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I want the funky chicken.

Age 37, Male

Student

some boring ass school

New York,NY

Joined on 8/29/02

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1y 11m 30d

Children's Card Game Tournament

Posted by Idiot-Finder - May 22nd, 2009


It's a long story but it'll explain why I was on hiatus and put my investigation regarding the voting drugs on hold again (for the 16784393679th time). After coming up empty in Hong Kong (found the warehouse where the voting drugs are sold, but it's been abandoned), I decide to go back to New York for a while to rest a bit when something on the newspaper caught my eye. There's going to be a card game tournament hosted throughout the city, every boroughs except Staten Island. I wasn't interested but having nothing better to do, I decide to participate for the lulz.

After going through some registration and such, I borrow my brother's duel disk once again. I didn't take the whole thing seriously so I didn't bother to take time building my deck, it's the same as the one from last time and I boost it up with some pack I found lying on the ground. For some reason the label's written which said "Property of /b/", come to think of it...there were three packs. I slipped those cards into the deck without second thought (I didn't bother to look) and walked no further than few steps when a weeaboo came out of nowhere and challenged me.

For the record I don't know what the hell he was saying for the most part except for some english words slipped in. After few uneventful turns I wiped him out using a card from the packs called "I'm Chargin' Mah Lazor!". All his monsters are wiped out and his life points went blank afterwards so it was quick. You should've seen the holographic effect, it was epic with huge explosions and all. He was emasculated and I took his locator card. The next several battles went by uneventfully quick, soon I made it to the playoffs, according to the locator card it takes place at Madison Square Garden.

As I made my way into the building through J-Train, I said "Man the competition must've really sucked!"

Seriously!

After easily wiping out my quarterfinal opponent, the four remaining contestants went to stay at a nearby hotel, a luxury suite and everything. Then the next day I had a semi-final match and guess who's my opponent?

"So, we meet again!" said the Charger fan

"You've entered too?" I said

"I knew you're going to participate so I sign in, it's time to be emasculated!"

"No need to talk about what will happen to you"

So it begins...

After losing the coin toss, the Charger fan gets to start first by playing Axe Raider in attack mode and placed a card face down. Not taking any chance I placed a stone soldier facedown in defense mode before placing a trap and magic card in the same manner as well.

There the Charger fan then activates a trap card, "Stop Defense"

"So you got stone soldier, prepare to be stoned you faggot! Go Axe Raider!"

Quickly I activate a trap card, "Kunai With Chain"

"What?! Where do you get that card? It's in japanese!"

"Bought it in a japanese pack back in 2004, back when I was really into card games, it's out of print now...even got a red dark magician from one of those packs"

I chose to equipt my stone soldier, raising his attack points by 500 and the Axe Raider gets raped. Soon I attacked the Charger fan directly.

Charger Fan's LP: 2100

"Pwned!" I said

"Lucky bastard," said the Charger fan as he draws his next card and smiles

That's when I knew something's up

"You're not the only one with a original japanese card! I lay two cards face down and a monster facedown in defense mode"

Whatever it is, I knew I can't leave it there so I ordered the stone soldier to attack and soon...

"I activate the original 'Ring of Destruction'!" yell the Charger fan

Soon there's a collar appear around the stone soldier's neck with bunch of grenades exploding, destroying the monster in the process.

LP: 2200

"Not only that, I also play this magic card so my life points will be restored by 1,000 and flip Doma to attack mode to slice your life points!"

Charger fan's LP: 1300

My LP: 500

Then it's my turn, there I drew the card that help me turn this thing around "Uwe Boll's Movie Scenes"

I play this magic card and Doma gets destroyed

"I heard Uwe Boll's films are bad but I didn't think it was that bad" I said before playing "Big Tree" to attack his life points directly

Charger fan's LP: 600

Then I end my turn by placing a trap card face down

Next it's the Charger fan's turn, he place a monster card face down in defense mode and ends his turn. I played "Kuriboh" in attack mode before ending my turn, I planning to have this idiot let his guard down and attack.

"Big mistake I play my stone soldier in attack mode, then I flip my 'Man-eater Bug' to kill your stupid tree and attack 'Kuriboh'" he yells

I quickly activate "Negate Attack" and the battle phase ends

"Lucky shit!" he grumbled

Then I sacrificed "Kuriboh" to summon "Millenium Shield" in attack mode

"Nice try fool!" Charger fan screamed

Soon I activate a magic card called "My Voice Gives Me Super Strength"

"WTF!"

