After spending almost a week recovering from a epic jetlag from a long flight, I finally got out of the hotel and took a walk before resuming my mission. As I was walking, I took out my hand-held television to see what was going on back home when there's a news about Kevin Youkillis trying to beat up a Tigers pitcher for beaning him. As you know, Youkilis got pwned by the pitcher and I started laughing. Honestly I didn't know there's a Red Sox fan right next to me, he's a tourist visiting some relatives in New Zealand and seemed upset.

"What's the problem?" I said

"I'm a Red Sox fan and that's my favorite player you're laughing at" he said

"I didn't know baseball is big in New Zealand"

Then he proceed to explain and the information is covered in the first paragraph.

"Sorry about that" I said

"You think that was funny? He got beaned ten times this season!"

"I said I'm sorry"

"I can't stand people making fun of the greek god of walks! I fucking hate you!"

"Calm down, remember goosa..."

"I also fucking hate that reference to 'Anger Management', Red Sox don't spend, in fact they're payroll are the lowest..."

I coughed "Bullshit!"

"I hate people who interrupts me..." then he takes out a Kevin Youkillis action figure and tries to hit me with it

I grabbed his arm and flipped him to the ground. Afterwards he begins to calm down and I helped him up.

"You really need to control your temper"

"I know, my bad...next time I should think of something funny like that pitcher's relatives getting electrocuted in 2004, it's awesome!"

Hearing this I punched him in the face

"Don't you ever diss the Sandman!"

"That spic had it coming, it was..."

I punched him in the gut

"Oh, testy" he grins evilly

"Make your move" I said

He runs toward me and I jump kicked him in the face. After he falls to the ground, he got up and performed series of backflips away from me. Then suddenly his face turns green and that's when I knew what was going to happen. I jump out of the way as he spew brown toxic liquid at me, it hits several people and it was ugly, their skin starts melting off and were screaming for help. I recognized that stench...

"Diarrhea"

"That's right, I'm actually a clone of Curt Schilling, the information I told you earlier is a lie"

"I should've known, only Curt Schilling has the ability to spew diarrhea out of his mouth in a rapid pace"

Before he can spew another one, I used my supernatural powers to take control of his limbs and have him beat the crap out of himself. But unfortunately, despite using only small amount of my power, the strain of taking control of someone else's body also forced me to let go so I couldn't hold on any longer. Know I have to draw him away from the populated area so he won't be able to hurt anymore people, I looked around as he was recovering and realized there are none, I'm in a middle of a city (though on a coastal area). But then something miraculous happened, bunch of New Zealand police arrives and they shoots the Schilling clone so now it's over.

I gotta go now, I have to answer some questions from the police in the next hour about what happened.

Updated: 08/14/09 6:39 PM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Yesterday a bunch of rabbits I have been taking care of for a while (before placing them in lawlmaster's care) have all lined up in Elmhurst in a battle against ducks. While it's happening, a DD member came in the middle of the street, face to face. As the wind blows with a tumbleweed rolling by, he take out a sword and tries to attack me without saying anything. I jump out of the way before ripping off a bumper from a car and start beating him with it. Once it's over, his body split open and his liver fell out, I picked it up and saved it.

I went home and received a call from lawlmaster, the rabbits won. Also with that I went to take a break when I remember there's something I have to take care of. Remember Chris Beer?

After booking a flight to New Zealand through a phone, I heard something outside. Notice that whenever I hear something, weird things happens? It happened again.

I walk out of the door and saw what's obviously another Chris Beer's clone.

"I've been all over the place but I will slay you NG faggot" he said

I took out a gun and shoots him in the face before he can show off his power. Remember each clones have their own different powers due to special drugs the have been given.

"That's anti-climatic" I said

Then the clone got up and said "I have no brain, remember?"

I quickly beat him to a pulp with a car bumper from before and it's finally over. Exhausted, I ate a liver to replenish some energy and that annoying teenager from before said "Ew, first you played that children's card game and now this? You need help. seriously!"

I'm going to beat the crap out of that kid one day...

Other than that, not much have been going on here but I'll be away for a while because once I made it to New Zealand, I'll need few days to recover from jetlag. After that I will find Chris Beer and put the end to the mess he helped fueled in the portal.

Updated: 08/04/09 5:25 PM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Earlier this morning while watching an episode of SpongeBob, I heard a loud music playing outside. I went out to check out what it was and there's two kids about 14 to 16 with a laptop and a speaker attached to it to amplify the sounds from the internet. I was wondering what could they be doing on a middle of the street when I noticed the caps they're wearing have picture of Drew Pickles on it. Realizing those are the members of Barney Bunch, I walk toward them while they were chattering away.

One of them turns to me and said "Hey, do you know a guy called 'Idiot-Finder'?"

"Why?" I said

"Were here to challenge him to a dance, I'm getting sick of him flagging my work of art!" the other whines

"That would be me" I said

Seeing that I have nothing better to do in the summer, might as well humor them. Remember while they're bunch of low lives file-swappers, at least they're not as bad as the Duck Division who have declared war on Newgrounds not long ago.

"So it's you, I'm PGLTSMMRS and it's nice to meet you" he said gaily while offering to shake hands before his buddy rebukes him

"You fool we're here to humiliate him, not make friends with him" he said

"Oh, sorry" PGLTSMMRS apologizes to his partner

"Well are you going to accept our challenge you coward?"

"I accept" I said

"Good, meet us at the bandhell in Forest Park at three"

Several hours later I arrived at the bandshell in Forest Park

"So you came, we thought you're going to chicken out" one said

"Yeah" said PGLTSMMRS

"So who starts first?" I said

"We will!"

