Just this morning some dude in a purple teletubby went on a rampage by beating people with a hockey stick. Hmmm...where have I seen this one before? Seriously Hossa just won the Stanley Cup title, there's no need for him to do that again! Not to mention the fact that he should be busy getting wasted from all the champagne he drank from the cup (although someone may have pissed on it as well in the middle of the celebration).

Anyway I went to confront the costumed lunatic by shoving people out of the way and said "What the hell, you just won the Stanley Cup this time around, there's no need for you to do this again!"

"Tinky Winky!" he said

I facepalmed.

Then one of the nearby bystanders said "I don't think that's Hossa this time, my friend phoned me few minutes ago and he saw Hossa getting wasted while celebrating,"

"If that's not Hossa..then who the hell is he?" I said

As the purple teletubby was ready to attack, I point at the random direction and said "Hey look, there's a convenient distraction!" (not the most original distraction but screw this!)

"Tinky?"

The purple teletubby went to take a look and I drop-kicked him in the back. The purple loser fell and due to the heavy padding in the costume, he wasn't able to get up. With that the world is safe...well not really.

"Now to unmask the culprit!" I said

"No...just no!" said one of the bystander

"Why not?"

"I know there's going to be a crappy Scooby-Doo reference, I hated that show!"

"C'mon, what are the odds of that happening again?"

"Maybe you're right..."

"Besides, who in a right mind would wear dozens of masks anyway?"

So I went to unmask him and it's...

"Haggard?"

I start punching the crap out of him until someone told me to stop and unmask him again since it's likely just a coincidence.

So after unmasking him...

"Mike Lupica?"

I unmask him again...

"Helen Thomas?"

Then I said "Helen, do the Nazi salute!"

Then someone yell "Stop messing around!"

After another mask removed...

"Who the hell is that?"

Again...

"The dude EBM beat up!"

Again...

"The fat Philly sports fan who puked on a little girl..."

I tried to unmask him but then...

"OW! STOP IT OKAY? IT'S ME!" he yell

"I can see why," I said

"AFTER SEEING MY BELOVED FLYERS LOSE THE GAME, I GOT PISSED OFF SO I WANT TO KILL SOME PEOPLE AND I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WIT--"

"It if it weren't for us meddling kids, I know...asshole,"

After it was over, the fat loser was deported to back where he came from in straitjacket. To be fair, after learning it couldn't be Hossa, I start guessing Chris Pronger. Also another thing, is Scooby a highlander? After all those years the dog never aged...