I did my best impression of Barney the Purple Dinosaur yelling that catchphrase, it was perfect for once. My "Millenium Shield" has a attack point of 5,000. So I was ready to play another magic card "Falcon Punch" when I notice a Charger fan ran toward me screaming "NO!" while holding a knife. I kicked the knife out of his hand and proceeds to punch him in the gut, his life points went down to 0.

Charger fan's LP: 0

I eventually went on to win the finals as well with ease, but the tournament last only for three days so it's not the main cause of over a week long hiatus. Here's what happened afterwards, sometime after the whole thing is over I went home and the representative from the tournament came to deliver the trophy along with a ticket for a 5 day cruise. I needed a break so I accept the cruise (paid for by the people running the tournament). Little did I know that's where something really messed up would soon occur.

After few days of relaxing on cruise and stuffing myself on free buffet, I was taking a walk around the upper deck when I heard some group of people talking. It's at the area where no one is around, near the stern.

"So the coast is clear"

"When are we going to release those man-eating locusts?"

"Once the time is right, that'll teach those pricks for not watching our movies we produced for Sci-Fi channel before we change the label"

"Just hope the timing is right, the producers for 'The Mist' didn't succeed due to the Patriots' near perfect season later that year, otherwise everyone would've remember the devastation those creatures from another dimension have brough upon on Maine"

"No need to worry, the Yankees won't be winning anything anytime soon, bwahahahaha!"

So those are the writing staffs for the Sci-Fi channel (or at least that's what it was called, now it's Sy-Fy), apparently they want revenge on people for not watching their poorly written production of films they have been littering our television sets for years. That's when I knew something's gotta be done, I can't let them go through with their plan!

But there's one problem, I have serious phobias regarding bugs and anything with tons of legs.

As they began to leave, I carefully follow them. There in the golf simulation room, there's a huge jug of horrible things, the monstrocity...evil things...so vile...sickening sight...ugh...I hate bugs...

"Sir, once we reach our destination, how do you supposed that we'll sneak those through the customs?"

"As I said, no need to worry as I have friends in high places...also I have lots of money,"

"Sir, what if someone's spying on us right now?"

"That won't happen, no one plays golf simulator, not even Tiger Woods"

Then soon it happened...apparently someone's talking about me somewhere because...

"AAAACHOOO!"

"Who's there?"

"Uh-oh!"

"Get him!"

I quickly grab a golf club and begin to fight them off

"Don't let him get away!"

Remember "Xiao Xiao 3"? It's kinda like that, I beat the crap out of them using golf club and martial arts. Soon I saw one of the "Sci-Fi" goons trying to reach for the jug filled with those flesh-eating bugs. I rush to stop him but then he threw the jug to one of his friends yelling "Catch!"

His friend caught the jug and ran out of the door. I have to fight off the rest of the Sci-Fi nuts before giving chase. Eventually the chase led us to the lido where he then threatens to smash the jug to release havoc right there, apparently he's not thinking it through because it'll mean him getting caught in the locust storm as well.Seriously is that how "Sci-Fi" people work nowadays? No wonder the movies they've produced sucked, c'mon "Mansquito"? What's next, "Big Tree"?

"One more move and I'll smash this thing right here!"

It seemed that he had nothing to live for...

"I have nothing to live for now that you've destroyed our plans!"

See what I mean?

Soon a group of people came and attacked him, but not before he throws the jug at a random direction. It was heading toward the edge of the balcony, whether it'll hit the railing or go over is not known, in a quick reaction and tries to catch it but only to have it bounced off my hand to the right direction, fortunately a crew member was there and caught it before it hits the ground. Now it's over, that should stall Sci-Fi channel's production of crappy movies for now. With the Sci-Fi staff subdued, we got back safely and that's how my vacation went.

As I'm typing this, just now someone's knocking the door. I'll go and check who it is, I wonder who could it be?


Comments

Wow, very well done. Though why'd you choose 2200 LP, as opposed to either the old 2000(from the first series) or 4000 from Yu-Gi-Oh! GX?

It's 4,000

2,200 happened after the attack.

Genius.