PGLTSMMRS then goes to the laptop and chicken dance starts playing

"You idiot, not that song!"

"Sorry, wrong link"

Then a disco song starts playing

"Now it begins"

There the twosome starts dancing to the song...

Once it's over, the nameless partner said "Beat that! We served several people with this song!"

I walk to the laptop and search music videos in youtube, there I picked this...

AFter it was over, BB member walk to the laptop saying "Impressive, you're the first one to pass our first round of offense, can you handle this?"

Their next song starts to play and they begin to dance to this...

Body...wanna feel my body?
Body...such a thrill my body
Body...wanna touch my body?
Body...it's too much my body
Check it out my body, body.
Don't you doubt my body, body.
talkin' bout my body, body,
check it out my body

Every man wants to be a macho macho man
to have the kind of body, always in demand
Jogging in the mornings, go man go
works out in the health spa, muscles glow
You can best believe that, he's a macho man
ready to get down with, anyone he can

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! Ow....

Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man (yeah, yeah)
I've got to be a macho!

Body, its so hot, my body,
Body, love to pop my body,
Body, love to please my body,
Body, don't you tease my body,
Body, you'll adore my body,
Body, come explore my body,
Body, made by God, my body,
Body, it's so good, my body

You can tell a macho, he has a funky walk
his western shirts and leather, always look so boss
Funky with his body, he's a king
call him Mister Eagle, dig his chains
You can best believe that, he's a macho man
likes to be the leader, he never dresses grand

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! (all right)

Macho, macho man (yeah, yeah)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! All Right!

Ugh! Macho..baby!
Body, body, body wanna feel my body,
Body, body, body gonna thrill my body,
Body, body, body don'tcha stop my body,
Body, body, body it's so hot my body,

Every man ought to be a macho macho man,
To live a life of freedom, machos make a stand,
Have their own life style and ideals,
Possess the strength and confidence, life's a steal,
You can best believe that he's a macho man
He's a special person in anybody's land.

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! (dig the hair on my chest)

Macho, macho man (see my big thick mustache)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! (Dig broad shoulders)

Macho, macho man (dig my muscles!)
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho!

Macho, macho man
I've got to be, a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! HEY!

"Give up?"

I walk to the laptop and chose a song by almost equally "flamboyant" pop artist...

The Way She Came Into The Place
I Knew Right Then And There
There Was Something Different
About This Girl

The Way She Moved
Her Hair, Her Face, Her Lines
Divinity In Motion

As She Stalked The Room
I Could Feel The Aura
Of Her Presence
Every Head Turned
Feeling Passion And Lust

The Girl Was Persuasive
The Girl I Could Not Trust
The Girl Was Bad
The Girl Was Dangerous

I Never Knew But I Was
Walking The Line
Come Go With Me
I Said I Have No Time
And Don't You Pretend We Didn't
Talk On The Phone
My Baby Cried
She Left Me Standing Alone

She's So Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
Take Away My Money
Throw Away My Time
You Can Call Me Honey
But You're No Damn Good For Me

She Came At Me In Sections
With The Eyes Of Desire
I Fell Trapped Into Her
Web Of Sin
A Touch, A Kiss
A Whisper Of Love
I Was At The Point
Of No Return

Deep In The Darkness Of
Passion's Insanity
I Felt Taken By Lust's
Strange Inhumanity
This Girl Was Persuasive
This Girl I Could Not Trust
The Girl Was Bad
The Girl Was Dangerous

I Never Knew
But I Was Living In Vain
She Called My House
She Said You Know My Name
And Don't You Pretend
You Never Did Me Before
With Tears In Her Eyes
My Baby Walked Out The Door

She's So Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
Take Away My Money
Throw Away My Time
You Can Call Me Honey
But You're No Damn Good For Me

Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
I Have To Pray To God
'Cause I Know How
Lust Can Blind
It's A Passion In My Soul
But You're No Damn Lover
Friend Of Mine

I Can not Sleep Alone Tonight
My Baby Left Me Here Tonight
I Cannot Cope 'Til It's All Right
You And Your Manipulation
You Hurt My Baby

And Then It Happened
She Touched Me
For The Lips Of
A Strange Woman
Drop As A Honeycomb
And Her Mouth Was
Smoother Than Oil
But Her Inner Spirit And Words
Were As Sharp As
A Two-Edged Sword
But I Loved It
'Cause It's Dangerous

Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
Take Away My Money
Throw Away My Time
You Can Call Me Honey
But You're No Damn Good For Me

Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
Take Away My Money
Throw Away My Time
You Can Call Me Honey
But You're No Damn Good For Me

Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
Take Away My Money
Throw Away My Time
You Can Call Me Honey
But You're No Damn Good For Me

Dangerous
The Girl Is So Dangerous
I Have To Pray To God
'Cause I Know How
Lust Can Blind
It's A Passion In My Soul
But You're No Damn Lover
Friend Of Mine

"Oh no" PGLTSMMRS cried

"Curse you and that pedo's moonwalk (despite the fact that it's been proven otherwise), you may have have won but remember it's not over, we'll be back!" the nameless yelled

"What are we going to do now?" said PGLTSMMRS

"We'll go back to our group to recuperate, this is the worst serving I have suffered since watching that shitty movie by that name!" he said before they left

Yeah they'll be back, sure...

I'm being sarcastic.

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To those wondering, shortly before my trip to Canada I left those rabbits to lawlmaster. With that I won't have to worry about them getting starved while I was away to beat up Dizmiz. I'm back after few days but the vacation is also bittersweet for reason I will explain.

Yesterday morning at the Holiday Inn, while I was preparing to leave for the tour bus on my way back to New York, a television turns on by itself. A person's face appears on the screen and I recognize who it was, it's Nicholas De Genova, the anti-American college professor...he just wouldn't give up!

