No, nothing at all.

Can't believe you suckers fell for it, nothing happened today so...yeah.

Update:

I bought a vuvuzela from a novelty store this morning and blew it...needless to say some asshole came, snatch the vuvuzela and snaps it in half.

"I have enough problems listening to this crap on television so blow this again I will fucking kill you!"

What's eating his grapes?

Also I saw what happened at the yesterday's game on ESPN, that ref is a "Koman" criminal...

Just this morning some dude in a purple teletubby went on a rampage by beating people with a hockey stick. Hmmm...where have I seen this one before? Seriously Hossa just won the Stanley Cup title, there's no need for him to do that again! Not to mention the fact that he should be busy getting wasted from all the champagne he drank from the cup (although someone may have pissed on it as well in the middle of the celebration).

Anyway I went to confront the costumed lunatic by shoving people out of the way and said "What the hell, you just won the Stanley Cup this time around, there's no need for you to do this again!"

"Tinky Winky!" he said

I facepalmed.

Then one of the nearby bystanders said "I don't think that's Hossa this time, my friend phoned me few minutes ago and he saw Hossa getting wasted while celebrating,"

"If that's not Hossa..then who the hell is he?" I said

As the purple teletubby was ready to attack, I point at the random direction and said "Hey look, there's a convenient distraction!" (not the most original distraction but screw this!)

"Tinky?"

The purple teletubby went to take a look and I drop-kicked him in the back. The purple loser fell and due to the heavy padding in the costume, he wasn't able to get up. With that the world is safe...well not really.

"Now to unmask the culprit!" I said

"No...just no!" said one of the bystander

"Why not?"

"I know there's going to be a crappy Scooby-Doo reference, I hated that show!"

"C'mon, what are the odds of that happening again?"

"Maybe you're right..."

"Besides, who in a right mind would wear dozens of masks anyway?"

So I went to unmask him and it's...

"Haggard?"

I start punching the crap out of him until someone told me to stop and unmask him again since it's likely just a coincidence.

So after unmasking him...

"Mike Lupica?"

I unmask him again...

"Helen Thomas?"

Then I said "Helen, do the Nazi salute!"

Then someone yell "Stop messing around!"

After another mask removed...

"Who the hell is that?"

Again...

"The dude EBM beat up!"

Again...

"The fat Philly sports fan who puked on a little girl..."

I tried to unmask him but then...

"OW! STOP IT OKAY? IT'S ME!" he yell

"I can see why," I said

"AFTER SEEING MY BELOVED FLYERS LOSE THE GAME, I GOT PISSED OFF SO I WANT TO KILL SOME PEOPLE AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WIT--"

"It if it weren't for us meddling kids, I know...asshole,"

After it was over, the fat loser was deported to back where he came from in straitjacket. To be fair, after learning it couldn't be Hossa, I start guessing Chris Pronger. Also another thing, is Scooby a highlander? After all those years the dog never aged...

I was at Walgreens when I notice a basket of chocolate easter eggs are on sale. Soon I start to have a creepy mental image of a flash movie I saw.

"I hope they won't mind..." I said to myself

Soon I pick up one of the eggs, unwrap it before taking another one which I would take off the bottom part of the foil.

Then few seconds later...

"Sir, what the hell are you doing?"

I turned around and accidentally shot out white creme from both eggs into the patron's face...

"Not only that it's a waste of good creme, you're also making a mockery of what we're selling, you better get out before we call the security,"

I smash the eggs on the patron's face and jump through the glass window to make a cool exit.

"WE HAVE A DOOR YOU KNOW!"

After listening to some songs by a J-Pop artist Nana Mizuki on my ipod, I went outside and saw soemone who looked like Jim Joyce. I point at him and said "Hey, you're the guy who blew the perfect game!"

"What the hell are you talking about? He's busy umpiring the game in Detroit!" he said

"Oh yeah, my bad!"

"It happens, what happened last night sucked though,"

"I know, it could have been the third perfect game this season!"

Some time afterward, I came across a small door at the corner of the strip. I noticed couple of people coming in and out of the building so I decide to go in and investigate. To my surprise, it's a black supermarket...or was it called "super black market"? Nevermind...

Anyway there's a food court right next to "Illegal Weapons" aisle. What caught my eye is "David Ortiz's Special Protein Shake!".

"I didn't know David Ortiz started his own protein shake chain!" I said

Then some guy next to me said "Actually he used to sell those legally until 2004 when suspicion came up although it was largely ignored, since then we have been selling those underground for few years now,"

"Cool, does it work?"

"Yes it works, you can have a free sample for only twenty dollars!"

