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I want the funky chicken.

Age 36, Male

Student

some boring ass school

New York,NY

Joined on 8/29/02

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I can't sleep!

Posted by Idiot-Finder - September 12th, 2011


"I heard about what happened last night, I never thought Jim would do such a thing, I thought he was just stressed out!" said the bartender.

I was drinking a pint of beer only to spit some of it out when a news starts broadcasting a report about a cross dresser arrested in Boston for throwing soiled tampons at the police. Needless to say, this is one of the most random things I have ever seen. Also there's a report about some disturbing finds in Jim's room at the inn...

"Do you think the police will catch him?" I asked.

"The hell I know," he said.

I looked out of the window and notice the sky is getting darker.

"Night already? It was morning a while ago!" I said.

"It's already evening when you got in, you must have slept through the entire day from being out all night!" said the bartender.

I looked out again.

"I couldn't sleep last night...but this is crazy!" I said.

Then a woman enter came into the bar and seeing a chance to pick her up, I went over to her and said, "Hey, do yo-"

She cut me off and said, "YOU MEN PIGS ARE A DISGRACE TO THE HUMANKIND! ALL YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING IS SLEEPING WITH WHORES AND START WARS. I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!"

"Then what the hell are you doing in my bar?" the bartender asked.

She said, "I'M HERE TO SHUT DOWN THIS VILE PLACE AS YOU MALE PI-" as I punched her in the face.

"YOU HIT ME! YOU MEN ARE THE SAME, ONCE I GET MY FRIENDS TO COME YOU WILL REGRET IT!"

Then she left and that's when I learn that third time is not the charm.

"God I hate those kind of people!" said the bartender.

"Tell me about it, I believe in women's rights and didn't mind feminists and all but...feminazis on the other hand...what's up with them?" I said.

I left the bar and saw an old man on a wheelchair struggling to get to the sidewalk.

"You do need help?" I asked.

"Thank you, thank you, just push it a little bit and I'll be on my way." he said

I carefully pushed the wheelchair to the sidewalk.

He waved to me and left.

Later that night on the news, the police raided Jim's police and found signs of struggle in the living room. The neighbor complained about the stench in the yard and that's when the police found the bodies of his wife and two kids buried in the garden. Being that the guy I have encountered is not only a complete psycho, but also a murderer to boot, it's hard to believe that guy had been staying in a room next to mine.

Taking no chances, I took out a gun and checked the ammo.

"Just five bullets...five bullets...oh c'mon!"

I picked up gun stole from a would-be school shooter last month and checked, it's loaded. I decided to go with this, with a psychotic killer on the loose, I'd rather be safe than sorry since who know when he would show up.

I went out with that silho again and after telling Andvaka about what happened at the bar...

"You shouldn't hit her like that!" it said.

I said, "I had to, she was yelling and besides, but punching her in the face I'm treating her equ-"

"No that's not it, if she tried to attack you then it would have been okay to hit back!"

"Wait...really?"

I laughed a bit and I agreed with Andvaka.

As we started to continue further, I notice someone following me.

"Yes I know Vodka (a nickname I came up for Andvaka), someone's follow us!" I said.

"No, he's following you!"

"Whatever, whoever he is...wait...is it who I think it is?"

I turned and see Jim holding a machete and said, "You have ruined everything, I wi-"

I cut him off saying, "I didn't do that, you did it to yourself, and not to mention..."

I kicked the machete out of his hand and slammed him to the ground, bashing his head repeatedly until Andvaka told me to stop. Then I went to the payphone, call the police, and wait until they arrive to pick him up. I thought it was over until...

"YOU MALE PIG WILL DIE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY FACE!"

A group of women holding pickets and torches came towards me.

"Oh, you guys," I said.

"YOU THINK WE'RE JOKING? I'LL SHOW YO-"

Then a blast of bright light appears from behind me and I heard a female voice from before.

"Stop this at once!" she yelled.

Soon all the crazy feminists stopped with shocked look on each of their faces.

"It's...it's..."

"It can't be possible..."

"It's our goddess...Andvaka..."

The last comment took be by surprise...that silho with me is a deity?

Then the leader of the group stammered a bit and once she regained some of her composure, she then said, "For years we've been awaiting your arrival to exterminate all men...but why are you with that guy?"

Then Andvaka answers, "I am not a goddess nor I will exterminate all males as the true reason I came here is to observe this world!"

Then one of the other crazy feminist said, "But the prophecy said that you will appear in this world and kill all men so that we will take over the world and live in harmony for eternity!"

Yes she actually believed that, cuckoo!

Then Andvaka said, "Do you really believe that? It's written by one of your own in order to get all of you to follow her, I will never do suck thing!"

All the feminists turned to look at the crazy lazy.

I turned around to look and saw a valkyrie floating right behind me.

"..."

I could say anything because I was terrified, it reminds me of a video game I played.

The feminists starts yelling at their leader and how she claimed to have done research on the library, guess she didn't do enough. Afterward they left as their crazy leader lies on the ground beaten and screaming like a maniac.

"All you people are flawed beings, however you have shown me the interesting aspect of this part of your world and for that I thank you." said Andvaka.

I was still speechless...

"Hopefully we will meet again, as of now farewell!" she said.

Then she disappears.

I return to the inn and in my room there's a message on the table.

"So what does it say?" the bartender asked.

"It turns out that there were many other like her send to other cities to observe us or something, guess they're interested in us...I don't know," I said.

Then I continued, "In this letter she also said that someone in charge of where she's from was planning to establish a relation with our world, it is interesting."

The bartender chuckled and said, "What a story you got there and not to mention you didn't bring the letter as a proof."

"I told you, it was blown away by the wind, what can I do?" I said.

Then I took out a pendant from my pocket and said, "She also left me this, check it out!"

The bartender took a look and said, "Where did you get that? That stone is Alexandrite! They have been mined out long time ago!"

"See?" I said.

"Still doesn't mean anything, anyway are you going to drink that? You have been sitting here ever since you ordered, we don't allow people to waste good beer!"

After finish drinking a mug of beer, I left the bar and it's still dawn.

I was lucky the bar was open that early due to the bartender's relatives from Ireland coming to visit. I return to the inn (yet again) and tried to sleep...with same results. It's already few days since I last slept and I'm feeling light headed.

I can't take it anymore!


Comments

I didn't notice your rank 49 in exp

good story

Good story. Level 54 now :D.