"We meet again" he said

"What do you want, seriously you have been trying to kill me for the past several times and last time didn't work out too well" I said

"What made you think I would give up, I have been preparing this for over a month"

Then the lamp starts to come to life

"What the?"

Soon it sprouts mechanical legs with a cord acting as it's tail despite being unplugged

"Magnificent isn't it?"

"What did you do?"

"I'm friends with one of the employees, with that I was able to make few modifications with several lamps in this hotel knowing you have stayed there past couple of times"

Then afterwards the mechanical arms sprouted as well

"It's over" the professor sneered

The cord wrapped around me and starts to squeeze when I spun around to unwrap myself, also swung the lamp monster to the wall in the process. Despite the damage, the lamp monster got up with moderate damage. I grabbed a pillow and threw it at the lamp monster but it dodged it by latching on to the ceiling. Soon it tries to jump right at me but I dodged it and grabbed it's "tail" befor proceeding to swing it and slam it in the room. I did so several times until it's finally destroyed although it also resulted in damages to the furnitures and the walls.

"You may have won again, but mark my words...I will get my revenge!" De Genova snarled brfore the screen shuts

There's a knocking on the door

"I heard noise, is everything alright?"

"Um...yea, everything's alright, the T.V.'s on too loud"

"Alright"

Some time later I left the room and got to the bus, I could only imagine what their reaction will be once they find what happened to the room...

I did learn what happened this morning, I received a phone call from Holiday Day Inn manager...he said in exchange for not pressing charges for the damage he believed I've done like what the U.S. hockey team did in the 1998 Winter Olympics at Nagano, I'm banned from the hotel. Knowing there's no way I'll be able to convince them about the lamp monster I fought which wrecked the hotel room, I agree to the ban like what Pete Rose did (because he figured that he'll be able to appeal after one year, we know how that worked out, I think it's time to lift the ban now because it friggin' stupid but that's another story). What a mess...

Well...there's another phone call, I'll go and get it...

Updated: 07/29/09 4:49 PM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

One night a moderator from Newgrounds was busy looking for a unsuspecting user to ban when he received a PM. Wondering what could it be, he checked and saw a link to a Hyundai sponsership with a offer of $500. Seeing this, he promptly deletes the message and continues to search for someone to ban. Few minutes later another PM arrives, the mod checks to see what is it this time and it titles "Click this link and sign in!!!". He send in a reply "Why should I?"

Few minutes later he receives an answer, "If you do, sign up with your personal info and something super special awesome will occur"

Unconvinced, he responds with "Why?"

Another answer arrives, "What if I told you there's candy?"

"Candy?"

With a beaming smile, WritersBlock clicks the link and send his personal information along with his username and password "iluvmoob" to a shady website that resembles NG.

"I am the luckiest man alive!" he beamed

Meanwhile in New Zealand, a lazy pot growing spammer by the name of Chris Beer (NG spammer now with DD) was pondering what crap he should submit next when he receives that idiot's info.

"I knew he'd fall for that, now revenge will be mine!" as he laughs maniacally

A passerby outside yells "Shut up, no one needs to hear you laugh"

"Oh fuck you!"

A day later, WritersBlock tries to log on but was unable to do so. Curious about what happened, he check his profile on the bottom list of mods when to his horror, an image have been replaced with gay porn and DD spam flashes were submitted under his name. Distraught at his own stupidity, he bolt out of his home in a stormy afternoon before dropping to his knees screaming "WHY?"

"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Soon afterwards he breaks down and starts punching the ground before attacking any passerby trying to help him. Exhausted he stumbles along for several books in a huge downpour before running into a elderly man on a wheelchair with umbrella attached to it.

"Did I mention I was struck by lightning seven times?" he said

WritersBlock stares in anguish

"Once while attendin' that Michael Jackson concert, that boy sure can dance...but it also reminds me how lucky I am to be alive"

A distraught ex-mod went home afterwards while lowlives from DD turns to brute forcing...

In the DD headquarters...

"Sir, we have successfully hijacked few more mods, including Evark and MightyPotato" said Zacied

"Excellent!" said a mysterious figure on a chair with his face covered in darkness while petting a persian cat.

"That anime bitch is next!"

Meanwhile in N.Y...

"They're after her next according to a hijacked profile, what should we do McClane?" said idiot-buster

"Take those bastards down" said McClane a he takes out a virus disk...

Updated: 07/24/09 11:27 PM 5 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

After that incident with Patrick Ewing, I was at home with a bag of ice on my jaw when I heard people outside panicking. Running out with two pistols to see what was going on, to my shock there were three monsters from FUI2 on the street people are running away from. Angrily I start firing away at the monsters but they continued to walk slowly toward me. As they moved closer I continue to fire at them John Woo style until I have to perform a huge flip over them to get behind. As they turn around, I start firing at them again and again and again.

"This is impossible" I grumbled before cupping my hands together to prepare my kamehameha

After few seconds a warm glow appears in my hands and soon I fire a massive energy blast at the monsters before redirecting it up to the sky so I won't damage the neighborhood. After a huge explosion, I thought it was over until the bodies fell in front of me and got up saying "It's going to take more than that to kill us"

I jumped out of the way before one took a swipe and destroys a pickup truck.

"No way!" I yelled

"All thanks to our creator Donovan Jackson, our difficulty level is high!" one sneered

Then I stood back and prepare my rei ken, soon I promptly fire a burst of several energy beams at them. Once the smoke clears, the monsters stood still before breaking into laughter.

"That's even worse than before, is that all you have left?"

