One day while in a shack, Kagami Hiiragi was preparing a gallow. It's been five years after since her friend Konata's death six years ago to the hands of a stalker. However it was the fact that her family found out about their relationship that got her disowned. Her life have gone under downward spiral to the point that she had to steal in order to provide herself. Granted her sister Tsukasa have visited her from time to time until her marriage in which she would move away, in the end it's hell for Kagami.

As she was ready to hang herself, there's a moment of hesitation which caused her to stop. Then a door burst open and someone yell, "Wait Kagamin!"

It's Konata who was thought to be dead...despite being six years, it looked as if she haven't changed a bit.

"K-konata...but...you're..." Kagami stammered

Then she runs toward Konata and hugs her crying.

"Please don't leave me..."

"I'll never leave you Kagamin, we'll be together forever!"

The next day they found Kagami's body in the shack, cause of death is unknown...

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Note: The recaps are merely exaggeration of this author's retelling of his adventure which in turns a bigger exaggeration of what really happened so take it with a grain of salt, enjoy!

Narrator: After his escaping from Boston, Dennis was relaxing in his home until a disturbance appears.

Dennis: Who could it be in a time like this? "1,000 Ways To Die!" is on!

*walks outside and finds a group of people waiting for him*

Narrator: Bunch of peace activists came to randomly invite several people to a rally at Forest Park, however Dennis who once had a knack for finding idiots was unaware of what really went on so he came due to a promise of cake!

*later at Forest Park*

Nicholas De Genova: Sieg Heil!

Ward Churchill: Sieg Heil!

Michael Moore: I'm here for the food, where's the cake?

Dennis: WTF?

*one epic fight later*

Dennis: *walks away* The cake is a lie!

Narrator: Later that night...

Dennis: *meets a girl* Hey how are you?

Girl's dad: *takes out a sword* Stay away from her!

Dennis: Okay okay...please don't kill me!

*next day*

Dennis: *beats up a crash dummy* This is fun!

*next day*

Some guy: I challenge you to a children's card game!

Dennis: Okay

*one awesome card game duel later*

Dennis: Hey I won!

*few days later*

Dennis: Now to find some batteries *goes to Radioshack*

Store clerk: There's a do not touch sign on a new computer so don't tou-

Dennis: Touch *touches the computer and gets sucked in*

Store clerk: I hate my life

*one epic adventure in a internet gaming later*

Narrator: Dennis finally made his way out of the computer but however, he ended up in the Philly capital!

Dennis: Where am I? *looks at the computer* Hey someone's posting on...what the? Did he just post death threat regarding Eli Manning? Did he just post threats on the Giants? That son of a bitch!

Some troll: *enters the room* Ladedadeda...BURGLAR!

Dennis: Go to hell *touches the loser's forehead with his fingers*

HOKUTO KAI KOTSU KEN!

Narrator: By pressing the pressure point with the right amount of force on the forehead, the victim will suffer few seconds of agony before dying in a very painful death. Due to the fact that it is violently messy, this technique is highly illegal and has traumatized several witnesses!

Some troll: Did you just touched me? I mean what was that? What a fagg...ow...I feel funny...the pain...

Dennis: *jumps out of the second story window and took off*

Some troll: AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-*explodes*

Troll's dad: Jamie, the the hell are you screaming f-OH DEAR GOD!!!

Narrator: Dennis have made his way back to New York by hitching several rides where he would take a rest while Will Cooper escaped from the Chines prison for a circumstance he wouldn't talk about.

*few days later*

Eric Foreman: Thoose bastage...they mock muh beauty becuz they're jellyous...dam them all!

Narrator: Meanwhile...

Dennis: *playing pokemon sapphire* WHY?! DAMN YOU SHINY LAIRON, DAMN YOU TO HELL!!! *sobs*

Some random neighborhood kids: Hey look up in the sky!

Boy: It's a bird!

Girl: No it's a plane!

Together: It's...*gets zapped*

Dennis: What's that noise? *ran outside* What the eff?

Super Bunny: ...

Dennis: This is getting stupid *runs to draw the super bunny away*

Narrator: After luring the rabbit to Forest Park band shell, Dennis went to take on the mutated rabbit.

Dennis: *fires a ki blast at the rabbit, obliterating it* That's fast...

Eric Foreman: Yore one of thoose jellyous guys, I haet joo!

Dennis: Dick neck, is that you?

Dick neck: Don call me dick neck!

Dennis: What are ya gonna do? *cracks fists* What are ya gonn-*gets hit by dick neck's outstretched head*

Dick neck: I gonna kill you, kill you to death!!!

Narrator: Somewhere in Earth-2...

Superboy Prime: That asshole stole my line!

Narrator: Now back to our world...

Dennis: *blast dick neck's head off*

Dick neck: *regenerates*

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: You loos to muh superir bloodline!

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: DAI!

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: Stup muking me!

Dennis: WTF?

Some random dude: Hey what's going on here?

Dick neck: *wraps the dude with his neck and kills him*

Dennis: WTF?

Dick neck: Yoo one four nao, I bee bak!

Dennis: WTF?

Narrator: Few days later, Dennis went back to Hong Kong hoping to finish something, only to run into someone whom he had trouble against...

Uyghur terrorist: You ruined my plan you filthy Han, I will defeat you like what I did before back in Somalia, NGYA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A~! (That one took place in the first Somalia expedition shortly after Bigbadron was shot in the face while trying to ban the warlords IRL)

Dennis: I'd pay you everything I have just to get you to stop laughing...

Uyghur terrorist: DIE!

Dennis: Not this time! *fires kamehameha before Uyghur can use his Mongolian champion way...he's Mongolian?*

Uyghur terrorist: N-*gets obliterated*

Dennis: *turns to the terrorist's underling* You're not getting away!

Underling: *gulps*

Narrator: Moments later...

Underling: Ow my ribs!