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Idiot-Finder's News

Posted by Idiot-Finder - June 13th, 2012


Usher corners Justin Bieber and said...

"Yo, I ain't seeing you in a minute, but I got something to tell ya, listen."

Bieber said, "Then why are you coming toward me in a very aggressive man-" as Usher puts his finger onto his lips.

See the thing about you that caught my eye
Is the same thing that makes me change my mind
Kinda hard to explain, but girl, I'll try,
You need to sit down this may take a while
See this girl, she sorta looks just like you
She even smiles just the way you do
So innocent she seemed but I was fooled
I'm reminded when I look at you.

Bieber became confused and said, "What are you talking about?"

Usher responds, "You remind me of a girl that I once knew..."

Bieber started to blush as Usher explains how he became enamored with him at the first glance. Then soon, the two began to kiss and then Bieber made a huge cry, "Oh baby, baby, baby..."

Once the two part ways, Bieber heads to the stage as Usher suddenly changes his mind and said, "You may remind me of that girl that I once knew, but you're different!"

Bieber turns toward Usher and said, "You are the one for me!"

Then the couple started a long term relationship that would last for a week when it would end because Usher finally realizes that the kid reminds him of a girl he once knew a little too much so he decided that it's for the best that he would be connected with Bieber in other ways.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 30th, 2012


Our favorite president and secret agent is back!!!

Agent: Do you expect me to talk?

Villain: No, I expect you to die!

He's better than ever!

Agent: *beats up thugs and saves the girl*

Girl: Who are you?

Agent: The name's John...

*cuts to big bad getting dropped from a helicopter into a industrial smokestack*

Villain: Mr. Kennedy........*crash*

Agent: ...John F. Kennedy!

John F. Kennedy is...Agent JFK!

*sniper scope follows JFK*

Rated R, coming to theaters near you!

*a shot is heard as the screen blacks out*


Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 5th, 2012


One day in 1997, a pseudo-psychologist in Italy named Vera Slepoy was analyzing an anime called, "Sailor Moon" when something hits her. Figuring what might happen, she went on to write an article.

"Sailormoon turns little boys gay!"

Years later, she didn't stop right there...

"Fullmetal Alchemist encourages Satanism!"

"Fist of the North Star inspires grisly murders!"

"Knight of the Zodiac (Saint Seiya) turns boys into fighting metrosexuals!"

"Umineko something encourages people to have sex with furniture and kitchen appliances and practice witchcraft!"

"Speed Racer encourages people to violate speed limit!"

"Elfen Lied encourages little girls to commit murder!"

Then few weeks ago, Slepoy was ready to write another anti-anime article when someone knocked down the door. She got up to see who it was and to her surprise, it's a Asian man with a bleached hair drawing stars on his chest with a sharpie.

"Who are you? I'm calling the security!" she said.

The man looked at her with a psychotic grin and said, "Hokuto Shinken is the most powerful martial art in the world, it can never be DEFEATED!"

Then he proceeds to attack the so-called psychologist with a rapid series of fist cuffs to the point it looked as if he has multiple arms. Then with a final blow, he landed a powerful punch to her chest which sends her flying right through the window.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 22nd, 2012


Note: The story was originally posted by "CloseThyDoor" hoping to draw some attention. When I came into this thread, I went to write what would become a part of the continuation of a racist story.
Contributors - CloseThyDoor, Idiot-Finder, Dromedary, DirtyMeatball, and ManlyChicken.

Part 1:

Students, please settle down, we got a new student here, his name is JJ.

We all stared at JJ seeing as he was the only black kid in our class. The teacher knew what had to be done so he told JJ to stand in the middle of the room. JJ walked over and stood in the center of the classroom with his baggy jeans hanging down.

The teacher was kind enough to put his hands on his own mouth and start doing that rap thing, you know that "phsh cuh psh chus phsh cuh" noise.