I decide to use my powers to see their weakness and there each of the monsters have three blue flames left. Recalling the short time I played this game before being slaughtered, the blue flames indicates health. With that I fired my rei ken again before checking to see how many blue flames were left, this time there were two each.

"Give it up, there's no way you can win!"

I prepare my second wave of kamehameha before firing it at the monsters, but this time one of them jumped out of the way so two were hit instead. The smoke clears and they're still standing with evil grin on their faces. I know they're almost done, they just didn't know it so I start shooting them with my pistols and soon...

"The pain..."

"It can't be..."

Shortly afterward their body disintegrated in a flash of light.

"Finally" I sighed

"There's still one more!" the remaining monster growled

"Then I'll just have to finish you off!" I said

But unfortunately because I used up much of my energy on kamehameha blasts, it's nearly depleted, I'll have to weaken him a bit before trying to finish him off. So I proceed to fire away until both of my pistols ran out of ammos. Then quickly I fired my rei ken at him which hits him in the chest but was still standing.

"It's over" he said

I hate you Donovan Jackson! That game is friggin' terrible, seriously every scrubs in this game are like bosses. I'm glad his game's right to the medals have been revoked, I gave up trying because of this!

I checked and there's one more blue flame left.

Then Doc. Brown came and said "Catch!" while throwing a light saber handle in my direction.

I caught it and then doc yells "This is the best I can do, you have one hit, don't blow it!"

I press the button and a blade of green light shot out of the handle, "Whoa"

"Prepare to meet your doom" the monster said

I zipped past him with my light saber, slicing him into two from the waist.

"I-imposs-ib-le..." he moaned before disintegrating win a flash of light.

Apparently the light saber can take out two flames like my kamehameha.

"Finally it's over!" I said before heading on home to get Q's jetpack to find Donovan Jackson just so I can kick his ass for what he did.

Updated: 07/23/09 5:53 PM 2 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

After receiving a phone call from Coop83 gloating about rescuing Dry-Ice from the DD prison camp in Britain, I decide to do the same by taking down the one in the U.S. that was run by Zacied. I had to be really careful seeing that Zacied's one of the most disturbed member of the DD, who knows what tricks he has up his sleeves. Anyway I was able to locate the prison camp thanks to a help from another one of Q's bizarre technology. Using Q's jetpack to fly to Atlantic City, the camp's right outside but I knew if I have to slip in, I'll have to be a bit more subtle.

After walking for a mile, I walk toward the entrance of the camp when a guard takes out a gun and said "Halt! This is a restricted area!"

"Is that snot on your shoe?" I said

"Really? Where?" as he looks down

I karate chopped him unconscious

"Idiot"

I waltz inside and found a disturbing sight...group of leather clad men were dancing...

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen!
I'm gonna go out to run and let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet!
It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!
It's Raining Men! Every Specimen!
Tall, blonde, dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean...

I backed away and discovered I entered the ballroom, so I walk down the hallway and found the cell room. After walking past several rooms, I found Mighty Potato in a bad shape from all those years of steroid abuse. To make it worse, he's cutting himself with a razor blade and have a emo hairstyle as well.

"Hey MP, I'm here to get you out?"

"Redrum?"

"What?"

"Redrum...redrum...redrum..."

He's even worse than I thought

"Stand back" I said as I took out a paper clip, bent it and used it to unlock the door

"Going somewhere?"

I turn and saw Zacied standing right in front of the exit

"MP, there's a entrance where I knocked out that guard, go through here, I take..."

"Redrum"

"Oh for the love of..." as I knocked MP unconscious

Then I picked up a broom

"What ya gonna do, sweep the floor?" taunted Zacied

I went and beat the crud out of Zacied with a broom Portal Defender style, after minutes of juggling that portal spammer, I whacked him to the end of the hall.

"Finished yet?"

"No, time for my secret weapon" he said as he got up

Then he proceeds to drop his pants and...

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
!!!!"

"Feel the wrath of my goatse bitch!"

"My eyes..." I groaned before proceeding to throw up

"There's no way you can stop me!"

Hearing this, I tried to fire my ki blast at Zacied but I accidently blew up the roof instead, soon part of the building fell on Zacied screaming "Noooo..."

Then I carried the unconscious MP on my back and bolt through the exit on our way to the hospital where he's currently recuperating, whether he'll recover time will tell...

But one thing's for certain, that disturbing performance by Zacied will haunt me for the rest of my life as the image is burned into my retina...

The horror...

Updated: 07/21/09 5:15 PM 6 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

There something I should let you know, never rely on Carl Pavano for help in a time of need, seriously. Want to know why? I'll tell you why, let's just say it doesn't take much to knock him out, here's what happened.Yesterday while at Elmhurst, me and the good rabbits were camping out at the park when surprisingly, the place got attacked by army of ducks, not those rabbits from last time, but ducks! No idea how it happened but I personally took care of those monsters easily when I received a phonecall from gfox.

"Hey I got to warn you, there's a cyborg yesterday trying to find you for some reason, no idea why but you got to be careful"

"Alright"

"Also once you find those voting drugs, make sure you turn over most of them and save some for us so we can use it to boost our voting performance in Clock Day"

"I don't think I'll find those by Clock Day, my hands are tied"

After the call ended, seconds later out of nowhere, a cyborg land few feet right in front of me. I recognize that cyborg, I fought that thing in Staten Island few weeks before, it's that anti-American review troll known as Xito.

"Dakka, dakka, dakka" he screams

"What? Seriously english please, speak english!" I said

Then the review troll took out a syringe and inject himself with it

"Better? Human Growth Hormones works wonders"

"You can speak properly?"

