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I want the funky chicken.

Age 36, Male

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some boring ass school

New York,NY

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Mimed II

Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 13th, 2011


I was on my way to the grocery when I noticed a ruckus happening at the park. Being that there are several police vehicles nearby, I knew something's up. With that, I sprinted to the park and saw something that caught my eye, several mimes were having a rampage and the police couldn't do anything.

"And I thought the police force in Philippines are useless!" I said.

I went over to one of the onlookers and said, "What's going on?"

"Those mimes, they're terrorizing the park and there's no way to stop them...we're doomed!"

I palmed my face and said, "I'll go and take care of them...idiots!"

"No, you're going to get killed!"

I flipped him off and said, "Get bent ya pussy!"

Then he said, "Fine be like that, see if I care if you get killed!"

Then I pulled down my eyelid and stuck out my tongue just to piss him off even further. His friends had to restrain him before he could make a move. I went to taunt the guy even further by making faces and calling him all those derogatory terms for homosexuals.

"I hope those mimes kill you! You deserve to die!" he screamed.

One of his friends then said, "Dude, how old are you?"

"Twenty three...why you ask?" I said.

"Twenty three? Act like you are, there's no need to make fun of my friend like that!"

I picked my nose and said, "I'll go and kick those mimes asses while your friend's busy crying his eyes out like a little girl,"

"Asshole!"

I walked right into the scene and said, "Hey mimes, bring it on!"

One of the police officers then said, "Kid are you crazy?"

"Get out of the way before you get yourself killed!" the other yelled.

I ignored them and said, "I took down your kind in New Zealand, there's no way you can win!"

Afterward I cracked my knuckles and my neck (although the latter's due to the fact that my neck was stiff that morning).

The mimes took out their imaginary katanas while I started to pretend that I have my nunchaku ready. They all attacked me the same time but I was able to repel them by swing my weapon at them, even disarming some of them until I lost my grip and it flew right at the random passerby's face, knocking him out...

"Whoops, my bad!" I said.

The mimes shook their heads and proceeded to go forward with their assault until I send them flying right across the street by my series karate kicks. They all got up and tried to attack me again but took out my imaginary pistol and shot them in the face one by one. Afterward they all pretended to be dead, leaving their leader standing in shock. The head mime pointed his finger at me and mouth some words I had no understanding of.

I said, "What was that? Are you saying 'wahbla, wala, waka'?"

Angered at this, he ripped off his shirt and began to walk toward me. Seeing a mime shirtless made me want to throw up.

"This is one of the things I wish I can unsee..." I said.

Soon the mime took out a imaginary AK-47 and began to fire several rounds at me. I ran zigzag in order to dodge the bullets and some of them almost got me. I was able to dodge some of them by bending backwards like that scene from "The Matrix" before falling to the ground. Then I quickly rolled away far enough before he can open fire, giving me the time I needed to get up. I looked around and saw several people pretending to be suffering from bullet wounds...some are even dying!

"That monster, you won't get away wi-holy crap!" I yelled before getting interrupted by a hail of imaginary bullets. I tried to shoot him with my imaginary pistol but unfortunately...the gun jammed!

"Damn it all!" I yelled

But then for some reason the mime stopped firing...

"Hey, he stopped!" said one of the onlookers.

"But why?" said the other.

I looked and realized that the mime's AK-47's finally out of ammo.

"Finally!" I yelled before delivering a flying back kick which the mime would block with his right arm. Even then the mime griminced in pain from blocking the kick as he held his right arm looking as if he was ready to cry. After few minutes, the mime got up and I went to deliver flurry of punches to his stomach until he started to back away with a painful expression on his face. Soon I took out a chair (To those wondering where I got that chair, I'm as confused as you are) and hit him with it. Then I follow that hit with a body slam, further injuring the mime but for some reason he refused to give up. The mime shook his finger at me and made a threatening gesture by running his finger across his throat.

I responded by flipping him the bird and soon I ran toward the mime in order to deliver one final blow. I went to hit him with another flying back kick...only to realize that the mime suddenly passed out from injuries and I knocked off the stop sign by mistake.

After it was over, we all got arrested for extensive property damage (most of them imaginary), deaths of several people (all pretend), and public disturbance. I was let off easy because I helped the police in taking down those mimes so all I had to do was pay the fine for the stop sign. The mimes however were unable to afford to pretend to pay for all those imaginary property damage and medical bills so you can guess what happened. Also what they did was horrifying enough that chances are the mimes will wind up in prison if convicted.

Before I got out, the police warned me about some high school student to terrorized the principal with a stapler and according to them, he looked just like me. They said that's he's in late teens so while he's about few years younger, that guy must have been really dangerous. Man, I really need to be careful since the last thing I need running into someone who could be a psychopath. Being that heard about what happened on the news, I was hoping that they caught him but I guess it wasn't the case.


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