Right now I'm writing this on one of Chris Beer's wireless laptop I have stolen, no idea how he can afford all of these (the one I stole didn't have his trashy contents so I cannot access his accounts, his clone never had the chance to use it before I destroyed him) but that's not the reason why I'm sending this message. It's weird but here's what happened.

Remember the Prior from Stargate SG-1? And I do not mean the pitcher the Cubs have destroyed with overuse. While on a journey in Puntland, just outside a village there's a prior who appears with a staff with a glowing stone on his staff.

I said "What do you want?"

"Convert to Origin or face the consequence" he said

"I already have a religion, not switching" I said

"Then you suffer" as he holds up a staff and the stone begins to glow

Remembering that episode, I raised up some of my supernatural power and slapped myself in the face, soon the stone explodes

"What...It..c-can't...be..." the prior collasped

"Okay, who send you and it can't be the Ori because they're long gone"

"I'll tell you" he growled

"Go on"

"It's a man named Chris Beer..."

Stunned I said "So what happen wasn't a coincidence, that bastard's here!"

"Not only that, he have cloned himself knowing someone will destroy him, it's a fail-safe plan to take over the portal...whatever that was"

"You're joking right? Human cloning's been outlawed, no way he can do th--"

"Not that you fool! He have researchers in Hong Kong helping him, the lab is connected to the black market selling illegal drugs made to improve performance"

"How many clones he made so far?"

"Countless, it's too late to stop him but you can still prevent him from producing more by destroying that la..." before kicking the bucket

I came up to his body and start shaking him saying "Dude wake up! Where is the lab!"

Then his body vanished

Disappointed I continue my way to an abandoned building to take a rest when I saw someone in there, decided to check it out something made me believe the prior's words...it's Chris Beer. The spamming faggot noticed and said "I'll kick your ass and will take over the portal one day!"

Then the fight starts with his laptop playing this on youtube. It's fitting since it describes the mood of the battle, that prick's surprisingly fast as he dodge all the punches I have thrown at him. Afterwards he land some cheap hits on me, pissed I picked up one of the discarded wooden planks on the ground and start beating him Portal Defenders style, even managed to juggle him several dozen times until I dropped the plank because my fingers got splinters (it really hurts, good thing I brought some supplies along).

"I had it!" Beer yells as he levitates into the air and said "I'll wipe you out!" before cupping his hands together

On the ground I did the same and we both yelled "Ka...me...ha...me...HA!" at the same time, I was surprised he learn that technique as well, how that happen?

I held back a bit to save some energy and was fortunate as his energy beam is weak, my 50% kamehameha obliterated him, but his last words before the blast devoured him was "I'm a clone, hahahaha..."

Anyway I called Coop (he's at the crime lab in Philly) about this and asked him to find the cloning lab and destroy it.