Roger Goodell has a brown bag cover his one hand and held a gun on the other. As he raises his gun toward Tom Brady, he said, "Don't think badly of me, while I may have murdered dozens of children in cold blood an hour ago and beat up a homeless who was asking for change, it's nothing compared to the crime you have one by desecrating my balls which made me feel less than adequate, I'm doing this for intergrity and I HATE YOU!"
"Seriously?" Brady said.
"You claimed to be for the intergrity but you wanted to suspend me for supposedly deflating balls which you have no proof of by theway...even if you did, what's wrong with that? I just like holding balls in my hand when it feels different, like how Aaron Rodgers like his over