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Intermission #20: Paranormal Activity 3

Posted by Idiot-Finder - October 21st, 2011


I waited in line in front of a movie theater for over an hour when the door opens and suddenly everyone rushed in. The only reason I went to check out "Paranormal Activity 3" is that there's seemed to be a big deal over the first two movies so I figured, "Might as well."

After surviving from getting trampled by what seemed to be at least hundreds of people, I got up and bought the ticket. Then I went to buy a large bucket of popcorn, large coke, a box of milk duds, a bar of snickers, and tic tacs before heading to the theater room to watch the movie. Once I enter the room, it's crowded as hell so I move on to the next room with the same result. After going through five more rooms, I finally came upon a half-filled room and the screen is still showing nothing but some random advertisements no one really cared about (though I had to admit, I find the ads for a weapon exterminating zombie rats interesting, I'm planning to check it out one day).

As the movie's about to start, several more people came in and soon...like the previous rooms I have been to, it's packed!

After some feature presentation and all that crap, the movie begins...

After watching the movie for about an hour, I didn't find it scary although it is somewhat suspenseful. But then when one of the more frightening moments shows up, much of the audience except me jumped and the guy seated in front of me accidentally splashed some soda on me...

It gets worse, a yuppie right next to me starts dialing his cell phone and said, "Hey Richard how are you? I'm in a movie theater watching 'Paranormal Activity 3', it's the midnight opening!"

After few minutes of "Blah, blah, blah, yip, yip, yip, and some dribbles", that stupid asshole finally turn off the cellphone even though I asked him to tone it down about several times and then he said, "Be quiet, we're watch a movie!"

I fought off the urge to beat his face in.

After finishing the snacks I bought, a person sitting in the same row I'm at got up and starts moving through saying, "Move, move, excuse me happy?, out of the way!"

That fat blob squeezed though the half of the row and what made it horrific is that he's was moving to my direction!

After crushing me and several other moviegoers seated in side of the row, he let out a huge fart and the smell...oh god!

It's hard to imagine how worse it could have been had that blob let it out a moment too soon...I thought I was going to die from methane poisoning and not to mention the yuppie right next to me threw up on the person seated in front of him. Afterward not only I had to deal with the fart smell, I lived through the vomit smell as well.

The guy got up and yelled, "What the hell? You son of a bitch I'm gonna kill you!"

Then the two idiots got into a fight and one of them fell on me...thankfully the security arrived and dragged them out of the room. I thought that the debacle is finally over and how I can finally relax when some people in the room started to scream...it hurts my ears!

Then came the climax when the character Dennis gets chased by group of women wearing all back and the audience were freaking out, moments later I find myself covered with soda, milk duds, and popcorn...that asshole in front of me really need to calm down.

Why?

BECAUSE I CAN'T!

I can't stand people sometimes, seriously!

Once it's over, everyone started to leave and I got up as well wondering why people made a huge fuss about this movie, I mean "Sixth Sense" is a more superior "horror" film in many ways and this on the other hand...nothing more but something borrowed from the "Blair Witch Project". It's been a long night and soon something really freaky happens.

Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned to see a young teenage girl with brown hair and brown eyes who is about at least 14 years old.

She asked me, "Do you believe in ghosts?"

I said, "Well a little, just that some of the accounts might have been a bunch of made up bull crap but I do believe that there are some that are not the case."

Then there's a disappointed look on her face and said, "Okay."

As I was being pushed away but some moviegoers telling me to "Move it!", the girl then glides to a young couple and starts asking them the same question. I wasn't able to see what was going on as I was caught in the crowd and heard a loud high-pitched scream. Ever since that day, those young couple would become known as the people who crapped on the movie floor because they claimed that had seen a ghost. Granted no one believed them despite the pale look of their faces but still...really?

It took few days for that to spread because some guy happened to have a iPod with him and recorded them with excrement on the floor and upload it to YouTube. Needless to say, those people are crazy, I mean really? Ghost in a movie theater? I really wonder if they have been taking some drugs during the film.

I bet next thing they'll be doing is claiming that they owned a chupacabra in a ranch or rode a moth man to work.

Nice try, but still it made my night!


Comments

*Sigh* That's why i avoid going in movies. I prefer so much to just download the film or buy it over the internet and watch it at home. Avoid fatigue i say.

I actually prefer going to the theatres and watching movies there.

That will provide a better experience for me, plus, talking to seat neighbours after a good movie always leads to nice conversations, and sometimes it even grows friendships.

Still, nice try for that guy :)

You just got a bad start! Try downloading it and watch it again.

Why'd you even waste your money on that garbage? This is why you never gone on release day, although I to have trouble sticking to that rule, and end up paying for it like you. Except on a less severe, less annoying and less hilarious degree in comparison this. XD