Then we all stood up and gathered around a big giant circle and began snapping our fingers. JJ was in shock and dropped his text book. Next thing you know we all start singing, "looking like a fool with dem pants on the ground" "dem pants on the ground, looking like a fool with dem pants on the ground"

Then we all started swinging our arms from side to side and making monkey noises

"ooohohohohohoh" we called.

After all this happened we sat down in our seats and acted like nothing happened. JJ sat down without saying a word.

Part 2:

An hour later, as the kids became restless due to those boring lectures, one of the kid named Tommy jumped up and pounced onto JJ.

"Yo, what are you doing?" said JJ.

"I saw this on a movie, I want to try it out!" Tommy yelled.

Rest of the class got out from their seats and circled around the two while the teacher took out an iPod to watch a downloaded episode of "School Days".

As it happened, Tommy pulled down his pants and ripped JJ's cloths into shreds.

"N-no...please!" JJ stammered.

"Shaddup bitch!" yelled Tommy.

All the students began to chant, "Do it! do it!"

Tommy proceeded to plunge his penis right into JJ's rectum, penetrating it until the hole became filled up with the "white stuff".

JJ tried to scream, only to have series of orgasmic sounds coming out of his mouth instead and said, "More!"

However, Tommy was done so the rest of the male students each took his turn making love with JJ. At one point there were two boys sucking JJ's nipples while another was straddling him by his back. The girls all covered their faces with their hands while sneaking a peak at the same time.

It went on until the bell rang.

Part 3:

"No! Please, stay with me for a while longer!" cried JJ, who had grown accustomed to the physical abuse of his peers. But it was no use, the bell's ring meant the schools compulsory daily reflection period had started. All the children were required to go and sit in their designated 2x2 metre square, which was marked out on the concrete yard at the back of the school. It was JJ's first reflection period, and he was unsure what to expect.

In a daze, JJ stumbled out of the classroom, into the yard, and collapsed in his designated square. As the puddle of all the bodily fluids shared earlier grew rapidly around JJ, he tried to be like the others. He tried to reflect. It was hopeless! All he could think about was Tommy and the other boys, and the passionate moment they had shared minutes earlier. How could they all have stopped caring about it so soon, thought JJ, in despair. He knew what he had to do.

Shakily rising to his feet, he glanced around the yard, looking for Tommy. After a minute of searching, he found what he was looking for. The bright red mop of hair that belonged to Tommy. The hair of the boy he was sure he loved. Ignoring his aching body parts, JJ staggered towards Tommy's square. Then the alarms started going off.

"Stop! You'll kill us all!" screamed Tommy, in an attempt to coax JJ back into his square. "I'm coming, my love!" cried JJ, gathering speed the whole time. He was closing in, inch after inch, metre after metre. He was in arms reach, and lunged out, to stroke Tommy's hair once more, but was enveloped in a blinding light, and surrounded by gale force winds. JJ managed to grab Tommy's hand, just before he uttered the words "It was worth it." That was the last thing JJ ever thought.

And that's the story of Hiroshima.
Part 4:

said Grandpa JJ, throwing his arms in the air after presenting the story of his boyhood to his grandchildren. Many of them had left out of fear, but little Ryan Seacrest was intrigued. He sat staring and Grandpa, jaw and eyes open, barely able to believe something so astounding could have truly taken place. "Did that all really happen, Grandpa?" said Ryan Seacrest inquisitively. "Why yes it did" said Grandpa triumphantly. "Ol' gramps wouldn't lie to you, would he Ryan?". Ryan Seacrest's eyes lit up. "Grandpa...do you think I could be like you one day?". Grandpa JJ patted Ryan on the head with a thoughtful look on his face for a few seconds, and answered. "Yes, Ryan. In fact, I think one day you might take even more dicks than I did, just as long as you believe." Ryan looked up into his Grandpa's eyes in silence. "I believe."

Part 5:

Ryan went to his bright pink Honda with his pants bulging.
"Man, some day, I'm gonna suck more dicks than grampa!" he though aloud "He'll see. They'll all see!"
Just then a black man approached him...

Part 6:

"I was born a poor black man." said Ryan.

