It started when I was waiting for a freight train to pass by so I can ride my way to Nevada. After the first train passed by, I realize that maybe perhaps I should have jumped into one of the boxcars. So I waited for some time before another one arrives. About an hour later, another train arrives and I quickly ran before jumping into one of the boxcars.

After over a day in the train, I jumped off and proceed to make my way to a nearby town. It's a good thing I have enough cash in my wallet, Haggard and others would have been able to track me down if I use the NG debit card.

"Time to find a place to stay" I said to myself

While looking for a place to stay, there's a fair nearby and I decided to check it out. There I met David Wells, a drunk obese former star pitcher of the Major League Baseball.

"Yo! Is that you?" I said

"What?" he said

"You're David Wells! The dude who pitched a perfect game in 1998!"

"Yeah, so what?"

"I have questions to ask you..."

"I have a better idea, here's a 1998 World Series ring, you can hold it for a minute if you're willing to shut the hell up!"

I held a World Series ring in my hand and was admiring it, an actual championship ring in my hand!

Then some asswipe shows up and said "Yankee suck!"

I slip the ring into my middle finger and punched him in the face, leaving an imprint on his forehead. Soon that jerk ran off crying like a baby.

"Damn kid, okay you can hand that ring back now"

"If the Yanks makes it back to the World Series next year, will you do another guest column like you did this year?"

"Maybe, if I'm sober enough"

Afterward I went to a small restaurant to have something to eat. While having a soup, a fly flew into it and begins to start swimming.

"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"

The waiter came, took a look and said "That can't be good, I'll inform the manager!"

"Couldn't you just get me another bowl?"

"We pride ourselves in sanitation, we're not going to let it slip that easily"

Then few minutes later, the manager and the patrons came

"There's a fly in your soup?" the manager ask

"Yeah, what happ-" before I was interrupted

"Don't worry, we pride ourselves in sanitation, we won't let this one slide!"

Then he picks up that fly and drops it to the floor...

"GET HIM!!!"

He and rest of the patrons proceeds to attack the tiny insect like a mob beating up on one person. Freaked out by this, I place the money on the table and said "Let's say it's my fault, I'll be leaving so here's the money"

What a way to lose my appetite but it only gets worse...

I went to a pay phone to make a call, remember you cannot trace calls made from pay phones. As I was ready to make a call, couple of people were passing by talking about a football game that happened.

"Do you think the Giants will be able to recover from this loss?"

"Beats me"

The Giants lost? They lost to the Chargers? They lost to the fucking Chargers? They lost to a mediocre west coast team?

"DAMN IT!!!"

I start attacking the pay phone like what Robert DeNiro did in Goodfellas when he learned that Home Alone dude was shot.

"DAMN IT!!!"

"What's his problem?"

"Must have something do do with that phone call, lets go or he'll take it out on us"

After hyperventilating few few minutes, I walk away from the destroyed pay phone and kicked the sand screaming "I DON'T NEED THIS!!!"