"WHAT?!"

"We have to make a living, I have a family to feed dammit!"

"Is there's a way to get one cheaper than that?"

"Okay fifteen dollar, take it or leave it!"

After purchasing the small bottle, I notice a label reading "Makes you Bigger, Stronger, and Slower..."

"That explains everything..." I said to myself

I'll save it for a time being.

I was at the gift store looking at the japanese Exodia set. I wasn't able to see the price tag clearly so I ask the store owner how much the OCG set cost.

"$49.99" he said

"What really? For five cards?" I said

"Yeah but that's how it is, you can buy the english cards for half the price,"

"No thanks" I said

I took out my wallet and a fly flies out. After being stunned for a while due to my fear of bugs, I learn that I only have three 20s, two 5s, and three singles.

"Damn it!"

That's way too much, the price would wipe out over half of my wallet size. Well it's for the best I guess, during the hiatus when I had MDD, some of my stuff got messed up and I was told that it was done by Robert Goulet who would return from the beyond to randomly haunt anyone who falls asleep during the day. Oh and by haunting, he comes around and mess up people's things, that's why since then I start stocking up on emerald nuts.

Anyway after I left the gift shop, I ran into a cosplayer.

"Hey watch it!" he said

He's wearing a Garlic Jr. costume...

"GARLIC JR!" I said

"No actually I'm cospl-"

I clocked him in the face, sending him flying across the street.

"Get up loser, I'm just warming up!"

"You bastard, what the hell is that for?"

"You're not going to open up the dead zone on me bitch!"

"For the last time, I'M NOT GARLIC J--"

I drop kicked him.

I already knew he's a cosplayer but the thing is this, Garlic Jr. is the worst villain in the Dragon Ball franchise, even the ones from GT are better. With that I have since decided that anyone who is associated with a crappy villain like Garlic Jr. should be punished.

"PLEASE STOP FOR THE LOVE OF..."

Then I clocked him again.

"This is for having me to sit through that shitty filler arc...THIS IS FOR MAKING ME WAIT FOR THE LATER EPISODE YOU ASSHOLE!"

After choke slamming him, I proceed to use body slam. Once it's done, the cosplayer takes off his costume (just a Garlic Jr. jacket and a mask) and said "I'M NOT GARLIC JR!"

"Okay, okay, you don't have to yell," I said

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU TRIED TO KILL ME ALL BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I'M A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"

"I said you don't have to yell,"

"Look...just leave me alone okay? Do that and I won't press charges on you,"

"Okay,"

As he begins to walk away, the cosplayer puts on a football cap.

"Hey, you're fan of the Chargers?" I said

"Yeah, born and bred!" he said

Then I punched him right in the back, paralyzing him...

Since there's no activity from PETA for the past few days, last night I decided to go to Yahoo! Answers and have some fun. Knowing how unreliable this site is when it comes to getting information for research (even wikipedia's more reliable), a light bulb appears over my head.

"I wonder how many suckers will answer this!" I said to myself with an evil grin on my face

Progress so far...

Enjoy!

I was waiting at the park when a PETArd shows up...

"I have been waiting for you loser," I said

"How do you..." he said

"Fatwa's still issued, I could have left by now but that wouldn't be fun so I decided to stick around,"

"You will pay for mocking us!"

Then he takes out a pokeball...

"What?"

"Clucky, I choose you!"

Soon a chicken pops out of a pokeball...

"Wait a minute, you stole this from 'Naruto The Abridged Series' didn't you?" I said

"What? No, everyone who owns a pet chicken would name it 'Clucky', even some random farmer would name his!"

A wind blows and I heard someone coughing.

"Clucky, drill peck!"

The chicken stares at him with a confused look on his face (Yes it's a rooster).

"Okay then use fly!"

The chicken then use "fly"

I pick up a discarded cane and prepare for the assault. Soon the chicken charge towards me and I quickly swung the bat...

"IT IS HIGH...IT IS FAR...IT IS..."

Then the chicken went right through the window of KFC.

"NO CLUCKY!!!"

"He's dead and frying!" I laughed

"You bastard!"

He starts running towards me and I start beating him with a cane. I kept on beating him until he's nothing but a bloody pulp. Soon what was left of his body turns into dozens of chickens and they would then scatter to the four corners of the Earth...I think.

"Man I'm tired!" I said

So I went to take a nap on the park bench...

I was out for a walk so I can try to shake off MDD when some ransom loser got in the way. He's wearing "Heil PETA" shirt and did a Nazi salute.

"What now?" I said

"Pigeon murderer die!" he yells and takes out a sword

I facepalmed.