"I know...from the bottom of my heart!" said the black guy.

As they undressed, the two lovers proceed to have sex in the parking lot at broad daylight. Many onlookers stood there in awe as two men were consummating their relationship. But then a purple creature carrying a purse jumped into the fray yelling, "Tinkywinky!"

It became a threesome!

Soon Flozell Adams, the Boston Red Sox, the Chargers fans, some of the players from the Philadelphia Eagles and their entire fan base came in to join the fun.

The day would be known as the day in which the largest "sausage-fest" have occurred. But Ryan Seacrest would regret having an unwanted harem as it would haunt him for the rest of his life...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - April 1st, 2012


Here's my theory regarding the Trayvon Zimmerman incident.

One day a teenager named Trayvon Martin was on his way home late at night when he noticed a van following him. Creeped out by this, he took out a cell phone to call his girlfriend.

"Hello?" said Deedee.

"Yo, Deedee, some weird guy's following me for a while now...what should I do?" said Martin.

"Run...just run!"

As Martin was ready to move, a bald whitish-Hispanic guy up to him and said, "Are you looking for trouble kid?"

Terrified, Martin said, "N-no,"

"Okay, just ch-is that Skittles?"

"Yes, why you ask?"

"Can I have some?"

"No!"

"Can I please have some?"

Amazed by the man's persistence, Martin sighed and said, "No, these are mine, get your own!"

Upset, the man said, "C'mon, don't be like that, it's important to share!"

Annoyed, Martin said, "You know what, fine!"

He took a piece of candy from the bag and threw it at the man's head.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" the man yelled.

"Here's another one!"

"OW! STOP IT!

"And another..."

"CUT THAT OUT!"

The man picked up some of the Skittles thrown at him and threw it right back at Martin.

"OW! YOU MOTHAFUCKA!" the kid yelled.

"Then stop attacking me!" said the man.

Martin leaped into the air, performed a somersault before landing right behind the man and grabbed him from behind.

"Hey...let go of me!"

"The hell with you, I'm standing mah ground!"

Soon Martin carried the man as he leap hundreds of meters into the air before diving head first...

Frightened, the man yelled, "YOU FOOL, YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED!"

Martin then yelled, "I DON'T CARE, YOU STARTED IT SO I'M GONNA END IT! ROLLING CRUSH!!!"

Two bodies slammed into the ground, causing a small earthquake and once the dust cleared, Martin was on top of the man. Once he got up, Martin thought the victory is assured and started to walk away in triumph when something went wrong...his body frozed...

The man behind him tossed a handful of Skittles that Martin dropped and a rainbow came right out, trapping the kid. The man said, "You're not going to get away you crook!"

Martin tried to break free to no avail.

"HELP!"

He kept on screaming but no one came.

"It's over!" the man said as he took out a gun.

Last thing Martin felt was a sting before everything he saw blacked out.
---------------
George Zimmerman was a self-appointed leader of the neighborhood watch who had a massive craving for Skittles. He's also known for his temper due to the fact that he shares the same surname as a former Broncos left tackle whom he despised. Often when people hears his name, they would ask, "Zimmerman? You mean like Gary Zimmerman?" or "Are you related to Gary Zimmerman". It was pretty idiotic considering the fact that he wasn't white, just happened to be whitish-Hispanic...

Zimmerman's anger at people who mistook him for the person with a same surname once got him into trouble when a police officer said, "Hey, aren't you the guy who ate those gross stuff at the Travel Channel?"

"That's it!"

Then he went to throttle the cop before getting tazed from behind.

Anyway, one night Zimmerman was out in his vehicle following a suspicious looking teenager with a bottle of Arizona vodka and Skittles dust when he notice the kid pulled out a dangerous cell phone.

Zimmerman called the police and despite being told to stay put, the self-appointed leader of the neighborhood watch came out to follow the kid anyway.

"Are you looking for trouble kid?"

The terrified teenager said, "N-no,"

"Okay, just ch-is that Skittles?"

"Yes, why you ask?"

