Last night after watching magic show, I became curious. Honestly how did the magician managed to pull off ridiculous stunts?

So once the show's over, I snuck backstage and found the magician's hat. I check inside for a secret compartment, but there's none so I put my hand in to feel for one. But then I grabbed something inside, I pulled it out and it's a 2009 World Series Championship locker room cap for the Phillies that was never given out. I pocketed the cap so I can sell it on eBay once I get home before proceeding to stick my hand into the hat again. I felt something soft, even start groping and feeling what seemed to be an erect nipple until it suddenly jerks away.

"Man, what was that?" I said to myself

Then I realized I really need to stop talking to myself...

I took the hat and turn it downward to spill as much contents as possible. After pouring out several objects including a satellite, game console, a train, Jimmy Hoffa's remains, Honus Wagner baseball card, a cement truck, and so on. Then someone came and yell "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!"

It's that magician, man he's pissed!

"Um...I was just checking to see if there's a rabbit in th-"

"You bastard, how dare you RUIN MY HAT?"

With no other way to escape, I used my supernatural powers to turn myself invisible and snuck past him on my way to the exit. I rarely use it since doing so for a minute can put a strain, after I got out, I stop for a breather while the magician was screaming.

"But darling I swear I didn-"

I looked up and saw some dude pleading with his girlfriend

"Then explain how someone managed to grab my breast!" she yells

"I don't know, but I swear on my pink shirt it wasn't me!"

She slapped him and angrily walks away

"Whoops!" I said

On my way back to the hotel, a blast of smoke burst right in front of me.

"What the?"

Then two figures appears making weird poses.

"Prepare fro trouble!"

"Make it double!"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

"Lonic!"

"Snaw!"

"Duck Division, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"

Seeing this, I said "At least it couldn't get anymore rid-"

Then a duck jumps in front of those two losers...

"AFLAC! That's right!"

I felt like banging my head on the wall, seriously WTF?

Lord-Lonic said "Our device have indicate that you're a NG member, tell us who you are"

The Snaw said "Yeah, are you a mod?"

I decided to hide my identity seeing they don't know who I am...

"I'm JohnnyWang!" I said

"Who's JohnnyWang?" asked Snaw

"He's that guy who hangs around at the Anime thread like Gendo" said Lonic

"So he's not a mod, at least it's not Idiot-Finder, Zacied warned us about him"

"Indeed!"

"AFLAAAC!"

I said "You guys better leave, I'm not in a mood right now and I don't want to fight you losers"

"Fuck you! We'll kick your ass!"

"Yeah!"

"AFLAC!"

Then I said "Judging by your collective insecurities, you two seemed to have self-esteem issues, thus leading you two to join the organization so you can finally belong"

"Shut up!"

"I'll finish you two quick as I need time to practice my chechen language"

Then I proceed to beat them with ease, even punting that AFLAC duck into the air. Soon the two DD members jumps into a pickup truck they apparently drove into the city with and tries to run me over.

"You two are wasting my time" I said while leaping over the vehicle

Soon those two idiots accidently drove into a gas station where they were blown into the sky yelling "LOOKS LIKE DUCK DIVISION IS BLASTING OFF!"

This is getting ridiculous!