"Once injected into your head, it'll increase I.Q., but you know the other effects" as he pops in some pills and his size grew

"Uh oh"

Then I jump out of the way but when doing so, the review troll zip passed me and the air current he created knocked me few feet. When I got up, I saw that he crashed through a wall in the deli, crushing several people in the process.

"Seriously what is he, Sloth (FMA character)?"

Then Xito got up and was preparing to zip at me when a truck came passing by. Before I could get out of the way, the steroid-enhanced review troll picks up a truck and threw it at me. I barely jumped out of the way in time. Then I fired a ki blast at Xito as he was ready to zip at me but it only slow him down, because of that the zip got messed up and I was able to get out of the way.

"Lucky move but can you beat this?" he said as he pops in another pill and his body grew as a result, but his cybernetic parts begins to pop out.

It gives me an idea

"That won't be enough, you'll need more juice to beat me!" I yelled

Xito angerily inject another dose of HGH into his head and it grew, soon it begins to bleed

"My head, what's...happ...ening..."

To those wondering, I haven't recover enough to use my kamehameha, otherwise I would have a better chance so I decide to trick him.

"Over a decade ago, before his death, Lyle Alzado warned us what will happen when we take performance enhancing drugs, but many failed to heed his warning now look what happened!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Xito screams before his head explodes

"There goes my appetite"

Then Carl Pavano shows up and said "Hey fellas, did I miss somethi..." before witnessing the carnage, he fainted afterwards.

Now you know why he was on disabled list for much of the last few years. Also I decided that the rabbits should stay in my house for a while, at least until the rabbit civil war ends anyway. I guess that's the last of Xito.

Another thing, remember "xitosucks"? Perhaps not since that screen name's long gone by the later part of 2003.

Updated: 07/18/09 3:32 PM 2 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Yesterday after watching the news, I was stunned. Last time I help the good side to the point they can hold their own, what happened?

For whatever reason the ones I helped are losing and the enemy are now pouring down the street I live in. So with that, I ran to the shed and grab my M-18 to fight them off. there the side I helped came from the backyard in small numbers.

"What happen here?" I asked

The leader took out a paper and drew a picture of a caricature of a Charger fan, what's shocking is that it's the one I fought and killed in Hong Kong, how can this be? (Type in 'durian' on a search bar)

Wasting no time, I ran out to the street and yell "Say hello to my little friend!" before proceeding to open fire on the enemy group.

A PETA member shows up and said "What the heck are you doing? You're killing defenseless anima-" before being cut down by a barrage of easter eggs.

Now that's what you call "Irony"

Eventually they began to start retreating.

"Finally" I said

But then a figure emerged, it's my old nemesis, the first Charger fan (the one whom I fought in several confrontations before killing him with a durian)

"We meet again" he said

He's a cyborg

"That explains it!" I said

"You think it's easy to kill me?" he said

"Well, even with the time you possessed Natrone Means (Type in 'Natrone Means' in search bar), you still couldn't beat me"

"You will pay!"

I tried to open fire, only to learn my M-16 ran out of ammo

"Crud!"

The Charger fan fires laser beams from his eyes and I jumped out of the way. The beams sliced open a hood of somebody's car. Soon he fire rocket fist at me, I dodged it but then it came back to his arm and proceeds to fire again. I kicked the fist right back at him, it did some damage but it came back to his arm and fires again. I pick up a bumper from a car he destroyed and used it as a baseball bat, I swung and lined it right back at him.

"C'mon, bring on another one" I yelled

"Okay" he said

Moments later his chest open up and fires small missiles from where his nipples used to be. I was able to jump out of the way, it hits another vehicle. Amid the smoke, I charged forward and threw multiple kicks at him, knocking him backward for several feet until I took out a pen and jammed the inside of his chest.

After I jumped backwards, I ran for cover while the Charger fan laughs.

"You think you can beat me? It's over, goodbye!" he screams in delight as he tries to fire another missile at me, but he didn't know about the pen, he blew up after that.

The enemy rabbits ran off and the good rabbits ran out to celebrate, now it's over...I think.

"Who would bring that Charger fan back to life?" I said

Guess I'll have to investigate, I'll help the good rabbits in order to find out. I'll be away for few days so be patient.

Updated: 07/16/09 6:35 PM 3 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Last week while preparing for my flight to New Zealand to find that portal spammer known as Chris Beer, I was at the airport waiting for the plane to New Zealand to arrive. I decide to go the restroom to relieve myself (I don't trust the bathroom in the plane) when I saw Larry Craig leaving the men's room. He was muttering to himself, "My career's gone, my career's gone..."

"Hey, aren't you that gay senator?" I yelled

The reporter nearby must've heard it because soon afterwards...

"Larry Craig's here? Everybody, Larry Craig is in the airport, get the camera ready!"

"Thanks a lot kid, just what I need...another media attention!" the gay senator growled before taking off with massive media mob chasing him.

Knowing that Larry Craig's encounter will be overshadowed by Michael Jackson's death, I shrugged and went to the restroom. Sometime later, I went back to the terminal where the plane was supposed to arrive when it's been announced there's a delay. They said the delay may last for few hours so I decided that I might as well take a look around the airport when I saw someone gestering me to come with him.

"Kekekekeke come over here"

"Why?"

"Kekekeke trust me or I'll kick your ass"

"That won't make me come any closer"

"Damn it just come and follow me, it's important"

"I'll might as well"

I decided to follow him just to know what was going on and then it happened, a portal appears right in front of me. The stranger then jump into the portal saying "Kekekekeke..."

"What the...wait!" as I jump in after him and then I blacked out

As I started to regain consciousness, I heard someone talking to me

"Are you okay? New here?"