"Can I have some?"

"No!"

"Can I please have some?"

"No, these are mine, get your own!"

Upset, the Zimmerman said, "C'mon, don't be like that, it's important to share!"

Annoyed, the teenager said, "You know what, fine!"

He took a piece of candy from the bag and threw it at Zimmerman's head.

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" the Zimmerman yelled.

"Here's another one!"

"OW! STOP IT!

"And another..."

"CUT THAT OUT!"

Angrily, Zimmerman picked up some of the Skittles thrown at him and threw it right back at the thug.

"OW! YOU MOTHAFUCKA!" the kid yelled.

"Then stop attacking me!" said Zimmerman.

The teenager leaped into the air, performed a somersault before landing right behind surprised Zimmerman and grabbed him from behind.

"Hey...let go of me!" Zimmerman yelled.

"The hell with you, I'm standing mah ground!" said the teen.

Soon the teen carried Zimmerman as he leap hundreds of meters into the air before diving head first...

Frightened, Zimmerman yelled, "YOU FOOL, YOU'RE GONNA GET US KILLED!"

The teenager then yelled, "I DON'T CARE, YOU STARTED IT SO I'M GONNA END IT! ROLLING CRUSH!!!"

Zimmerman was knocked out upon impact and once the dust cleared, the teen was on top of him, cowboy style. Then he got up and started to walk away when the unconscious Zimmerman saw an old man yelling at him.

"Mickey?"

"Get up ya bum! You're not gonna give up and beat this sonofabitch 'cuz Mickey loves ya!"

Zimmerman snapped awake with a renewed sense of vigor. The leader of the neighborhood watch picked up some of the Skittles from the ground threw them at the teen. Suddenly the teen was unable to move as the light from the candies bound him to the ground by his feet.

"You're not going to get away you crook!" yelled Zimmerman.

The teen screamed for help, but no one came.

Zimmerman unload his pistol with a purple Skittle (the most disgusting piece to date) and fired it at the teen. A beam of rainbow shot out and a unicorn appeared flying toward the suspected thug.

The teen's screaming stopped as the horn stuck right through his chest.
-------------------------------
Erotic version:

Trayvon Martin was on top of George Zimmerman with a dick up his rectum as he grabbed his own to shoot a splurge onto the latter's face.

"You like it don't ya bitch?" said Martin.

"It's nothing compare to what I will give you!" said Zimmerman.

After series of moaning and groaning, Martin began to scream in intense pleasure as his ass was being torn up by Zimmerman's enormous cock.

Then...BANG!
------------------------------------------------
What really happened on the supposed drug dealing...

Trayvon Martin was behind the school building dealing bags of Skittles as he smoked Pocky and drank his Arizona vodka when a kid came up to him and said, "Why are you selling a bag of Skittles for fifty each?"

After puffing some chocolate covered Japanese dragon, Martin said, "There's a reason why homey, I laced them with Angel Dust!"

Meanwhile...

At home, Frank Leonard came home from work and as he opened the door, to his horror, several bodies of his family members were found lying on the floor covered with blood!

Shocked with horror, he saw his wife coughing with a fifty ton metal beam sticking right through her chest.

"Honey! I'm right here! Speak to me...what happened?"

His wife coughed some more and said, "It's F-Fred..."

"Fred? What happened?"

"Run..."

Then she became motionless.

Frank looked up and saw his son Fred coming toward him.

"Fred?"

"I'm...unstoppable..." said Fred as he walked towards him.

"Fred wait! It's me, dad! What happened?"

"I'm...UNSTOPPABLE!!!"

Fred ran to Frank and grabbed him in the face, lifting him up before slamming his head against the wall. Once it was over, the entire household became a bloody mess...
------------------
Aftermath...

One day in NG BBS...

A bunch of users starts flaming each other...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 19th, 2012


Nicias was a Athenian politician and general during the war. His wealth came from inheritance which was invested in silver mines and numerous slaves which would be rented by the citizens for a payment in return. However, Nicias had one flaw that would led to his downfall...he was religiously superstitious.

