to write for you guys. Knowing that I can't let my subscribers down just because some stupid asswipe's out having a joyride on his motorbike. For several hours and for several days that same noise kept on ring in my head and I couldn't stand it so I decided to do something about this. It's either that or wait until he Roethlisberger himself onto someone's car, but the latter would take a while since it's in the suburbs.

I went out and yelled, "Hey stop ride this crap, some of us are trying to sleep!"

Seriously it was 7 a.m.

The motorcycle rider stopped and flipped me off saying, "Fuck you!" before driving off.

I went back in and took out a crossbow. Soon I got out and walked to the middle of the street and wait few minutes until the motorcycle rider started to charge right toward me. As he began to sped up, I raise my crossbow and fire the arrow right at his face and soon I had to jump out of the way in order to avoid getting hit by that sliding motorcycle. The motorcycle dragged the rider's body along as it hits someone's car, resulting in a massive explosion like something out of a bad Michael Bay flick.

I went back to my house and decided to take a nap before working on the next chapter so it's going to take a while.

Note: Another version is submitted on Fiction Press but it's mostly the same so don't sweat it.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 29th, 2011


Remembering how the horseman sliced one of the thugs in half from a block away, I decided to see if it can be copied. I memorized the movement of the hand and started to practice for few hours before trying it out for real.

I saw couple of Red Sox fan walking by talking shit about the Yankees and some of the comments are more like death threats. Being the smug bastards they are, I decided that they are the perfect targets for my new technique.

"Hey, Red Sox fans, you're going to regret what you just said!" I yelled.

One of them turned and said, "What?"

"I heard what you just said, wishing a terrorist attack on Yankee Stadium is something I can't let slide by!"

Then I thrust my hand toward them in rapid speed, sending a vacuum wave toward them until the guy splits in half.

His friend stood there wetting his pants while the other starts screaming like a girl. I send another vacuum wave at the screamer and this time my aiming was a bit off as his arm got sliced off instead. The scream became even louder and that high-pitched noise annoyed the hell out of me so I send several more vacuum waves until all what's left of him are...let's just say that's what raw beef slices looks like.

The Red Sox fan who pissed himself then dropped to his knees started to cry.

"W-why...why are you doing this?" he sobbed.

"Because I fucking hate you, now go to hell!" I said.

Then I send a wave to kill him only to hit a passing car, splitting it in half.

The driver yelled, "What in the world?"

"Damn it!"

I ran off before I got to finish off the remaining Red Sox fan. Then I ran into one of the people I met at the anime convention...

"What did I just saw?" he asked.

"Saw what?" I said.

"Stop playing dumb, I saw what you did, you used 'Legendary Thrust Split Wave', a technique developed in Southern China thousands of years ago!"

"What?"

"The last known person who used it was killed in World War 2 when he used the technique to hold back the Japanese army long enough to help the civilians evacuate, he was able to take out two thirds before the bullet wounds got him!"

"He took out almost the entire Japanese army? Cool!"

"Yes it's cool but decades later, that technique was included in 'Hokuto no Ken', how the hell did you know that move?"

I told him about the horseman from a week ago and how I decided to copy the hand movement of the said technique.

"Wait what? You learned it by copying?" he said in disbelief.

"Yeah, so?" I answered.

Then he walked away without saying anything.

Back at the hotel room, I turned on the television and there's a news report about several bodies being discovered...all sliced up. No one knows how it happened and the only witness was said to have been in a catatonic state. The reporter said that the authorities believed it could be an attack by a group of surviving diclonius. I became worried since we all know what happened back in 2005 when there's a problems regarding those horned girls in Japan before becoming a world wide threat.

The news reporter also stated that a car wa-wait a minute!


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 24th, 2011


Sometime after visiting an old guy with a magnetic metal plate on his skull, I went to a nearby anime convention and there's a largest concentration of weeaboos ever assembled, even more so than the one I wrecked nearly a year ago (ask one of the subscribers for full detail). There are tons of anime stuff everywhere including some Gundam statues, doujins, and clubs for fans of certain animes. Being a fan of Dragonball, I decided to check out the DBZ fan club and...frankly I was disappointed.

Most of the fans wore T-shirts with picture of Broly, the most overrated fictional villain ever!

I stayed for a bit because there's food and I was hungry. Granted they mostly have Pocky and rice crackers but it could be worse. I like Pocky but not as much as the weeaboos do, I mean I have a feeling they're in love with those. After sitting through hours of bullcrap from fans discussing how awesome Broly is and some believing he can beat Galactus, I barely restrained myself from laughing. But then one of them said that Broly is "The manliest character ever!"

It's Broly this and Broly that, it's more about one character than the show itself!

I turned and said, "Really? Do you know who voiced Broly in the Japanese version?"

"You seemed to have a problem, Broly is a very manly character and his seiyuus in every versions is also manly men, if one of them voiced a effeminate character then we would know!" he answered.

"Yeah, whoever Broly's seiyuu is, every characters he voiced must be very manly!" said the other.

I got up and said, "Just look up Bin Shimada with your laptop and look up his roles!"

"Who? Is he Broly's seiyuu?"

"Yes and take a look at his role in Fist of the North Star,"

"Oh I heard about that anime, all the manliness..."

"Just take a look at his role and it may change the way you'll think of Broly!" I said before leaving the room.

What the hell is a "seiyuu"? Must have been a Japanese word for "voice actor". Anyway I wandered all over the convention and bought myself a small Kyubey key chain (They have a plush doll but the smile's creepy enough). As I was ready to leave the building, I saw several angry people waiting for me and they're holding wiffle bats, a mallet, and some golf clubs. I realized those are the people from the DBZ club!

"So what's going on?" I asked.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" one yelled.

"How dare you call Broly gay?" said the other.

"Just let us hit you once and it'll be okay!" said the other.

I stood there and said, "Wait what?"

"I realize it now, you never liked Broly so you decided to downplay his manliness by saying that he's gay!" the Brolytard yelled.

"Wait, I never said that Broly's g-"

"Liar, you told us to look up is seiyuu's roles and one of the characters is a faggot, thanks to you our mindsets have been destroyed!"

I shook my head and said, "So why trying to beat me up?"

"You ruined everything!"

Then the security came and threw them out. I left the building through the back exit so the Brolytards won't find me and made my way back to the hotel. I'll have to hide from a time being due to the fact that those Brolytards thought I insinuated that Broly is gay because he shared the same voice actor with a character of "Fist of the North Star" who might have been gay (despite raping tons of women). At least it's not as bad as that incident last Saturday where a massive horseman came into town, trampling several people like ants.