"Kekekekeke he did came after all"

I woke up and to my surprise, there's a Mudkip and Gengar in front of me

"WTF? What the hell happened and where am I?" I yelled before realizing gengar is taller than I am

I went to take a look at the puddle and saw munchlax

"Do not fear, there's a reason why it happened?" a female voice spoke

I look up and it's Ninetales

"What are you talking about?"

"Few weeks ago, several humans have found their way into our world, they have such advanced technology that all our attacks are useless and they were able to force out those who inhabited the northern part of this world"

"Couldn't the legendaries do something about that?"

"The part taken over also includes Mt. Freeze and Sky Tower, Rayquaza tried to stop them but was never seen again, I myself barely escaped with help from the others"

Then Gardevoir came and said "Not only that, there's a strange foul creature we fought but no matter how badly we damaged it, it still recovers and devours everything in sight"

"Devours everything in sight?" I said

"Those tried to stop it were devoured" said Ninetales

"I'm not going to be much help if you guys can't stop it, I'm a Munchlax now"

Then Xatu who have been still for all this time break it's silence by saying "You will go through several stages as a human, soon the path will be clear"

"Eh?"

"You'll find out soon, right now you wait until then" said Ninetales

After few days of staying over at Mudkip's place doing practically nothing but sleeping

"How long are you going to stay here? I thought were going to do something fun" he moaned

"How should I know? I never asked to be here and on what Xatu said, I'm as clueless as you are"

Then suddenly there's been an attack, someone burst through the wall and it's...

"It's that monster!" Mudkip screamed

I recognized that monster, it's Gluttony!

"Can I eat them?" he said

Mudkip used waterpulse on Gluttony, but then his mouth grew up to show a huge eye in the middle.

"What was that?" mudkip screamed

"Mudkip, get the hell out of there!" I yelled

"No, I learned few years ago not to run away, I'm not a coward anymore" the idiot screamed as he charged toward the homuculus

"Wait!"

It's too late, he got sucked in. Soon afterwards I felt myself being pulled toward Gluttony as well and struggled to break free. Soon Flygon flew in and tried to pull me away but then both of us got sucked in and for a moment it's all darkness. As I woke up, I found myself lying on what I thought was few inches of some liquid, when I looked down to my horror it's actually...blood! To make things worse, there's human skeletons as well.

"Where the hell am I?" I yelled

Then I heard a somber voice saying "Is anyone there? I want to go home"

Hearing this, I said "Keep talking, I'll follow your voice"

"Who are you? I can't see you, it's too dark"

Then I saw a light up ahead

"No need to worry, there's a light, follow it!"

After reaching the place, turns out Flygon was there and it lit a old wooden house on fire. Also that voice was mudkip's and I noticed he's shorter, I look at my self and realized I'm human again.

"Who are you?" he said

"Why do you live in a place where hardly anyone's around? Also charging toward a hole is a stupid move" I answered

"It's you" he cried as he jumped on me, knocking me down in a process before continuing "Why didn't you run? Why..." before sobbing

"Alright, quit the waterworks, we need to find a way out"

"If we can find one" said Flygon

"Eh?"

"I searched everywhere, don't know if there's a way out of here"

Then Mudkip whimpered "D-does that mean we'll die there?"

"That's not what I s-"

Flygon was interrupted by Mudkip's screaming and so I picked him up and shake him

"Stop crying! We'll find a way out, trust me kid!"

Then he calm down a bit and said "We will?"

"Um...yeah" I said, unsure of myself, even I didn't know if there's a chance that we'll make it out alive

Then I remember something, I reach into my pocket and found a lighter

"So...for all this time?"

"What's wrong?" said Mudkip

"Nothing" I said while trying to forget the fact that I could've use the lighter to make a torch from something I could pick up

Then something caught my eye, as the flames began to dim there's a small pouch on the ground filled with red stones. Upon closer look I realize it's the philosopher's stones, having no time to explain, I said "I just found a way to get us out of here"

"You did? How?"

I show them the stones and told them about the history of the philosopher's stone and so on. Not surprisingly they got freaked out when I told them about how the stones were made from.

"Get rid of those!" Flygon ordered

"Do you want to get out or not?" I said

"Not with those, if you don't throw these things out I'll..."

He got cut off by an eery sound "Feed...feed...feed..."

"Oh no"

"So scared" Mudkip whimpered

"What are they?" Flygon yelled

I realized we've been surrounded by the immortal soldiers injected with the components of the stone itself

"We'll have to go now, I have to use the stones!" I said before drawing a transmutation circle

I learned bit of alchemy myself three years ago, long story so to make it short...I met someone from the alternate universe. No idea who he is, dude left after teaching me few basics of alchemy.

I placed the stones on the circle and said "Here goes nothing"

The transmutation begins, huge light starts flashing and my arms grew numb. Moments later a whirlpool appears, knowing it'll close up any minute I had to convince the two to jump in before it's too late. Maybe it would've been better if I had kept the information regarding the philosopher's stone to myself until after we got out, because of that they're reluctant to do so. Maybe I should've lie to them before telling them the truth, but it's too late and at this point there's one thing left to do.

"Jump into the portal, it's our only way out!" I yelled

"No, you used stones made from the dead to open it, it could send us to the wrong place!"

Angry I grabbed a petrified Mudkip and threw him into the whirlpool where he dissolves

Flygon became angry and said "You bastard! I won't let you get away with this!"

Knowing it's my chance to save that stubborn pokemon, I said "I just did" before jumping right in

Flygon did what I was hoping he would do, he tried to pull me out but was dragged in as well and soon afterwards what I saw is bright light and a huge eye looking right at me. Soon there's a giant door right in front of me, later it opens up and small black arms start pulling me in. For a while everything's all dark then suddenly...all three of us were thrown out of the homuculus' mouth. As I got up, I saw Gluttony on the floor with his hands on his belly, eventually he begins to disintegrate and that's the last of him.