It all happened during the "Sicilian Expedition" led by a wildly popular fellow politician and general Alcibiades in which Nicias was dragged along. Earlier Nicias was against the expedition as he knew there's a high chance that the mission to take Sicily won't end well. However, due to Alcibiades' massive popularity, no one listened to Nicias' warning.

While on their way to Sicily, a ship caught up and one of the men said, "Alcibiades, we're here to take you back to Athens for you to stand trial as you have been accused of defacing the herms of the city!"

Alcibiades shrugged and said, "Okay...Nicias, it's your problem now, see ya sucker!"

The problems piled on Nicias' shoulders grew heavier by the minute.

Once the fleet reached Sicily, the troops were disembarked and camped out right outside of Syracuse. There, Nicias and the troops spend the night preparing for the battle that could enable them to take control of the entire island...little do they know, Syracusans also have a formidable army as well. After series of stalemates, it became clear the attempted invasion of Sicily isn't going anywhere. Eventually Nicias decided to withdraw and bring the troops back to Athens as he knew such thing would happen, just hoped that he was wrong.

As they were preparing to leave Sicily, something happened...Nicias looked up and to his horror, it's a eclipse!

"Oh my gods, the moon...it blinded us out...it's bad luck, what can we do?" Nicias yelled.

One of his men said, "Maybe Artemis is trying to warn us about something, we should sit there for thirty days until it blows over."

"Good idea!"

As the Athenian troops camped out, waiting for thirty days to pass, couple of Syracusan soldiers spotted them and to their surprise, the ships were left unguarded!

"Dude, did they just left their ships alone?"

"Seemed that way, what do you think we should do?"

The soldier took out a flaming arrow and said with a grin, "Let's torch'em!"

Nicias dreamt that he was lying at his olive garden being fed grapes by his servants when he woke up smelling smoke...

"What the Hades is going o-OH DEAR GODS!"

Nicias watched helplessly as the entire fleet were up in flames, their ticket back to Athens...all gone!

The day day, Nicias and his army scoured the entire island hoping to find a city willing to lend them ships to allow them to return home. As they were doing so, they were stalked by Syracusan troops who then picked off the Athenians one by one. As time went by, some of the Athenians fell due to illness while others went to take a drink at the rivers...only to get ambushed by the Syracusan troops hiding by the river bank. After that, it was all over as Nicias and his troops surrendered.

Meanwhile back in Athens, the citizens were awaiting the news of their victory in Sicily when a package was delivered. The Athenians believe it was a news send to them by Nicias on the news of their victory only to find a pile of rotten fish wrapped in robes. On the robe is a message written,

Nicias now sleeps with the fishes!


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 7th, 2012


JediMaster8 was a proud die-hard Naruto fan who lived under an ignorant bliss. In fact he would spout pro-Naruto crap and claimed that the characters can destroy the characters from X, X, and X. One day, JM's idiotic life would change due to his act of recklessness.

In the summer of 2009, the maroon created a thread comparing 9/11 to Naruto.

It caused an outrage and so it was locked after few pages. (Had Pein killed Hinata, the comparison would have been slightly justified)

However, it wasn't enough for JM as he came across a Greek message board few years later. There he registered and created a thread called, "Geeky Greeks r ghey! Persians roolz!"

The thread was deleted after an hour...

Few days later, JM was out because someone send him an e-mail to a location where someone would offer him a fr-

"CADNEY!!!"

That stupid bastard interrupted me, not like that would matter...you'll see why.

JM went to the park and there he came across a man with blue hair and said, "What's with the hair? Are you gay?"

Then the man said, "Are you the fucknut who posted that thread three days ago?"

"Yeah, so?" said JM with a hint of smugness.

Then the man points his finger at the retarded kid and a sharp red nail appeared!

"What t-"

"SCARLET NEEDLE!!!"

A red beam shot out and hits JM.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!"

The kid immediately vomit as he contort on the ground in pain, even rolled on his own vomit in agony while pissing himself. He continued to scream as a group of people passed by thinking he's having a temper tantrum.