"This is worse than the time when the umpire shrunk the strike zone on Mariano Rivera (last night's game),"

PETArd swung his sword at me but I moved out of the way before stopping the blade with my finger...

"WHAT? NO WAY!" he screams

"Look at how bad ass I am, only one finger!" I laughed

Gozar came and said "You thieving bastard!" before walking away

Anyway the blade breaks off and I quickly punch him right in the face. As the PETArd stumbles backwards, I start pelting him with rocks.

He starts screaming "STOP THAT!"

I threw another one...

"CUT THAT OUT!"

And another...

"STOP!!!"

And another...

"STOP IT!!!"

And another...

"NOOOO!!!"

Soon he drops dead and his body turns into dozens of chickens...

"What the HFIL?" I said

The chickens flies off before scattering into the four corners of the Earth...I think.

After spending over a month recovering from MDD, I got up and was ready to stock up on supplies before heading to some next random city when some dude threw rice at me. Soon a cloud of pigeons came after me and I got out of the way in time.

"Hey get out of the way, I'm feeding pigeons!" said someone

I saw a Chargers cap on his head...

"Oh sorry, my bad...it won't happen again," I said

"What's with that shifty look? Are you scheming something?"

"No of course not, why would I do that?"

"For a past few years some Giant fan have been killing off my people, I was wondering if..."

"No that wasn't me, yeah definitely not me, just a tourist passing by..."

"Okay then, just watch out, that maniac could be in this city for all I know,"

"Thanks..."

Then I whisper to myself, "Not!"

Later that night, I went back to the park with a bag of croutons to see if they would eat those. After confirming it, I quickly ran to a local black market store where I ask the dealer about "Something that can make pigeons explode!"

The dealer gave me a bottle of pills (labels are missing) and said "That will be eight hundred!"

Several hours later I test the pills by feeding some of it to the pigeons.

"Coo?" said the pigeon before it explodes

"Perfect!" I said

Next morning while the fan of a certain west coast sports team I hated went to feed some pigeons, I mixed some pills with crumbled up croutons and threw it at the same spot where the bread crumbs are thrown. Then I took several steps back, put on my sunglasses, and wait for the fun to disgustingly begin. After few minutes of delay, some of the pigeons starts to pop one by one like the scene from "How High" and soon it gets pretty messy. Because the dude was way too close, some of the pieces of the pigeons were splattered all over his body.

It is one of the most funniest things I have ever seen in my life, some of the pieces even flew into his mouth while he was screaming like a little girl.

Then he ran away screaming "I CAN'T SEE! I CAN'T SEE!"

After it was over, I turn and saw couple of hippies giving me the "look".

"What?" I said

They left without answering...

"What's eating their grapes?"

Later that day I found a note by the door of at the motel room I'm staying...

Dear Murderer,

Fatwa have been issued against you for your crimes against non-humanity. Many wonderful birds have been destroyed and for that you must die!

No hard feelings...not really but sorry for bothering you :D

Love PETA

"Um...what?"

Knowing that I'm short on cash (I forgot my account password), I decide to find some ways to earn some cash. Yeah my name's finally cleared and yet I have somehow managed to forget the password to my account so I can't access my earnings. I haven't been this frustrated since the time I got lost in the school cafeteria back when I was in third grade. Then I heard someone yelling...

"Everyone step right up and earn $800 if you can beat my fighter!"

"Sweet!" I said

I came in and said "Who is the loser unfortunate enough to face me?"

Then a boxer who resembled Kevin Bacon on steroids came up and said "WHAT THE HELL? THAT'S MY LINE!"

Then the dude running the show came and said "Sure kid, whatever you do, just try not to get killed,"

Once the fight starts, I stood there staring at a bird standing on a power line for no reason. The dude I'm challenging waited for few minutes until...

"You asshole, how dare you mocking me?" he said

I yawned...

"STOP MOCKING ME!"

He threw a punch and I calmly took a step to the other side. Soon I jumped right over him, spun around, and thumb my nose at him.

"STOP!" he roared

I walked toward him and gave a back-handed tap to his face.

"GAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Everyone starts laughing.

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"Stop acting man!"

"Even Manu Ginobili's flopping looked more realistic!"

Once the brute uncovers his face...

"HOLY CRAP!"

"No way, must be ketchup..."

I stood there watching the brute curling on the ground in fetal position as a bird flew by...dropping one on his face.

"Man, this guy's more pathetic than that moron who still thinks FMA anime came out before the manga which hence his hatred of the second series," I said

"Okay I won, give me that $800 you promised!"

After picking up my reward, I head back to the motel...