"Everyone alright?"

Mudkip's out cold but Flygon slowly got up and said "Y-you fool, almost got u-us all kil..." before collapsing in pain.

"But we made it back, that's what mattered"

After two days recuperating, I decided to set out to the sky tower to face those villians. While doing so, Flygon flew by and said "While I don't like you for what you did, you also saved us back there so I'll get you to the sky tower"

"Thanks"

"But because our attacks are useless due to the field they placed, I'll have to drop you off right in front of the tower, you'll have to go in yourself"

"I'm ready for that, how's Mudkip anyway?"

Flygon flew off before I asked this question. Now I get Xatu's prediction, what I don't get is how did I still understand what the pokemons are saying? Now I know how Eddie Murphy felt in a same situation (sort of). As I enter the sky tower, a dagger flew by and narrowly missed as it hits the entrance door.

"What a pleasant surprise, a guest"

The light's been switched on and it's a French dude armed with several daggers

"For what reason you came here, I won't let you pass" he said as he throws another dagger

I dodged it and hits the window sill instead

"This time I won't miss" as he throws three more daggers

I barely managed to avoid the three as one of them grazed my cheek. Then I quickly took one of the daggers from the window sill and threw it at the attacker, unfortunately due to the fact that my arm strength sucked, the dagger land several feet in front of him. Seeing this, the dagger thrower sweat dropped.

"Seriously? In case you're wondering yes I'm not really French or otherwise the accent would've been stereotypical and I would've surrendered long time ago, my mother is however"

"What are you telling me this?"

"I thought it would be fair if I let my enemy know before I end it" he sneered as he throws another three daggers I would dodge by jumping over them

"You can't win!" as he throws two more

I dodged the two like the scene from Matrix

"Crap! No!" the dagger thrower screams as he realize he ran out of daggers to throw

As he reach for the one I threw, I quickly ran toward the thrower and head-butted him. Soon afterwards he collapse to the floor and tries to retreat. But before he could do so, I grabbed him by the shirt and said "Who's in charge? What's your purpose? Why did you took over the sky tower and Mt. Freeze?"

"I'll answer once I have a smoke" he said

I let him go and he took out a cigarette

"Got light?"

I took out my lighter and after taking a puff, he begins to act funny and said "Fuck you!" before falling to the ground dead with foam in his mouth

This is the second time someone I interrogated does that, like before it's a cyanide cigarette. Figure I would learn my lesson from last time but apparently I didn't. So I made my way to the second floor, the room have been refurbished into a pub. Then a man in a tuxedo appears, without introducing himself he threw poker cards at me. I was able to jump out of the way, but then he threw another round and I caught some of the cards, including one with my teeth.

"All aces" he said

I look at the cards and he's right, all aces of spades

Then he begins to inhale and blow flames at me, my jacket caught on fire forcing me to stop, drop, and roll. Then I remember something, seeing that we're in a pub, I waited until he blew second round of flame at me and I jumped away to grab a liquor bottle. The bottle's quarter full for some reason but I quickly took a swig, a soon the gambler blew another flame at me, I spit the liquor at him and he jump out of the way to avoid getting burned by his own flames.

"Impressive, too bad the bottle's empty" he said

He's right, the bottle is empty, with that I grabbed another bottle next to me and took a swig, gulping it down by accident when I notice the drink taste kinda funny. I look at the bottle and read the label, to my horror I realized I took a bottle of corrosive fluid!

"Corrosive fluid!" I gasped and started to feel sick

"What an idiot, I'll just end it slowly right here!" the gambler said as he prepares to blow a final flame at me

Quickly I land a huge blow to my stomach and blew the fluid at the gambler as be blew the flame, soon his body caught on fire.

"This is why you should never play with fire" I said as I made my way to the third floor while the gambler falls out of the window.

Third floor, no one here so I made my way to the fourth floor with same result. I was wondering why the third and fourth floor were left unoccupied as I made my way to the fifth floor. This time there's someone waiting for me at the fifth floor, a man in a japanese military uniform. For some reason he was just standing here, not taking any chance, I kicked him in the face three times, but he stood there unfazed and all he did was cracking his neck. Then in a split second he jump-kicked me and I was knocked across the room right in front of the stairs I climbed.

I got back up and gestered him to bring it on. The japanese brute then walk toward me and I begin attacking him head on, but he blocked my punches, picked me up, and threw me against the wall.

"I could've finished you off by throwing you down the stairs, but that would be too easy" he said

I slowly got up and noticed the opponent is positioned right in front of the stairs I climbed, this gives me an idea. I know it won't be easy seeing that I used that technique once before against Zen444 in Somalia few months ago. I positioned myself several feet in front of him before charging directly towards him. The japanese brute smirks and said "Your attack is too direct, time to fin...what the?!" as I leaped over him and caught his neck with my legs and grabs his feet. Soon we curled up like a ball and I used his body as a shield as we roll down the stairs to the fourth floor, then to the third, and then to the second where it finally stops.

I got up and grew dizzy before heading to the stairs to climb up to the third floor. As I made my way to the fourth floor, it turns out the japanese dude is still alive and he took out his kantana before angrily charging right at me. Quickly I took off my belt and used it to disarm him before breaking his neck afterwards. Then I grew tired and climb to the fifth floor to take a break until I decided that I'll be ready to face my next opponent. You know the concept seemed familiar for some reason, I was wondering why before realizing that the only thing's missing is that yellow track suit.

After resting for few hours, I climbed several floors to the eighth and to my surprise...