"GAH!" coughed JM as he was unable to think straight due to the intensity of pain.

The man stood there and said, "Can't believe that you actually survive this one, let's see if you can take the next hit."

Another beam hits JM and the-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!"

Damn he's annoying...anyway JM emptied the rest of his bowel contents into his pants as he began to vomit blood. The pain...there's no way anyone can describe it except maybe JM, but trust me he won't tell.

Felt bad at the kid, the man then touches the pressure point on JM's body and said, "The bleeding should stop, but if you ever do that again...I won't go easy on you!"

Then he disappeared.

Days later, a video of JM's suffering appeared on YouTube.

His body was found hanging the next day...


Posted by Idiot-Finder - March 4th, 2012


Former quarterback of the Buffalo Bills Jim Kelly was out sporting his four rings he earned in his playing days. He was among the players rewarded for the effort that led to the team's run in the early 1990s which would be remembered in the country for generations.

As Kelly walked by he saw Sam Madison flashing his ring to a small group of fans. He came over and said, "So you have one ring?"

"Yeah, who are you?" said Madison.

"I'm Jim Kelly, a Hall of Fame quarterback of the Bills and unlike you I have four of these!"

He showed him his four rings.

Madison said, "That's nice but there's a problem..."

"What?"

"Those are loser's rings."

"You're just jealous be-"

"No, I'm serious they gave these out to Super Bowl losers, no one wants those!"

"But I have four and you have one bling...that's still more than you have!"

"That one I have is a winner's ring, it's given to those who won the whole thing."

"Shut up! I am not a loser!"

"I didn't s-"

"SHUT UP! I'M IN THE HALL OF FAME AND YOU WILL NEVER GET IN! I'M NOT A LOSER!" screamed Kelly.

Frightened by what he just saw, the former corner back quickly walked away.

"I'M NOT A LOSER!!!"

Kelly then collapsed to the ground sobbing bitterly as a group of kids came by.

"What's with him?"

"Beats me, maybe someone dumped him."

"Let's go, that guy's just a loser, I mean who cries in the public?"

Meanwhile in Buffalo...

A Buffalo sports fan named Joe was having a sports banter with his friend when this happened...

"Hey you know what? I'm tired of arguing with you, the Bills won AFL titles which happened before the Giants existed!" he said.

Wait what?


Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 21st, 2012


Former Giants defensive end George Martin was on his way to Philadelphia where the hostile and obnoxious creatures known as the "Eagles fans" resides. Earlier that year, Martin was told by the blind prophet Tiresias in order to complete his cross-country journey to California by foot, he'll have to make an appeasement to a victim of LT's cocaine induced rampage by opening the eyes of those who are unaware of the existence of the games beyond the regular season. That way the curse that have been placed back in 1991 can finally come to an end.

Martin made his way to the "City of Brotherly Love" where a group of Eagles fans came upon him and said, "Who are you and what are you doing in our territory?"

"Yeah, and what's with that ring?" said another.

Martin answered, "This is a Super Bowl championship ring I won in 1987 when I played for the New York Giants!"

"Championship what? Giants?"

"Wait a minute, a Giants player in our turf?"

"What blasphemous vomit is he spewing?"

"Our Eagles played eight games per year and there's nothing beyond that except for occasional extras afterward, but they have beaten the Giants for the last several years, how dare you make up lies about their success?"

Martin sighed and said, "You'll see!"

He placed his ring on the ground and sacrificed a ram right in front of it, soon afterward it began to rain. Once it was done, Martin picked up his ring and slipped it back to his finger and said, "You will learn one day, if not then I pity you!"

Then he left...

George Martin was able to complete the journey a year later, but the Eagles fans in the area he visited to this day remained ignorant.

Don't believe me? Check out their YouTube comments on the Victor Cruz videos.

To be fair, even the rest of the Philly sports fans disowned them, guess evil do have standards.


Posted by Idiot-Finder - February 5th, 2012


I was at the restaurant when I notice a a special on the menu...

