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some boring ass school

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Cult of the Columbine Shooters

Posted by Idiot-Finder - January 22nd, 2011


One day I got bored so I decided to infiltrate a local high school for kicks. It would be just like in that movie in Hong Kong so I figured it would be fun. Needless to say, it turns out the situation would become more than I bargained for. I was able to get past the otherwise thin security (I used a discarded backpack) and made my way into the building. It helped that I shaved this morning with a razor back at the hotel (talk about good service) and wore my normal glasses so I looked nerdy like in my actual high school days.

While on my way to the cafeteria, some douche bag shoved me to the locker and laughed about it. I was ready to kick his ass when I remember that if I do that, it'll attract attention, thus blowing my cover. No need to ruin the fun...yet.

"Are you okay?" someone said

A geeky kid came up to me and continues "This guy's really pisses me off, I couldn't have lunch because of him!"

"Well, that sucks!" I said

"I know, one day we'll get our revenge!"

He hands me a card and said "Meet us after school, just follow the direction,"

Then he took off as the bell rang.

"What a loser," I said

I went to the restroom to take a dump when I heard couple of students discussing something.

"Hey, don't forget to meet that old abandoned building!"

"Why? What's going on there?"

"We're planning something big, something that will help us get our revenge on those jocks!"

"Oh hell yeah, those bums won't know what's coming to them!"

Then they both went on to chant "Heil Dylan! Heil Eric!"

"Those two are the gods!"

"Their sacrifice will not be in vain!"

Then they left while I'm sitting in the bathroom stall deeply disturbed.

Then I said to myself, "That card...can it be?"

I took out a card and it contains a direction to that old warehouse...what the hell? They're going to shoot up the damn place, something I'll have to stop!

Also, what is it about warehouses that makes them popular for someone to scheme something? I don't get it!

After leaving the restroom, I accidentally bumped into one of the jocks who shoved me earlier.

"Watch were you going faggot or I'll beat your head in!" he said

Tired of this, I said "You don't look very tough!"

"What did you say?"

Then he pushed me back several step.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing? I'm going to pound your head in for this!" he said

"Really? We'll settle this like men after school, outside of the building!" I said

"It's a deal, you better not run!"

"Oh I won't, if you're lucky enough maybe you will!"

"What did you say?"

I got out of the building at 2:40 and wait outside for the jock to show up. After few minutes he did shows up and said "You didn't puss out, I gotta give you that but it's time for you to know your place you loser!"

He threw a punch but I block it with my arm without moving a spot.

"What the...you're not going to be lucky this time you dweeb!" he screams

He threw flurry of punches but I blocked them all with just one arm. The funny thing is that my arms are weak as hell, some jock he is. Let's just say this guy won't be in my NFL fantasy team because who would be stupid enough to draft him to the NFL? Maybe the Oakland Raiders but that's besides the point however.

"Stop mocking me!"

He backs up and attempts to bull rush, but I leaped right over him. He ends up hitting the lamp post and everyone watching starts to laugh.

Someone yell "Hey Brad, stop messing around and finish him already!"

"Can't believe you're having trouble against that guy!"

"What a loser!"

Angry, the jock tries to bull rush again with same result as I jumped over him.

He turns and said "How the hell do you manage to jump that high?"

"Easy, I did tons of push-ups and sit-ups and drank plenty of juice!" I said

Then I said "I lied about the push-ups and sit-ups part, I did cardio and it helps!"

"T-that's impossible, I did cardio too...but how did you-"

"I like to walk, that's why!"

"Enough!"

He takes out a knife and tries to stab me but I kicked it out of his hand. Afterward I punched him in the abdomen where he collapse in pain and starts to throw up. All the students watching stood there in shock. As I said before, my arms are weaker than a ten year old girl and how he get hurt by a punch makes me wonder on how he made the high school football team...maybe his family has tons of money.

Stuff like this tells you how some people can get their way. I seriously doubt this loser will have any credibility left by the next day. I gave the jock-wannabe a middle fingered salute and left while the students part way so I can get through. I took out a card and begins to follow directions to where the meeting's taking place. Surely enough I came upon that old warehouse and there's seemed to be an activity going on.

I went inside and was greeted by a student I met earlier.

"Welcome and I'm glad you can make it, what is your name?" he said

I quickly thought up a fake name and said "Um...Andrew Lau, yeah that's my name...Andrew Lau (taken from a cantopop/movie star from Hong Kong),"

"Okay, come on in Andrew and join us!"

Figuring that in order to stop them from doing something stupid, I decided to join so that I can learn of their plans before taking any actions. Sitting among the social outcasts, there's a small blackboard and a emo-looking teen came up.

He drew a diagram and said "Everyone, our time has come to take revenge on those who have tormented us!"

Everyone cheered except for me...

"Now, what happen is that I came up with a plan that will totally not gonna fail!" he said

After spending few seconds drawing something on the board along with a diagram, he then said "What we'll do is that we'll place a hot dog and a bottle of steroids right in the middle of a frozen pond so lure them here, once it's done the weight will cause them to fall through the ice,"

Everyone then cheers while I fell off the seat in surprise. For a while I thought they're going to shoot up the school, turns out they're going for some incredibly half-assed!

I sigh in relief since that hare-brained plan won't work and it'll result in them hurting themselves.

Then the teen continues, "I would have prefer shooting up the school but our parents hates guns so this will do and there's no way it'll fail, it's foolproof!"

I smiled and said "Foolproof indeed!"

I decided not to stop them since it's going to be a sight to see. As made made our way to the pond, one went off to get a hot dog and steroids at the drug store while other went to test the frozen pond. First he poke it with a stick, next he starts to tap the frozen surface with his foot. Soon he walked right onto the pond and test the density by jumping on it repeatedly.

"It's good, we can walk on it!" he said

Afterward he slips and I grab him by his feet before he slide away.

"Thanks!" he said

"You really need to be careful," I said

I just wanted to see how their plan fails, not to see them screw up before they start or otherwise it wouldn't be as hilarious. After the guy came back with a hot dog and a jar filled with Barry Bonds' certain "Flax seed", the items were then placed on the middle of the pond. After it was done so, the surface gave away and the poor fellow climbed back onto the surface freezing. I went and call the ambulance where he would be taken to the hospital.

The leader (that teen) then sigh depressingly and said "This plan didn't go as planned..."

Then everyone went home, promising to meet again once the dude recovers. I return to the hotel and wait for that time...if it becomes too serious I will try to stop it!

But yeah that half-assed plan didn't go well, can't believe they actually thought it would work.


Comments

i got errect

very good story half assed ending 8/10

Well, they succeeded in 4 or so movies, so they can't really complain...