"We meet again!" said dickneck

"Dickneck?"

"Stop calling me dickneck!" he screams

Soon he stretches his neck toward me, but I kicked it right back at him.

"Ow, you'll pay for that" he shouts as he stretches his neck toward me again

I headbutted him saying "You could've had a V8!"

"I had enough of this!" dickneck screams as he stretches his neck again, again, and again but with same result

"Just give it up dickneck" I said

"I am not dickneck, I am a human being!" he screams

"Just give up"

"No!" as he proceeds to stretch his neck once again

I side-stepped out of the way and his head ends up out of the window, soon his body was dragged out along with it.

"I will get my revenge..." dickneck screams as he falls several story out of the window

So I made my way to the ninth floor and there's a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar look-alike waiting for me. I went to attack him but he kicked me away. After I got up, he went to kick me again but then I dodged it and knocked him off his feet. Quickly I used my feet to lock his leg so immobolize him for a while before letting go to get out of the way. Then he got up and tries to kick me but I blocked it and land a blow to his stomach before knocking him down. I stood back to let him recover, then he tried to kick me again but with same result and knocked him down with a swift kick to the head despite his height.

Then I tried to attack him but he flipped me over and begins to push my head toward a shard of broken vase. Then I slowly flipped myself over to a head-stand position and kicked fake Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, forcing him to let me go. After recovering, he went after me with series of rapid high-kicks which I had to dodge. Soon as I was dodging him, he accidently kicked a window and a sunlight shone through, blinding him. With the black guy distracted I jump kicked him to the ground and proceeds to break his neck.

Exhausted from a fight with a fake Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, I went to the sky tower summit above the ninth floor before taking a break. After another few hours have passed, I continue on my journey to the top to put the end to whatever whoever's been doing when I heard a conversation nearby.

"You know, you two were supposed to dispose those evidence secretly, how did you guys managed to get caught last year?"

"Yes but what happened is that someone called the cops, we didn't know ho..." followed by a gunshot

I crept closer to see what was going on, to my surprise it's Colonel Stuart and the two men I beaten up last year in that infamous incident.

Colonel then points the gun at the remaining henchman and said "You know the penalty of failure" as he proceeds to pull the trigger, only a click is heard.

"One more mistake, the gun will have more than one bullet" he said before walking away

The henchman follows him to the top of the summit

"That bastard's still alive?" I said

To those aren't aware, back in Christmas Day of 1989, Colonel Stuart let a renegade group of former members of the U.S. Airforce to take over the Washington Dulles International Airport. It was done so to free a South American dictator and druglord. During the event Stuart was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and nearly got away with it, but in the end a former police lieutenant John McClane put a stop to this when he blew up the plane with Stuart, the dictator, and his men inside. With that, I couldn't believe that scum is still alive, it can't be possible!

As I follow them to the peak of the summit, there's a generator producing some type of energy field, now I know why the pokemons couldn't do anything. I waited until one of them leaves, Colonel Stuart left his henchman to guard the generator. There I snuck up from behind and threw him off the summit, unfortunately because of the noise...

"What's going on here?" Stuart demanded as he charged back

"What's your plan?" I said

"So you're the one who breach the security and made it all the way, to congratulate you for your efforts, I'll tell you"

So I listened

"Ever since that day my plan have been foiled by that policeman McClane, some of my loyal followers have performed a satanic ritual to bring me back to life"

I was disturbed

He continues "Then few years into plotting my revenge , I heard about the world of pokemon so my men took over several labs and kidnapped several scientists to create a machine that extract the power from the Bermuda Triangle to get there"

"Why?"

"So I can build a secret base and harness the energy from those creatures in this world to take over the world"

"I won't let it happen!"

"You can't stop me" he said as he pulls out a gun at me

I quickly jump right behind the generator as he fires several shots at me before reloading. Quickly seizing my chance, I jumped out and kick the gun off his hand, but unfortunately due to exhaustion from fighting five of his guards, I was getting clobbered. Giving up hope of beating him, I decide to destroy the generator, seeing the alchemy I performed few days before drained most of my energy, I only have one shot (otherwise I would've took out Stuart and his men easily if I'm at least half-full, but give me a break, I'm a human not a robot). I fired a palm blast at the generator and blew it up in the process.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" he screamed

Afterwards he tried to kick me off the cliff of the summit, but I held on to the ledge with my hands.

"Because of you my plan have failed, I will be returning to our world but you won't" as he steps on my fingers until one of my hands lost it's grip.

Due to exhaustion, I wasn't able to hold on for long so my other hand lost it's grip and I begin to fall.

"Happy landing, may we meet again!" he yelled sarcastically

After falling for several hundreds of yards, I land on something and I realize it's Flygon.

"You did it" he said

"But the perpetrator got away" I said

"But if it hadn't been for you, who knows what could've happened to us, not bad for a human" he said

After a while, Flygon landed in where we first came here several days ago. I looked up at the sky and saw Rayquaza flying by, I guess he's freed. Then Ninetales came and said "Our world is saved because of the efforts of you, Flygon, and Mudkip, now that your purpose has been fulfilled you will be returning to your world"

"When?" I said

"Now" said Gardevoir as she creates a portal

Before going in, I turned and said "After a week it good to know you, gonna miss you all"

They nodded with some looking sad

"Kthanx" I said as I jump into the portal

After few minutes I found myself back at the airport, but because of the time I have been missing...I missed the flight. I decided to take a week long break before pursuing Chris Beer, I need to rest for a while, also I just heard what happened so I may have to wait longer before I can go to New Zealand. As I'm writing this (which have been few days), I heard something on the news, something about another bunny invasion...

Updated: 07/15/09 11:52 AM 4 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!