"Tebow steak?"

Just when I believe that the "Tebow" craze couldn't get anymore ridiculous, I came across this!

A waitress came up to me and said, "Would you like to make an order?"

I said, "I'll have Tebow's arm and a leg after that game against New England."

"Excuse me?"

"I'll have a Tebow steak, well done with a roll and a side of steamed vegetables."

"Oh okay, we'll be there in a moment!"

While waiting, I notice the waitress taking to someone and turned to point at me. Although I had a feeling that things won't turn up well if I stay, but I made an order so I decided to wait until I finish the meal. So an hour of wait, my order finally arrived and the waitress said, "Sorry about the delay, our cook couldn't find the tenderizer, I hope you enjoy!"

That's when I felt an uneasiness coming from inside, I mean the hour long delay was suspicious especially with how the waitress claimed that the cook couldn't find the tenderizer. Then there's the tone...something about the tone was just...let's just say that it's the kind of tone that fits in well with ominous music. Too bad some things don't work the way they do in television shows.

I asked if I could bag up the food, I was told..."No!"

I looked at the steak and saw some green liquid...they're trying to poison me!

While they're not looking, I dump the steak into the garbage disposal and paid the tab. Afterward, I ran off thinking that I was safe until...

A man wearing a business was talking on his cell phone and when he was done, the dude looked at me and went to talk to the person next to him. I was ready to leave when I noticed another person just turned off the cell phone...then next thing I knew, I was surrounded!

"You blasphemer!"

"How dare you insult our savior?"

"Repent!"

Having no choice at that point, I was ready to fight off the zealots when I picked up a large tree branch to use as a weapon. Then someone yelled, "I'll deal with him!"

A tall figure with a long blonde hair wearing a gold armor emerged and his eyes were closed...to my horror I realized whom I was facing!

Frightened, I tried to find an opening for me to escape but...I was completely surrounded...

Soon the Tebow fanatics ran off as the blonde guy said, "You barely have any manners, causing such a ruckus after entering this town."

I was going to run but suddenly I started to sink...I looked down and found myself standing in a lake of blood!

"This is divine justice as you will be punished for insulting the people's deity!" he said.

Then the blood enveloped over me and then everything's back to normal...I was freaked out.

"This is only the beginning..."

His armor began to shine and that's when things grew worse.

"The Tenbu Hōrin, the divine gift I will bestow upon as it will put you through five stages...all your senses will be gone!"

OH DEAR GOD! HE OPENED HIS EYES!!!

My body went numb and I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried!

"You have lost your sense of touch...now..."

Then he fired a beam into my nose AND IT WAS HARD TO BREATHE! I HAD TO USE MY MOUTH!

Angry at this, with some difficulty I said, "Why are you helping those idiots? Tebow was terrible and the only reason the Broncos won with h-"

He cut me off and said, "I think I have finally decided which to take away next." as he fired a beam into my mouth and I gagged.

"Now I won't have to listen to your blasphemy."

The zealots returned and said, "Yeah way to go!"

"Make sure this infidel suffer!"

The man smiled and then...a sharp pain hits my eyes and I couldn't see! It's all dark!

Every time I tried to speak, I started to cough.

"You still have your hearing, but this will be the last thing you'll ever hear..."

Then it's all blank.

I had no idea how long it have been but it felt as if I was floating in space and then suddenly I was saw myself getting blown through space. After that, I couldn't think...my mind became blank!

It was all darkness and there was nothing I could do.

Then I woke up and I found myself tied up and hung upside down by the tree. I started to wonder what just happened when I heard a voice!

I could recognize the voice but no one's nearby, he's communicating telepathically.

He said, "At this point those people will believe that you're dead, they're all placed in an unconscious state by me for one day."

"What?" I said.

I was shocked.

"You must leave this place at once or they'll come after you!"

I asked him about something regarding why he came here but...it was over.

With that, I decided to swing back and forth hoping to loosen up the rope when the branch snapped.

"OW!"