No, still no lead on Chris Beer's whereabouts, but I did had a confrontation with his "mini-me" yesterday. I was at the store loitering when I saw a midget trying to reach for a box of cereal. I took a cereal from the shelf and gave it to him, he was ready to thank me when he saw my face and then...

"You!"

Then I recognized that face...

"Wait a minute...you're Chris Beer...only shorter!"

"You have been trying to put my birth parent behind bars long enough, now it's ti-" before he got interrupted

Everyone heard what he said and start laughing

"Birth parent?!"

"Bwahahahahaha!"

"Is he that pregnant man from the newspaper?"

Mini-me fumed and starts screaming "Stop making fun of my master!"

Then I said "So you're his mistress?"

Everyone broke out in laughter even that joke wasn't that funny, but he's a midget so...yeah. Then that midget tries to attack me but I Scott Norwood him across the store and almost to the glass...only to swerve wide right to a stack of canned goods near the entrance. Honestly who puts a stack of canned goods close to the entrance? Seriously!

The midget got up and starts charging at me again screaming "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Then a janitor came and mopped him up, we waited until the police arrived and that's the end of that. Afterward I start taking a walk outside before coming upon a cigarette company building, out of curiosity I took a peek inside. What I just saw inside will make me hate cigarettes more than ever as you'll know why.

Here's what I overheard:

"So is plan G ready?"

"Yes, once we successfully fire our cigar-scud at the public schools, the kids will become addicted to our cancer-producing products although what doesn't cause cancer nowadays?"

Everyone starts laughing

"So Adrian whatshisname..."

"It's Wojnarowski! Get it right!"

"Sorry but how about that scathing article you wrote about Michael Jordan? Now many people have turned against him for something he didn't mean"

"Yeah, I'm sick of how he keeps overshadowing my beloved Kobe Bryant so i decide to slander him and so far it worked!"

Hearing this, I start seething with rage.

"Once plan G is done, plan E will be next in which you will write an article criticizing the anti-smoking campaign to further our cause"

"Indeed I will"

"Now get going before everyone in America will notice that you've been missing"

Then Adrian whatshisname left

"I knew it!" I said to myself

Just to let you know, Michael Jordan's HOF speech isn't insulting, he was stating how he used those situations as a way to motivate himself to get through the obstacles. Only one he did dissed was Krause but he deserved it for what he did to the Bulls, ever notice how they stunk immediately after winning in 1998? Decline is one thing but what the fuck was that? Even Frank Cashen wasn't that bad, at least the Mets were competitive for sometime after winning the title in 1986. It'll take a long time to explain through all those details of the fall of the Chicago Bulls so...yeah.

I was ready to follow Adrian whatshisname's car when I notice a window was opened. I quickly hid behind the bushes.

"That's a cute puppy there"

"It's a welsh corgi"

"How well can you throw?"

"Well enough"

Then someone threw a dog out the window and a gunshot is heard, the dog blew up into hundreds of meat chunks. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, they killed a dog...

"Here's my last one"

"What is that? A cross-breed with a fox?"

"No, it's a Japanese Akita, it'll grow huge one day if we give it a chance"

"That explains those red furs, too bad we won't give it a chance"

Then they chuckled

As one was ready to toss a dog into the air, I crept closer and closer until...

A dog was thrown into the air

"It's away!" the nutcase shouts

I quickly jumped and caught the dog before his partner open fire.

"What the hell are you doing? More importantly how the hell did you get pass our security?"

"The back door" I joked

"Guards! Don't let him escape!"

A dozen men came and surround me, I took out a gun and point it at them. They all backed off, some security they have there. A kid was passing by and I stopped him saying "Here you go" handing him a dog.

"Thanks mister! Mom is lonely"" he said before running off

Then I decided to have some fun, I put my gun back and said "Truth is there's no ammo, can't believe you idiots fell for it!"

They call came running toward me, with my martial arts skills I was able to subdue them.

Then the executive from the cigarette company starts screaming at me as I was walking away "You won't get away with this! One day you will regret this!"

"Sure, what are the odds of that?" I said

Later that evening as I was on my way back to the hotel, several people on motorcycles starts circling around me, all wearing San Diego Charger jerseys. Since when does New Zealand knows about American football?

Eventually they stopped and one of them said "We are the new generations of Charger fans, we have know about your exploits as your reputation have preceded you...Giants fan"

"Want do you want?" I said

"We were vacationing when we got a word of what you did several hours ago, you are to surrender to us and maybe we'll let you off with a light sentence for murdering one of our own in Hong Kong"

"If I refuse?"

"Then you will face the consequence, think about it"

Then they drove away.