Yesterday I was at home watching a baseball game (I want to cry, my team got raped 22-4, WTF?) when someone rang the doorbell. When I open the door, a group of people hand me a flyer, a fruit basket (okaaay...), and a invitation to a meeting for New York Democrats (I wasn't even registered yet, also that party have been the reason why they have trouble getting their represenatives elected for the last few years until recently). I ask them why are they randomly inviting people in Queens (Yes I know, my favorite team plays in the Bronx) all of a sudden since many are not interested in attending? Then they gave me the answer that made me decide to attend...

"There will be cake"

After walking for several blocks and following directions written on the invitation, I made my way to Forest Park where there's a gathering at the bandshell. I took a seat on a bench and prepares to sit through whatever speech being made, first it was Ward Churchill. After sleeping through few minutes of his hate speech, another person came to make a speech and I heard a familiar voice.

"One day, our troops shall suffer!"

I woke up and realize it's Nicholas De Genova, now I know what the gathering's for, it's to brainwash people! (I should've known from the start when I notice the members of the Democratic Underground were here as well).

"YOU!!!" I yelled

The crazy professor then said "So, we meet again after defeating my pawns few months ago"

"You are not going to get away with what you're doing!"

"What are you going to do? Come on out Michael Moore and Ward Churchill"

Then the terrible duo came out

"Yes master?"

"I want you two destroy that man!"

Ward Churchill charge at my direction holding a copy of "How To Pretend To Be A Native American For Dummies"

He swung a book at me, but I dodged it and leap-kicked him in the torso, afterwards I head-butted him, causing him to fall to the ground. Then I proceed to finish him off with body slam, knocking him out.

"Bring it on Michael Moore!"

Moore just stood there and said "Give me your best shot!"

Stunned at his defiance, I decide to attack him and to my dismay, all the punches I have landed on him were absorbed by a large layer of fat.

"Giving up?" Moore sneered

Then suddenly I got an idea, I took out some jelly beans and lure Michael Moore

"Here fatty, want some jelly beans?

"Candy..."

After few steps toward the bandshell where Nicholas De Genova was standing, I threw the jelly beans at the nutty professor. Then Moore leap on the professor to get the jelly beans, you should've seen what happened, it was priceless!

After it's over, Moore ate the jelly beans and fell asleep while De Genova got up bloody and bruised

"You may have won for now, but remember next time it'll be different!" before hopping on his bicycle and rode away

I was going to chase him when a group of people from the gathering got in the way

"No way we're going to let you get away for ruining our meeting"

I turn on the radio right next to me and proceeds to fight them all

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word

"Ow my face!"

"What the hell is wrong with you people? It's only one guy!"

A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a don't you know about the bird?

"I want my mommy!"

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

"My leg!"

"It's only one guy!!!"

"My hair's been assaulted!"

Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a...

I start to storm my way out

Surfin' bird
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb... [retching noises]... aaah!

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa -pa-pa-pa-
Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa -pa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow

"Spare me!"

"I'm hurt in more ways than one..."

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow

"Screw this, I'm running away"

"Anyone else?" I said

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-oom-oom-oom
Oom-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-a-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow
Papa-oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow
Oom-oom-oom-oom-ooma-mow-mow
Ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow
Papa-ooma-mow-mow, ooma-mow-mow

"There's no cake is there?" I said to one of the beaten assailants

Well don't you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

After I got out of the park, there are group of people including those who invited me waiting outside the gate

Papa-ooma-mow-mow, papa-ooma-mow-mow...

One of them said "What just happened?"

I told them the horrifying truth I have been trying to ignore during this ordeal

"The cake is a lie!"